(Intro and Chapters 1 - 10 can be found here: Sissy (娘娘腔))
(Chapters 11 - 20 can be found here: Sissy (娘娘腔) c11 - c20)
(Chapters 21 - 30 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c21 - c30)
(Chapters 31 - 40 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c31 - c40)
(Chapters 41 - 50 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c41 - c50)
(Chapters 51 - 60 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c51 - c60)
Chapter 61
Li Chengxiu was completely immobilized. However, except for a bitten tongue, he didn’t really suffer any injuries, so he got back to his senses only after a couple minutes.
When he came to it, he found himself lying on the sofa in the office. Xiao Ji was arguing with the company people whether to send him to the hospital or not.
Li Chengxiu's tongue hurt, his chin hurt, and his mouth felt very uncomfortable, so he just let out a vague hum.
When everyone noticed that he was awake, they quickly surrounded him.
Xiao Ji looked worried and apologetic, and even a little aggrieved: "You…you woke up? How are you…? Are you alright?"
Li Chengxiu waved his hand, shook his head and got up.
"Do you still feel uncomfortable? Do you want to go to the hospital?"
Li Chengxiu shook his head again. As long as he could get up, why would he go to the hospital?
He took a sip of water, which made him hiss in pain as it touched his tongue.
Seeing that he was all right, his colleagues went on about their business. Before leaving, they said to Li Chengxiu, "Once you’re done resting, go to the boss."
Li Chengxiu nodded, and when everybody was gone, he looked at Xiao Ji with an embarrassed expression and asked hoarsely, "What's the matter with you? Why….did you get into a fight?"
Xiao Ji said angrily, "It was not my fault."
Li Chengxiu sighed. At the moment when Xiao Ji opened his mouth, he somehow knew that he was going to say exactly that. He was a child after all.
Xiao Ji continued to rant: "They dropped a case of wine and then they wanted to blame me for it! Just because I’m new! Did they fucking think I was easy to bully?"
Li Chengxiu remembered that those people in the warehouse who were responsible for moving goods were not an educated bunch. Usually they were pretty ok to get along with, but a box of wine cost hundreds of RMB. In order to pay for it from their pocket, they would have to give up half of their salary for the month.
What they did was reasonable from their point of view. Since they all knew each other, they could just unanimously put the blame on the newby. The boss wouldn’t go as far as investigating the whole thing just for a couple hundred RMB, so they wanted to make Xiao Ji eat up the loss.
Li Chengxiu asked, "Who started the fight?"
Xiao Ji said confidently, "They cursed at me first."
Li Chengxiu sighed. Facing such an ignorant child, he really had nothing to say for a while.
Xiao Ji was still angry: "These idiots! If it wasn’t your workplace, I would have annihilated them!"
Li Chengxiu's face was pale. He stood up from the sofa: "I'm going to the boss."
Everything went just as Li Chengxiu expected. Since he brought Xiao Ji into the company, he not only had to pay 600 RMB for the wine box but also 500 RMB to the injured parties. Not to mention that he also had to apologize to them.
When Xiao Ji found out all about it, his eyes were burning with anger and he shouted, "Why?" He obviously couldn't deal with such an injustice, so he decided to go to the boss and clear things up.
Li Chengxiu was afraid that he would make trouble again, so he just dragged him outside.
He knew that Xiao Ji wouldn't understand anything anyway. There were a lot of injustices in this world, and sometimes there was no clear answer to the question “Why?” Although one month's salary has been completely wasted, at least Li Chengxiu got to keep his job.
Seeing that Li Chengxiu was quiet on the way home, Xiao Ji was so angry that his heart and lungs were about to explode.
He resentfully thought that he did nothing wrong. But still, he somehow ended up causing Li Chengxiu to lose money and be forced to apologize. What was this bullshit?
After they got home, he couldn't bear it anymore, so he said to Li Chengxiu, "I'm sorry."
He really felt sorry for what happened to Li Chengxiu.
He knew that it was not easy for Li Chengxiu to make money. He left early in the morning and returned late at night. Sometimes he even stayed at the office until three or four am. He carefully saved up, one dime at a time, just to be able to afford something extra for Teacup.
Xiao Ji didn't understand it at first. Why was he so busy for a salary of merely 2000 RMB? In the past, if 2000 RMB fell on the ground in front of him, Xiao Ji wouldn’t even bother to pick it up.
But he gradually understood.
If he himself ran out of money, he could sell this and that. No matter how bad it was, he could still sell the watch his grandfather gave him, and it would be enough to have a decent life for a while. And if push comes to shove, he could always just make one phone call to solve all of his problems.
But for Li Chengxiu it was different. He diligently earned his money. If he earned even a little less, he might starve to death. Xiao Ji himself realized today how difficult earning money actually was. Just for a few RMB his waist now felt so sore it seemed to be close to breaking. He could really understand how hard Li Chengxiu had to work for everything he had.
He couldn't help feeling a little sympathy for the man.
It took him long hours of work to earn just this amount, and Xiao Ji made him waste it all in one day.
Xiao Ji was very uncomfortable. Seeing Li Chengxiu's depressed expression, he felt even more guilty.
Li Chengxiu glanced at him and said lightly, "It's okay." He was used to injustice, even kind of numb to it by now. He was just worried about the money at this point.
Xiao Ji stared blankly at his profile. Li Chengxiu's face was very good-looking. Although the bridge of his nose was not high, it was very straight. His facial expression was also very moving.
Xiao Ji felt that he not only sympathized with Li Chengxiu but also felt a bit worried for him.
Li Chengxiu was silent for a long time. He was actually busily calculating the money he still had left.
Unfortunately, he didn’t have a lot of savings, except for the emergency fund which he couldn’t touch. For somebody like Li Chengxiu who didn’t have a family or even a home, the fear of running out of money was really overwhelming.
Xiao Ji couldn't stand the silence anymore. Since he felt very embarrassed, he gritted his teeth and just left.
Li Chengxiu didn't bother stopping him. He really wasn't in the mood to think about Xiao Ji at this time.
Xiao Ji didn’t come around for two days in a row, and Li Chengxiu didn't particularly care.
On the third day, Xiao Ji came over right when Li Chengxiu was cleaning up the house.
As soon as Xiao Ji entered the room, he took out a bulging envelope tied by a rubber band and put it on the coffee table. He looked at Li Chengxiu with some expectation and said: "This is for you."
Li Chengxiu didn't know what it was, so he opened up the envelope only to see that there was a thick stack of money bills in it.
Xiao Ji looked at him cautiously and said, "It's for you. Don't be mad at me."
Li Chengxiu asked in surprise: "Where… where did you get this from?"
Xiao Ji was so poor just the day before yesterday that he was forced to go to work. And now he was suddenly handing him all this money? Where did it come from?
Xiao Ji looked at Li Chengxiu’s suspicious eyes and knew that he was thinking that something was fishy: "Don't imagine any nonsense! I didn’t steal it, and I didn’t rob anybody. I sold my watch."
Li Chengxiu looked at the youngster’s wrist, and the watch was indeed not there anymore. He didn't say anything, took out the money and counted out exactly 2000 RMB. He then pushed the rest back to Xiao Ji.
Xiao Ji pushed it back again into his hand: "You take the rest too. I’m going to eat here with you in the future."
Li Chengxiu refused: "You won’t be able to eat so much."
Xiao Ji stubbornly shoved the money into his hand: "If I tell you to take it, then take it! Please put more meat on the table in the future. I’m not a damn monk."
Li Chengxiu puffed out a laugh.
Xiao Ji also couldn't help laughing. Seeing Li Chengxiu's radiant face, he was tempted to pinch his cheeks.
In the evening, while Li Chengxiu was cooking, Xiao Ji watched TV on the sofa. After watching it for a while, he felt bored, so he began playing around with Li Chengxiu's mobile phone.
To be honest, there was not so much to play with, since it was an old model with a very basic 3 megapixel camera[1].
Xiao Ji had nothing else to do, so he flipped through Li Chengxiu’s gallery.
But there was only one photo there. Xiao Ji opened it and was immediately stunned.
In the photo, next to Li Chengxiu he saw quite a handsome and distinguished man seemingly in his thirties. Even on a photo of such poor quality one could see that the man was extraordinarily attractive. What actually stunned Xiao Ji was not so much the man himself but rather how he and Li Chengxiu were acting in the photo.
This was obviously a selfie. The man was kissing Li Chengxiu on the cheek, and Li Chengxiu was leaning into his arms, smiling shyly and avoiding looking into the camera.
Xiao Ji felt that his blood rushed to the top of his head all of a sudden. The phone now seemed like a hot potato to him, and he almost threw it away.
Three letters flashed through his mind: “G-A-Y”.
Such intimate behavior was unambiguous. In combination with Li Chengxiu’s girly appearance, it was easy to come to that conclusion.
Homosexuality was a familiar concept to Xiao Ji. He used to be on a basketball team and suffered a lot of same-sex harrassment there. As a result, he was more or less disgusted by the whole thing.
The thought of him spending more than two months under the same roof with a gay guy made him feel irrationally angry.
He always thought that Li Chengxiu was kind and nice to talk to, and he helped him a lot too. But after finding out about his sexuality, Xiao Ji couldn’t help but suspect that Li Chengxiu had ulterior motives.
At once, Li Chengxiu's gentle and easy-going nature seemed to have an agenda underneath it, giving Xiao Ji a sense of annoyance that he had been deceived this entire time.
In addition to anger, another unclear emotion appeared in his chest. He didn’t have time to think about it. Instead, he abruptly stood up and approached Li Chengxiu in three big steps.
Li Chengxiu was right in the middle of frying vegetables, so he was a bit surprised.
Xiao Ji held the phone in front of Li Chengxiu, stared him right in the eye and asked, "What is this?”
Li Chengxiu was stunned for a while, looking at Li Shuo who was smiling gently in the photo. There was an immediate sadness in his heart.
If Xiao Ji hadn't found it, he would have almost forgotten that there was still a photo of him and Li Shuo on his mobile phone.
Xiao Ji looked at Li Chengxiu's slightly sad expression, and the little flame in his heart rose. He asked nonchalantly, "Are you gay?"
Li Chengxiu looked at the contempt that could not be concealed on Xiao Ji’s young face and felt a little aggrieved. He raised his hand to grab his phone.
Xiao Ji held the phone up higher and continued to ask, "Is this your boyfriend?"
Li Chengxiu was slightly startled and replied in a hoarse voice, "We’ve already…broken up."
Xiao Ji didn't know what to feel for a while. But he definitely felt somehow deceived and also so angry that he wanted to punch someone. He threw the phone at Li Chengxiu, turned around, slammed the door and left.
Li Chengxiu quickly picked up the phone and stared at the photo on the screen for a while.
He didn’t know how Li Shuo was doing now[2] and whether Shao Qun had fulfilled his promise to let Li Shuo off the hook. Li Chengxiu wondered if he was already back in China…
Li Chengxiu felt like he was near to tears. He gently stroked Li Shuo's smiling face on the screen and silently looked at the photo for a very long time.
For the next three days, Xiao Ji did not appear anymore.
Although Li Chengxiu was a bit upset, he didn’t intend to explain anything. After all, they were just friendly neighbors. If Xiao Ji looked down on him, he really couldn’t do anything against it. Because Li Chengxiu was indeed gay.
He just couldn’t help feeling a bit sad.
Although Xiao Ji was impulsive and arrogant, his heart was in the right place. Besides, his youthful vitality and enthusiasm were really infectious. When Li Chengxiu spent time with him, he felt a lot younger. Besides, it was nice to have another person around for some company and to avoid loneliness. But now, this person despised him.
Li Chengxiu stuffed the money that Xiao Ji gave him into the crack of his door, since he thought that the guy wasn’t coming over in the future.
In the blink of an eye, it was summer. Li Chengxiu took advantage of his noon break to remit 1000 RMB to the person who took care of his mother’s grave in his hometown.
He hadn’t returned there since he left Beijing. On the one hand, the cost of the long journey was just too high. On the other hand, subconsciously he was unwilling to return to that place.
There were no good memories left there after all.
When Li Chengxiu got home that evening, he saw Xiao Ji standing on the balcony, obviously waiting for him.
Li Chengxiu came closer, and saw that the youngster’s face was not very good. Both of them were a little embarrassed to face each other.
Li Chengxiu still let him into his apartment.
Xiao Ji entered, looking a bit nervous. Li Chengxiu poured him a cup of tea, thinking that the youngster might want to say something to him, so he sat nearby and just waited.
The expression on Xiao Ji's face showed his struggle. He hesitated for a long time before he finally said, "I can… try."
Hearing such confusing words, all Li Chengxiu could say was: "What?"
Xiao Ji's face turned slightly red and he repeated: "I can… try it with you."
Li Chengxiu still didn’t get it: "Try what?"
Xiao Ji glared at him. It seemed that he had made up his mind about something, when he suddenly approached Li Chengxiu.
Li Chengxiu didn't realize what he was going to do at first. When his mouth was already very close to his own, Li Chengxiu's eyes widened and he pushed the guy away at once.
Xiao Ji was pushed back onto the other end of the sofa. Once he stabilized his body, he looked at Li Chengxiu angrily: "What are you doing!"
Li Chengxiu's heart was pounding with fear: "What are YOU doing?"
Xiao Ji was annoyed and angry: "Isn’t this why you have been treating me so well? Why are you pretending now?"
Only then did Li Chengxiu finally understand what this youngster was thinking.
With some embarrassment he explained: "You misunderstood…I… I didn’t have that purpose."
Xiao Ji stared at him.
Li Chengxiu smiled bitterly and said, "I took care of you because you are so young and because we are neighbors."
Xiao Ji was really furious at this moment. His face turned red, and he jumped up in rage, feeling entirely humiliated.
He has given it a lot of thought these days. He thought that Li Chengxiu treated him really well, he was even quieter and gentler than a woman, he cooked delicious food, and he looked pretty good.
After thinking about it, Xiao Ji felt that he didn’t hate Li Chengxiu at all. Rather, he even kind of liked him. Although Li Chengxiu was a man, Xiao Ji was young and pretty open-minded, so it was not like he couldn’t accept it at all. If Li Chengxiu liked him, he could actually even give it a try.
He didn't expect that Li Chengxiu didn’t actually have any intentions towards him. So didn’t Xiao Ji kind of make a fool out of himself for thinking too much all this time?
He had always been quite confident about himself, and it was normal for both men and women to like him. So he thought that Li Chengxiu, obviously, must like him. And now it turned out that he misunderstood?! Was there anything more embarrassing than this?
Xiao Ji shouted angrily: "Go to hell!" Then he rushed out the door, leaving Li Chengxiu stunned in the empty and silent room.
Chapter 62
Li Chengxiu felt very embarrassed. He didn't expect Xiao Ji to think like that about him. He really just wanted to help him out of kindness, nothing else.
Li Chengxiu thought that Xiao Ji would not come again this time, however in his heart he hoped that they could return to the way things were before. Even Teacup seemed to miss him very much, often squatting motionlessly at the door, as if waiting for Xiao Ji to come over.
Facts have proven that Li Chengxiu was entirely unable to figure out what’s going on in the minds of young people. After a few days of silence, Xiao Ji came over yet again, carrying a plastic bag in his hand.
As soon as Li Chengxiu opened the door, Xiao Ji unceremoniously handed him the bag: "I want to eat steamed scallops with garlic."
Li Chengxiu was a bit surprised for a while, but then he laughed and let him in.
Xiao Ji showed a bit of embarrassment on his face. When he came in, he didn’t speak and only played with Teacup.
Li Chengxiu called him over when the meal was done. He squinted at Li Chengxiu and awkwardly sat down at the dining table, staring straight at Li Chengxiu with his dark eyes.
Li Chengxiu handed him the chopsticks: "Eat!"
Xiao Ji took the chopsticks, ate two bites and suddenly said, "My full name is Ji Yuanqi."
Li Chengxiu was startled and just said, "Oh".
"I came here because I want to play professional basketball, and my family wouldn't let me. So I ran away."
Li Chengxiu didn't know why he was telling him all of that, but he continued to carefully listen.
Ji Yuanqi looked at him with his bright eyes: "I told you everything about me. Now tell me all about you too."
Li Chengxiu didn't understand what he meant: "Tell you what?"
Ji Yuanqi responded: "Tell me all about yourself. Where are you from, how old are you, what did you do before coming here, why are you here, and…. your boyfriend... what's going on with him?"
Li Chengxiu felt that he was developing a headache.
He didn't know what the young man wanted from him. He seemed like someone who just said directly what was on his mind. Li Chengxiu felt that the generational gap between them was just too big, and it was so much easier to eat together before the misunderstanding.
Ji Yuanqi was unrelenting, tapping his chopsticks against the bowl: "Tell me! I've told you everything." That somehow meant that if Li Chengxiu did not share something about himself, Xiao Ji would be an offended party.
Li Chengxiu reluctantly said: "My…my hometown is… in Beijing. I worked…there. This year…I turn twenty-nine."
Ji Yuanqi tilted his neck to think, saying to himself: "Ten year difference…? Ah, it’s okay ......" He then continued to knock on his bowl, "Continue! What about your boyfriend? Where is he from? How old is he? What does he do? Why did you split up?"
Li Chengxiu really couldn't take this questioning anymore. Why would he need to tell all that to Xiao Ji?
But Ji Yuanqi was still waiting for the answers with his eyes wide open.
Li Chengxiu sighed: "Let's not talk about this..."
The young man was unhappy, and his face immediately darkened: "Why can’t you talk about it? Haven’t you already split up? Is there still some love left?"
For some reason, Li Chengxiu suddenly felt that this guy was just as domineering and self-willed as Shao Qun when he was a child. He couldn't tell what exactly it made him feel - sentimental or disgusted. He gently put his chopsticks on the table and stopped talking.
Ji Yuanqi saw that Li Chengxiu refused to speak, so he became gloomy. After a long silence, he finally said with a bit of bargaining in his voice: “Well…why don’t you try it with me?”
After Li Chengxiu's experience last time, he already understood what Xiao Ji meant by "try" and looked up at the youngster in surprise.
Ji Yuanqi felt that his cheeks were a little hot: "Anyway… you are single. And I am also single. Let’s try it. Why not?... Don't you like men? I'm very handsome… Why don't you like me?"
