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Change of Distance
Visiting the house of a girl is like a dream come true for every high school boy out there, and definitely not something that happens frequently. However, this happening to me, in reality right now, made me feel like I was in heaven instead. It only started to break down once I realized how exhausting it was to actually play with a child.
“—Forward! Sajo~!”
“Huff…huff…”
“Horsey! Slow!”
“W-Weeee…”
Out of breath, I couldn’t even give a proper answer. Yet, the small girl sitting on my back, as I was on all fours, raised her arm and slapped on my back. As this is supposed to be a child’s room, it wasn’t all that big in size. However, running around in circles like I had been doing for a while now, it felt like I was going around the world.
“Y-You okay…?”
“T-Totally fine…”
“You don’t have to force yourself like that…”
“W-Weee…”
At first, I was just happy that she was this friendly to me. That’s why I wanted her to rely on me, while asking Natsukawa for advice, and tried my best to respond to her requests until she would eventually get fed up with me, but…
‘Sajo~!!’
‘Hm? Ah, you shouldn’t run like that, it’s dangerough!?’
A child’s mood couldn’t be more unstable. On just a whim, they would come charging at you. In the beginning, I was just joking around with ‘Ohh, so strong~’, but that way she judged that being rough with me was totally fine, which led to this situation.
“I-I give up…”
“Kyahahaha!”
Horsey fell to the ground. The little sister shogun on my back must have liked that, as she burst out laughing. They say that a child has infinite endurance, but I feel like I’m the one having used up all of my stamina.
“Um…are you always playing around like this…?”
“No, we play house at best…”
“Um, Airi-san?”
“Whaaat?”
“Whyyy?”
“Gross~”
“Natsukawa-san!?”
“S-She didn’t learn that from me!”
For the first time ever, a young girl called me gross. That hurts even more than hearing it from any girl my age…What a shock. Is it because I heard it from a pure girl like her?
“I’m tired~”
“I’m the one tired.”
“Noo!”
“Whatchu mean no?”
“Whatchu mean no!”
Urk…She sure is enjoying herself. Ah, don’t pull on my hair! It hurts, it hurts…Ah, keep going…!
“Hey, you really don’t have to…”
“I don’t think that’s the problem right now…”
“Ahh, jeez…”
Airi-chan was still riding on my back. I could feel her flail around after all. From an outsider’s perspective, this kind of distance might be a total out. I could see Natsukawa panicking as well, wanting to say something, but I really couldn’t bother with that right now…You get it, right? This feeling of suddenly doing some exercise after months of nothing.
Suddenly, my back felt lighter. Seems like Natsukawa picked up Airi-chan. I would never have imagined to end up like this at a girl’s house.
“For crying out loud.”
“Ahhh!”
The little sister shogun ended up carried by Natsukawa. Compared to her energetic attitude from before, she was now really calm, and just looked at me with a relaxed expression. She definitely thinks that she didn’t do anything wrong, right? I got my breathing under control, and observed the two sisters while still on the ground.
“……”
“W-What?”
“…I don’t know, it’s just fresh seeing you with that kind of expression, Natsukawa.”
“…D-Don’t look.”
Since I never had much contact with Natsukawa’s family, she always felt like an only-child. That’s why I couldn’t help but admire Natsukawa’s Onee-chan expression…
“—Are you satisfied now?”
“Eh?”
“You were worrying about something, right? Was painfully obvious.”
“Ah…”
In the end, I couldn’t hear her true words from her mouth, but it was probably something along to what Ashida said. As long as Natsukawa is feeling better, that’s all that matters…
“N-Not yet.”
“Ehhhh…”
Not yet, huh? I feel like I already used up most of my endurance…So even after introducing me to Airi-chan, she’s still not satisfied? I’m pretty sure she’ll remember this even after today.
“T-There’s still some things I want to ask you…”
“…Huh? Ask me?”
I didn’t hear about this. Wasn’t the goal of today to have Airi-chan remember me? What else is there?
