But at the time, I thought everyone wanted to interfere with my love for Rubellus, but I was just a fool too ā
in love
ā to see the truth.
The daughter of an aristocratic leader, united in commitment to the Prince who would one day lead the new aristocracy. I really thought I had it all, what more could I ask for? I would be the Empress who would rule a kingdom at her belovedās side.
So I prepared myself to accept my position; I studied, I researched, I tried my best until I could no longer, I wanted to be perfect. I wanted my future husband to come to me when he needed help, I wanted the whole kingdom to be proud of its empress.
But I was only teased.
I was laughed at for knowing about it, for having an opinion.
But the most painful thing was the indifference of the prince.
āOh, should I call you Empress from now on?ā
āIām a little upset. Who asked this stupid girlās opinion?ā
But I kept telling myself over and over again that when I married Rubellus, everything would get better.
āBoy, was I a fool.ā
āOld memories?ā
Lennie, her chin was resting against the open window frame and she was looking at me with a soft smile on her lips.
āShe knows, she always knows.ā
There was no need to say it, Lennie knew, and I couldnāt be more grateful. Because if it wasnāt for her friendship, she would have lost her mind.
So I smiled back at her and took a long breath.
I regret so many things, but I canāt go back and change them, I have to live with it.
Even if I was an obsessive child in my pastā¦ so shameful.
āIraā whispered my name softly āThis placeā¦left you in pieces last time, but you are not the same naive sixteen year old girl anymore. So donāt let them hurt you, okay?ā
āOkay.ā
The naive sixteen-year-old girlā¦ how to forget.
That year was my debutante ball.
As usual, I imagined so many thingsā¦ but none of them came close to reality.
I firmly believed that that day Rubellus would see me in a different light, a debutante who would appear before society in the greatest splendor of all. All those who ignored me would recognize my abilities, I would be loved and at the end of the night, Rubellus would kiss me and whisper how much he loved me.
But what a disaster.
When I got to the palace I forgot absolutely everything. I forgot the greetings, the introductions, how to moveā¦ it was a total disaster.
Nothing was ā
glowingā
.
āLooks like itās our turn.ā
Lennie raised her fingers and pointed at the carriage window.
I could not hide my devastated expression as I looked out the window at the beautiful golden roof and the creamy palace.
On the high steps to the main palace, there was a dark scarlet carpet of yellow thread. The imperial servants ran to our carriage and opened our door very carefully as they laid out a step down which we could descend.
The nobles who had already come down from their chariots were climbing the steps, and it was our turn.
The driver showed our invitation and a servant bowed to us.
āI have confirmed the invitations of the Countess Delion and Lady Waldenbiston, welcome.ā
But I was still in the carriage, Lennie was already outside and Iā¦ I didnāt want to go out.
āWhat are you doing? Get down! Thereās more carriage behind you, Ira!ā
I sighed, and then I slowly got out of the carriage, my whole body shaking, and when I managed to get out the door closed behind me and the carriage disappeared.
There was no turning back.
I looked up at the stairs in front of me, at the stairs leading up to the Imperial Palace.
Actually, these stairs were one of my favorite places in the palace, it was said that right here the greatest love story between the first Empress Sheila Devant and the first Emperor had happened.
Sheila Devant was a scribe from a noble family in Korea and America who one day was invited to the ball at the Imperial Palace, and she was here, as she tried to run away from the people at the ball, she was looking for silence, some peace.
That was when she ran into the first Emperor, who was in the same circumstances as her, running away in search of some peace. So they couldnāt help but fall in love after discovering how compatible they were.
It was the perfect love story.
I imagined that one day the same thing would happen, only this time, I would climb those stairs with the person I loved.
But now I hated him, I didnāt want to go up those stairs.
I just wanted to run away,
I looked around.
Thousands of nobles who had come out of their carriages were climbing the stairs. Iād lost sight of Lennie and couldnāt find her anywhere.
What ifā¦there was a way out?
I smiled, pleased, and had a very good idea.
The Great Forest is five minutes away and although it looks like a place where you could get lost and never get out alive, itās actually the best escape option.
Not many people knew this. In fact, it was something very valuable that only limited people knew. For example, the royal family, because in case of emergency, the escape routes from the palace are always through the Great Imperial Forest.
And the reason I knew this, it was very simple, Rubellus had told me.
Who would have thought that my obsession would serve any purposeā¦
As I said before, when I was four years old, I wandered around the Imperial Palace and got lost, but at that moment, Rubellus, who saved me from wandering in the middle of the Great Forest, took me by the hand and pointed me in the right direction.
Yes, and he was kind to me, until he wasnāt anymore ā then there was only coldness.
āAh, very kind then, what memories.ā
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I looked around, no one seemed to have the slightest interest in me, so it wasnāt hard to sneak away.
No one cared.
I smiled involuntarily at the sight of the Great Forest. So much time had passed and I could still remember the way. I was very pleased with myself, so I walked on, clutching my skirt tightly.
My plan was to stay there until the coronation was over, and then return home as if nothing had happened. But for some reasonā¦ I went to the exact place where it all beganā¦ where I met Rubellus.