Li Chengxiu's face froze.
He felt as if a child just ran up to him with a particularly novel toy and insisted on playing with him. And this child thought that it was a waste not to try out such an interesting toy together.
But how many adults would actually be interested in children's toys?
Ji Yuanqi moved his chair next to Li Chengxiu, raised his chin arrogantly, while his eyes flashed with anticipation: "How about it? Why don’t we try?"
Li Chengxiu sighed: "Xiao Ji, this… you can't just try it. You like girls... You can't try this kind of thing."
"What can’t I do? I even once ate scorpions on a dare!."
Li Chengxiu didn't know what to say to that. In Xiao Ji’s eyes, dating a man might just be a novelty and a fun game. He didn't have to take any responsibility or pay a price if something went wrong, because it was just… trying.
Li Chengxiu couldn't help being a little angry, so he said coldly: "You are still young. You... Forget it. Just eat and stop talking about it."
Ji Yuanqi was unhappy: "I'm so fucking sick of people dragging age into this. We’re both men. Just be more honest. This young master wants to be with you. What do you have to lose?"
Li Chengxiu didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He shook his head: "Let's just eat."
Ji Yuanqi wanted to say something else, but seeing that Li Chengxiu lowered his head and didn't even look at him anymore, he rolled his eyes at him and ate with his head down.
Li Chengxiu thought that he would soon get bored with the topic and move on, but he didn’t expect that since that day Ji Yuanqi would constantly talk about the matter, joke around and sometimes even make pretend-gestures of wanting to kiss Li Chengxiu. It was as if Xiao Ji was addicted to this game now.
Fortunately, he mostly just talked a lot and didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. After listening to his nonsense for a long time, Li Chengxiu didn’t take it seriously anymore.
The weather was getting warmer, and the summers in Guangzhou were quite difficult. Li Chengxiu was dazed from riding in the overheated full bus. He got off and unsteadily walked home. When he was about to enter the building, he suddenly heard an excited incoherent cry behind him.
"Chengxiu!"
Li Chengxiu's whole body froze, and it seemed that the entire heat he had accumulated left his body at once.
He thought he was just dizzy and probably hallucinating, but when he turned his head to look at the source of the sound, he realized that this nightmare was real.
Shao Qun really stood in front of him.
Li Chengxiu's heart violently throbbed. The memories that he had forcibly sealed up, suddenly broke free and instantly flooded his mind. He drew a blank and almost subconsciously turned around to run.
Shao Qun rushed up to him with a single stride and hugged his waist.
Li Chengxiu's face turned pale, and he desperately struggled, "Let me go!"
Shao Qun hugged him tightly and trembled "I won't let go again, Chengxiu. I will never let go again."
Li Chengxiu used his elbow to hit his stomach as hard as he could.
Shao Qun gasped but still didn't let go.
There were usually only a few people on Li Chengxiu's way home. But it didn’t mean that nobody would pass by at all. It was a bit weird for two men to be hugging so ambiguously in the middle of the street.
Li Chengxiu was anxious and scared, and his body trembled uncontrollably. Here we go again. He was hiding left and right, hoping to completely erase his traces in this world. Why couldn’t this person just let him go?
He just wanted to live a peaceful life and stop having trouble with anyone. Why can't such a humble wish come true? Was Shao Qun trying to force him to die?
Shao Qun's hands were shaking with excitement. In the past six months, he really had no idea how he had survived. He never got a good night's sleep, never stopped missing Li Chengxiu and he really couldn’t wait to exchange everything he had just for a bit of news about Li Chengxiu.
He was tortured by constant disappointment, and now his only hope was just to see Li Chengxiu and know where he was. Hopeless thoughts were devouring his soul day by day and he never wanted to experience that feeling again. Whatever happens, he must stay where he can always see Li Chengxiu.
Shao Qun carefully sniffed the warm and pleasant smell coming from Li Chengxiu’s neck and felt the security and satisfaction from finally hugging this person. He feared it was just an illusion, that his arms would be empty the moment he woke up.
Li Chengxiu took a deep breath and said hoarsely, "Let me go."
Shao Qun hesitated for a while, but finally let go. He still clung to Li Chengxiu’s sleeve, as if he was afraid that he could disappear in the next second.
Li Chengxiu turned his face, and Shao Qun looked at him greedily and eagerly, his eyes full of deep sadness.
"Chengxiu, I missed you very much. You left without saying a word. It was too cruel." After Shao Qun said this, his eyes looked a little blurry.
Li Chengxiu distanced himself from him, looking at Shao Qun who had become so thin and haggard in just a few months. He couldn't tell what was happening in the heart of this man, so he said solemnly, "Shao Qun, Li Shuo and I have broken up. What do you still want from me? What else do you need?"
Shao Qun said sadly, "I just want us to go back to the past."
Li Chengxiu felt heartbroken. Back to the past? How long ago does he want to go back to?
If time could really be reversed, Li Chengxiu would have wished to never have known Shao Qun in the first place. He would have preferred to live alone and unattached for his entire lifetime, without any worries, rather than having this big hole dug in his heart and having to constantly relive what happened. It's a pity that none of them could ever go back. Li Chengxiu could only continue protecting himself and not repeat the same mistakes again.
Li Chengxiu gently shook his head, "Shao Qun, let me go."
Shao Qun grabbed his arm and said hoarsely, "Chengxiu, I've been looking for you for so long. Please don’t say this. I can’t give up on you, do you understand? I really like you. Give me a chance, and I will treat you well. I have liked you my entire life, and I will only be good to you in the future. I’ll do whatever you say, as long as you stay by my side. I can promise you anything, okay? Chengxiu, give me a chance, I beg you! Let me make it up for you!”
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes in pain, "Shao Qun, I can't… trust you again. Let…let me go."
Shao Qun said anxiously, "Trust me one more time! I won't lie to you again. If I had lied to you, would I have gotten myself into this mess? Do you know how much effort I put into finding you? Chengxiu, I… I did a lot of things wrong in the past. I was too much of an asshole, and I know that you hate me. But you used to love me, right? Give me a chance and let me treat you well this time. You can use me as anything you want. The only thing I ask of you is that you don’t run away anymore. If I can just see you, I will be satisfied. Chengxiu, give me a chance."
Li Chengxiu pushed him away, " Don't say all this, Shao Qun, I don’t want to hear it. I don't want to move again. Don't… don't force me again. I…We…"
Li Chengxiu couldn't even say a complete sentence. The sadness and hope in Shao Qun's eyes were so obvious that he couldn't ignore it. This person used to be so high-spirited and arrogant. How could he be showing such an expression now? Maybe he really believed in what he himself was saying?
Li Chengxiu was really scared. Shao Qun was probably someone who wasn’t used to rejection. Or maybe all of this was just some momentary whim? Even if his intentions were true at this point in time, who knew how long they would even stay true. One year? Two years? Three years? Shao Qun will at some point be expected to get married and have a child of his own. So sooner or later, Li Chengxiu would just end up falling into an even more unbearable situation than before. And he was never going to let such a thing happen to him again. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to bear it.
Shao Qun looked at Li Chengxiu's avoidant look, and he really felt as if his heart was being torn out. He endured the heartache, wiped his face and forced himself to calm down.
When he saw Li Chengxiu just now, he got excited and lost his calm. Before coming here, he had warned himself many times to take it slow, not to be too hasty and not to push Li Chengxiu into a situation where he is forced to run away again. But as soon as he saw this man, he forgot everything.
Shao Qun shook his head, took a deep breath and said solemnly, "I won't force you to do anything. So don't run anymore, okay?"
Li Chengxiu pulled his arm away from Shao Qun, "As long as you don’t come here again, I won’t run."
Shao Qun showed an extremely bitter smile, "Chengxiu, I really can't do this. Can you at least let me see you? I won't force you. I just want to come see you.”
Li Chengxiu said in a trembling voice, "I don't want to see you."
Hearing this, Shao Qun had the urge to slam his head against the wall, "Okay, you don't fucking have to see me. I just want to see you. Chengxiu, can you leave me at least that? Just a little tiny hope? A small breath of fresh air?"
Li Chengxiu took a step back, lowered his head, and tightly bit his lips.
Shao Qun sniffed, forced himself to step away and raised his hands. He then said, "I'm not forcing you. You don't need to guard against me and you don’t need to be afraid of me. I just want to make up for the mistakes I made. I will never hurt you again. You…you can just pretend that I don’t exist and live your normal life. I will come look at you from a distance, and it’s all going to be fine. All fine."
Li Chengxiu didn't say anything. His chest was already hurting and he couldn't speak anyway. He took another few steps back and didn't dare to look up at Shao Qun. He finally turned and walked away.
Shao Qun stared blankly at Li Chengxiu, leaving in a hurry. He felt like his body was entirely empty, as if he would never be able to fill this emptiness ever again.
Li Chengxiu returned home in despair. Ji Yuanqi knew it was him as soon as he heard footsteps going upstairs. He immediately came out of his room wagging his tail and shouting "I’m so hungry!!!"
Li Chengxiu didn't see him at all. He was about to close the door when he entered his apartment, and the door panel almost hit Xiao Ji right on the nose.
Ji Yuanqi let out a "fuck!" and got inside anyway, "What are you doing!?"
Li Chengxiu seemed to only notice the youngster at that moment and finally turned around to look at him.
Ji Yuanqi saw at a glance that Li Chengxiu’s eyes were red, as if he had been crying. He got nervous all of a sudden, walked over, sat down next to him and asked, "What happened? You cried? Why?"
Li Chengxiu shook his head, and was about to get up, "I’ll cook."
Ji Yuanqi grabbed him and said, "Don't go! Tell me why you were crying. Who bullied you?"
Li Chengxiu continued to shake his head, "It's okay."
"It's not fucking okay! Is it okay to have red eyes like a damn rabbit? Do you think I can't help you? If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, how can I help you? Just tell me who bullied you!”
Li Chengxiu turned around and walked to the kitchen, saying solemnly, "It's okay."
Ji Yuanqi was angry. He pulled at his hair shouting, "SOmething is obviously wrong! Come on, tell me!"
Li Chengxiu ignored him and got busy cooking.
Teacup jumped out of its nest right around this time, circled around Li Chengxiu twice and then began woofing with its neck raised high.
Ji Yuanqi came up and picked it up. After putting the pup in his pocket, he pulled Li Chengxiu over, pinched his chin and seriously said, "Li Chengxiu, I won't let anyone bully you. Tell me, and I promise I’ll make them pay! "
Li Chengxiu was forced to look at him, and Ji Yuanqi suddenly realized that the sadness and despair in his eyes was something he had never seen before.
Although Li Chengxiu was often thoughtful, and Ji Yuanqi suspected that he had some secrets in his heart, he had never seen him this sad.
Li Chengxiu said dumbly, "Xiao Ji, you can't help me. Stop asking."
Ji Yuanqi wanted to get angry, but he couldn't. He really wanted to do something for Li Chengxiu to repay him for his kindness, but the other party obviously didn't have any confidence in him.
Also, since he had no money or power right now, why should Li Chengxiu even believe him? He was currently being taken care of almost entirely by this sissy whom he despised at first. And he can’t do anything to repay him.This strong psychological gap didn’t only hurt his self-esteem, but also made him very sad.
Ji Yuanqi put down his hands dejectedly and sat back down on the sofa.
He looked at Li Chengxiu's silent back. He wanted to help him and protect him. He wanted to get along with Li Chengxiu for a long time. Could Ji Yuanqi finally man up and reverse the situation? Could he stop being the one who needed care and instead take care of Li Chengxiu? Ji Yuanqi kind of hated his current predicament, and he slowly began to struggle with his thoughts.
Chapter 63
Li Chengxiu was restless all day and all night. He just sat thinking about different things without even turning on the lights.
He thought about it again and again and realized that he really didn't want to run and hide anymore. It seemed that no matter where he was hiding, Shao Qun could find him anyway. In this case, why should he go through all the trouble and also drag Teacup along with him?
He remembered that when he picked Teacup up from the clinic, the vet clearly told him that the dog couldn’t move around so frequently in the future. It was something that not even people could handle easily, not to mention such a small and fragile dog. Li Chengxiu couldn’t risk the little Teacup getting sick again.
It took a long time for Teacup to recover from his illness, and Li Chengxiu was really scared.
He just found a suitable job for his abilities, and he had a suitable place to live. Everything seemed to be fine. He was really exhausted and couldn't muster the courage to move again. He couldn’t hide forever.
And obviously, he didn't harm anyone, so why was he the one forced to hide?
After Li Chengxiu made up his mind, he felt better. He didn’t believe that Shao Qun would pester him for much longer. Shao Qun had a lot of good things going on in his life, so how much time would he be willing to waste on Li Chengxiu? Most likely, this was some kind of whim, and he’ll get tired of this very soon. Li Chengxiu just needed to wait and see.
From that day on, Shao Qun would send him at least a dozen meaningless text messages a day. Li Chengxiu didn't dare to read any of them. He knew that he would feel uneasy for the whole day after reading those, so he simply deleted everything immediately after receiving.
A few days later, he was cooking in the kitchen, and Ji Yuanqi was playing with Teacup in the living room, when there was a sudden knock on the door. Li Chengxiu’s heart skipped a beat, and he almost immediately thought that it must be Shao Qun.
When he opened his mouth to stop Ji Yuanqi from getting the door, the youngster was already holding onto the knob.
Shao Qun didn’t actually expect Li Chengxiu to open the door for him. So when he heard the approaching footsteps, his palms were nervously sweating. And when he heard the sound of an opening lock, he was suddenly really excited. But all the excitement disappeared the moment the door was opened.
Shao Qun looked at the handsome young man in front of him, his brows twitching. He slightly backed away and glanced at the house number to confirm that he had knocked at the right door before frowning and asking, "Does Li Chengxiu live here?"
Ji Yuanqi looked Shao Qun up and down.
For some reason, even though it was the first time they met, both of them were immediately hostile to each other. Ji Yuanqi blocked the door with his body and asked expressionlessly, "Who are you?"
Cold light burst out of Shao Qun's eyes and he said icily, "And who are you?”
Li Chengxiu came over wearing an apron.
When Shao Qun saw him, his heart froze. He couldn't control himself any longer, so he pushed Ji Yuanqi's shoulder away to be able to come in.
This action set them both on fire. Ji Yuanqi grabbed Shao Qun’s wrist and was about to twist his arm. Shao Qun pressed his hand down and raised his knee to kick Ji Yuanqi.
Before Li Chengxiu could even reach the door, the two guys were already tearing each other apart in the narrow space in front of the door.
Li Chengxiu hurriedly shouted, "Stop!"
The two of them froze, glared at each other and resentfully let go. Li Chengxiu pulled Ji Yuanqi into the apartment, separating the two of them.
Shao Qun was angered by this action. He pointed at Xiao Ji and gritted his teeth, "Who is he?"
Li Chengxiu indifferently said, "A neighbor." Shao Qun was stunned for a moment, but he obviously didn't believe it and just kept looking at Ji Yuanqi with resentment.
Ji Yuanqi was young and hot-headed. He hated to be provoked the most, so he couldn’t help cursing, "Who the hell are you? Are you here to look for a fight?"
Li Chengxiu saw fire burning in Shao Qun’s eyes, stood between the two of them and said to Shao Qun, "What do you want?"
Shao Qun pursed his lips and glanced at Li Chengxiu aggrievedly. Then he handed the thing in his hand to him, "This is tuna that I just ordered today. My friend picked the best piece. It's also very fresh."
Li Chengxiu interrupted him without even looking at the tuna, "Shao Qun… I told you not to come again."
Shao Qun lowered his head and was silent for two seconds. Then he raised his head again and shrugged his shoulders pretending to be relaxed, "I just wanted to come and see you and bring you something over. I’m not coming in."
Li Chengxiu shook his head, "I don't want… you things."
Shao Qun opened his mouth and smiled bitterly, "Chengxiu, I drove here for almost three hours. You don't have to be so ruthless to me. It's just a piece of fish. Please, accept it."
Li Chengxiu still shook his head, "Don’t come here ever again." With those words he was about to close the door.
Shao Qun suddenly raised his hand and abruptly held the door open. His dark eyes passed Li Chengxiu and stared directly at Ji Yuanqi, "Chengxiu, tell me who he is."
Li Chengxiu rolled his eyes, "I just told you. A neighbor."
Not to be outdone, Ji Yuanqi added, "Who are you again? Li Chengxiu just told you to get lost. Don’t you have ears, huh?"
Shao Qun's eyes were full of struggle. He looked back and forth between the two, but finally just sighed, put down his arm and placed the bag near the door. “Just throw it out, if you don’t want it.” After saying that, he forced himself to turn around.
Li Chengxiu suddenly called out, "Shao Qun."
Shao Qun was startled and turned his head full of expectations.
Li Chengxiu frowned lightly and hesitated before asking, "Li Shuo… Is he alright?"
Shao Qun lowered his shoulders, his face full of disappointment. Finally he whispered, "He’s okay. He has returned to China, and he already has someone new. So you don’t have to think about him anymore.
Li Chengxiu's body trembled slightly, and there was some pain in his heart.
In any case, Li Shuo was back in China, which meant that he was doing all right. This was good news. He could also find the right person to accompany him. That was even better news. So he should be happy for Li Shuo.
Li Chengxiu nodded and gently closed the door, without looking at Shao Qun again. As soon as the door was closed, he heard Shao Qun's sad sigh, which struck a nerve. It seemed like this sigh had hit Li Chengxiu right in the heart, so he trembled when he was locking up.
Immediately, Ji Yuanqi sarcastically said, "Unbelievable! You have quite the love life. One more handsome than the other. You’re a charmer, I see."
Li Chengxiu’s heart was uneasy, so he turned a deaf ear to the youngster’s ridicule and went back to the kitchen. Ji Yuanqi suddenly grabbed his arm and pressed him against the door before he could even react. He saw undisguised anger on the young man's face.
Ji Yuanqi said angrily, "How many ex-boyfriends do you have? How many haven't I seen yet?"
Li Chengxiu had a splitting headache. After dealing with Shao Qun, his legs were already weak. He really had no experience of dealing with this kind of questioning. What reason did he even have to share his past and be honest with this youngster?
