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12 Years Old: Chapter 50 – Consultation
TL: Krrizis
Editors: Nahct & Kai
QC: Kittsune
First published on Ainushi
After that, Cecil-kun left me and went off to say something to Gilles. I don’t know what was said, but he definitely said something notable to him. It was probably the same thing he said to me.
I don’t know if that was the cause of it, but Gilles started being slightly more reserved around me. It wasn’t as though he was avoiding me, but for a while, he was hesitant to touch me.
It’s not that he was wrong. As a master and servant, this was the appropriate approach.
「But it’s also a fact that I didn’t disagree with it!」
I asserted disgruntledly by slapping the table hard. Caldina-san gave a pleasant laugh as she rescued her cup and saucer from my wrath.
On top of the table was a cup for my own personal use, but its contents had spilled out due to my slap. The black tea was not at fault. I was just going through a rough time so I didn’t care for it.
「Well, Liz-chan, I understand your sentiments, but he was a noble」
As Caldina-san took a sip from her black tea, I kept silent.
….. I am fully aware of that. Rather, I’ve always found it a bit peculiar. Comforted whenever he spoils me, I kept coming back and continued to rely on him all this time even though I shouldn’t.
But honestly, I still want to be spoiled by him, and I want him to remain by my side.
「I know you really like Gilles-kun; however, it’s important for you to know by now what is right and wrong」
「….. Be that as it may, is it wrong ….. for Gilles to love me?」
「If you think about it logically」
Not finding the taste of the tea palatable, Caldina-san gave a matured response as she was adding sugar to it. Instead of treating it like it was someone else’s problem, it felt like she was giving me a clear explanation.
By the way, Gilles isn’t here. I insisted that we were having a girly talk and dismissed him. He probably won’t be at Cecil-kun’s place, right?
….. It’s not like I’m seeking an ally, but unlike Caldina-san, I’m unable to come to a resolution. More like, it’s impossible for me.
Gilles has been by my side since I was a kid, having shared my joy and sadness. He occasionally scolds me, but also pampers and protects me.
Perhaps I’m at fault, but I feel that I’m reliant on him. The result of being so close to him is that I’ve come to depend on him.
Seeing my downcast face, Caldina-san placed the cup on the table and stuck out her elbows on the table. Clasping her hands together with her chin resting against them, her expression was of astonishment, as though she was looking at me wondering, “How pathetic”.
「In a way, you’re cruel, Liz-chan」
「….. Cruel?」
「Gilles is Gilles, and you are you」
Caldina-san lamented while looking me straight in the eyes. ….. As Caldina-san was the type of person who poked at the crux of the matter by making a mess out of it, I was slightly afraid of her.
「Liz-chan, do you like Gilles-kun?」
「Well, I do like him but…」
「If it’s not as a love interest, then there’s a huge difference. On the contrary, I pity him」
After which, Caldina-san added「Well, if you do see him as a love interest, then it’s even more imperative that you distance yourself from him. You’re a noble afterall」and shrugged her shoulders. I couldn’t help but ponder over Caldina-san’s words in my heart.
….. Am I in love with Gilles?
I’m not sure about that? He is important to me and I do find him attractive. When he’s by my side, I feel relief.
I’m not sure if that means I like him as a love interest, though. The feeling I have for him is different from His Highness. I can’t really put a name to it. It’s like a sense of security, trust, and other feelings mixed in.
「….. I don’t know. I’m not sure」
「I’m not reproaching you at all~ Just logically speaking, I think it’s better if you maintain your distance when you’re outside. There are loose men out there that have prostitutes and mistresses even if they are an aristocrat. Moreso, those that fool around secretly with commoners」
“It wouldn’t be good if it was discovered”, Caldina-san bluntly concluded. Her face was slightly stiff, but I’m sure she was — in her own way — making an effort to get me to understand.
Whether I was or wasn’t in love with him, I couldn’t tell….. I wonder what Gilles thinks of me.  ….. If I judge him solely by his actions, then there’s a chance that he’s quite in love with me.
「Oh, that reminds me, Liz-chan. It’ll be better if you don’t pop by the castle for a while」
「Eh?」
As I was deliberating hard on this, Caldina-san suddenly remembered something and voiced that out. I looked up at her, trying to surmise something from her eyes, but she showed an emotionless smile as she stared back at me.
「I’m saying this for your own good, Liz-chan. You can call it advice from an elder」
「….. I can’t come over?」
「Mm~ It’s not that you can’t, but for your sake, you shouldn’t. It’s better if you remain at home」
She refused me with eyes filled with worry. Even if it was just slightly, her smile warped to one filled with concern.
「Well, Cecil-kun said the same thing too..… But there’s nothing he can do」
Confused, I looked at her when she dropped the words, “Good grief”, but ….. She didn’t respond after that. All she did was stare back at me with eyes that seemed to say it was pointless.
「Anyway, just quietly stay at home for a while, okay?」
「Gilles…..」
When I exited the room after being silently coerced into confining myself by the tone of her voice, I saw Gilles standing there in the distance.
My slight insecurities must have shown on my face as Gilles came over, examining me with worry. His gaze was one filled with concern for his master. There was nothing else beyond that sentiment that I could see.
….. Does Gilles love me? ….. Even if that was true, I’m not sure how I should best approach it. I don’t want to be apart from him, but I’ll be baffled if he lays bare his heart to me.
「Did Caldina-san say something?」
「No….. It’s just me being a child and…」
Being scolded for not conducting myself as a young lady from a Marquis household and being taught a lesson made me feel just a bit overwhelmed. At times like this, being a noble is tiresome…..  I also have my social position to be aware of.
Thoughts of my actions for simply wanting to remain by his side will be pardonable as a child was blown apart by the hard facts thrusted upon me. It’s sad.
「I don’t want to grow up」
「….. There are some people who feel that way, but when the time comes, they’ll get over it」
「I know」
This is why, I feel so insecure.