“So, for example?”
“……”
While embracing Airi-chan from behind, Natsukawa started thinking. Airi-chan herself looked up at Natsukawa with a ‘You’re not going to let go?’ expression. She really has an endless pool of stamina, despite saying she was tired not a second ago. After waiting for a bit, Natsukawa seemed to have made up her mind, and threw the first question at me.
“—W-Where do you go for lunch break!?”
“Ehhh…? I mean, I eat on a bench in the courtyard, or find an open seat in the cafeteria.”
“W-With who are you eating!?”
“Urk…Alone.”
When I returned a sniffy voice with some fake crying, Natsukawa gave back a faint ‘I see…’, making me think that she probably didn’t hear about this from Ashida. Though, I feel like I mentioned this before. Right when I thought I was free, Natsukawa gave me a ‘There’s still more’ expression. Alright, bring it on!
“W-Why are you eating all on your own? You can just eat together with everyone else.”
“Eh…? Oh, yeah.”
It might sound like a delicate topic, but there’s no big reason for it. Why did I even start eating all on my own…It wasn’t necessarily because I didn’t have any friends. In the beginning…I just wanted to distance myself from Natsukawa, thinking about stuff, alone. I was basically on a search to find myself. Even now, I eat lunch on my own. Before, I just (forcefully) ate together with Natsukawa after all. Eating together with someone now after all that is probably too much to ask.
“You know, when Aizawa got back together with her ex-boyfriend, it just kinda clicked. Ah, but, today I ate lunch with the people from the public morals committee. You know, Shinomiya-senpai, Inatomi-senpai, and…Wait, what was her name again…”
“Eh…? With Shinomiya-senpai? You did?”
“Hm? Yeah?”
She stared at me in disbelief. But, she saw me being called over by Shinomiya-senpai, right…Was there anything weird about it? Is she thinking that some normal guy like me has nothing to do with them!?
“W-Why? What kind of relationship do you two have?”
“Eh? We just met in the cafeteria by chance…What relationship? Um…We’re just senior and junior. She’s a friend of Big Sis as well.”
“I-I see…”
“Yeah…”
“……”
“……”
Um…? What is this awkward atmosphere about? Why’d you suddenly go all quiet, Natsukawa-san! More questions! Please, where’s the next one? I don’t have the strong mentality to deal with this silence!
As I was thinking about what to do, Natsukawa looked up with an expression like she wanted to say something. Right as she opened her mouth, I focussed on my hearing.
“W-What about us…?”
“Eh…?”
“Can’t you just…eat together with us, like before?”
“That’s…Well, you know.”
I feel like I said it before at my own place, but…I gave up on trying to continue that. Those words I said back then…were pretty much said in the romantic sense. But, I don’t think that this is what Natsukawa wants to hear right now. Rather than being boy and girl, friends even—we’re a group.
Including Ashida, Natsukawa is probably asking this question with a nuance of ‘We were always together, talking and having fun, right?’. At the very least, I’m hoping this to be the case. I’m really happy to have such a cheerful and charming girl like Natsukawa in my group, and an energetic and talkative girl like Ashida isn’t bad either. From a boy’s point of view, it might be hard to completely take away the romantic aspect of that, but I’m sure that being with them would guarantee an enjoyable high school life.
At the very least, for someone like me, who cut everything away and stopped getting my hopes up, it would surely be doable. I think. Probably. Surely. Probably not.
When I was keeping my distance, something changed. In fact, through losing the nuisance called ‘Sajou Wataru’, Natsukawa got new friends. Once I’m with her, someone else will stay away. Because I’m close to her, she cannot spend the youth she deserved—that is another possibility.
In that sense, although it’s painfully difficult for me to accept, I could support Sasaki’s feelings for Natsukawa instead. He is pretty handsome after all. Although I really don’t want to.
“……”
“H-Hey…What are you so lost in your thoughts now.”
