Not much time has passed since I last saw Sendai-san.
We even talked on the phone the day before yesterday.
But when Sendai-san opened the front door, she said,ăLong time no seeăthen took off her shoes and said again,ăHappy New Year,ăwhich she should have said over the phone. I have no choice but to reply,ăHappy New Yearătoo.
ăWait for me in my room.ă
I told Sendai-san, who takes off her coat, and goes to the kitchen.
As I put the cookies on the plate, I think.
Why does it feel like itâs been a long time, even though it hasnât?
The wordsăLong time no see,ăwhich I returned as a matter of course, were like an overstuffed bag, and my shoulders felt heavy. They are just casual words, but they seem important.
I open the refrigerator and take out the cider and barley tea.
Because I think deeply, the unimportant words take on meaning. There is no need to go out of my way to give meaning to something that is nothing.
I pour a glass of cider and barley tea and put the plastic bottle away in the refrigerator. When I returned to my room with a tray with the plate and glass, Sendai-san was waiting for me with a reference book spread out. I put the plate and glasses on the desk, in the empty space.
ăThanks.ă
Turtleneck sweater and denim pants.
Sendai-san, unusually dressed in clothes that did not show her neck, did not have her hair tied up either. Sendai-san looks at me like a stranger.
ăYouâre not gonna sit?ă
I stood there in a daze, then sat down next to her, as if taken in by her words. She somehow touched the button of my own blouse and calledăMiyagi.ă
ăIs there anyone here today?ă
ăNo oneâs here.ă
ăYour parents have work?ă
Sendai-san takes a piece of cookie and bites it.
ăThatâs right.ă
ăHow about tomorrow?ă
ăThe same as tomorrow.ă
There is no particular meaning.
The question was posed in such a light tone.
Before the winter break, I could have just given an answer and been done with it. But not now. I donât think itâs a completely meaningless question.
Iâll go ahead and tell Sendai-san.
ăâŠI wonât let you stay over today.ă
ăItâs not like I want to stay the night here.ă
My words were immediately denied, and now I have to ask the question from here.
ăSo, whatâs the question now?ă
ăI only ask because no one else seems to be here.ă
As she said this, Sendai-san poked at my problem book with the tip of her pen.
ăIs there anything you donât understand?ă
ăThere is.ă
ăWhere is it?ă
I understand that Sendai-san is trying to mislead me.
Even if she did not want herself to stay, the question seemed to have some meaning. However, I donât think Iâll get the right answer if I persistently ask, so I just pull out the part I donât understand from the question book and say it, leaving the answer to the question unanswered.
This time, a precise explanation was returned without being misled.
It was easier to spend time in a room that is not too cold or too hot like at school, and it is better to listen to Sendai-sanâs voice than to listen to the teacherâs voice, which makes me want to sleep. I donât think studying is fun, but I make more progress than if I did it alone.
Thatâs why I called Sendai-san today, so as long as I can solve the problems I donât understand, thatâs all that matters.
Still curious about next to me, I looked at Sendai-san.
Her long hair hangs over her shoulders and I think she looks depressed.
Of course, I canât see her beautiful neck, which I can always see.
ăIf youâre going to look, look there, not at me.ă
Sendai-san points to her notebook.
I looked down at the notebook as I was told, and Sendai-san said,ăAsk me if you donât understand something.ă
The room suddenly becomes quiet.
It had been quite some time since I had silently moved my pen, and when I reached for my glass, the cold cider was lukewarm. I look at the glass, which is still halfway clear of liquid.
I think about going to the kitchen, but decide not to.
I shift my gaze from the glass to Sendai-san.
The turtleneck sweater seems terribly distracting.
Because of the clothes, I canât see what I want to see.
ăWhat is it? A break?ă
Perhaps sensing my gaze, Sendai-san looked up.
ăWe can take a break, but are you sure youâre on time?ă
I asked with my eyes on her neck.
ăIâm still good. You want to take a break?ă
ăIâll make rice. Sendai-san, youâre going to eat here?ă
ăYeah. Iâll eat.ă
Sendai-san closed her reference book and asks me whatâs on the menu for dinner. I didnât answer her, but I reach for her neck, which is hidden and invisible.
My fingertips touch the sweater.
But my hand was immediately pushed back by Sendai-san.
ăArenât you supposed to prepare the rice?ă
ăI still need to take a little break first.ă
ăIf youâre going to take a break, stay quiet and take a break.ă
ăYour neck, Iâm just curious because I canât see it.ă
ăYou want to see something else, not just the neck, right?ă
Sendai-san said in a cumbersome manner and turns her whole body toward me. Then she touches my hair and crawls her fingers along my neck.
ăââIf you know what Iâm doing, let me see it.ă
I think Sendai-san is mean.
She knows what I want to see and doesnât talk about it.
She touches me without even trying to show me.
Her fingers crawl slowly up my neck and tickle me.
I catch Sendai-sanâs hand and try to pull her to me. But her hand slips away.
ăI didnât promise to take orders during winter break, did I? In general, Miyagi doesnât think Iâm wearing the pendant, right?ă
ăMaybe you didnât have it.ă
ăHave a little faith on me.ă
If I could believe it, I would.
That way, I donât have to think about wanting to confirm it.
I wouldnât have to think about wanting to keep her in some kind of collar.
But Sendai-san does a lot of things that are not worth believing. She go out of her way to hide things that I canât believe with my own eyes. So, I am skeptical.