Li Chengxiu tried to push Ji Yuanqi away, while his tone was really not good anymore, "It has nothing to do with you."
Ji Yuanqi grabbed his hand and said solemnly, "So why am I not good enough for you? Are you still in love with one of your ex-boyfriends?”
Li Chengxiu took a deep breath and whispered, "Xiao Ji, this is private. Please don't force me. You should be more mature, okay?"
These words really pissed Ji Yuanqi off. Children of his age often think that they are very mature and grown-up. They are most afraid of others calling them naive or childish, especially the people who take care of them.
Ji Yuanqi was really enraged at that moment and eager to prove something. Suddenly he grabbed Li Chengxiu’s chin and pressed his lips onto his mouth. Li Chengxiu's vision blurred, and suddenly Ji Yuanqi's enlarged face was very close to him, and there was a soft pressure on his lips.
Li Chengxiu was shocked and used all his strength to push Ji Yuanqi away. In fact, Ji Yuanqi was kissing him very lightly. He had absolutely no experience in kissing men and was at a loss, not daring to make any next moves. Being pushed so hard, he was completely unprepared and stumbled, almost falling to the ground.
Li Chengxiu glared at him angrily, his cheeks slightly red. He retreated into the living room, pointed at the door and said in a trembling voice, "You…You leave."
This reaction was quite hurtful to his self-esteem, so Ji Yuanqi felt both embarrassed and nervous. His face blushed, he glared at Li Chengxiu, giving him a wronged and aggrieved look, then roughly opened the door, rushing out.
Li Chengxiu was shocked and trembled all over. It took him a long time to calm down.
Ji Yuanqi was a child, so Li Chengxiu didn’t care when he spoke nonsense or played his pranks, but this right here was something that Li Chengxiu couldn’t tolerate.
Thinking of Ji Yuanqi's stubbornness and willfulness, which was almost the same as Shao Qun's, Li Chengxiu felt a horrible headache and was afraid that the youngster was going to cause him more trouble.
After he drove Ji Yuanqi away, he didn't care anymore, thinking that he must move again soon.
When he got off work two days later, Li Chengxiu noticed that the door to the right of his apartment was wide open. People from the moving company were moving things inside. No one has been living in that apartment for a while, so it seemed that today someone was finally moving in.
He didn't care either way. While he was opening his door, he glanced at Ji Yuanqi's apartment, wondering when the child would stop being awkward.
Li Chengxiu was cooking dinner when his doorbell rang. He thought it was Xiao Ji and opened the door without thinking. It was however Shao Qun, standing there in his home clothes, holding a bottle of wine and looking at Li Chengxiu with a smile.
Li Chengxiu was shocked.
Shao Qun raised the wine bottle in his hand, "I remember that you used to like this kind of white wine in the past. Can I exchange this wine for some of your food?"
Li Chengxiu pursed his lips and wanted to immediately close the door. Shao Qun put his foot in to prevent the door from closing and shamelessly squeezed in.
Li Chengxiu frowned, "You…"
Shao Qun looked excited. Just seeing Li Chengxiu had already made him happy. How could he not be excited to enter the place where he lived?
After he came in, he cautiously glanced around the room and found that there was no one else here, so he was relieved.
Li Chengxiu said solemnly, "Shao Qun, you…"
Shao Qun shushed him, showing a bitter smile, "Chengxiu, don't rush me out. Let me just put down the wine somewhere. If you don’t want me here, I’ll go."
Li Chengxiu seemed to be relieved, as he held onto the door handle, waiting for Shao Qun to leave.
Shao Qun felt that his heart had been beaten to a pulp so many times by now, that it became really resilient. No matter how uncomfortable it was, he could endure it.
He put the wine on the table and chuckled, "I'll be your neighbor from now on, so can't you invite me for dinner?"
Li Chengxiu glanced at him in surprise, thinking of the movers he saw during the day. Unexpectedly, they were moving in Shao Qun's stuff. Li Chengxiu looked at him in disbelief, "Shao Qun, what do you really want?"
Shao Qun frowned and forced a smile, "Chengxiu, don't be so defensive, okay? I just want to be closer to you. You said that I didn't respect you. Okay. But now I do respect you. Whatever you say, I’ll make it happen. If you tell me to fuck off right now, I'll leave. But let me at least stay by your side quietly. I won’t do anything. I just want to be nice to you and treat you well. Let me stay here where I can see you and take good care of you. Just with that, I will be satisfied."
Li Chengxiu turned his head away, "Shao Qun, I don’t care what your real purpose is here. I won’t be fooled again. Also, I don’t need you to take care of me."
Shao Qun nodded and laughed, but his laughter sounded somehow worse than crying.
"I know that you don't believe me now. It doesn't matter. I have time to make you believe me. Chengxiu, no matter how many times you say you don’t believe me, I will still repeat that my feelings are sincere. If you don’t believe me, how about you just wait and see? What if I treat you well for ten years? Or for twenty years? Or even for a lifetime? Will you believe me then? Will you smile at me again? Will you be more willing to cook me a meal? That's all I want. As long as you stay with me and don't leave, I can give you anything. But I won't let you run away. Wherever you go, I’ll follow."
Li Chengxiu took a deep breath and trembled, "Get… get out."
Shao Qun tried to endure it, but he still couldn't hold back, "Chengxiu, you only need to take a small step. Really, as long as you nod your head a little, I can do anything for you. If you give me another chance, I will never fail you again. Chengxiu, it is not difficult at all. If you give me a little sweetness, it will make me happy for an entire year. Can we please try again?"
Li Chengxiu's face was as pale as paper. Looking down at his toes, he almost had to squeeze two words from between her teeth, "Get out."
Shao Qun felt a familiar pain in his heart, nodded and walked to the door obediently. When he passed Li Chengxiu, he suddenly leaned over and kissed his hair, softly saying, "I won't give up."
Li Chengxiu felt as if he had been struck by lightning. He took a big step back, but didn't even dare to lift his head up.
Shao Qun pulled the corners of his mouth in a self-deprecating smile, "I will be going back to Shenzhen to work during the day from Monday to Thursday. I will come back on Thursday nights and stay until Monday mornings. If you need help with anything, come to me or call me. I’ll come to you no matter where I am."
Li Chengxiu slammed the door behind him.
As soon as the door was closed, Li Chengxiu couldn't hold it any longer and slumped down on the ground.
What was Shao Qun doing now? Violence and coercion didn’t work, so he was trying the strategy of treating him well?
Why did he have such an expression on his face? Why did he move here? What exactly was he planning?
Li Chengxiu felt that his heart that had barely calmed down was disturbed again.
He was completely flustered by this situation. He felt that this kind of Shao Qun was much more terrifying than the overbearing and violent Shao Qun who shouted loudly to hide his guilty conscience.
At least that kind of Shao Qun didn’t make Li Chengxiu hesitate before escaping as fast as possible.
I’m getting wrinkles from cringing hard during every
single Shao Qun monologue lately.
Chapter 64
As expected, Xiao Ji couldn't stay away. After a few days, he was waiting in the corridor for Li Chengxiu to come back from work.
Li Chengxiu got off work very late that day. May 1st[3] was coming up, and everybody who was shipping their goods wanted to complete the business before the holiday. Otherwise, even with the express delivery, the shipment would take two extra days due to the holiday, so this time of year was very busy.
Although their company was small, the accounts they handled were kind of complicated. Their boss was very stingy, and he didn’t want to pay any attention to the accountant’s workload. Li Chengxiu had spent the past few days reconciling the accounts in his office. He didn’t even have time to go to the bathroom.
After so many days like that in a row, Li Chengxiu felt a little overwhelmed and had problems even walking straight. So he didn’t have time to deal with Ji Yuanqi. When he saw him, he just gave him a quick glance.
Ji Yuanqi complained, "Why did you get off work so late?" Seeing that Li Chengxiu didn't answer, his expression became a little nervous, and he cheekily followed Li Chengxiu through the door. Awkwardly and after a lot of hesitation he finally managed to squeeze out one sentence, "I'm sorry."
Li Chengxiu glanced at him and sighed.
Xiao Ji made himself comfortable at the dining table , "Have you eaten already? Are you hungry?" After saying that, he looked at Li Chengxiu pitifully, "I'm hungry."
Li Chengxiu was sleepy and tired. He barely managed to sit down for a while and rub his forehead, before he got up again to cook.
Ji Yuanqi had also realized that Li Chengxiu didn’t look too good, so he went over to him and asked, "What's wrong?"
Li Chengxiu shook his head, "It's okay. I'm just a little tired."
Ji Yuanqi tilted his neck and looked at him, "Why don't I cook this time?"
Li Chengxiu laughed, "What can you even cook? Just sit down. I'll be done soon."
Ji Yuanqi's expression relaxed, and the tension between them just now seemed to have faded. Half-jokingly he said, "Li Chengxiu, you are really virtuous[4]."
While the two of them were having dinner, Ji Yuanqi was excitedly talking about a particularly wonderful basketball game he watched on TV today, and Li Chengxiu suddenly asked, "Xiao Ji, when are you going back home?"
Ji Yuanqi was stunned for a moment, then put down his chopsticks, "Are you chasing me away?"
"Me? I’m not chasing you away. But, sooner or later, you have to go home, right?"
Ji Yuanqi pouted, "It's no fun to go home. I'm fine here. No one cares anyway."
Li Chengxiu said sternly, "You have to go home sooner or later."
Ji Yuanqi pulled his face down and glared at him : "Aren’t you driving me away? I already apologized to you. Why are you so small-minded?"
Li Chengxiu put down his chopsticks, "It has nothing to do with that.'"
Ji Yuanqi thought for a while, "Then how about you go back with me?"
Li Chengxiu felt an oncoming headache.
Ji Yuanqi suddenly became excited, "For real though, you can go back with me! Then you can come to my house… and be a chef? I guarantee you a much better salary than what you’re getting now. So how about it?"
Li Chengxiu shook his head, "Don't talk nonsense."
Ji Yuanqi pulled his face again, stuffed his mouth with food and muttered, "If I go back, I won’t be able to eat your cooking."
Li Chengxiu's heart softened a little after hearing this. He said gently: "You can still visit me later."
Ji Yuanqi hummed, his face still gloomy, "You just wish for me to leave as soon as possible, so you can relax and not have to cook for me or talk to me anymore. Then you can also resume your relationship with your ex-boyfriend.”
These words were a bit hurtful, and Li Chengxiu wanted to refute something, but he really had no strength to argue and was too lazy to speak any more, so he lowered his head and continued eating.
Ji Yuanqi also knew that he had said something wrong again, but he really couldn't hold it in. He actually had no idea what he wanted to do with this person in front of him. He only knew that he liked his current life, he liked hanging out with Li Chengxiu, he didn't want anyone to disturb them and he didn’t want to share him with anybody else.
It would be great if Li Chengxiu could only cook for him and spend all his spare time with him too. Ji Yuanqi originally thought that the two of them could get along in such a peaceful way for a long time. But that was until that man appeared the other day. The way he looked at Li Chengxiu was full of affection and yearning which proved that the relationship between these two was definitely not so simple.
It was only at that moment that Ji Yuanqi suddenly realized that Li Chengxiu was not his. He had a past that belonged to others and had nothing to do with him. In Li Chengxiu's eyes, he is just a "neighbor".
He had a feeling that Li Chengxiu was about to be snatched away, but he didn't know what to do about it. For the first time did Ji Yuanqi experience such a feeling of frustration and loss.
He secretly looked at Li Chengxiu's slightly sad face and suddenly recalled the soft touch of his lips. This made his heart beat like a drum for a while.
Li Chengxiu was exhausted and dizzy all throughout the recent days, until May 1st finally came.
He didn't know how he even managed to get home. He fell down on the sofa as soon as he entered the door and felt that his body was burning up and his eyes were so heavy that he couldn’t open them.
When Shao Qun came over from work ahead of schedule, he saw that the door to Li Chengxiu's apartment was not closed. His heart jumped, and he tentatively called from outside, "Chengxiu?"
When he entered the room, he saw Li Chengxiu collapsed on the sofa, his face red with abnormal flush. Little Teacup was sitting beside him and trying to wake him up. Shao Qunxin quickly ran over and touched his face - it was concerningly hot.
Shao Qun picked Li Chengxiu up and rushed out. Right at that time, Ji Yuanqi was walking upstairs, dribbling his ball. When he noticed Shao Qun, he was stunned for a moment and then shouted, "Fuck! Why are you still hanging around here like an evil spirit? What do you want?"
Shao Qun didn't have time to argue with him. "Li Chengxiu has a fever. Go and close his door, don't let the dog run away." Then he quickly passed Ji Yuanqi and ran downstairs.
Ji Yuanqi glanced at Li Chengxiu, who was unconscious, and realized that there was indeed a problem, so he hurriedly locked up Li Chnegxiu’s apartment and followed Shao Qun downstairs.
This place was densely populated, and parking spaces were particularly difficult to find. Shao Qun had to park his car two or three hundred meters away every time he came here. Now, he anxiously ran the whole distance holding Li Chengxiu in his arms, and his face was covered in sweat.
Ji Yuanqi looked at him with some jealousy and couldn't help but say, "Give him to me!" Shao Qun did not even lift an eyelid. He rushed up to his car, gestured to Ji Yuanqi to take the keys out of his pocket and asked in passing: "Can you drive?"
Ji Yuanqi hummed, "Of course I can."
In a dull voice Shao Qun said: "Then hurry up."
Ji Yuanqi opened the car door, and Shao Qun carefully placed Li Chengxiu in the backseat. Then he got inside together with him. He leaned over and poked around the navigation to find the nearest hospital, while urging Ji Yuanqi to drive. The youngster was a little unwilling to be the one driving, while letting Li Chengxiu lie in the arms of that man, but now was obviously not the time to argue about this kind of thing.
While driving, Ji Yuanqi couldn't help but keep looking at the rearview mirror to see what was happening behind him. The man whose face was covered in sweat carefully put Li Chengxiu in a position that made him as comfortable as possible, and gently tested his body temperature with a cautious and pitying expression on his face.
Ji Yuanqi felt very uncomfortable. When these two were together, it seemed that their mutual connection was so strong that whoever was standing beside them would automatically feel as an outsider and won’t be able to enter their little world.
When they arrived at the hospital, Shao Qun picked Li Chengxiu up again and rushed inside, ordering Ji Yuanqi to do all the registration procedures.
Ji Yuanqi used to have a family doctor who would come over whenever someone in the family was sick or something. Even if somebody needed to be hospitalized, Ji Yuanqi never had to take care of it. So when Shao Qun said "registration", he was completely lost, since he had never heard that word before.
Shao Qun glanced at him impatiently, put Li Chengxiu down on the bench, wiped his sweat and ran over to the reception. After all the procedures were completed, he brought Li Chengxiu into the single-room ward.
Usually one doesn’t need to be hospitalized with a cold and a bit of fever, but Shao Qun didn't want Li Chengxiu to stay in a noisy environment, so he insisted on getting a separate ward.
When the nurse came in to administer the IV, Shao Qun was already done with all the formalities and was sitting next to the bed watching Li Chengxiu.
Ji Yuanqi pursed his lips and sat beside him, his eyes full of resentment. He thought about what would have happened if he had brought Li Chengxiu to the hospital by himself. Not only did he have no money, but he also didn't know how to deal with all the procedures. He suddenly felt completely outmatched by this man. Ji Yuanqi had always had a high self-esteem, but in everything that involved Li Chengxiu he had experienced only setbacks.
Li Chengxiu's relationship with this person made him feel like a third wheel. Now, when Li Chengxiu got sick, Ji Yuanqi had completely lost to that man. No wonder... No wonder that Li Chengxiu didn’t like him…
These thoughts made Ji Yuanqi even more uncomfortable.
He had always refused to accept that the reason why Li Chengxiu didn’t like him was because he wasn’t good enough. But now that he had realized his unspeakable inferiority in front of this man, he couldn’t avoid thinking about this being a possible reason for rejection.
Ji Yuanqi looked at the two people in front of him, and the strong feeling of being an outsider made him both sad and resentful.
Shao Qun suddenly raised his head and glanced at him, "Go back and get Chengxiu some change of clothes. Also, feed the dog."
Ji Yuanqi glared at him with an obvious “how dare you give me orders?” look.
Shao Qun snorted coldly, "You have no money, and you don't know anything. If Chengxiu needs something, what's the use of you staying here?"
Ji Yuanqi blushed, but he couldn't argue, since everything the other party said was correct.
Shao Qun emptied Li Chengxiu's pockets and found his keys. He threw them together with his own car keys to Ji Yuanqi and said, "Hurry up."
Ji Yuanqi held the keys and hesitated. After a long time, he finally glared at Shao Qun, got up and left.
After Ji Yuanqi was gone, Shao Qun's shoulders collapsed immediately, and the calm he was maintaining before disappeared from his face in an instant.
He lay down on the bed with his upper body, tilted his head and gently kissed Li Chengxiu's cheek. After one kiss, he couldn't stop kissing him for the second and the third time. Those were all very light and cautious kisses, as if he was afraid to disturb the fragile person in front of him.
Shao Qun revealed a bitter smile and murmured: "This might be my only chance, so I have to grab a few more kisses.”
He stroked Li Chengxiu's hair on his forehead, revealing his beautiful but tired face. He then carefully looked at him. This person had confused him with his weak appearance, making him forget what kind of stubborn soul was hidden inside.
Shao Qun knew now how hard his life was and how tiring his work was, but no matter how exhausted and depleted, Li Chengxiu would never give in to Shao Qun again. No matter how much he wanted to take care of him or be nice to him, he would be rejected. This feeling of powerlessness was so painful.
Now that he thinks about it, only when Li Chengxiu was unconscious, were his defenses lowered and he wasn’t covered in thorns that hurt Shao Qun inside and out.
Shao Qun just kept looking at Li Chengxiu and stroking him. He hoped that through this touch, he could become a little closer to him. He felt that he was already numb to any kind of treatment by Li Chengxiu. If he could just get a little warmth, that would already be enough and worth everything. Even if Shao Qun only got to sit beside him and look at him, he could endure anything for it.
Shao Qun felt close to tears. He knew that he had no one to complain to and no one to blame. If he had known that one day he would love this person to this extent, how many things would he have done differently?
