Chapter 53: The River where the Sun Manoeuvres

Nothing came to my mind.

‘It’s me, not Azmaria?’

My head was so empty that I wondered if I had died without realizing it.

“Mr. Berkne. Can I ask you one question?”

He nodded in silence.

“You said you were in the Imperial Palace before you came to Ingord.”

“Yes.”

“Have you ever seen Agrane Karold in person?”

He shook his head once again.

“Then in the eyes of Mr. Berkne….. Do you think Azmaria Will is Agrane?”

“I don’t know why you’re asking me that.”

“It’s understandable. Because Agrane is me, not her.”

Berkne opened his eyes wide. He looked purely surprised, which was rare for him. Was it that surprising? Well, it was a big surprise. Susan, you’re no longer a nameless supporting role in the corner of the book. There was an unfamiliar laugh.

“There is no great reason. I was just curious how it would look to others…. What in the world could be more unpleasant than someone pretending to be me?”

I left the kitchen without hearing his answer. It was a strange thing. As I walked, climbed the stairs, and walked across the hallway, the air sucked into my breathing hole felt refreshing. By any chance, was I waiting for this moment? I might be tired of living in anxiety, scared of the future that I didn’t know when it would happen at any time.

Wouldn’t it be better to end all these things than to trust no one and endure alone in isolation? Wouldn’t it have been more comfortable to be abandoned by Richton as soon as possible?

But those thoughts evaporated like magic as I stood in front of Richton’s bedroom. An indescribable sense of betrayal overturned my reason. I didn’t expect anything, but I felt betrayed. Why was it so paradoxical?

I opened the door. Richton wasn’t asleep. Rather, as if waiting for me, he was sitting like a statue with three lanterns lit and staring out of the window. I didn’t know when I got there. Before I knew it, I held his neck in both hands. A voice that wasn’t mine leaked out of my throat.

“Is this just the end of the hate you talked about?”

Richton slowly wrapped his arms around my waist as he got up facing my body. I gave more power to my hand.

“Tell me, Richton. Was Jane so precious to you? To the point you didn’t forget her?”

“Jane… that’s a nostalgic name. A name that has been weathered for a long time and has been forgotten.”

“Don’t come all the way here and lie. You didn’t forget, you wanted to forget.”

Richton did not budge. Rather, he raised his chin as if to ask for more and laughed quietly.

“No way… That can’t be true, Agrane. I’m not going to send you out as revenge for one of those things..”

“But in the end, this is the result!”

My throat was hot, and Azmaria came to mind from my appearance. I was furious that I was no different than her too. What a terrible sense of defeat! It was so pathetic of me to be swayed helplessly by Richton.

“You…Just trying to make me miserable. I was taken advantage of by you like an idiot.”

“Then command me.”

Richton’s hard arm pulled my waist with an unstoppable force.

“Command now, Agrane.”

When our upper bodies touched, the strength of both arms was released. He buried his face in the nape of my neck and took a deep breath.

“Shit… why aren’t you saying anything? I want you to command me not to send you away to that bastard!”

Why was he asking me for commands and nothing else? It was me, not him, who always had to give in. How many things did I give up to obey this man?

“Don’t pretend you don’t know now. That command is my most desperate wish. You can stay with me as Susan, not Agrane. So give up Wilhelm.”

A command. In retrospect, he used to accept my requests without hesitation.. Or wait for my decision.

‘Berkne, get Susan a proper identity.’

‘You asked me to marry you, but I can’t help but ask about my precious lover’s intentions.’

‘From now on, my maid will decide whether to send the Count’s daughter back to Will.’

Yes, he only obeyed me. Like an obedient hound.

“Forget everything and stay here. Start all over again. No, you have to. I’ll never have the perfect opportunity again….”

The rain seemed to wet his eyes, not the ground. It was a dry gaze, but there were constant ripples in his eyes. Was it madness? Was he crazy now? You sent me to Wilhelm, but you want me to stay here?

“I will take revenge for you. What do you want? Should I put Wilhelm’s head on the highest castle in the country? Should I display the most painfully dying face in a window? Or it wouldn’t hurt to cut the limbs of that bastard while alive right in front of you.”

The tip of Richton’s nose swept my neck, brushed my chin and stayed on my cheek. Then swallowed me with a desperate voice, as if calling the name of a dead lover.