“Ah, well…”
Well, my thoughts were running wild inside of my head. That must have led me to become quiet, which forced Natsukawa to ask me with a worried tone in her voice. She put down Airi-chan, approached me, and gently shook my shoulder. Everything that was inside my head ended up jumbled, only to burst.
—The inside of my head went blank.
“H-Hey…say something.”
“Ah…well…”
I opened my mouth, but no proper explanation came out. I wouldn’t even know what to say. This isn’t me. Normally, I’d come up with all sorts of idiotic thoughts. Why can’t that work this one time when I really need it…
“Don’t ignore meeee!”
“Woah!?”
As if to cut through this awkward atmosphere, Airi-chan leaped at me. Since I was pushing myself up, she shoved me over, turning me around onto my back.
“Don’t bully Onee-chan…”
“I-I’m not bullying her! Definitely not bullying her!”
Airi-chan hammered her hands onto my chest, looking like she was about to cry. If she started crying for good, I’d definitely hate myself for it, so I frantically tried to cheer her up. Looking over at Natsukawa, she had a similar confused expression as she stared at Airi-chan. It might have been subconsciously, but she also glanced over at me, her eyes watery—Wait, no no no no no!!
“I’ll come to you next time! If you’re okay with it, that is! Can I really!? Is that going to be okay!? Is this your final answer!?”
My head was still a mess, but I screamed at the top of my lungs. I stopped thinking entirely. Rather than the future, consider the present. If I don’t overcome the situation, I won’t have a future. Eh, will I die…?
I feel like Natsukawa is different from ‘usual’. Not to mention that she was acting off ever since we left the school. I might as well ask her now that I got the chance.
“I might become clingy again, you know? I might say something weird again that would annoy you. Are you okay with that?”
Of course not. She should hate it if I ‘acted like that’. Even if we reached a consciousness of being friends, receiving this much attention of a member of the opposite sex she doesn’t even like must be disgusting. And yet, I always bothered her like that. Blinded by love, I couldn’t even realize that. Just like I was always glued to her, Natsukawa’s habit must be to shove me away. And, remember. I’m a clown who was rejected over and over and over and over, a stalker who—
“—That’s a promise, okay?”
“……”
……
……What just happened? Am I still dreaming? I felt my sleeve being pulled. I don’t know why Natsukawa would do that, but I can tell that she’s not casting me aside. Did I really earn this kind of sweet feeling enwrapping me? Did somebody set me up? This is way too sweet. Just tasting this once, I might just forget myself—It’s like poison. I know that this might be a joyful time for me, but depending on it, it’s more torture than anything.
“Ah…”
I pulled on my arm, and freed myself from this sweet restriction. At around the same time, sadness filled my chest, but I tried to bear with it. Calm down, Sajou Wataru. This isn’t what you think it is. Don’t get hung up on this. Remember everything you’ve done so far, and remind yourself of your own chances.
“…Leave it to me.”
“W-What are you saying…”
“What are you saying!”
Airi-chan must have been relieved at seeing Natsukawa show a faint smile, as she energetically repeated her words. Hey now, stop hitting someone else’s stomach. Ah, hey!
“—Darashaaa!”
“Wafuuu…!”
A bit of air that was stuck in my chest came out at once. In the same breath, I picked up Airi-chan, perfecting the carry Natsukawa showed me before, to which she started laughing and grinning…Ahh, so cute.
“Hey, be careful with her!”
“It’s fine, I won’t put her in any danger.”
“Sheesh…”
Horsey. Protects. Master. That being said, I don’t want her to grow up the wrong way, so I slowed down a bit…or so I thought, but hitting someone else is no good civilization. So, as her Onii-san, I needed to educate her.
“If you hit other people, you’ll make your Onee-chan angry~”
“I don’t want that!”
“I don’t want it either. That’s why you can’t hit others.”
Okay, I understand, Sajo~”
“Onii-chan.”