It was Shao Qun himself who ruined this relationship with his own hands. He regretted it to no end and wanted to beat himself up. Because when he finally dared to admit that he loved Li Chengxiu and then looked at the things from Li Chengxiu’s perspective, he realized how deeply he had hurt him and how much of a fucking asshole he had been.
He wanted to redeem himself. He wanted to go back to the good old days with Li Chengxiu. Although he didn’t know how far the road ahead of him was and how long it would take him to complete it, Shao Qun believed that there was no reason for him to give up. He shattered the most precious feelings of his life in pieces, so he had to fight to put it all back together little by little. Even if it took him a whole lifetime, he would continue fighting.
Shao Qun held Li Chengxiu's hand in his. With melancholy and nostalgia, Shao Qun’s eyes lingered on his face.
Xiao Ji was still full of resentment when he returned to the house, and his mind was in a mess.
He went into Li Chengxiu's apartment, packed some of his clothes and put some dog food in the bowl for Teacup. When he came out, he realized that his basketball was still rolling around in the hall, so he picked it up and planned to bring it quickly back to his own place.
He had just put the key in the door lock, when suddenly something felt wrong. He realized that the lights in the room were on, and his door was not locked at all.
Ji Yuanqi was stunned for a few seconds, and he couldn't quite remember whether he turned off the lights and locked the door before he left. While he was still hesitating, the door was suddenly slammed open from the inside, and four people in black suits appeared in front of him.
Ji Yuanqi's expression changed, and he dropped his ball on the ground.
The person in front of him said respectfully, "Young Master, we’re here to take you home."
Chapter 65
When Li Chengxiu woke up, he had a splitting headache, and the process of opening his eyes was hard beyond imagination. Being covered in the quilt made him feel suffocated, his throat was dry and hoarse, which felt particularly painful.
He felt it was too hot, so he wanted to stretch his hand out of the quilt. As soon as he moved, something moved right next to him.
Shao Qun's somewhat tired face immediately appeared in Li Chengxiu’s hazy sight. Li Chengxiu opened his mouth, and Shao Qun immediately leaned down and asked nervously, "Chengxiu, you're awake! What's wrong? Do you need anything?"
Li Chengxiu's throat was uncomfortably dry. In a hoarse voice he said, "Water..."
Shao Qun quickly poured him a cup of hot water. Only after testing the temperature himself, did he put his arm behind Li Chengxiu’s back to help him up and brought the cup to his mouth.
Li Chengxiu frowned and gulped down a few sips. Although the warm water hurt his throat while going down the pipe, he still felt more comfortable after drinking.
Li Chengxiu looked at the surrounding environment and realized that he was in a hospital. He asked Shao Qun, "My phone?"
Shao Qun hurriedly took out his mobile phone from the drawer.
Li Chengxiu flipped through his phone book, his vision still a little blurry.
Shao Qun held his hand, "Chengxiu, it's already past 3 am. Who are you calling?" Li Chengxiu was stunned. He looked at the dark sky and then looked at his phone again. Since he was hospitalized, he had to ask for a leave after all.
Shao Qun realized that Li Chengxiu wasn’t quite awake yet, so he pressed him back to the bed, "Have some rest first. Whatever you need to do, you can do it tomorrow, okay?"
Maybe because he was so sick and confused, Li Chengxiu did not resist Shao Qun. In a total daze, he let Shao Qun tuck him back under the covers and fell asleep again after only a short while.
After Xiao Ji left, Shao Qun watched Li Chengxiu for a while, then crawled into his bed and fell asleep right next to him. When he woke up, he realized that the kid hadn't come back.
Shao Qun frowned, hoping that the youngster didn’t decide to steal his car and escape.
He was not so much afraid of his car being stolen, since he had an anti-theft GPS tracking enabled and could find it anywhere, but rather he didn’t want Li Chengxiu to stay in his uncomfortable sweat-soaked clothes.
Shao Qun waited for Li Chengxiu to fall asleep, then got up and planned to go back to the house himself. When he returned, he found that the youngster's door was half-closed, and the lights were still on. He pushed the door and saw that the apartment was in a mess. It seemed there had been a fight. His car keys and the keys to Li Chengxiu’s apartment were lying on the sofa.
Shao Qun picked up the keys, wondering if there was a robbery and whether he should call the police. On second thought, it was none of his business if this guy was robbed. He also wished that this idiot who constantly hung out around Chengxiu’s ass would disappear as soon as possible.
Shao Qun entered Li Chengxiu's apartment and picked out two pajamas for him and some toiletries. He then added some dog food to Teacup’s bowl before leaving.
When he returned to the hospital, it was already dawn. Li Chengxiu was sleeping soundly, and Shao Qun reached under the covers to touch his clothes. They were really damp.
He gently lifted the quilt, unbuttoned Li Chengxiu's shirt and was about to change his clothes. When Li Chengxiu's fair chest was exposed, Shao Qun felt that his heartbeat suddenly accelerated, as if his heart was about to violently jump out of his throat.
Although Shao Qun didn’t consider himself a promiscuous person[5], he had seen quite a few naked men and women in his lifetime. There were many exceptional beauties among them, and yet…not a single other body before could make him so nervous.
At this time, Li Chengxiu looked really defenseless, especially with his eyes closed and sleeping so peacefully. He was now all at his mercy. Shao Qun couldn't stop thinking about how many outrageous things that would make anyone blush he had done to this body when the two of them were together. These thoughts seemed to set him on fire.
When Shao Qun slightly lifted Li Chengxiu's shoulders to change his shirt, Li Chengxiu seemed to wake up. He looked at Shao Qun with his half-open wet eyes, his face blushed, and his mouth slightly opened. His body seemed as soft as mud, his hair was closely sticking to his forehead, and his eyelashes were slightly trembling. This image that made one think of a sheep about to be slaughtered made Shao Qun’s blood boil.
Shao Qun's head was buzzing, as he nervously sweated all over his body. He kept saying mostly to himself, "I… I'm going to change your clothes… just change your clothes."
Li Chengxiu didn't seem to understand what he was saying at all. He looked at him for a while and then closed his eyes again.
Shao Qun breathed a sigh of relief. His desire for this person had reached an incredible level. Only when he was close to Li Chengxiu, did he feel really alive. Unfortunately, even if Shao Qun had the heart of a thief, he did not have the guts. Li Chengxiu was already repulsed enough by him, so he didn’t dare to annoy him. But if he at least didn’t take a little advantage of the possibility to touch around while changing his clothes, could he even be considered a man?
After changing Li Chengxiu's clothes, Shao Qun was sweating profusely. Although he didn't get a lot of rest during the night, he couldn't sleep. So he got up and went to get something for Li Chengxiu to eat in the morning.
At noon that day, Li Chengxiu woke up again.
The nurse took his temperature, which had dropped significantly. He also looked much more energetic. Shao Qun helped him up, opened the insulated lunch box, and said with a smile, "This porridge was freshly prepared by the hotel staff. It smells delicious. Eat some."
Li Chengxiu's nose was stuffed, and he couldn't really smell anything, so he didn't even look at the porridge. Instead, he looked at Shao Qun and asked, "What about Teacup?"
Shao Qun reassured him: "Don't worry. I have fed it."
"Then... what about Xiao Ji?"
Shao Qun frowned, "No idea."
Li Chengxiu sighed and said tiredly: "Where…where is the invoice?"
Shao Qun was stunned, "What invoice?"
"For hospitalization...Give it to me. I’ll pay you back once I’m discharged."
Shao Qun’s hand that was holding the bowl with porridge froze for a moment. He silently put the bowl down and looked at Li Chengxiu with some discomfort, "Chengxiu, is there a need for such strict accounting between you and me?"
Li Chengxiu shook his head, "I don't want to… owe you."
Shao Qun's face sank. After a long silence, he finally gave up, bent down and pulled out the trash can from underneath the bed. He then picked out a crumpled piece of paper from it and handed it to Li Chengxiu.
Li Chengxiu took the invoice, wondering if the company would reimburse him.
His hands were weak, so he could barely hold his mobile phone when he called his boss. The boss was busy and didn’t have a minute of free time. When he heard that Li Chengxiu was sick, he even moaned in frustration, but there was nothing he could do. So he just told him to get a good rest and then hung up.
Shao Qun was still holding the bowl and looking at him.
Li Chengxiu glanced at the porridge and stretched out his hand. Shao Qun's face brightened, he quickly scooped a spoonful and brought it to Li Chengxiu’s mouth.
Li Chengxiu reflexively moved away. Looking at the embarrassment on Shao Qun's face, he also lowered his head.
Shao Qun handed the bowl to him and asked softly, "Can you eat it yourself?"
Li Chengxiu raised his hand and took the bowl. He didn't know what to say, so he just ate in silence. Shao Qun was uncomfortable and was looking for something to say. "The doctor said that your fever will pass by tomorrow. There are a lot of flus going around this season. It's not a big deal... Eat slowly, don't burn yourself... Is it hot enough? Does it taste good?"
Li Chengxiu didn't answer. He could barely finish half of the portion.
As soon as he put the bowl down, Shao Qun took it away and then gently wiped Li Chengxiu’s mouth with a tissue. Li Chengxiu couldn't stand Shao Qun's attentiveness. He grew up without anyone ever being so caring towards him, let alone at the time when he was sick. This person here was Shao Qun, and Li Chengxiu really didn’t know how to respond to him.
Shao Qun put an extra pillow behind his back, and held his hand gently, "Chengxiu, do you feel better?"
Li Chengxiu silently pulled his hand back and closed his eyes.
It was only him and Shao Qun in this quiet ward. It was hard enough for Li Chengxiu to even be in contact with Shao Qun, so now that he was completely alone with him he felt panicked and trapped in a corner with nowhere to escape.
He could only try his best not to listen to him or look at him, in order to suppress the unspeakable anxiety in his heart and maintain a calm expression.
Shao Qun was already used to being ignored by him. He raised his hand to tuck Li Chengxiu’s quilt and said softly, "May 1st is a holiday, so don't think about work anymore. Take a good rest. I’ll stay with you."
Li Chengxiu looked at him quietly, and said witlessly, "Shao Qun, stop wasting your time on me.”
Shao Qun felt a stab of pain in his heart, but he managed to smile on the surface, "How can time spent on you be a waste?"
Li Chengxiu looked tired, "We will never go back to the old days, so let me go."
Shao Qun's eyes seemed to instantly dim, as if covered by a layer of mist. He whispered, "Chengxiu, let's not talk about this, okay? I've already told you, I won't give up. I can't give up on you. Unless you die, you won’t be able to get rid of me. I, Shao Qun, plan to haunt you for the rest of my life."
Li Chengxiu showed a pained expression, "Shao Qun, you have everything. I don't have anything. Let me… go."
Shao Qun's eyes felt sore, his vision blurred instantly, he gritted his teeth and said, "Chengxiu, it's not fair for you to say that. I can give you everything, but you don't want it. Without you, I have nothing."
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes, which were full of sorrow.
Shao Qun smiled bitterly, "Chengxiu, since you mentioned it, then let's talk about it. There are many things I want to say to you, but you get annoyed whenever you see me. How about we talk things out now, okay?" Shao Qun thought that this might be a good opportunity for him. They say that sick people are more fragile in their hearts and more dependable on other people. If he made some effort right now, Li Chengxiu might soften up to him more.
Shao Qun held his hand tightly, preventing Li Chengxiu from pulling it back, and looked at him with affection in his eyes.
"Chengxiu, you don't want to believe anything I say at this point. But I want to tell you something. Do you know how I found you?"
Li Chengxiu just looked at him.
Shao Qun said, "I went to your hometown."
Li Chengxiu trembled and gave Shao Qun a blank look.
Shao Qun said solemnly: "I went to your hometown, and I saw your old lady neighbor Mrs.Zhang and also your fourth aunt."
Li Chengxiu seemed a little moved, "She….they… are they okay?"
Shao Qun touched his hand soothingly, "They are both doing fine. After I found your fourth aunt, I contacted the person who is looking after your mother's grave. When you sent him money, I traced it to the nearby bank... Chengxiu, after you left, I've been trying my best to find you every day. Do you know how worried I was? I... I just told you to move out from that house. I had no idea you’d completely disappear all of a sudden. You’re really ruthless."
Shao Qun showed a bitter smile. The time when he was looking for Li Chengxiu was probably the darkest and most unbearable time in his life. Even now, when he recalled being in so much pain from missing Li Chengxiu and being unable to protect himself from it, he felt chills all over his body. He never wanted to experience something like that again in his life.
Li Chengxiu took a deep breath and also seemed to be lost in memories.
Shao Qun continued: "They told me a lot of things about your childhood. I realized how much of a fucking bastard I was when I was a child. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't...wouldn’t be so unlucky. I...I didn't expect that… I was just..." Shao Qun's face showed pain and guilt.
Li Chengxiu's body trembled.
He had almost no good memories from his childhood. The only thing worth recalling was the time he spent with Shao Qun. Unfortunately, even these beautiful memories were completely wiped out by a series of events that happened later.
Now that Li Chengxiu thought about it, he really should have stayed away from Shao Qun without any hesitation, when he reappeared in his life. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to sink into that humble sweet illusion and once again become attracted to this person.
Shao Qun wiped his face and said hoarsely, "Chengxiu, what I did to you is my biggest regret in this life. Not only was I a total bastard when I was young, but more so when I grew up. And I hurt you again and again. Honestly, I have never been in a relationship with anyone in my life, so I have no experience. I didn’t know how to treat you, so I have done a lot of wrong things. I don't have the moral right to see you anymore, but want to tell you that I… I am…. I’m really in love with you. And, I swear, no one in this world loves you more than me."
Li Chengxiu felt that his heart was hit by something heavy. For a moment, he even felt like he was painfully suffocating.
This man… this man said that he loves him.
He pushed him into the abyss and then reached out and told him that he loved him.
Shao Qun's eyes were red - he was holding back his tears. He grabbed Li Chengxiu's hand tightly, as if it was a piece of driftwood. If he let go, he felt he would drown in an instant.
"Chengxiu, it serves me fucking right if you don’t belive me right now. But you can’t drive me away. I've thought about it for a long time, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And since I already decided to give you my lifetime, I’m not afraid to wait for you. A year or two, or ten, or even twenty. You can do whatever you want with me, I won’t complain. As long as I can see you, I will fucking volunteer to do anything. I won’t give you an opportunity to get close to others, I’ll chase everybody away, and I won’t let you disappear from my sight ever again. I will follow you wherever you go. Chengxiu, that’s the kind of person I am - you won’t be able to chase me away. And since you can’t get rid of me anyway, let me take care of you. I owe you that much. You said that you had nothing. But if I give myself to you, you will have everything, right? Use me if you need me. And if you find me annoying, I’ll just look at you from a distance…”
"Don't say these things..." Li Chengxiu's shoulders collapsed.
Shao Qun saw that Li Chengxiu’s attitude seemed to be softening, so he continued: "Chengxiu, just think about it, your rejection towards me is not so strong. You also like me, right? Everything used to be so good between us…I just want to go back to the way we used to be. I could see you every day whenever I came back from work. And after a tiring day, I could eat a meal cooked by you. And we had fun during holidays, just like every normal couple. I want to spend my whole life like this with you. I thought…I just thought we could have a home…"
"Shut up!" Li Chengxiu cried out suddenly and covered his head with his hands.
Most likely the 39 degree fever[6] had weakened his nerves, because Li Chengxiu seemed to have an instant emotional breakdown. He hoarsely screamed, "Shao Qun, you are a monster! All you do is lie to me… You…you will get married… and then…you still insult me! I… I don’t believe a word you say! Get out! Shao Qun, you are a monster! "
Shao Qun had the illusion that his heart was bleeding. He hugged Li Chengxiu and choked: "I am a monster, but I really like you. Chengxiu, look at me, look very carefully. Do you think I would make myself look like this just to deceive you? What do I want? What the fuck do I want? I can't even go home anymore… I just want to be with you. I will never lie to you again. I've never been in a relationship before. You have to allow me to make mistakes. Chengxiu, you have to let me make some mistakes. Yes, I was wrong. I made too many fucking mistakes! Give me a way out, please! Let us have a chance to go back. We have to go back! Don’t tell me that we can’t! Even if the road is split in half, I’ll still walk back! As long as you nod your head, as long as you give me a chance...okay? You just need to give me another chance. "
Li Chengxiu didn't know where his strength came from, but he managed to quickly push Shao Qun away and retract himself under the quilt, covering even his head. His body violently trembled.
Shao Qun's arms were empty, and his heart was also empty. He fiercely wiped his face and with eyes full of pain looked at the man covered up in the quilt.
Who could show him the way? What was he supposed to do?
Li Chengxiu had sealed his heart. He is not willing to give him even a tiny gap, even if he cries, screams, and jumps around. The life in the past when Li Chengxiu would abide by his every command now seemed like a dream to Shao Qun.
He used to own this person completely... But now even if he takes out his heart, Li Chengxiu won’t even look at it. Shao Qun’s life was so fucked up. He didn't know how long he could last like this. He didn’t know whether he would go completely insane one day and do something that would make Li Chengxiu hate him for the rest of his life.
Somehow the saddest frame from Sissy manhua
(from kuaikanmanhua.com)
Chapter 66
In the afternoon, Li Chengxiu insisted on being discharged from the hospital.He felt that his fever was down a little, and that he could now at least walk. He would rather go to the hospital every day to get the IV treatment than pay daily fees for the hospital bed and stare at Shao Qun.
Shao Qun had no choice but to take him home.
When Li Chengxiu came through the door, Teacup happily jumped up and down around him. The dog didn’t have company for an entire day and was really bored.
After Shao Qun helped Li Chengxiu get into the bed, he quickly boiled some water for him and asked what he wanted to eat at night.
Li Chengxiu's face was pale and bloodless. He weakly glanced at Shao Qun, "I… can… take care of myself. You..."
Before he could finish, Shao Qun interrupted him, "You can barely walk without wobbling right now. How can you take care of yourself? Your fever hasn't subsided yet. Lie down and have a good rest. Not to mention taking care of yourself, how are you planning to take care of the dog? Don't be a hero. Let me hang around you for a few more days. When you get better, I will go back to my own apartment, okay?"
