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It is a lie that taking a bath relaxes you.
I feel restless and nervous.
The hot water only hardens my body like concrete and I can’t believe that this will relax me.
I know why.
That is because this is the bathroom in Miyagi’s house and she is the only one in the house. It is always the case that no one is there except Miyagi, but today the situation is different.
I press my temple with both hands and exhale.
「After this we just need to study and I’ll be fine.」
I don’t know what’s okay, but I mumble to myself and get out of the hot water.
We eat dinner together, take a bath, and go to sleep.
Miyagi is not a friend, but all of these are things you do when you stay at a friend’s house. It’s not something she needs to be aware of.
In times like this, it is better to do what needs to be done quickly.
I wash my hair and body and leave the bathroom.
I wipe myself off and put on the sweatshirt I borrowed.
I put on the pendant and look in the mirror and see me in my Miyagi clothes. The size appears to be just right. It was not tight and not too big.
But it doesn’t feel right.
I don’t feel like my body fits tightly inside the clothes. Even though it is just a piece of cloth, when I wear it, I feel as if Miyagi is close by.
「Sweatshirts are still sweatshirts.」
It’s ridiculous.
It’s no use being swept away by something that makes me feel like I’ve been swept away.
I pick up the hair dryer on the vanity box and turn it on. As soon as I start to dry my hair, my hand stops as I realize how obvious it is that the shampoo smells just like Miyagi’s. The warm wind, blowing out with a noisy rumbling sound, kept hitting my hair senselessly.
「What am I doing?」
A one big sigh.
Even small things can be big if you accumulate them.
A number of things from Miyagi that I normally don’t pay attention to are clinging to me, and my mind is being dominated by them.
Sighing again, I swallow.
I move my halted hand and return to my room, unsure if I’ve dried my hair properly.
「I’m back.」
I call out to Miyagi, who is reading a book, but she does not reply,「Welcome back.」She stood up silently and opened the closet.
「You can drink the barley tea in the fridge on your own.」
She says this without looking at me. Then she grabs what looks like a change of clothes and leaves the room, saying,「I’m going to take a bath.」
Left behind, I do as Miyagi tells me and bring barley tea from the kitchen and drink half of it. Then I put the glass on the table and goes to the bookshelf.
There is one stuffed black cat there that I gave her.
I don’t know much about Miyagi, but I am sure that the books on the shelf are her favorites. The black cat, placed with its favorite things, appears to be more cherished than one would expect.
I pick up the stuffed animal and pat its head.
「You’re fine.」
That black cat is not alive, but it is better to be cared for than to be treated carelessly.
I kiss the tip of the black cat’s nose and return it to where it was.
Still, there is nothing to do.
I don’t feel like reading a book, nor do I want to watch TV.
I empty my glass of barley tea. Deciding to spend my free time studying like a student, I lay out my reference books and notebooks on the table. It would be a more meaningful way to spend time than wandering around the room.
Flipping through a reference book and solving problems will make me feel more relaxed than when I was taking a bath. After a while, Miyagi returns and the study session begins as it does.
「It’s a clean slate.」
Miyagi glanced at me and blurted out.
「And I took a bath.」
I don’t bother with makeup because I just go to bed when I’m done studying, and Miyagi sees me when she comes to visit me. Still, I was curious what Miyagi thought when she saw me now. But she never said anything more than that, so I can’t know how she feels.
All that remained between us was silence, and the sounds of pages being turned and pen nibs making noises were rather loud.
There is nothing that can be called a conversation.
The only time I move my mouth is when I answer Miyagi’s little question.
Just because she is quiet does not mean she is concentrating. I can’t say that my neighbor don’t bother me at all, and Miyagi is hardly focused.
Still, we continued studying for a little over two hours.
Suddenly, Miyagi said,「Let’s sleep.」
Considering that the exam is coming up soon, the time I spent studying was short, but there was no point in continuing without getting much done. I also put away my reference books and notebooks, deciding to make up for the missing ones later.
「Sendai-san, come with me.」
Miyagi, wearing a similar, though not matching, sweatshirt, stands up and says.
「Okay, but what’s up?」
「There’s a futon for visitors in the other room, so we’ll go get it.」
I notice that Miyagi told me.
Not surprisingly, there is only one bed in this room.
「
Is that the futon I’ll sleep on?」
「Yes. Help me bring it in.」
「Okay.」
Well, I think it’s obvious.
When I stay at a friend’s house, I usually find a futon from somewhere. With that in mind, it is not uncommon to find futon for visitors, and there is no way Miyagi would ask me to sleep in the same bed.
I follow her out of the room.