“Sajo~”
“……”
Yup, as long as you understand it. If I can just assume that I thought her something, then I’m happy. Please, grow up like Natsukawa, and don’t pull on someone else’s hair…!
“Not my haaaair!”
“Auu!”
I picked her up again, which helped me free myself from her grasp on my hair. She must have understood that what she did was wrong, as she didn’t try to grab my hair anymore after that. Since Natsukawa gave a worried expression, I quietly returned Airi-chan to her.
“Phew…she sure is energetic.”
“Right…She’s not this playful with the other children at the kindergarten either. Maybe you’re just so easy to bully.”
“Even if that may be the case, can you not say it to my face?”
Easy to bully…Is it even fine for an existence like that to be a part of this planet? No, of course not! The other person is a child! I’m sure that there must be something about me that she prefers over that other handsome guy! Like how funny I am! Maybe should I ask her though.
“Airic-han, who’s more of a hottie? Takaaki or me?”
“What are you asking…”
“Hottie~?”
“What a wonderful education you are receiving.”
“Why would I ever teach her that word?”
You don’t learn about this word from someone else. Once you set foot into the outside world, an endless battle awaits you. With so much miscellaneous knowledge filling this world, you won’t be able to filter out which isn’t important to you. Yet, Airi-dono is not aware of this word that you would hear every single day, at least three times. What a talented woman! While my Big Sis is being surrounded by handsome guys only to waste it, she is learning how precious handsome guys are from a young age!
“Who’s cooler? Takaaki or me?”
“Is being discouraged even a concept to you?”
“Takaaki!”
“Let’s study some more, okay.”
“I’ll smack you.”
Sorry, it just happened. The atmosphere was a bit dangerous before, but I feel like it’s improved drastically. Don’t think Natsukawa would gain anything from hearing what I feel deep inside of me. I feel like our distance is a bit too slim as of right now. Come on, inspect me with a sharp gaze like that, I’ll just melt like a slug. Well, the inside of my head already feels like melted chocolate.
*
I realized that the sunlight outside was starting to turn orange. When I checked the time, I judged that this was a great time to leave. Almost forgot that we’re in a season where the sun is still high.
“Mmmm~~~”
“Phew…She’s still naive.”
“What are you talking about…” Natsukawa showed me a dubious expression, as she had Airi-chan in her arms.
We were playing around and playing around, until she finally got tired, and fell asleep in Natsukawa’s arms. Even mid-way, it felt like she was being tired out, but she apparently mustered up the rest of her energy. However, a young girl has no chance of winning against a high school boy’s energy! Fuhahahaha!
“It felt like you were the same age as her…”
“That just made it more comfortable for her. Becoming an ‘Onii-san’ like Sasaki is impossible for me.”
“Aren’t you pretty exhausted despite that…”
We somehow ended up doing practice in bumping into each other. According to Natsukawa, Airi-chan rarely gets the chance to go all out like this with someone. Their father apparently is the type to immediately give in…Why is she even trying to win against me in terms of strength…?
I personally was acting pretty considerate despite that. The floor might be equipped with a safety mat, but these things are still dangerous. It was pretty exhausting to accept her in a way that wouldn’t leave her injured. All you dads in this world…Try your best!
“…I think this is a good time for us to call it a day.”
“Ah…R-Right.”
“What, you’re that reluctant for us to part…?”
“I-I didn’t even say anything…!”
Yeah, I knew. Sad. Just like Ashida said, I feel like Natsukawa was seeking out some kind of connection. If not, she wouldn’t have invited me here. What should I do about this…Why did this kind of situation even happen. I should have known that I can’t see Natsukawa as anything but my romantic interest…
Just thinking about everything that happened today, I can’t help but feel complicated about it. I knew that Natsukawa must have figured that out, as she showed me a troubled expression. How else could I play that down besides awkwardly scratching the back of my head. Natsukawa is cute, Airi-chan is cute, but not much of that remains in my exhausted mind.
“……Sajo~…”
“Hm…?”
“Sajo~……One more time.”