Li Chengxiu couldn't refute anything, and he really didn't have the strength to argue with Shao Qun. It was true that he was very weak. So weak in fact that he was scared he might not be able to lift a pot. It wasn’t such a big deal to skip a meal or two for him but what about Teacup?
Li Chengxiu lay down on the bed uncomfortably, closed his eyes and frowned. Shao Qun couldn't help but stretch out his hand to smooth out his forehead. He leaned down and said softly: "Don’t worry about anything.Just get better."
Li Chengxiu pursed his lips and turned around.
Shao Qun covered him up with a quilt, went to get dinner.
Li Chengxiu slept, feeling that he was surrounded by darkness. And indeed, when he was shaken awake by Shao Qun, the sky was already dark.
Shao Qun lifted him up and leaned him at the head of the bed. He then brought a warm spoon up to his mouth, before Li Chengxiu could even open his eyes. He heard Shao Qun whispering, "Open your mouth and eat something."
Li Chengxiu automatically opened his mouth, and received a spoonful of hot porridge. Shao Qun said: "The doctor will come to give you a shot after you eat. You need to eat more to get better soon. Come on, eat some more."
Li Chengxiu had no appetite, but he was forced to finish at least half a bowl. After eating, his body felt better, and Shao Qun wanted to change his clothes.
It was hot in the house, but because Li Chengxiu was sick, he couldn’t have the fan on, so he was sweating a lot. Since he was still awake and didn’t want to let Shao Qun change his clothes, Li Chengxiu insisted on doing it himself.
Shao Qun had no choice but to hand him his stuff. Li Chengxiu covered himself up with the quilt, slowly undressed and then put the fresh clothes on. The whole process took twenty minutes, and it made Shao Qun anxious to watch him.
Afterwards the doctor came by, took Li Chengxiu’s temperature, prepped the IV drip and left after telling Shao Qun when to remove the needle.
Li Chengxiu had been sleeping too much and couldn’t sleep anymore. Shao Qun sat beside the bed to accompany him. The two of them were completely silent.
At that moment, Li Chengxiu felt that it wasn’t that uncomfortable to stay in the same space with Shao Qun. As far as he could remember, he had only received such care and attention when his father was still around.
For more than ten years, he had weathered every single illness by himself. He had no friends or relatives, so he had to do everything by himself even with a 39 degree fever, otherwise he would just starve to death.
When you are sick, if there is a person who takes care of you, their kindness will seem to be magnified by a lot. Even if Li Chengxiu was reluctant to face Shao Qun, he couldn't help but feel that at this time, when he needed someone to care for himself and Teacup, it was better to have Shao Qun around than not to have anybody at all.
Because Shao Qun couldn't cook, he looked up a bunch of recipes for nutritious porridges on the Internet and ordered the hotel to prepare and deliver those.
Shao Qun didn’t go anywhere during the May holidays and just stayed around Li Chengxiu feeding him and making him take his medicine. Shao Qun had never taken care of anybody before. But now he was very helpful and also looked very happy.
After two or three days, Li Chengxiu got better, but Shao Qun forced him to rest some more, so he could stay around a bit longer. Li Chengxiu counted out the cash and gave Shao Qun what he had approximated for medical and food expenses. When Shao Qun saw the money, his face immediately sank.
Li Chengxiu handed him the money, thought for a moment and said, "Thank you…for taking care of me."
Shao Qun pretended not to hear the obvious subtext that he needed to leave. Since he was afraid of upsetting Li Chengxiu, he took the money and looked at him with a flattering expression, "Chengxiu, the doctor said you need to go out to get some fresh air. Should I take you for a walk? The weather outside is good today. It's neither too cold nor too hot."
Li Chengxiu shook his head, wanting Shao Qun to leave. As soon as he opened his mouth to say something, there was a knock on the door.
Li Chengxiu didn't know that Ji Yuanqi was kidnapped back to his home earlier, so he thought that the youngster had come around. Shao Qun also thought it was him and felt unhappy for a while, but he still reluctantly went to open the door.
As soon as he did, he was stunned, said "fuck!" and asked:"How the hell are you here?"
From Li Chengxiu's perspective, he could barely tell that the mysterious person was a woman, since the door was more or less blocked by Shao Qun’s body. He saw a slender hand with bright red nail polish which slapped Shao Qun over the head and scolded: "Son of a bitch, how are you talking to your sister?"
Li Chengxiu shook his head and blinked when he saw the woman. He recognized her at a glance - it was Shao Qun’s third sister whom he had met before.
Shao Qun's face darkened, and he blocked the door to prevent her from entering. "What are you doing here, third sis?"
Shao Nuo insisted on coming in, "I’m here to take care of you in the name of the Emperor.”
Shao Qun still wouldn’t let her in, "You have no business being here. Stay away from me and don’t get involved in my affairs, okay?"
Shao Nuo stared at him with round eyes, "Bullshit! You and I are from the same womb. How could your affairs have nothing to do with me?"
Shao Qun was a little annoyed, "What the hell are you doing? If you hadn't listened to the eldest sister and messed around with me last time, would I be so miserable now?"
Shao Nuo was stunned. There was a bit of discomfort on her face, "Big sister asked me to go… I didn’t know..." Shao Nuo's face suddenly changed, showing a very beautiful smile, "Qunqun, let your sister in! Your sister is on your side!"
Shao Qun pushed her out, "No, he's sick! No need to annoy him."
Shao Nuo got a little angry and kicked Shao Qun on the calf, “Are you looking for a fight? How am I going to annoy him? I just came to see you.” She bit Shao Qun’s arm, then pushed him away, while he was still in pain, and got into the room by ducking under his armpit.
Li Chengxiu froze, staring blankly at the excited face of the Third Young Miss. Shao Nuo put her hands behind her back, stepped in front of Li Chengxiu with her slender legs in high heels and pouted, "It seems you are really sick, huh?"
Shao Qun angrily turned around, grabbed her arm and tried to pull her outside, "Sis, I told you not to irritate him! Go to Shenzhen. I’ll give you the keys to my house and I’ll come see you tomorrow."
Shao Nuo shook off his hand and sat down in front of Li Chengxiu, "We’ve met before. Now, have I actually introduced myself? My name is Shao Nuo."
Li Chengxiu nodded.
How could he forget? It was her who told him that Shao Qun was getting married soon. He still remembered how she called Shao Qun in front of him. On the other end of the phone, Shao Qun and his fiancee were having fun on their happy vacation, and there was unmistakable joy in their voices. At that time, Shao Qun lied to him that he was on a business trip and that he was not getting married…
Li Chengxiu's face turned pale instantly.
Shao Qun was so anxious that he was about to vomit blood. He had been very careful to avoid his family, fearing that they would provoke Li Chengxiu again. In fact, him even staying in the same room as Li Chengxiu was a result of very long and hard work. How could he let everything be destroyed now?
Shao Qun got really angry, went up to Shao Nuo and nonchalantly pulled her up, coldly saying: "Sis, I am serious. You go now."
Shao Nuo was also very angry and shouted at him: "Let go of me!"
Shao Qun let out a "tsk", picked his sister up and wanted to throw her out directly.
Shao Nuo screamed, "Shao Qun, you have no conscience! I'm here for your own good. The eldest sister and the second sister are coming soon, and I'm here to tip you off about it. I came to actually share some of my ideas with you and you dare to kick me out!”
Shao Qun was stunned for a moment and put her down, "What did you say?"
Shao Nuo punched him hard to vent her anger, glared at him and said: "Dad is furious, and he wants the eldest sister to take you home. But they can't find you now. Last time they forced Xiao Zhou to take your father to that place where you lived. This time, his lips are sealed no matter what. Unless, of course, somebody, like me, has a way to make him open his mouth." Shao Nuo glanced at Shao Qun proudly, "Qunqun, you really got into trouble this time. I can't help you with that. But I have a good idea."
Shao Qun got a headache, "Then let's return to my house to talk." No matter what the good idea was, he didn't want Li Chengxiu to hear it.
Shao Nuo sat down carelessly, "No need to hide it from him. The success of this thing depends very much on this guy.”
Shao Qun wanted to stop her, but Shao Nuo continued, "It's actually very simple. You don't want to get married, but at the very least you have to have a child to secure your lineage. You can always use a surrogate until you get a son."
Li Chengxiu shuddered, his face was as white as paper, and it seemed that he was about to collapse at any time.
Shao Qun observed all the changes on his face and immediately shouted: "Stop talking!"
Shao Nuo said proudly: "You have to thank me for this! I even finally managed to convince dad all thanks to my gift of gab that you liking men is not such a big deal. But instead I focused his attention on succession as the main issue. Once that is solved, everything else can be negotiated.”
This time, Shao Qun didn’t give Shao Nuo any chance to fight back. He picked her up and threw her out the door. After saying “wait for me!” to her, he slammed the door shut.
He hurried back to Li Chengxiu, squatted in front of him and looked at him nervously.
"Chengxiu ...don't listen to my sister's nonsense. I… I will not get married, nor will I have children with any woman."
Li Chengxiu's eyelashes trembled slightly and he said hoarsely, "It has nothing to do with me…"
Shao Qun's heart twitched, "Chengxiu, it's enough for me to have you. I don't need any children. Don't think about it..."
Li Chengxiu turned his head and said in a trembling voice, "It has nothing to do with me. You can just go. "
With pain in his heart, Shao Qun gently wrapped his arms around Li Chengxiu’s waist and said solemnly: "Chengxiu, I am me.The same me who has tried for so long to convince you that I can really take care of you. I will not let you suffer again. Please believe me, okay?"
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes, "...Leave."
Shao Qun's eyes were full of disappointment, “Have a good rest. If you feel tired, then go to bed and lie down."
The footsteps faded away, followed by the sound of opening and closing door, and finally there was only silence in the room.
Li Chengxiu was close to tears.
The appearance of Third Young Miss only strengthened his resolve. It was impossible for him and Shao Qun to be together, whether Shao Qun was sincere to him or not.
Li Chengxiu was a man and couldn’t have children. Only a woman could take a Shao family name. Even if he didn't find out that Shao Qun was going to get married at the time, even if they didn't separate at that moment, Li Chengxiu could only have been a kept lover for the rest of his life. And how long could Shao Qun's love even last under the pressure from his family and the outside world throughout the years? If Li Chengxiu was stupid enough to hope that this ethereal feeling could last for a lifetime, he would probably fall even harder than he did before.
Li Chengxiu felt that the decision to separate from Shao Qun was correct. If he became soft-hearted even for a bit, it would definitely bring about a disaster that was several times more terrifying than the one he had experienced before. Going through that kind of heart-piercing pain made Li Chengxiu shudder. He would rather spend his whole life by himself, sealed inside his shell, and not dare take any more risks.
Li Chengxiu looked around the empty room and couldn't help thinking about where Xiao Ji could have disappeared to. It would have felt nice to have somebody around. Li Chengxiu felt a bit…lonely.
After a long rest, Li Chengxiu planned to get up and move his muscles and bones around. He cleaned up the house first and then gave Teacup a bath. Bathing was more tiring than anything else. The dog was reluctant to be washed and protested as soon as it got wet. After washing it, Li Chengxiu's clothes were all wet, and he was covered in sweat. However after sweating so much, his body felt much more relaxed.
In the evening, Li Chengxiu was considering what to cook for dinner, when there was a knock on the door. Shao Nuo shouted from outside, "Xiao Li, Xiao Li![7]"
Li Chengxiu got a headache. He could drive Shao Qun out, but he couldn’t be so disrespectful to a woman after all. He felt helpless and finally had to open the door.
Shao Nuo smiled, "Shao Qun said that your cooking is delicious. Can I get a meal?”
Shao Qun pulled his face behind her, "He's not feeling well. If you want to eat something, just order it yourself.”
Shao Nuo nonchalantly squeezed into the room, "Not feeling well? It's fine, then I'll cook for you, and when you're feeling better you can cook for me. So we'll be even."
Li Chengxiu was dumbfounded. He could count the amount of times he had dealt with women on one hand, so he didn’t know how to react. Shao Nuo blinked at both Li Chengxiu and Shao Qun, "Sit down, I'll cook for you."
Shao Qun pulled Li Chengxiu down on the sofa, "My sister's cooking is delicious. Since you’re still tired, let her cook for you.”
Li Chengxiu looked at him abashedly, "This is not good, this ......"
Shao Qun placated him, "It's fine. Let her do it."
Li Chengxiu still wanted to say something, but then somebody knocked on the door again.
Li Chengxiu felt that at this time it should definitely be Xiao Ji. He felt uncomfortable in this current inexplicable situation, so before Shao Qun got up, Li Chengxiu had already opened the door.
There was a man in a black suit standing outside. He politely asked, "Mr. Li Chengxiu?"
Shao Qun walked up from behind Li Chengxiu and asked the man, "Is something wrong?"
The man glanced at Shao Qun and then looked at Li Chengxiu again, saying, "Mr. Li, my Young Master has gone home. He asked me to thank you for taking care of him during all this time. Please accept it." He handed Li Chengxiu a thick envelope.
Li Chengxiu didn't react for a while.
The man added: "My Young Master's last name is Ji."
Li Chengxiu was taken aback, "Xiao Ji, came back home?"
The man nodded, "Mr. Li, please accept this. I have another thing to ask you. My Young Master's identity is a pretty sensitive matter. I hope you will not tell anybody about what happened to my Young Master here. We are all very grateful for your help and discretion."
Li Chengxiu still didn't take the envelope. He was a little stunned. It was a good thing that Xiao Ji finally went home, although Li Chengxiu couldn't help feeling confused.
The man seemed to be in a hurry to leave, and continued pushing the envelope to Li Chengxiu, "Mr. Li, please accept it."
Li Chengxiu shook his head, "No need. He already… gave me money for the food."
The man still insisted.
Shao Qun got annoyed and pushed the envelope aside, "Chengxiu said no. So it means no. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with your Young Master in the future. What are you nagging him for?"
The man was stunned for a moment, frowning slightly. Then he nodded his head and asked tentatively, "Excuse me, are you Young Master Shao?"
The man bowed, "Last year I attended Mrs. Qin's birthday together with my master. I've seen you there."
Shao Qun thought about it carefully, but he couldn’t remember anybody with the last name Ji in his circle, so he asked the man, "Who is your master?”
"I won't disturb Mr. Li and Young Master Shao anymore." The man hurried away without an answer.
Li Chengxiu returned to the small room, his mood was very complicated for a while.
When Shao Qun thought of that kid, he had a premonition that Ji Yuanqi wouldn’t give up easily.
Chapter 67
The Third Young Miss didn't stay long - she left immediately after having dinner.
During the whole time, she was in charge of talking, Shao Qun was in charge of serving dishes to Li Chengxiu, and Li Chengxiu was in charge of being silent. Somehow, despite all of them feeling uneasy in one way or another, they managed to have a meal.
After sending his sister away, Shao Qun wanted to return to Li Chengxiu's apartment but realized that he had been locked out. He knocked a few times, but there was no response.
Shao Qun laughed at himself and told Li Chengxiu loudly through the closed door to remember to take his medicine on time and call him if anything happens.
By the time May holidays were over, Li Chengxiu had completely recovered.
When he returned to the company, he found the boss in a good mood - apparently, he had earned enough money during the holiday season. As soon as the boss saw Li Chengxiu, he took the initiative to tell him that the company will reimburse his hospital bills. Moreover, the boss told him that they were recruiting new accountants, and just in a few days Li Chengxiu would have some helpers.
Li Chengxiu was very happy about that.
After all, this was Li Chengxiu’s first independent endeavor as an accountant. Although the company was small and had limited future prospects for development, he believed that as long as he worked hard, he could not only support himself and Teacup but also gain some merits.
The goods that couldn’t be sent out before May 1st had accumulated during the holidays, so the workload now was considerable, and Li Chengxiu immediately became busy again.
He was so occupied at work, that the time flew by very quickly without him even noticing. Two weeks had already passed when Li Chengxiu finally realized that Shao Qun had disappeared, and there had been no sound coming out of his apartment during all this time.
There was a new tenant in Xiao Ji's apartment. And if it weren’t for more than ten daily text messages from Shao Qun, Li Chengxiu would have thought that the man had moved out too.
Li Chengxiu’s routine that day was the same as usual - he walked home, carrying vegetables and thinking about what to bring to the company tomorrow morning.
Just as he was about to cross the road, a black car suddenly stopped in front of him.
The rapid braking sound was unusually harsh, and Li Chengxiu almost fell over from the fright it gave him.
Before he could regain his senses, the car door had already opened, and two men in black suits came out. They stood next to Li Chengxiu - one to the left and one to the right of him - and gestured, "Mr. Li, please get in the car. " Their behavior was polite, but there was an underlying irrefutability in their tone.
Li Chengxiu's face turned pale, "What is going on?"
One of the guys said, "Mr. Li, someone wants to see you. Please get in the car and don't waste too much time."
Li Chengxiu wanted to run, yet his legs were a little weak. Unable to move, he was basically pushed into the car.
As he nervously sat next to one of the men, he asked, "Who are you? Who wants to see me?"
"You'll know when you get there. Mr. Li, you don’t have to be so nervous."
How could Li Chengxiu not be nervous? This looked very much like a kidnapping from a TV show. After giving it some thought, Li Chengxiu realized that this matter could only be related to Shao Qun. He didn't know what new tricks Shao Qun came up with, so he felt angry and
helpless.
When he got out of the car, he was dumbfounded.
The car had taken him to the villa complex with a single door and a single courtyard. As soon as Li Chengxiu put his feet on the ground, a golden retriever excitedly jumped onto him.
The dog came up to his chest, and when it jumped, it almost pushed Li Chengxiu down on the ground. Before he could figure out what was going on, he heard a familiar laugh.
Li Chengxiu turned his head in surprise and saw that Ji Yuanqi was standing on the lawn not far from him with his hands in his pockets. There were several large nice-looking dogs beside him.
Ji Yuanqi had cut his hair by half an inch. Although it was a less fashionable haircut than before, his handsome silhouette was still very clearly outlined, and he looked energetic and mature.
Ji Yuanqi smiled and said: "I told you that Teacup was a kind of dog mostly kept by women! Men should keep dogs this size."