ăâŠToday, youâre deliberately trying to make it unseen.ă
I stare at her neck, which is invisible with the sweater.
ăThatâs not what I meant, but do you really want to see that much?ă
ăIf I ask to see it, will you show it to me?ă
Sendai-san chuckles in response to my words.
ăIâll show it if Miyagi keeps her promise.ă
ăWhat promise?ă
ăIâm allowed to kiss you, right?ă
After saying this, Sendai-san unbuttoned one of the buttons of her blouse without asking her to do so.
ăEh!ă
The unexpected action is voiced before I grabbed her unbuttoned hand.
ăWhat?ă
ăI didnât say you could unbutton it.ă
I protest to the selfish Sendai-san, but her hands donât listen to me. She unbuttons one more button and strokes her collarbone.
ăIf you want to see the pendant, stay quiet.ă
ăâŠWhat are you trying to do?ă
ăI said kiss, right?ă
Sendai-san brings up a promise that I canât refuse. Now that she had just finished her studies, I canât say no if she is going to kiss me, which was my promise.
Her fingertips crawl up the neck to my nape.
This hand is not what was promised, but before I can complain, a kiss was dropped a little above the collarbone.
Does this kind of kiss count as a promise?
As I think about what seems to be important and what seems to be not, her lips touch the nape of my neck. It was softly pressed against me and kissed in different places again.
Touching and pulling it away.
Her lips trace up and down the neck.
Her breath that blows on me tickles and makes my neck stiffen.
The raw warmth of her lips almost stops my breath.
I donât know if this is the right thing to do, but I donât think itâs enough to push Sendai-sanâs body away from me.
Perhaps this is as far as we promised, and so it canât be helped.
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Her lips that had been repeatedly kissing my neck are pressed hard against my ear, and I involuntarily grab Sendai-sanâs arm. But she sucked hard, hard on the skin without hesitation. It was not enough to make a fuss about the pain, but it felt like being pricked with a needle.
Instead of pushing on her shoulder, I dug my nails into Sendai-sanâs arm, and she set her teeth on my neck. But soon her lips parted and something wet stuck to my earlobe. Warmer than her lips, it is surely her tongue, licked to trace the contours of my ear.
The back of my heart starts to throb in conjunction with the tongue pressed against my ear. The sound of Sendai-san inhaling and exhaling is so close to me that I feel as if my heartbeat is synchronized with hers.
The timing of our inhalations coincided with each other, and I pushed Sendai-sanâs shoulder as hard as I could.
ăThat was not a kiss!ă
ăMiyagi didnât tell me to stop.ă
ăJust because I didnât say it doesnât mean you should do it. In general, whatâs the point of unbuttoning it? You could have done it without removing it. Besides, you definitely have marks on me, you know?ă
I stroke the area where Sendai-san sucked me hard. But I donât have eyes on my fingertips, so I donât know whatâs going on there.
ăYou didnât decide where to kiss you then. So Miyagi canât complain about where I kiss.ă
When she said this in a matter-of-fact manner, Sendai-san holds my whole hand where the mark probably remains.
Her fingertips move, touching my ear and combing my hair.
Then, as a matter of course, she would put her face close to mine, so I had to push her shoulder again.
ăThereâs a mirror on the desk over there. Go get it.ă
I can pretend that it was my fault for not designating a place to kiss me. But there is no way she can leave a mark. Since Sendai has repeatedly told me not to leave marks, I think I should at least order her to do something that might leave marks on me.
ăI donât have any marks on you.ă
ăIâll see it for myself.ă
When I said it firmly, Sendai-san reluctantly picked up the mirror.
It was not the first time she kissed me on the neck.
But it wasnât the kind of kiss that leaves a mark.
I have had redness when bitten.
But those bites never lasted more than a day and disappeared.
ăHere.ă
Sendai-san hands me a mirror to reflect my neck.
There is a solid red mark on my neck, a place where I donât think I needed to unbutton. It was in an exquisite position, not hidden even when the blouse is fully buttoned up, nor is it too conspicuous.
ăThereâs a little mark on it, but you can hide it with your hair.ă
Sendai-san says irresponsibly.
It is true that if she said it can be hidden by hair, I feel that way, but it is not likely to be completely hidden.
It was deliberate.
Deliberately, she put it where she could see it.
ăIt might not be obvious, but itâs definitely a place where anyone can see it.ă
ăThatâs not true. I said you can hide it.ă
Sendai-san says something lame and tries to cover her tracks by touching my hair to prove her words. The rustling and the tips of my hair against my neck tickled me, and I slapped her hand and pushed the mirror at her.
ăDefinitely not. What if someone sees them?ă
ăSchoolâs out. Youâll be fine.ă
ăYou know, my parents might see it.ă
ăMiyagi said they would be gone for work today and tomorrow. Itâll be gone the day after tomorrow, youâll be fine, you know?ă
So thatâs how it is.
I see now what she mean by the question she asked me before we started the study.
ăEven if my parents arenât there, I might see a friend.ă
ăWho said that everyone is busy studying for exams at this time of year?ă
ăâŠI think itâs out of your character to say something like that.ă
ăNot as bad as Miyagi.ă
Sendai-san smiles and says terrible things.
Then she grabs my arm.
ăCan I kiss you again?ă
I will say something plain and brusque, which will prevent Sendai-san from exercising the right she is trying to do.
ăYou canât. Iâd rather see the necklace.ă
Now it is my turn to keep my promise and reach out to Sendai-san.
But before I can touch her neck, the necklace is pulled out from her sweater.