“Ohh, got it!”
Seems like Airi-chan liked my special technique—the dynamic carry. Be it with our training, this girl seemingly really likes the thrill. She’ll definitely enjoy a rollercoaster…Can’t wait for her to grow up and experience it for herself. Natsukawa put down Airi-chan with a worried ‘You sure…?’, to which I nodded laong. I can do that for another 30 times, so don’t worry. Airi-chan walked towards me, opening her arms wide. I crouched down to meet her line of sight.
“Alright, here it comes—Daaarashazeee!!”
“Kyaaa~!”
“You’re not some sushi vendor…”
Airi-chan seemed like she forgot about being sleepy already, and raised a loud cheer. Seeing how fragile of an existence she was, I felt the urge to ‘protect her’ dwell up inside of me. Is this what it means to be a father…?
“Wafu…”
“Ah, she ran out of energy.”
After around eight seconds, the dear Airi-dono started to lose her strength. I guess that this last dynamic carry was just out of loneliness rather than actual enjoyment. It seems that humans really grow heavier once they run out of strength. Just because I relaxed my arms, Airi-chan started to lean over, making me feel pressure directly on my chest, and it scared me.
“You can treat her a bit more roughly, don’t worry. Just, I won’t forgive you if you were to drop her.”
“No, I can’t risk that.”
“Airi isn’t some baby anymore, but a young girl. She doesn’t cry because it’s suddenly hot or cold, and she won’t cry even if you interrupt her sleep.”
“Fueeeeh.”
“Doesn’t mean you’re allowed to cry!”
Ohh, not good. Natsukawa’s motherly attribute hit me. It’s crazy how much of an older sister she feels just by having a little sister like Airi-chan. She feels like a grown-up. I kept calling her a goddess before, but I feel like I was too naive. She is getting even closer to a goddess. How do you call it…like a holy maiden? I’m still way too far of being able to take care of someone like this. Today seems impossible at least.
*
Normally I would have excused myself like I always would, but Natsukawa was adamant on seeing me off. That’s pretty embarrassing, you know…
“I mean, I just thought that your femininity…Femininity? is pretty amazing. You could become my Mom instead.”
“Gross.”
“Thank you very much.”
“I wasn’t praising you!”
It was the same before, but…no matter what gross or disgusting things I might have in mind or blirt out, Natsukawa will give me some kind of response. That’s probably one of the biggest reasons why she didn’t just leave me aside for the longest time…Normally, you’d just ignore that kind of stuff…Ahh, what a goddess…
“Unrelated to Airi, what’s with your head? I’ve been curious about this for a while.”
“Sorry, but in order to fix that, I’d have to be given a second try at life, so help me out.”
“I’m not talking about what’s inside…I was talking about your hair color!”
“Ah, this?”
I was trying to make it sound cool with the two-tone, but it’s probably pretty rough to look at. Especially during the summer, keeping it half-baked like this could be pretty annoying.
“Eventually, yeah.”
“……Well, I’m not going to force you, but better late than never, right? I feel like it’ll change your impression by quite a bit.”
“I’ll take a detour at the drug store on my way home.”
I don’t know why, but it feels like Natsukawa is pretty peculiar about the weirdest stuff. It’s like, if I don’t do something about it soon, something bad will happen. Something like if I didn’t come to school tomorrow with dyed hair, I’d get minus points with her.
“By the way, between brown hair and black hair, which one do you prefer, Natsukawa?”
“Eh, but…”
“It’s also to please Airi-chan.”
“H-Hmm…”
“Ohh…!?”
I just asked on a whim, but Natsukawa seemed to have taken that serious, and approached me with a stern gaze. What am I, some mannequin? She’s not even thinking about the distance between us…No no no, that’s exactly what I mean, Natsukawa-san. Your scent tickling my nose…you can just ask according to your intuition.
At the end of a lot of thinking, she answered me with a straight face.
“—I-I think either way is fine…”
“You can’t do that to me.”