Li Chengxiu said in surprise: "Xiao Ji!"
Ji Yuanqi went up to him and pried the over-excited golden retriever away from Li Chengxiu's body. He then blinked and smiled, "Did you miss me? Did you?"
Li Chengxiu clapped his shoulder and said, "You went home without saying goodbye. You…you…then brought me here like this. I thought…I was being kidnapped…”
Ji Yuanqi laughed and said, "It was just a joke!" He then suddenly stretched out his arms, hugged Li Chengxiu, and whispered coquettishly, "I missed you so much! Make me a salted egg yolk pumpkin!"
Li Chengxiu laughed, "So food is what you’ve missed!"
Ji Yuanqi let go of him, looked at Li Chengxiu carefully with his bright eyes, his expression a bit disappointed, "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. I sold the watch, and it had a serial number on it. So my dad found out about it…You were sick at that time, and I really wanted to stay and take care of you. But I was captured, and I couldn't do anything against it!"
Li Chengxiu smiled, "It's a good thing that you went home. You are still young. Once you grow up, you’ll realize that having a family is the best."
Ji Yuanqi pouted and told him that he didn't care that he was young.
He took Li Chengxiu into the house and explained to him, "I didn’t want to go home, because my parents are so bossy and annoying. So for the time being I’m living here. You can come to visit me very often! Or just move in here!"
Li Chengxiu pretended not to hear him and looked around the room.
The person outside the door knocked lightly and came in, respectfully saying to Ji Yuanqi, "Young Master, your father instructed you to go home for dinner tonight. You should get ready now."
Ji Yuanqi stared at him, "Who said I’m going home? Don’t you see that I have a guest?"
"But Young Master..."
Ji Yuanqi waved his hand, "Don't annoy me. I won't go."
Embarrassed, the man backed out of the room.
Li Chengxiu said helplessly: "Your family is acting like they are in a mob." He thought about all these people wearing black suits on such a hot day.
Ji Yuanqi responded casually: "Yup, my family is an organized crime syndicate. And for fear that others won’t notice that, even in this day and age, they are talking and acting like they are in a movie.”
He continued to complain: "My dad who looks basically like a gang lord from TV keeps telling us to keep a low profile. But every time he himself goes out, he makes such a rowdy scene that I’m embarrassed to ride in the same car with him! I want to die of shame because people look at us like we’re a bunch of psychos."
Li Chengxiu didn't understand anything, but he nodded, pretending that he did.[8]
Ji Yuanqi pulled him into the kitchen, "Look, everything is ready for you! Here are all the ingredients for my favorite dishes. My appetite has been spoiled by you, so I’ve recently been craving all this stuff!"
Li Chengxiu shook his head with a smile, put on an apron and got to work.
The two of them haven't seen each other for a long time. At the beginning they couldn’t find a common language but now they could talk easily to each other. Li Chengxiu felt that he had really made a friend.
Although Li Chengxiu was also grateful to have Adrian before, he always felt extremely ashamed and embarrassed around him, since the guy knew all about him and Shao Qun. In the end, Li Chengxiu even decided to avoid seeing Adrian at all.
Although he felt guilty for being like this towards this warm and cheerful guy, it was difficult to calmly face someone who had seen, heard and been a part of his ugly and humiliating past.
Xiao Ji was different. He had a simple mind and a straightforward personality. Although sometimes he was a bit unreliable, Li Chengxiu always felt very relaxed and happy when he was with him. Because Xiao Ji loved and praised his cooking, Li Chengxiu also felt like he was respected.
The two chatted until it was very late. Li Chengxiu looked at his watch, and it was almost ten pm, so he wanted to go back.
Although he prepared a lot of food for Teacup every day, the puppy would still get angry if he came home too late. And whenever that pup got angry, he would pee in his shoes or do some other naughty stuff, which was very annoying to deal with.
Ji Yuanqi didn't want Li Chengxiu to leave, so he dragged the time out on purpose. In the end, he couldn't keep it up anymore, so he finally asked someone to take Li Chengxiu home. However, he insisted that Li Chengxiu come back to his place on the weekends.
When Li Chengxiu got back and was unlocking his apartment, Shao Qun's door suddenly slammed open.
Li Chengxiu looked at him in surprise.
Shao Qun anxiously rushed out, grabbed Li Chengxiu’s arm and said, "Where were you? Why did you come back so late? And why was your phone turned off? Do you know how anxious I was?"
Li Chengxiu pulled his arm from Shao Qun’s grip and entered his apartment without any intention of answering these questions. Shao Qun also squeezed into the door.
He seemed to realize that he was a bit too much just now, so he took a deep breath and said slowly, "I've been too busy recently to see you. So, where have you been today?"
Li Chengxiu put down the things that he had in his hands, held onto the doorknob, trying to close the door and whispered, "I'm going to rest now."
Shao Qun didn't give up and said, "Chengxiu, the weather is getting hot! Can I maybe install an air conditioner for you? Otherwise, it will be very uncomfortable."
Li Chengxiu said lightly: "I will buy a fan."
Shao Qun sighed: "Chengxiu, please accept my kindness! Is it really so difficult for you?”
Li Chengxiu shook his head wearily and just waited for Shao Qun to leave.
Shao Qun's face was full of disappointment.
When Li Chengxiu woke up the next morning, he found that it was raining cats and dogs outside. He was most afraid of such weather. The bus would always come late, it would be crowded, and it would move very slowly. By the time he arrived at the company, Li Chengxiu would be all wet and sweaty.
When he was done packing his things and prepared to go out, he saw that Shao Qun was already waiting for him with an umbrella.
Seeing that Li Chengxiu came out, Shao Qun hurried to take the documents he held in his hands and said, "Since it’s raining, there will be issues with the bus. I'll take you to work."
Li Chengxiu hurriedly said, "No need..."
Shao Qun was still urging him. "It’s the rush hour! You should hurry up, or you will be late."
Li Chengxiu wanted to reach out and grab his things back, but Shao Qun turned around, avoiding him and giving him a flattering smile.
It was too early, and Li Chengxiu was too sleepy to have the strength to argue with Shao Qun. So he got into his car, still kind of confused.
Shao Qun relaxed as soon as Li Chengxiu got inside. At every single red light he would eagerly look back at Li Chengxiu, his eyes almost glued to him. In such a small space, Li Chengxiu had nowhere to escape, so he could only turn his head and look at the gloomy weather outside.
After they were driving for a while already, Li Chengxiu started suspecting that he might have been fooled by Shao Qun. It was rush hour, and it was raining, so there were many cars on the road. When Shao Qun's car drove onto the bridge, it started moving at the speed of 3 meters every 20 minutes.
Li Chengxiu had no choice but to stay in the car, since he couldn't walk down the overpass. Seeing that he was going to be late soon, Li Chengxiu calculated that he would have his bonus deducted for being late.
Shao Qun saw that his expression was not happy, so he quickly comforted him, but the smile in Shao Qun’s eyes was obvious.
The weather outside the window was terrifyingly gloomy, and the sound of pouring rain hitting the car sounded like a messy tune. This narrow space had suddenly become the inescapable haven. Here, you could sit side by side with your loved one, and feel as if you’re in your own little world.
Shao Qun hoped that time would stop at that moment. He was willing to hold Li Chengxiu's hand and stay like this forever.
They stayed on the bridge for more than half an hour, and only then there were some signs that the congestion was getting better. But then something happened that paralyzed the traffic yet again - it seemed that there was a rear-end collision somewhere in the front.
Li Chengxiu was already too anxious to sit still. Seeing him like this, Shao Qun chose a moment to say, "Chengxiu, ask for a leave today. You're late anyway. Your boss will understand that this is due to the weather."
Li Chengxiu shook his head - that was not a reason his boss would accept.
Shao Qun felt a little sad when he saw how much Li Chengxiu wanted to leave the car. He thought about it for a while, then took out his umbrella from the back seat, turned off the engine, and opened the door.
Before Li Chengxiu could react, Shao Qun had already opened the car door on his side and shouted, "Get out, Chengxiu. I'll find a way to take you to the company."
Li Chengxiu was stunned, "We're on the bridge."
Shao Qun responded: "Don't worry about it so much. The traffic police are dealing with the accident at the front, so let’s just go quickly."
Li Chengxiu gritted his teeth, took his things and got out of the car. Shao Qun raised the umbrella over his head, hugged his shoulders and unsteadily made his way forward.
Li Chengxiu looked back at the car and couldn't help saying, "What about your car?"
Shao Qun grinned and said, "It's not a big deal if it gets towed away. It’s much more important that my darling[9] gets to work."
Li Chengxiu glanced at him and noticed that Shao Qun’s shoulders were wet. He turned his face away and immediately saw someone in the car beside him watching them. Li Chengxiu felt too embarrassed to look up anymore.
The two got off the bridge and went straight to the subway station. There was no subway station near Li Chengxiu's house. So he didn’t usually take it, but in fact, the subway was the fastest way to get to the company.
It was likely Shao Qun’s first time on a subway. He looked at the people that were packed tightly like sardines in a can and kept repeating, “So many people here…So many people…" He protected Li Chengxiu while they squeezed onto the subway, and the two of them ended up leaning against the door, almost chest to chest.
Shao Qun didn't complain this time, but was quite happy with the situation. He held Li Chengxiu's waist against his chest, lowered his body slightly and put his head on Li Chengxiu's shoulder with a smile.
There were many people on the subway, so even such an intimate action wasn’t very noticeable. Li Chengxiu was embarrassed, but there were people in the front and in the back, left and right, so it was hard for him to move away.
He slightly raised his hand and pushed against Shao Qun. Shao Qun immediately grabbed Li Chengxiu’s hand, stuffed it into his pocket, held it tightly, and then, breathing into his ear, said softly, "Don't move. There are so many people here."
Li Chengxiu blushed and whispered, "No, you’re too close."
Shao Qun smiled and said, "I heard that there are a lot of perverts on the subway. I have to protect you."
Li Chengxiu anxiously wanted to step back, but Shao Qun exerted his strength, so when he moved, Shao Qun was still holding on to his waist, and the two only got closer to each other.
Li Chengxiu was annoyed and glared at Shao Qun.
Shao Qun smiled softly and whispered into his ear: "Chengxiu, let me hug you for a while. I've been thinking about it for a long time. Just a little bit."
Li Chengxiu paused and turned his head.
The two were leaning against the door. Since Shao Qun was so tall, he almost completely covered Li Chengxiu with his body, so his figure couldn’t be seen from behind.
There was unbearable longing in Shao Qun's heart, and he couldn't help but carefully touch Li Chengxiu’s neck with his lips.
Li Chengxiu thought at first that it happened by accident, since the action was so light. But when Shao Qun’s lips touched him for the second time, Li Chengxiu felt that something wasn’t right. He moved his neck away and turned his head to angrily glare at Shao Qun.
Shao Qun smiled with some embarrassment, raised his head and couldn't hide the disappointment and loneliness in his eyes.
Somehow, Li Chengxiu noticed the look in these eyes that was extremely eager but at the same time not daring to approach. Li Chengxiu felt his heart twitch, and he suddenly didn't dare to look at Shao Qun who had such an expression on his face.
When Li Chengxiu arrived at the company, he was more than 20 minutes late. That made him quite upset. But when he went upstairs, he saw a tired Shao Qun with a cigarette in his mouth waving at him with a smile. He thought that if it wasn’t for Shao Qun, he would have only arrived at noon, so he suddenly felt slightly relieved.
Ji Yuanqi’s father XD
Chapter 68
Li Chengxiu was busy until lunchtime. His co-workers would usually go to nearby restaurants to eat. Since there were many large and small companies in the area, the restaurants around would turn into staff canteens at noon.
The company gave Li Chengxiu a lunch subsidy, but he still usually brought his own food, so he could pocket the extra 400 RMB[10] a month. During lunch, everyone in the office was gone, and it was extremely quiet. Li Chengxiu untied his plastic bag and gave a worried look to his deformed and mushy meal that got squeezed in the subway.
There was suddenly somebody knocking on the door behind him.
Li Chengxiu was surprised. He looked back and saw Shao Qun smiling at him. His clothes were still wet from this morning.
Their company was small and not very formal. It was not surprising that there were some idle people who could come in willy nilly just by saying a couple of words to the uncle, guarding the entrance.
Li Chengxiu wondered why Shao Qun came again at noon. Could it be that he never even left??
As he walked in, Shao Qun said, "I knew you definitely wouldn’t go out to eat." Then he put the plastic bag he was holding onto the table in front of him, "I just went to buy you a hot meal."
Li Chengxiu glanced at him, then turned his face away, and said softly, "I brought lunch with me."
Shao Qun glanced at his metal lunch box that was visibly leaking, reached out to pick it up and pushed the things he brought with him to the front, "Your stuff is cold. You should eat something hot. It was raining in the morning, so you should have some ginger soup to warm up. Otherwise, you’ll catch a cold again."
Li Chengxiu stood up and tried to grab his own lunch box back. Shao Qun refused to give it to him. Instead he pressed his shoulder and made him sit back down, "Ok. How about you eat what I brought you, and I will eat what you brought? Would that be fine? Then nothing’s wasted."
Li Chengxiu said, "I don’t need..."
Shao Qun didn't wait for him to finish. He had already sat down across the table from Li Chengxiu, picked up the lunch box and took a big mouthful.There was suddenly no trace of Shao Qun’s usual elegant look left - he held onto the lunchbox, eating mouthful after mouthful, as if he had been starving for a long time.
Li Chengxiu was stunned. The dishes he brought with him were very simple - one portion of stir-fried tomato and scrambled eggs and one portion of shredded potatoes. These were also all leftovers. The shredded potatoes didn’t even look good anymore. No normal person would enjoy this kind of meal so much.
Shao Qun raised his head to meet Li Chengxiu’s questioning eyes and showed a crooked smile, "You have no idea how much I wanted to eat your cooking." Seeing Shao Qun in front of him with that smile, Li Chengxiu's heart trembled, and he lowered his head.
Shao Qun lined up the lunch boxes he brought in front of Li Chengxiu, put the chopsticks and spoons in front of him, and continued eating: "After you left, I couldn't sleep or eat... It was basically impossible for me to eat what other people cooked. I missed you during meals, and I missed you when I went to sleep. I couldn’t bear it. I was so desperate that I resorted to doing all those despicable things. And now…"
Shao Qun suddenly paused, put down his chopsticks, looked at Li Chengxiu carefully with bright eyes and said nervously: "I'm not making excuses for myself. I really acted like a jerk back then. But I missed you so much..." Shao Qun couldn't go on, when he saw Li Chengxiu's eyelashes slightly trembling, while he kept his head down.
He sighed and said softly, "Chengxiu, let's eat."
Li Chengxiu looked at the food he brought. After Shao Qun had eaten from it, there was only half of it left. He couldn’t skip lunch, so he resisted the feeling of inexplicable sadness and started eating. Shao Qun breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that and quietly looked at Li Chengxiu’s face. From his angle, he could see that he had long slightly curled eyelashes, a somewhat round nose, red lips, particularly fair skin, and bangs that just about covered his eyebrows. This made him look so delicate and docile.
Only those who had really experienced it could know that a person who looks so soft might actually have a very hard heart.
Due to a sudden impulse, Shao Qun reached out and touched Li Chengxiu's right ear.
Li Chengxiu raised his head in surprise.
Shao Qun said softly, "Go to the hospital for a checkup when you have time. Maybe it can still be cured."
Li Chengxiu paused and shook his head.
He often forgot that his right ear was damaged. Unless the sound was very quiet or it was very noisy around, his hearing didn’t differ so much from a normal person. Maybe he didn’t hear so clearly but he still could hear, so he was already used to his condition.
Shao Qun couldn't help asking, "Who did it?"
Li Chengxiu thought for a while, then shook his head again. It all happened so long ago. Now that he thought about it, it didn’t even upset him anymore. So what’s the point of remembering the culprit?
"I'm sorry." Shao Qun looked at him sadly, "No matter who did it, it’s probably somehow related to me…Chengxiu, I'm sorry for so many things. In fact, I know very well that I should just get off your back. But I can't live without you… Unless I die or become a vegetable, I won't be able to forget you."
He forced a smile, "If there was any medicine in this world that could make me forget you immediately, I would drink it, even if it was poisonous. This way, you could save your heart, and I could save mine."
Seeing that Li Chengxiu didn't lift his eyes, Shao Qun looked at him almost insanely and murmured: "I'm talking nonsense. I'd rather I forget myself…but I wouldn’t want to forget you."
Shao Qun’s wish to peacefully eat and chat with Li Chengxiu like before didn’t come true after all. Even such simple sweetness was a hope without merit. Shao Qun felt that he had dug this pit and then buried himself in it. But he was now a cheap bitch for whatever toxin that attracted him to Li Chengxiu. He was ready to do all kinds of shameful and outrageous things just to stay by his side.
Shao Qun loitered around after eating, but when people started coming back from lunch, he couldn't stay any longer, so he got up to leave. Before leaving, he said to Li Chengxiu, "I'll pick you up after work. The rain won't stop for a while, so don't run around by yourself."
As soon as he was gone, Li Chengxiu almost collapsed in his chair.
It seemed that every minute he spent with Shao Qun, he was on guard to prevent Shao Qun from taking advantage of the situation. Such a gentle, considerate, dedicated Shao Qun who lied with the truth was hard to resist. Li Chengxiu reminded himself over and over again to not even think about whether his promises were true or not. As long as he kept himself closed off, he was safe. But subconsciously, he was still repeatedly guessing which of Shao Qun’s words were genuine and which were not, what Shao Qun was thinking when showing a certain expression. It was exhausting.
Li Chengxiu knew now that as long as Shao Qun was around, he would never have a peaceful day. Maybe his best bet was disappearing completely by going to the most remote place possible where no one could find him and spending the rest of his life there undisturbed.
This was Li Chengxiu’s last resort if he really got desperate. Now he only hoped that Shao Qun would burn out after a while, and he could be rid of him as soon as possible.
When Li Chengxiu got off work, Shao Qun anxiously ran to the office to pick him up directly, for fear that he would run away on his own.
It was raining today, so people left early, and only Li Chengxiu and a young female accountant were still left in the office. The moment Shao Qun entered the office, the girl looked at him directly, and Shao Qun also inadvertently glanced at her. She immediately blushed.