At the end of the living room, Miyagi opens the fusuma and enters the Japanese-style room. There was a closet in the Japanese-style room, which I had never entered or seen before, and out of it came a futon. We carry it into her room and lay it out on the floor.
「I’ll turn off the lights.」
When I put my phone on my pillow, I hear a soft voice and before I can respond, the room goes dark.
「Good night.」
In the pitch-dark room, where even the nightlights are turned off, I call out to Miyagi.
「
Good night.」
A small voice returns and the sound disappears.
This quiet room is uncomfortable, not unlike Miyagi’s room, which I had visited countless times. Even when I am in the “I” position, I feel uncomfortable, as if something is sticking to my back. I think the fact that the sweatshirt I am wearing is from Miyagi is one of the reasons for my restlessness.
I closed your eyes tightly.
The darkness melts away and mingles with discomfort.
——I knew it, but I couldn’t sleep.
My eyes closed and open.
I tried turning my body around.
I tried everything, but no sleep comes. I feel like I could count 10,000 sheep. I don’t remember being so sensitive that I couldn’t sleep when I changed pillows, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I couldn’t sleep until morning.
I drag my phone under the covers to check the time and find that it hasn’t been ten minutes since I last looked at it, and I sit up.
「Are you awake?」
I call out to Miyagi, who may not be sleeping as well as I am, but there is no answer.
「Miyagi, I know you’re awake.」
If she was asleep, it’s not fair.
I call out in a slightly louder voice with such a feeling. But there was still no answer, so I approached the bed and called out to her, my eyes still unaccustomed to the darkness.
「If you’re pretending to be asleep, wake up.」
As expected, I think it should happen, but Miyagi doesn’t wake up.
I extend my hand toward Miyagi, who says nothing.
I touch something soft and soft and know it was her cheek.
When I follow the outline and touch the hair, which is assimilated with darkness, it is smooth and pleasant to the touch. I lightly tugged at what seemed to be her bangs, but Miyagi didn’t even twitch.
「
Shiori.」
I put my lips around her ear and whispered quietly, and her body, which had not moved at all, moved away from me.
「My name, I told you not to say it.」
A gruff voice echoes through the darkness.
「You’re awake, aren’t you?」
「I just woke up because of Sendai-san.」
After saying this, Miyagi gets up fidgetily and turns on the nightlight.
「I can’t sleep, and I need someone to talk to.」
Not that I have anything to talk about, but it’s better than counting sheep. I sit up in the bed without hearing a reply.
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「I won’t. This is my camp. Don’t sit down.」
Miyagi pushes my shoulder with quite a bit of force.
「A camp? We’re not in grade school.」
「Just get off. Go back to your position.」
「This is your camp, right? Where is my camp then?」
「Over there.」
Miyagi points to a futon on the floor, and I stand up meekly.
「Alright, alright, I’ll return to my camp.」
I take a step or two and crawl under the covers.
Miyagi and I are different.
It is usually me who wants to kiss and touch her. Even now I want to kiss Miyagi and touch her more. I don’t think these feelings are totally absent from Miyagi, but it doesn’t seem as if she feels the same way as I do. Even if I thought it, it must surely be half of mine, or even less.
「Go sleep. Good night.」
I close my eyes because staying awake only makes the feelings that have no way of dissolving grow louder.
「I said earlier I couldn’t sleep.」
When I calls out to her, I roll over and turn my body toward the bed.
「You said it, but go to sleep.」
「Why’s so sudden.」
Miyagi, who should have refused to talk to me, says to me to keep me from trying to sleep. If she would just shut up, I might be able to sleep, but because she called out to me, my sleepiness that is already so far away becomes even more distant.
「I was trying not to betray Miyagi’s trust.」
When I answer with my eyes closed, ahe immediately replies,「What’s with that?」
「You let me stay because you believed I wouldn’t do anything weird.」
「You’re right, but
」
「That’s why, let me sleep.」
Not that I want to sleep, but I forcefully close the conversation. Miyagi called me「Sendai-san,」but I turned my back on the bed without answering, and then I heard a rustling sound behind me.
Immediately I feel the edge of the quilt sink in and I pull myself up. I look toward the bed and see Miyagi.
「This is my camp though.」
Miyagi, who should have told me to return to my own camp, is for some reason sitting a little on the edge of the futon.
「This room is my territory, and I own this place.」
Miyagi, who must have trespassed, took ownership of the futon from me and stripped the quilt. The room is warm, so I’m fine without a quilt, but I’m not going to give up my position without a fight.
「That’s not fair. You didn’t say that earlier.」
「I’m letting you stay over, and I don’t mind being sneaky.」
Then Miyagi comes next to me from the edge of the futon. Then she touched my neck.