When I woke up and looked at my bedside phone, I saw a January 1st-like message from Maika and Ami, and I did the same, replyingăHappy New Year.ă
No message was received from Sendai-san.
Of course, thereâs no phone call either.
She doesnât call me at the moment when the year changes, nor does she send me a message of congratulations. I havenât called or messaged her either, but I think she should at least contact me.
I lay back and stare at the screen of my phone.
Suddenly, there is no ringtone.
ăI donât mind if you donât.ă
Sendai-san is not here, but I am not alone today.
Unusually, my father is here, and we are going to have dinner together.
As a child, I loved New Yearâs Eve and New Yearâs when my father was home. Once I entered junior high school, it wasnât such a special event anymore, but I felt safe knowing that someone was at home. Right now, I am more concerned about my phone with no word from Sendai-san than I am about having dinner with my father.
I roll over and pat the head of the stuffed black cat on my pillow. Then I crawled out from under the covers with my phone next to the black cat.
I stretched wide and left the room.
I brush my teeth, get dressed and head to the living room.
I greet my father with congratulations and we eat breakfast together.
Time seems to pass more quickly than on days when there is school, but it also seems longer because there is not much interesting going on.
I opened my reference book and sat at my desk for a while until the evening came, and I finished my dinner without doing anything other than studying.
There were several calls to the phone that the black cat was keeping watch on, but they were all from Maika and Ami and not from Sendai-san.
After all, just because itâs New Yearâs Day doesnât mean anything unusual is going to happen.
The day was the same as last year, except that I studied, and I went to sleep a little earlier than usual, just as I did last year.
The next day, it was still the same.
When I woke up, I found myself home alone, and it was nighttime.
I look at the clock, itâs past ten oâclock, and I lie down on my bed.
Iâm alone in the room where I slept with Sendai-san a few days ago.
Itâs not lonely, but itâs boring.
I pulled the stuffed black cat close and tugged on its ears. The black cat didnât meow, but my phone rang instead. I picked it up from my bedside and looked at the screen to see Sendai-san saying,ăAre you alone right now?ăand received a message that didnât seem like New Yearâs. I replied,ăYes, but,ăand this time I received a phone call from Sendai-san.
One ring and I was lost.
She was waiting for a call from Sendai-san when she answered immediately, and after the ringer rings three times, I picked myself up and answers the phone. With a hello, I call out over the phone, andăHappy New Yearăcomes back.
On the phone, her voice is close.
I remember when we slept on the same futon.
Sendai-sanâs voice was close to mine that time, too.
I squeezed my hand.
A phone call is the least of my worries.
ăâŚHappy New Year.ă
I wait for her words, saying the greeting I didnât say to Sendai-san last year. But Sendai-san doesnât say anything.
ăWhat do you want?ă
I had no choice but to talk to her.
ăI was wondering when I should go to Miyagiâs house.ă
ăI said I would call you when I made a decision.ă
ăIâm asking because I havenât heard from you about that.ă
ăIf you havenât heard from me, that means I havenât decided yet, so wait a little longer.ă
Neither New Yearâs Eve nor New Yearâs Day is the kind of day that calls for teaching studies. I have that much common sense. Today is difficult to call because it is only the second day and we are still in the New Yearâs range. So itâs disheartening to hear her make it sound like itâs my fault for not calling sooner.
ăWinter vacation will be over before you can wait, so decide now.ă
Sendai-san says in a tone of voice that seems to assume that it is me who is at fault.
ăI have plans, too, and I canât make a decision right now.ă
I donât have any specific plans, but I donât want to decide right now.
If Sendai-sanâs errand is to make the next appointment, then the errand is over and thatâs the end of the phone call.
I think we could talk a little more to pass the time.
ăMiyagi, you have plans?ă
Itâs a little irritating to hear someone try to tell me that itâs unexpected. Itâs annoying that people take it for granted that I donât have plans.
ăShould there be one?ă
ăNot that you canâtâŚâŚ What have you been doing since then?ă
By âsince then,â I probably mean since the last time I saw Sendai-san.
ăNothing special.ă
ăBoth New Yearâs Eve and New Yearâs Day?ă
ăOf course.ă
ăDid you meet up with your friends or anything?ă
ăSendai-san, youâre so quick to ask like a parent.ă
My father doesnât try to figure out what I do, but Sendai-san sometimes tries to figure out what I do, like the parents we often see in manga and on TV. I donât find that depressing, but I donât think it would be interesting to know what I was doing.
ăThatâs fine, you asked. Thereâs nothing else to talk about. And you didnât meet with Utsunomiya or anyone else?ă
Sendai-san says in a voice that may or may not be interested.
ăWe didnât meet. At this time of year, everyone is busy studying for exams. Even Sendai-san meets with friends andââă
She was about to say, âI wouldnât,â but then I remembered. But before I could mention what I remembered, Sendai-san mentioned Ibaraki-sanâs name.
ăI went with Umina and the others for Hatsumode and prayed for success.ă
I lay down on the bed with a start, not really wanting to hear the name.
I reach for the black cat and pluck its ears.
ăIâve asked for Miyagiâs share too.ă
ăYou donât have to.ă
ăBut Miyagi, you didnât go to Hatsumode.ă
She tells me to make up my mind, and I pat the black cat on the head.
ăAnd I donât believe in that kind of thing.ă
ăItâs not that I believe in them either, but these are sentiments. My sentiments.ă
Sendai-san does not look like the type of person who prays for success. I think she is the type who would study if she had time to put her trust in God. It would be nice if such Sendai-san went alone to ask God for me, but she was not alone. She was on her way to Hatsumode with Ibaraki-san.
It doesnât seem to me that the sentiment is there.
Still, I felt bad denying Sendai-san any more, so I kept my mouth shut. Then I donât know what to talk about.
ăAre you ready to decide?ă
Sendai-san pulls up a nearly forgotten appointment for the next study session and connects the interrupted conversation.
ăDo you have time the day after tomorrow?ă
ăNot tomorrow, the day after tomorrow?ă
ăYes.ă
ăIf I donât mind if itâs in the evening.ă
ăThen come back the day after tomorrow.ă
ăAny reason why not tomorrow?ă
ăItâs the third Sunday of the month.ă
Considering Sendai-sanâs family environment, it seems that three days of the week is irrelevant to her, but she takes care of it in case.
ăThatâs the kind of thing I care about.ă
ăI donât mind. Sendai-san, you even study on your own, donât you?ă
When I said so, she replied,ăThe day after tomorrow then.ăAnd the phone hangs up.
The voices that were so close do not become distant, but rather disappear. The room is too quiet, too heavy with no one to talk to.
The winter vacation is short.
If I see her the day after tomorrow, there probably wonât be a next time.
I and Sendai-san are both taking exams.
I donât want her to say that she failed the university because I interfered with her studies. Itâs not that I have to go to the same university as Maika, but I would rather be accepted than fail. If I wasnât a student taking the exam, I would have been able to call Sendai-san a little more easily.
Last year, I could have called her as many times as I wanted. A year ago, I couldnât have done that because I kept my promise not to see her on my days off, and I think about that even though I know it was never actually possible.