Shao Qun was quite satisfied that Li Chengxiu's most contacted colleague was a chubby young girl with no outstanding features. He wasn’t quite sure whether Li Chengxiu was attractive to women or not. All he could say was that in his eyes Li Chengxiu was very appealing, and his body would burn hot when he only looked at him. So Shao Qun assumed that Li Chengxiu could easily provoke other people too. He had just managed to get rid of that Li Shuo guy, when the second idiot appeared out of nowhere! Shao Qun was afraid that Li Chengxiu would start attracting even more rivals.
Thinking about it, Shao Qun took the initiative to go up and greet the girl, "Hello, I'm Li Chengxiu's older brother. He often forgets to eat when he is busy, so please remind him whenever you can"
Dumbfounded, the girl nodded. Li Chengxiu said "goodbye" to her and walked out of the office first. Shao Qun followed behind him, as he anxiously asked, "How many people work in your office?"
Li Chengxiu answered casually, "Five."
"Oh, are there more men or women among them?"
Li Chengxiu frowned and didn’t respond.
Shao Qun continued to mutter, "Don't get too close to your colleagues. You are here to make money, not to make friends! It's not good to be close to your colleagues."
The two walked out of the building, and seeing that the rain outside really hadn’t stopped, Li Chengxiu sighed.
Shao Qun said with a smile: "See, I didn't lie to you. It's raining very hard, so you can’t wait for the bus. Even if you wait, you might not be able to squeeze onto one. Who knows what time you’d get home then! The dog would be very hungry."
As he said that, he hugged Li Chengxiu's shoulders and walked towards the emergency exit. The office building was old and had no underground parking lot. Shao Qun held an umbrella over Li Chengxiu to protect him from the rain and led him towards his car.
Shao Qun happily looked at the pouring rain and started the car while saying: "At this time, there are probably traffic jams on the road. How about we find a place to eat first?"
Li Chengxiu frowned and said, "Teacup will be hungry…”
Shao Qun waved his hand, "It's alright! You give that pup a lot of food every day, so it won't be hungry for a while. But by the time you get home and finish cooking, you will be hungry!"
Li Chengxiu was rendered speechless by Shao Qun's rhetoric.
Shao Qun took Li Chengxiu to a Sichuan restaurant, and the two of them ate hot pot. After a while, both of them managed to warm up.
Shao Qun's face was beaming, and he seemed to be in a very good mood, "Chengxiu, let's go downstairs to watch a movie after we've finished eating. A famous blockbuster has just been released."
Li Chengxiu shook his head, "I want to go home."
"It’s just an hour or so… We need this time anyway until the traffic clears up…”
Li Chengxiu said firmly, "Then I'll go back by myself."
Shao Qun seemed disappointed and quickly said, "No movie then. Let's just return together."
After that, Shao Qun started deliberately wasting time. He would defiantly throw the food he ordered into the pot, boil it, then pick it out and discard it. Li Chengxiu couldn't watch him being so wasteful, so he urged him to leave several times.
The meal took them more than two hours to finish. Seeing that Li Chengxiu's face didn’t look so good, Shao Qun had no choice but to say that he had finished eating.
It was quite late when they finally got home. Before Li Chengxiu opened the door, he heard a strange ping-pong-like noise coming from the inside. He started suspecting that something wasn’t right, and, sure enough, as soon as he entered, he saw Teacup dragging the toilet paper roll from the bathroom right into the living room, tearing it to shreds and scattering the pieces all over the floor. As soon as the dog saw Shao Qun, it started barking loudly.
Shao Qun entered Li Chengxiu's apartment and put his shoes on the highest shelf. If he didn’t do that, he’d have to buy new shoes after every visit. Little Teacup hated him very much. When Shao Qun came around, it bit his feet and tried to destroy his shoes, if it could get its teeth on them.
Shao Qun was very annoyed by the dog. He wondered if he had lost his mind when he decided to gift this thing to Li Chengxiu. Now, the dog was against him too, and he didn’t dare touch it.
When Li Chengxiu saw that the dog’s food bowl was empty and the drinking bowl was turned over, he felt distressed. He fed Teacup, while hugging and comforting it with words like “I’m sorry. I came back late. I should have come back earlier.” and so on and so forth. Li Chengxiu was so distracted that he didn’t even care about kicking Shao Qun out of the apartment.
Shao Qun saw Li Chengxiu's caring expression, while he was looking at the dog, and he turned green from jealousy. So he planned to stick around and show off his virtuousness by cleaning up Teacup’s mess with the broom.
Li Chengxiu finally noticed that Shao Qun was constantly bending down while sweeping the floor, since he was so tall, and the broomstick was so short. That looked so awkward that Li Chengxiu said, "Just go home. I'll clean up by myself."
Shao Qun responded, "It's okay. You feed the dog first. I'll help you tidy up in the meantime."
Li Chengxiu wanted to stand up to take over the broom, but as soon as he let go of Teacup, the puppy barked loudly, so Li Chengxiu had no choice but to sit back down.
After Shao Qun finished the sweeping, he poured two cups of hot water, sat down next to Li Chengxiu and looked at him quietly.
Li Chengxiu felt uncomfortable, so he glanced over at him.
Shao Qun came a little closer to Li Chengxiu and suddenly said, "I'm really satisfied with how today went."
Li Chengxiu frowned and gave him a look.
Shao Qun supported his head with his hands and tenderly gazed at Li Chengxiu, "Chengxiu, that’s all I want. I'll clean your house, pick you up when it rains, and have a meal with you... If you don't want to watch a movie, we don’t have to… It’s all fine. I used to think that staying at home wasn’t for me. Even if I got married, I couldn’t imagine someone having control over me coming and going. But now, it’s not a matter of control anymore. As long as you are at home, I’m willing to stay here with you. As long as you want to leave, I want to leave with you. One day you will believe that I, Shao Qun, can change myself entirely just for you alone."
Li Chengxiu's eyes moved, and after a long while, he finally softly said: "You can't change... You can do this for a month, maybe a year. But life is long...and, at the end of the day, you are Shao Qun after all."
Shao Qun put down his water glass, turned Li Chengxiu's face towards himself, looked into his eyes and seriously said, "Chengxiu, I never would have imagined to be trapped by one person. But look at me now… You can hate me, you can scold me. Whatever. How you treated me in the past is how I am treating you now. Just let me serve you. You won’t lose anything, if you give me a chance."
Li Chengxiu moved away, trying to distance himself from Shao Qun.
Shao Qun suddenly couldn't control himself. He leaned down and lightly touched Li Chengxiu’s lips. Li Chengxiu immediately turned his head and pushed Shao Qun hard, his face full of panic.
Shao Qun backed away, but couldn't help touching the remaining sensation on his lips with his fingers. He showed a bit of a ruffian smile, "This goodnight kiss makes everything worth it today."
Li Chengxiu's face was hot, and he whispered: "Go away..."
Shao Qun said "um" and added, "I'll leave right now. Can I come over for dinner tomorrow?"
Li Chengxiu turned around and pretended not to hear the question.
Shao Qun was used to this kind of treatment, so he didn’t feel any embarrassment, "You don’t have work tomorrow, so have a good rest."
He then suddenly leaned over and kissed Li Chengxiu’s forehead. In his sexy voice he whispered right into his ear: "Good night, darling."
Li Chengxiu didn't move, until he heard the sound of the closing door. Only then he could finally relax his shoulders.
Chapter 69
Li Chengxiu naturally didn’t wait for Shao Qun to come over for dinner the next day.
When he woke up in the morning, he planned to leave the apartment. His boss promised to pay for his medical insurance and asked him to go to the hospital to get a medical examination.
He left very early - around eight or nine o'clock in the morning, but Shao Qun seemed to be listening to his every move through the cracks in the walls. As soon as Li Chengxiu opened the door, Shao Qun also came out, grinning at him.
Li Chengxiu gave him a glance, locked his door and walked downstairs.
Shao Qun was stunned for a while, then rushed back to his room, changed into a T-shirt as quickly as possible, put on his flip-flops and ran out with his keys and wallet.
Having a height advantage and long legs, he caught up with Li Chengxiu in no time and asked while walking right beside him, "Chengxiu, where are you going?"
Li Chengxiu ignored him and headed towards the bus station.
Shao Qun blocked his path: "Wherever you’re going, I'll take you there."
Li Chengxiu went around Shao Qun and said: "No."
The weather was fine today, so there was no reason to go with the car.
Shao Qun still followed him, "Then I'll come with you."
Li Chengxiu sighed. Shao Qun had his own legs, so if he wanted to follow, there was nothing Li Chengxiu could do to stop him.
It was a Saturday, so even though the buses were not as crowded as on weekdays, there were still quite a lot of passengers.
Li Chengxiu was actually not in a hurry, but he insisted on taking the crowded bus instead of waiting for the next one in five minutes.
Shao Qun gulped when he saw Li Chengxiu getting on but still managed to squeeze himself in.
Li Chengxiu immediately forced his way into the innermost part of the bus. He was thin and had years of experience with these kinds of situations, so with just a few moves he was very far away from Shao Qun.
Shao Qun was so anxious that even his head was sweating, while he tried to follow.
The driver gave him a "hey!" and pointed to the cash register.
Shao Qun stared at it and took out his wallet. As usual, he didn’t have any change, so he frowned, took out a 100 RMB[11] bill and stuffed it in.
The driver was stunned for a while, then quietly muttered "nutcase" in Cantonese.
Normally Shao Qun would kick him but at that moment all his attention was focused on following Li Chengxiu with his eyes.
Among a group of southerners Shao Qun’s stature was particularly impressive. On a crowded bus, whenever he tried to move, he had to push a lot of people, so he constantly heard impatient “tsk, tsk” all around him.
Shao Qun was really unable to get any further, since a big girl intentionally or unintentionally blocked his path and was giving him ambiguous bold looks and winking at him
It upset Shao Qun to see that while Li Chengxiu was only eight or nine steps away, it seemed there were insurmountable mountains and rivers in between them.
Although the bus was air conditioned, it was not enough for such a large number of people. Shao Qun was sweating from the heat, and his clothes were sticking to his back, making him feel very uncomfortable. His scorching eyes were almost staring a hole in the back of Li Chengxiu's head, but Li Chengxiu didn't even turn around.
This dire state lasted for too long - Shao Qun was so irritated that he wanted to hit someone. Finally, Li Chengxiu got off the bus, and he quickly followed.
Shao Qun wiped his sweat while keeping up with Li Chengxiu who was crossing the road and said with a bitter smile, "This was so fucking miserable..."
Before he finished complaining, he saw that Li Chengxiu was heading towards a hospital.
Shao Qun's nerves tensed immediately. He grabbed Li Chengxiu and asked nervously, "Chengxiu, why are you going to the hospital? Are you unwell?"
Li Chengxiu pulled his arm back: "Physical examination."
Shao Qun breathed a sigh of relief and continued to ask, "Why do you need a physical examination?"
Li Chengxiu knew that Shao Qun wouldn’t leave him alone unless he answered, so he explained, "The company will pay for my medical insurance, so I need a physical."
Only then did Shao Qun relax. He followed Li Chengxiu while looking at his tender and white neck with gleaming eyes.
The two walked into the reception area and found that it was full to the brim. If one didn't know it was a hospital, one would think it was a vegetable market. The people were lining up to the registry window all the way from the entrance.
Li Chengxiu looked at the crowd with concern.
With a faint smile, Shao Qun said, "Chengxiu, by the time all these people get their services, the hospital will be closed. You’ve come in vain today."
Although Li Chengxiu didn't speak, his expression indicated that he agreed with Shao Qun’s assessment. But since he had already made his way here, he couldn’t just give up and leave.
After thinking about it, he still decided to stand in line.
Shao Qun pulled him back: "Chengxiu, don't waste your time."
Li Chengxiu frowned and said, "I’m already here, so..."
Shao Qun said with a smile: "My friend's private hospital is nearby. It’s only half an hour away from here. I guarantee that you won't have to wait in line when you get there."
Li Chengxiu didn't want to accept Shao Qun’s help anymore, so he shook his head and insisted on queuing up.
Shao Qun tried to persuade him: "You came back home late last night, and the dog made all that mess. If you come back so late two days in a row, your apartment will be entirely demolished!"
Li Chengxiu thought about Teacup’s boundless energy and hesitated.
Shao Qun pointed to the sign outside the registration window: "Look, internal medicine, pediatrics, gynecology, and orthopedics are already completely booked out today. Everything else will also fill up very quickly. I guarantee that you will have to come back tomorrow anyway. So why waste your time?"
Seeing that Li Chengxiu was almost convinced, Shao Qun took the opportunity to drag him out: "My friend's hospital doesn’t charge more than this place... I’m just telling you, so you can save some time. And relax, you can pay for yourself. Come on, let’s not wait any longer."
Li Chengxiu also understood that waiting was just a waste of time, so he had no choice but to get into a taxi together with Shao Qun.
The hospital was really not far away, but just looking at its interior design, it was clear that this place charged a pretty penny. The reception looked more like a luxurious hotel lobby than a hospital.
As soon as they came in, they were greeted by a person in his early thirties, wearing a white coat and gold-rimmed glasses. Although the man was quite handsome, the expression on his face was very serious, and the whole person gave an aloof and distanced impression.
Shao Qun smiled and said to Li Chengxiu quietly, "Chengxiu, I'm going to catch up with my friend. You go do the physical, and I'll find you later."
Not only were there fewer people seeking medical treatment in this place, but their work efficiency was also much higher. Li Chengxiu was immediately issued a medical record book which looked like a beautiful hard-cover daily planner. Li Chengxiu was stunned.
In just a few minutes, he was personally led to various examination rooms by a young nurse with a particularly cute smile.
When the last item on the list was checked, Li Chengxiu was brought into a consultation room, where Shao Qun and his friend were waiting for him at the door.
Shao Qun smiled and said: "I heard that this was the last thing you needed to do. I'll wait for you here, and we can go home in a while."
Li Chengxiu nodded and entered the room. Unexpectedly, the serious doctor followed him.
Li Chengxiu was a little surprised. Judging by his posture, he seemed to be an important figure in the hospital. Did he need to be there in person for a simple physical?
After they came in, the man directly handed him a transparent container and uttered a certain sentence. Li Chengxiu thought that he heard it wrong. It wasn’t his first physical examination, so he was pretty sure that normally only blood and urine samples were required. Why would they need him to…?
The doctor pushed the container into Li Chengxiu’s hands.
Li Chengxiu asked with some uncertainty: "You want..."
The man nodded, frowned and said coldly, "It’s a routine inspection."
Li Chengxiu asked, slightly embarrassed: "Does…one need it for a physical? It wasn’t like this before…"
The doctor's face got even stricter: "Are you a doctor or am I a doctor?"
Just like people normally respect teachers in school, most people in the hospital are in awe of doctors, and Li Chengxiu was no exception. Even if he was confused, he still took the container and turned around to go to the bathroom.
After a long while, he came out with a blushing face and awkwardly handed the container to the man.
The doctor didn't even lift his eyes. He put the container directly into the freezer and then went about his own business.
Li Chengxiu stood behind him at a loss, wondering if the checkup was over.
After a while, the doctor turned around slowly, pressed his chin, looked at Li Chengxiu from above his glasses and enunciated, “You. Can. Go. Now.”
Without daring to even take another breath, Li Chengxiu escaped from the room.
Shao Qun was waiting outside, and when he saw him coming out, he asked, "Chengxiu, did it go well?"
Li Chengxiu awkwardly nodded.
The young nurse smiled and said, "Mr. Li, please leave your address, phone number and signature here. After we have your results, we will send them to you with express post."
When Li Chengxiu and Shao Qun left the hospital, Shao Qun was obviously very excited. The corners of his mouth were lifted up all the way in a smile.
Li Chengxiu felt a little awkward, and had a vague feeling that something wasn’t quite right.
But he soon didn’t have any energy to think about it anymore. When they returned and got out of the taxi, they noticed a black car blocking their entry. Suddenly all the car doors opened up at the same time.
Li Chengxiu suddenly saw a familiar face right in front of him, and his heart tightened.
Li Shuo!
The person who got out of the car was Li Shuo, whom he hadn't seen for more than half a year. Next to him was Shao Qun's eldest sister, Shao Wen, and some guy who looked like a driver. Behind Li Shuo was another man whom Li Chengxiu couldn’t see quite clearly. Li Shuo rushed over to Li Chengxiu with excitement and hugged him.
"Chengxiu..."
Li Chengxiu was close to tears and he couldn't help exclaiming, "Li-Dage..."
The hug didn’t even last a second, before Shao Qun was already glaring fiercely at his sister and pressing onto Li Shuo’s shoulder to push him away from Li Chengxiu. He the dragged Li Chengxiu behind himself and said sharply, "Don't fucking touch him[12]."
Li Shuo's face was grim: "Shao Qun, you shameless villain. How dare you still walk around and spout your bullshit?"
The man behind Li Shuo finally came to the front and called out to Shao Qun with a smile: "Ge, it's so hot outside! Need you get angry now?"
Shao Qun glanced at the visitor: "Jinxin, what are you doing here? Did you bring my sister over?"
The man named Jinxin raised his hands in the air: "Ge, don't wrong me! The eldest sister found out about this place all by herself. I'm just here to witness all the excitement... Huh, what do we have here?" The man suddenly bent down and brought his face close to Li Chengxiu. He then smiled and winked, saying, "Yo, so this is Li Chengxiu? Ah, looks quite scrumptious."
Li Chengxiu took a step back and looked at the man with uncertainty.
The man was very good-looking. He had a pair of extremely bright and expressive peach blossom eyes, sexy lips and a seductive charming smile.
Shao Qun frowned: "Don't scare him." He then said to Li Chengxiu, "This is my cousin, Zhao Jinxin."
Li Shuo bypassed Zhao Jinxin and grabbed Li Chengxiu's arm: "Chengxiu, I have a lot to tell you..."
There was immediate coldness in Shao Qun's eyes. He blocked Li Shuo’s path and was about to grab his neck.
Zhao Jinxin hurriedly jumped between the two of them and quickly hugged Shao Qun's arm: "Ge, ge, don't get too excited! Let's sit down and talk. Why would you throw your fists around as soon as we meet? It’s kind of lame, so hold your horses."