“Ah…b-but…”
“Hm…?”
Natsukawa’s gaze wandered all over the place, and she continued after a bit of hesitation.
“If you had brown hair…I might have not called out to you back then.”
“Wat…”
‘Back then’—is she talking about the time we met two and a half years ago? Right, a bit after we met, she said something along the lines of ‘I thought you were more of a docile guy’. A guy with this kind of hair wouldn’t be normal after all.
“…So then, I’ll just go along with your preferences.”
“I-It’s not that much of a preference…”
“I don’t really care either way, so I’ll take the easy way.”
“Ah…wai—”
“Hm?”
I was about to head off, waving my hand at Natsukawa in order to head home, only for her to stop me. She showed a different expression from when Airi-chan was with us, grabbing the sleeve of my uniform. Um…can you stop with that kind of attack? Do you plan on killing me?
“—T-Thanks a lot for today…”
“So…”
So friggin cute! Ahh, this is bad, I almost blurted out my feelings. If I said that now, it’d definitely ruin the mood, so I forcefully gulped down these words.
“D-Don’t worry about it. I got to meet the legendary Airi-chan after all.”
“L-Legendary…” Natsukawa showed a salty expression.
Crap, I might have sounded a bit annoyed. But, since I only saw her in a picture before, I couldn’t help but think ‘Does she really exist?’, you know. Well, I understand the reason why she didn’t want me to meet her until now…The only reason I was allowed to today is because we have known each other for more than two years, so we’re like comrades in that regard.
Though I felt the urge to tease her about this, any more than this would be bad for my heart. Just as I told Natsukawa, I instead headed to the drugstore to buy hair dye.
*
“—Yikes, this stinks.”
“We already finished dinner, so isn’t it fine? Got permission from Mom as well.”
“At least close the door of the washing room…”
Now that she mentioned it, the scent of the hair dye was pretty permeating. Can’t they make this more of a fruity scent like shampoo instead? I can’t even pinch my nose because of the vinyl gloves on my hands. And now I have to stay like this for twenty minutes…
While taking out a brush, Big Sis looked at the instruction paper I put down next to the sink, reading the words on there.
“Hm? Dark brown? You gonna make it black?”
“…It really is black, huh. I would have been fine going back to black, but they didn’t have any…I-It’s not like I bought it because ‘dark brown’ sounded cool…”
“This is pretty much black, especially in the beginning.”
“……?”
Black isn’t black? There’s black that goes beyond black? Darker than black? That sounds hella cool. My chuunibyou soul felt like it was lit in a burning flame, as Big Sis walked in circles around me.
“You suck. It’ll end up uneven.”
“Ehhh…?”
“Get outta the way.”
Big Sis walked between me in the mirror, took out gloves from the drawer, and—Wait, gloves…? I got a really bad feeling about this…Ah, hey…!
“Your roots are black, so don’t do it this arbitrarily.”
“Ouch ouch ouch ouch! You’re going to pull out these roots!”
“Who cares as long as you don’t end up bald. Everything in this world is hereditary, you’ll be fine. Those who go bald will go bald, and anything trying to prevent that won’t work either.”
Dear sister? You say it like you don’t really care at all, do you! Before me going bald or not, this just hurts like hell! Is this really going to be okay!? Hey!? I don’t wanna go bald even if it’s just for a short time!!
A bit of time passed like that, when Big Sis showed me a few strands of hair, which I looked at through the mirror.
“——See?”
“Y-You’re right, it’s black…Isn’t it a bit too black?”
“I told you, it’ll stay like this for a week. Though it’ll go back to normal after two days if you thoroughly wash them.”
The hair dying ended, and after washing plus drying it, my hair really looked black. However, it was an irregular kind of black. To a level where it wouldn’t even reflect light. I expected a bit more of a normal black…Well, they still feel the same way when I previously colored my hair brown.
The next day, Natsukawa said ‘Ah, you dyed it’, and I died. *I actually didn’t.