“So don’t leave, Agrane. Please. Please….”

My throat was choked up. Richton was clinging to me and crying. Only the tears did not flow, but he hung on like a child and refused to part ways.

The inside of my chest was bitter and painful as if it had been inflamed for a long time. His lips left endless marks on my lips, nose and eyes. Sometimes his hot breaths swept the inside of my mouth. His two legs and both arms entangled me completely. What was I supposed to say there?

“As always….You can use me for the rest of your life. I’m tired. I want to rest now. I need you for that.”

In an instant, the hotly melting spirit regained reason.

“Did I use you?”

He abandoned me, yet he clung to me not to leave. A person who could force Richton to do what he did not want.

“It’s me.”

It was all me.

“I ordered you. Exactly when? How? Then… Then with my own two feet I’m going directly to the Imperial Palace….”

“I’ll give you one day.”

His crying slowly but surely stopped. At the same time Richton’s arms pushed me away.

“This day will be your last chance to get away from me and realize your life’s purpose. This is also my last mercy. Maybe it’s a decision that I would regret for the rest of my life like an asshole…..”

Richton.

“Please choose me, not him.”

That’s how he bid his farewell and left me.

I couldn’t catch Richton like that. He pushed me completely away with a determined look. All I could see was myself getting out of Richton’s bedroom.

Ah. If I had killed Azmaria, would the outcome be different? Even though I knew it was a meaningless guess, I couldn’t easily erase it from my head.

No, erase it. There was something more important than that now.

‘Richton didn’t abandon me.’

Yes, Richton didn’t abandon me. Rather, it was the opposite. He begged me not to abandon him. When I remembered his gaze, which seemed to burn my soul, my remorse and anxiety subsided a little.

I was satisfied as it was. Yes, I didn’t need any more here. If Richton wanted me, that was enough for me. I didn’t know where this feeling of satisfaction and exaltation came from, but it was clear that it was the result I had hoped for.

I would choose Richton, not Wilhelm. Even if it was a stupid choice.

***

That night, as if I had waited, I dreamed. If it wasn’t an illusion, the view was a little higher than before. The feeling of shaking both arms was definitely different from before.

I vaguely recognized that my body had grown quite a bit. There was someone waiting, but no matter how much time had passed, I was the only one sitting at the table. Then the maid came up to me and whispered in a small voice.

[Lady. Sir Richton will visit you soon…..]

[When?]

[The exact time has not been delivered yet.]

[He said soon. When was Richton talking honestly?]

The teacup was empty. Actually, the glass had been empty for a while. I just didn’t fill it up just in case. I asked the maid, cutting a piece of cake as good as new.

[What news did you receive from Richton yesterday?]

[He’s coming soon…]

[When did he visit my castle?]

[He hasn’t visited for a while]

[The day before yesterday?]

[H-he’s coming soon]

[Then did he visit my castle the day before yesterday?]

The maid bowed her head. Her answer was obvious without hearing it. Richton didn’t come to see me yesterday, or the day before yesterday. He was the one who had to be invited every day of the week to only show his face once. When was the last time he accepted my invitation? I thought I’d have to wait at least another week.

[I miss Vivianne. Let’s go see her.]

The maid nodded with a brighter face.

[Yes, her highness will welcome you]

It took a considerable amount of time to travel from my castle—from my cage—to the residence of the princess. Nevertheless, Vivianne continued to send me her letters from day to day.

What day and what time are you going to visit me again?

Just like I did to Richton.

Vivianne’s castle was about a dozen minutes before my carriage reached. The servants greeted me side by side, but none of them looked at my face. Because Vivianne would punish them.

I followed the servant to enter the parlour. Second floor, the hallway on the right end. I stopped in front of a huge picture that could barely be captured at a glance.

The shape of the painting was very difficult. It was a work in which the blazing sun was embraced by a red river, and the unrealistic sentiment was clearly felt.

I glanced down and looked at the name of the work engraved on the gold plate.

<The River Where the Sun Manoeuvres>

…Oh, my God. I didn’t expect this. My heart was beating so hard that it pierced my ribs. The River Where the Sun Manoeuvres. The work that brought me to this terrible world. I whispered in a very small voice that would not be heard by the servant.

[Look at this painting carefully, Susan. And don’t forget. I’m rolling like a dog so you can get out of that pit.]