“Get some fresh air, it’ll make you feel better.”
“I’m not sure your idea will work” I muttered at Lennie’s proposal.
But still she opened the window and the fresh forest air filled the carriage. I blinked, and breathed heavily at the sight I had.
“The great forest… it’s been a while.”
The Great Yellow Forest was a dense forest built around the Imperial Palace over 100 years ago.
And the place where she had met Rubellus.
I still remember the first time I saw him 12 years ago.
It was an autumn season.
My father, he wanted my survival in a world full of labels, so he took me to the imperial palace hoping I’d be nice enough to get the adoration of the royal family.
And I did, I got it right away, especially from the Empress, who really liked me very much.
The Empress, who had only one son, declared that she would take some time with me to see if her son liked me.
But somehow, on my way to meet the heir to the royal family, I got lost in the forest, and… I found him.
“Are you lost, too?”
“No,” said Rubellus.
I was four years old, and he was kind enough to take pity on me, hold my hand and take care of me all the way back.
“We are not lost here, it is a forest of will, and it does not open its way to strangers,” he muttered.
And… by chance, that day I discovered the Prince’s secret.
Was it because I was too young? Did I feel that the Prince was my savior? Was that the beginning of my obsession?
“You must not tell anyone what you saw today. You must promise to keep it a secret.”
I stood still. I didn’t know what it was about, but Rubellus was looking at me so intently that he could only nod.
“I won’t say anything, I promise,” I smiled sweetly.
Rubellus looked at me for a moment, even though we were both children, he seemed to be trying to find out if I would betray him or if he should trust me, but finally he muttered:
Somewhat surprised I managed to get out of my past memories, shook my head and collapsed in my seat.
Why was I remembering my past promises?
I had been following him for twelve years, and that was too scary.
It was at sixteen that I began to look objectively at my past decisions. Until I realized, I had been ruining my present.
I hated what I had become.
I still remember the fourteen-year-old Ira writing in her diary how sad she was when the Prince wouldn’t look at her or accept her gifts.
So pathetic.
I remembered that embarrassing day… the days and nights I spent embroidering a hunting hat for him, hoping he would wear it on his first fox hunt.
But the Prince decided to go out without a hunting hat that day.
“Why didn’t he wear my hat?” I wrote between the pages of my diary, while trying to encourage myself by writing the following “I think he was wearing a green vest, the hat I gave him was purple, it makes sense. If Majesty went out hunting with my hat, one would say that he has bad taste in combining colors…that must be it…yes”
But the encouragement didn’t last long, because in the following days, not once did he wear my hat.
Yes… I had tried so hard.
I wanted to be a good and competent woman for him.
I wanted him to be proud of the woman who would become his wife.
But that was so long ago…
Because I managed to open my eyes before ruining my life even more, and I managed to save some of the dignity I had left in the process.
“By the way…” Lennie looked at me. “When the Prince becomes Emperor, what will happen to your father?”
I let out a little sigh.
My father…
“He’s not on good terms with Rubellus, he’ll probably retire,” I said, and leaned against the back of my chair.
My father and Prince Rubellus, or now Emperor, were in conflict with politics. No, they were practically enemies.
Because my father was thinking of supporting someone else, not Prince Rubellus, and now it was a very bad idea.
Because Prince Rubellus began to get involved in politics, he showed a reform movement to put pressure on his father’s servants, he joined the young nobles who wanted change and the newly appointed financial nobles on their own money.
Finally, my father, Duke Waldenbiston and other nobles, who felt a sense of crisis, made some very bad decisions.
As I said before, instead of taking Rubellus as the heir, he chose another candidate. The half-brother of the emperor and uncle of Rubellus, who was supported by my father and other nobles.
From my point of view, all was lost from the beginning.
Rubellus was careful, strategist, patient… he had so many qualities that made him the perfect candidate, his uncle had no chance against him.
And so it was, Rubellus achieved victory.
My father managed to survive. But after the last three years of my unrequited love, Prince Rubellus’ power had grown, and the policies my father had begun to pursue had begun to stagnate one by one.
Politics was a double-edged sword…
“So you’re moving out?”
Lennie’s eyes looked at me with worry and sadness.
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“I don’t know” I managed to mutter “my family’s honour is at stake and there are so many people who would be so happy to see us fall and take our places…”
“A power struggle”
“It will be very difficult…”
I couldn’t help thinking about the old days… when things were easy and problems so insignificant.