Shao Wen, who had been watching from the sidelines, came over with a blank expression.
Although she was a woman with a petite stature compared to all the men around her, the aura she exuded couldn’t be ignored.
She looked at Shao Qun coldly.
Shao Qun was actually raised by his sister, so in his heart, even if she was just 10 years older than him, he saw her as a mother figure. So he was a bit fearful of her.
He sighed, "Sis…"
Shao Wen said in an icy tone: "So you still know that you have a sister? Do you still remember that your last name is Shao?"
Shao Qun ripped at his hair, pointed at Li Shuo and asked, "Why did you bring him here?"
Shao Wen's knife-like look almost pierced through Li Chengxiu's face. Although it didn't hurt, the coldness seemed to penetrate directly into his bones, causing Li Chengxiu to break out in cold sweat on this summer day.
"These two are a couple that yearn for each other. What's wrong with me reuniting him with his boyfriend? You are the one who stands in the way of people’s feelings."
Shao Qun said angrily: "What a load of crap. Li Chengxiu is mine."
Shao Wen glared at him: "Shao Qun, are you insane?"
Shao Qun sarcastically responded, "If it wasn’t for you, I’d be 50% less insane."
Shao Wen raised her hand, slapped him in the face and said sternly: "You don’t come back home, you don’t answer your phone. All because of some man you’re making such a fuss with your own relatives. Are you seven or are you twenty-seven? When will you grow up? When will you start thinking about your family and not just about yourself? Will you be happy if you piss off your father to death? "
Shao Qun's face turned grim, and his expression was a little guilty.
Shao Wen glared at him: "Let’s go inside to talk. Why are we all standing around here like a bunch of weirdos?" She turned her head and walked into the building first.
Shao Qun resolutely squeezed himself between Li Shuo and Li Chengxiu, not letting them get close. Zhao Jinxin squeezed between Shao Qun and Li Shuo, for fear that they would start a fight.
When they got upstairs, Shao Qun lost it when he saw that Li Chengxiu was going to enter his apartment together with Li Shuo.
He pointed at Li Shuo and shouted, "Aren't you doing fine with Jinxin? Why are you pretending to be so lovey-dovey with Chengxiu now? Get out of here, before it’s too late, you fucking disgusting person!"
Li Shuo blushed, and his calm demeanor and usual self-control suddenly disappeared. Angrily he scolded: "Shao Qun, you bastard! Don’t throw around your stupid accusations. Do you think that you can separate me and Chengxiu with this kind of despicable trick? He will only hate you more, you asshole."
Shao Qun's eyes almost popped out of anger.
Shao Wen impatiently shouted: "Enough is enough! Shut the fuck up, both of you!" She turned to Shao Qun and Zhao Jinxin, "You come with me and let those two talk in private. We have some unfinished business."
Shao Qun was still stubbornly standing his ground. Li Chengxiu's face was as white as paper, when he witlessly said to Shao Qun, "Don't come in."
Although this quiet voice was barely audible in the tense atmosphere, it sounded like thunder to Shao Qun.
His arrogance suddenly dimmed, and he seemed to have shrunk in front of Li Chengxiu. His eyes were full of grievances and sadness, as he silently looked at Li Chengxiu.
Li Chengxiu turned his head away and led Li Shuo into his apartment.
Zhao Jinxin’s dark eyes stared intently at Li Shuo's back until the door was slammed shut behind him.
Jinxin then pushed Shao Qun, who was a little lost, and said, "Ge, let’s go."
Shao Qun didn't move and just stared at the closed door, which isolated him from Li Chengxiu and at the same time created a separate space for Li Shuo and Li Chengxiu to be alone with each other.
Zhao Jinxin grabbed onto Shao Qun's arm, showed an evil smile and whispered into his ear: "Ge, don't worry. I promise to stir some shit up between them. You can just exhale now, ok?"
Shao Qun glanced at him and gritted his teeth: "You’re so fucking capable, right! You shouldn't let him come here at all."
Zhao Jinxin wanted to say something, but Shao Wen was already sitting on the sofa and shouting at them, “Get in here."
Zhao Jinxin stepped into the room before Shao Qun and coquettishly said to Shao Wen, "Wen-Jie, let me pour you a glass of water!"
Fanart from “Winner Takes All” to commemorate
the reappearance of Li Shuo and Zhao Jinxin.
Artist: 请嘟嘟吃肉 @Weibo
Chapter 70
After Li Chengxiu and Li Shuo entered the apartment, they were a little embarrassed around each other. It's not that Li Chengxiu was unhappy to see Li Shuo again, but Li Shuo appeared in front of him too suddenly, and he didn't know how to react to it.
Li Chengxiu remembered the time he spent with Li Shuo and was filled with different emotions. Right now, both of them were not sure where they were standing with each other.
Li Shuo seemed to have calmed down a bit, returning to his usual unperturbed state. He sat down on the sofa and gently held Li Chengxiu's hand: "Chengxiu..." He smiled bitterly, "I haven't seen you in such a long time. I have a lot to say, but now I don't even know where to start."
Li Chengxiu asked simply, "Li-Dage, how are you doing?"
Li Shuo didn't answer, but instead asked back, "How about you?"
Li Chengxiu smiled: "I’m okay... I found a job...by myself."
Li Shuo pointed his chin towards the room next door, his eyes a little gloomy, "What's the deal with him?"
Li Chengxiu's face slightly changed: "He… He found me and then moved in next door... I don't want to move anymore…I’m tired of it myself, and Teacup is also not fond of it."
Li Shuo sighed: "Chengxiu, why didn't you come to the United States?"
They finally got to the real questions.
Li Chengxiu took a deep breath, and a look of shame appeared on his face: "Li-Dage, I'm sorry... I hurt you... I… I didn’t dare to go."
Li Shuo looked at him sadly: "I know that was a difficult decision for you to make in such a short time. But if you trusted me more, things would be different now."
Li Chengxiu's eyes were red: "I'm sorry..."
Li Shuo looked at him: "Chengxiu, let's not talk about the past anymore. What about now? We still have a chance. You can still come with me. I have settled all the troublesome affairs. However, after this incident, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. So I sold the company. I’ve worked hard for this business for more than ten years and missed out on a lot of other things, like love, life, time with my family… My father was sick, and I wasn’t even at his side at the time. Now I want a fresh start, I want to do something else entirely. I want to leave Shenzhen…Would you like to come with me?"
Li Chengxiu felt that a big stone was suddenly pressed against his chest. Under Li Shuo's earnest and sincere eyes, it was difficult for him to pronounce the words of refusal.
There was a time when Li Chengxiu had to go through the depths of despair, helplessness and fear. The damage that was done to him by Shao Qun made him feel burdened by constantly having to walk on thin ice, anxious that Shao Qun might mess with his life again.
Li Shuo was the one who helped him the most during these darkest days. He comforted him, he encouraged him, he gave him a place to stay and gave him warmth that he so desperately needed. Without Li Shuo, Li Chengxiu didn’t know what would have become of him.
So, whether intentionally or not, at that time, Li Chengxiu was using Li Shuo. This made him feel so guilty that he couldn’t even look the man in the eye.
His gratitude to Li Shuo was beyond words, so he stayed by Li Shuo's side, hoping to really become the gentle lover that Li Shuo wished for.
But no matter how Li Chengxiu lied to himself, deep down he knew that his feelings had nothing to do with romantic “liking”.
Li Chengxiu had poured all his romantic feelings into Shao Qun. He didn’t know how to reverse this process, he could do nothing about it anymore - even if Shao Qun didn’t want any of his feelings, threw them on the ground and trampled all over them, Li Chengxiu still couldn’t take them back.
If he had met Li Shuo first, everything would have been different. But he met Shao Qun first.
This was Li Chengxiu’s fate, and it was his alone. He could no longer implicate Li Shuo in this mess.
Although Li Shuo said that he sold the company out of his own volition, it was clear that if Li Shuo had kept the business, it would have negatively affected the company. Reputation is the bread and butter of an accounting firm. And after 10 years of hard work, it was basically gone now.[13] Li Chengxiu had no idea how to compensate him for this loss and he didn’t dare to do anything that might further harm Li Shuo.
Li Shuo's expectant eyes gradually dimmed due to Li Chengxiu's long silence.
Li Chengxiu choked and said, "Li-Dage, I'm sorry..."
Li Shuo fixed his gaze at him and said softly, "When Shao Wen found me, she told me she’d bring me here to take you away. Can you imagine how happy I was? I actually thought I’d never see you again. I thought that this time, we could actually leave together and start a good life…" He took a painful breath: "You said you were sorry. What are you sorry for?"
"I……"
Li Shuo said in a deep voice, "What you should be most sorry for is for disappearing so suddenly!”
Li Chengxiu's shoulders shook, and his tears started flowing out uncontrollably.
"You know how anxious I was when I heard about your disappearance while stuck on another continent? Why couldn’t you trust me? Why didn't you wait for me to help you out? You just left all alone out of the blue… Did you even take my feelings into consideration?"
Li Chengxiu couldn't say anything except "I'm sorry".
He couldn’t tell whether the decision he made was right or wrong, but if he had to do it all over again, he would still do the same thing.
Li Shuo couldn't bear Li Chengxiu’s reaction, so he lightly patted him on the back. Yet, there was a deep disappointment on his face.
After that, the two of them talked intermittently about each other's lives in the last half a year. Before leaving, Li Shuo left his new number: "I will give you some time to think about it. If you have any difficulties, just call me. I will help you with whatever you need."
Li Chengxiu accompanied Li Shuo to the door. Before stepping out, the man suddenly turned his face and said with a gloomy and slightly embarrassed expression: "Chengxiu, about what Shao Qun said before... Me and his cousin are not what you think…"
Li Chengxiu was slightly surprised, yet he nodded.
"When I was in the United States, Shao Qun asked his cousin to approach me. These kinds of underhanded methods are really despicable, I…" Li Shuo seemed to be very careful about choosing his next words.
Li Chengxiu didn't know what to say to that.
Although Li Chengxiu was a bit dense, he still intuitively felt that there was something unusual going on between Li Shuo and Shao Qun’s cousin. But he didn’t feel like he could ask anything about that.
Li Shuo frowned and thought for a long time, before finally giving up. He leaned over and kissed Li Chengxiu's forehead: "This matter is not important. Just trust me, okay?"
Li Chengxiu nodded even though he didn't quite understand what he meant.
He sent Li Shuo out and saw that Shao Qun, his sister and his cousin were already standing next to the car. Shao Wen's eyes were red and stern. She gave Li Chengxiu a strict look and then turned around to get into the car.
After the others left, Shao Qun hurriedly approached Li Chengxiu and asked, "What did you talk about with him?"
The appearance of Li Shuo brought back all of Li Chengxiu's unbearable memories. He remembered what situation Shao Qun had put him in and what it took for him to survive. Now, when he was facing Shao Qun, he naturally had no good feelings towards him.
Without saying a word, Li Chengxiu turned around and walked upstairs.
Shao Qun followed him into the apartment and slammed the door behind himself. His face looked fierce.
Li Chengxiu turned to look at him, wanting to see what Shao Qun was going to do now.
Shao Qun's breath was rapid, and his palms were sweating: "Chengxiu, what did he say to you? Does that old pervert still have thoughts about you?"
There was a burst of anger in Li Chengxiu's chest. It came on so quickly that he managed to fiercely say: "None of your business!" He then wanted to throw Shao Qun out immediately.
With a frighteningly gloomy expression on his face, Shao Qun pressed against the wall with both his hands, blocking Li Chengxiu between his body and the door.
Li Chengxiu was shocked: "You..."
Shao Qun stretched out his trembling hand, gently touched Li Chengxiu’s face and said hoarsely, "What did he say to you? Do you want to get back together? Are you going to leave with him?"
Li Chengxiu pushed against Shao Qun, trying to get away.
Shao Qun grabbed Li Chengxiu’s hand, his eyes full of struggle. He gritted his teeth and said, "Chengxiu, does our long time together mean nothing to you? Is Li Shuo a saint in your eyes? And I’m the devil? He's also just a man who is capable of anything after a couple glasses of wine. So why do you treat him so well and keep hating me? Why can’t you give me a second glance?"
Li Chengxiu's shoulders trembled: "Let me go..."
Shao Qun gave him a miserable smile: "Let you go? “Let me go”, “Go away”, “Leave”, “Get out”... do you have anything else to say to me besides these words? I am nothing in your eyes, but my heart is also made of flesh and blood. It hurts and it does get sad, when you treat me coldly and flirt with others. It makes me unable to sleep at night... All I want is to have you in my life. So every day I keep putting on thick skin and acting like a total sucker. But you still refuse to believe me. Are you some kind of celestial being[14] that I would go through the trouble of treating myself this way only to deceive you? Why can't you just believe it? I also have a fucking heart, and all my sincerity is for you..."
Li Chengxiu shook his head and slowly retracted his body, as if he could somehow protect himself in this way.
Shao Qun forcibly lifted his chin and stared into his eyes: "Chengxiu, I admit that I can act like your flunky and kneel in front of you three times a day, if you ask me to. But over my dead body will I watch you getting close to others. Don’t force my hand. I beg you, don’t provoke me. I have no idea what I’m capable of, and I don’t want to hurt you again. I can endure it if you don’t forgive me. I can wait for years to see which one of us will turn out to be more stubborn. But if you ever get together with somebody else, I don’t know what I’ll do…"
Shao Qun's icy fingers rubbed against Li Chengxiu's face, and there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. The coldness of these fingertips hit Li Chengxiu right in the heart. He looked into Shao Qun's bottomless eyes and shuddered.
He had a feeling that Shao Qun had weaved countless invisible nets all over his body, and every single thread was pierced through his flesh, surrounding him tightly. He couldn’t escape, no matter where he went. There was no way to get out of bondage created by this one and only person.
Li Chengxiu was so frightened that his legs became weak.
This intense, raw feeling shook him to the core. He once loved this person so much, so no matter how he tried to prevent himself from falling into the trap, he couldn’t stay completely indifferent hearing all these affectionate confessions repeated over and over again. For this reason, every time he saw Shao Qun, he got scared. He feared hearing those beautiful words again, afraid that he couldn't suppress his own feelings, even if he tried very hard.
But Shao Qun was like a sharp sword. The closer he got, the more serious the injury became. Li Chengxiu had learned his lesson numerous times, so he couldn’t help remembering what the price was.
Shao Qun wiped his face and said hoarsely, "Chengxiu, why do you have to torture yourself and me like this? You can find a thousand reasons to hate me, but can you maybe find even half a reason to start over with me? You used to like me before. I beg you to like me again, okay?”
Li Chengxiu was heartbroken. This person who had mercilessly trampled all over his sincerity dared to ask him to rely on him again? Li Chengxiu had no more feelings left, he was long used up - his body was dry, and his heart was empty. How could he like him again?
"Liking... you? You don't want it… you… you don’t deserve it..."
Shao Qun felt such an unbearable pain as if his body was about to be split apart. He laughed miserably, retracted his arms, slumped his shoulders and gave Li Chengxiu a thumbs up: "Chengxiu, I used to think you were such a sissy. I was so fucking wrong about that. Not only are you as manly as they come, your heart is damn ruthless too. You don’t even see blood when you’re stabbing someone to death."
Li Chengxiu pushed him away.
Shao Qun tightly clenched his fist: "My sister won't bother you for the time being... Unless you see Li Shuo again, we return to the status quo, right? I'm going back to being a hard-working, shameless neighbor. That's enough then."
After Shao Qun left, Li Chengxiu cried on the sofa for a long time.
It seemed that his life was just getting harder and harder no matter what he did. He didn't know who was at fault, but whichever way he went, the results were always miserable.
There was just one being in this world that truly belonged to Li Chengxiu and that was not going to abandon him in any case. Other than that, he was his own master. However, he knew very well that if he went on a run together with Teacup, he would never dare to return to Shao Qun.
Every pore in his body remembered Shao Qun’s smell. Shao Qun was the most intense presence in Li Chengxiu’s memory. Whether these memories were beautiful or painful, they were going to stay with him for the rest of his life. Shao Qun was a poisonous seed planted deep in his heart. He couldn’t let this thing grow, otherwise he would enjoy the short moment of warmth and then won’t be able to live anymore, once Shao Qun abandons him again.
Li Chengxiu cried for a long time before he finally made up his mind and called his landlord.
"Hello...Li-Jie[15], I'm not going to rent the apartment anymore..."
From the moment Shao Qun appeared in front of him again, Li Chengxiu knew that sooner or later this moment was bound to come.
He just didn't expect it to come so quickly, though. He originally hoped that he could at least wait until Teacup grew up a bit and got less skinny and fragile. On that day, they could just disappear together. But right now, he didn’t have any other choice anymore.
Shao Qun was acting more attentive and considerate day by day. He got more gentle and helpful.
The same Shao Qun, who wouldn’t lift his finger to pick up a broom that fell in front of him, was now even learning to cook to curry favor with Li Chengxiu.
Li Chengxiu knew that he had a tendency to be soft-hearted. He could deal with it when others humiliated him or treated him badly. But he really couldn’t turn a blind eye towards kindness. But it was clear that under no circumstances could he soften his heart towards Shao Qun.
So escape was the only option.
Li Chengxiu quietly made an appointment with Li-Jie to let her check the premises. He settled the deposit, the rent, his water and electricity bills, as well as a series of other formalities. By the end of the day, Li Chengxiu was ready to leave.
He had no idea where exactly he was going, but he was definitely going as far away as possible.
He had heard from his colleagues before that Sichuan[16] was a good place to live due to its good climate and low cost of living.
The only places Li Chengxiu had visited in his life were his hometown and a few cities in Guangdong. He had only heard about other places from the mouths of other people. So when he was thinking about where to go, he could only come up with a few ideas.
He was very reluctant to resign from the company.
Li Chengxiu had just gotten a foothold at the firm, and they were even providing him with insurance. If he stayed there for a long time, he could actually live a carefree life with no monetary issues until he got old. But, as it happened again and again, due to Shao Qun he had to give this opportunity up.
Fortunately, the results of his physical examination were still delayed, so he could just pretend that he forgot all about the medical insurance and hand in his resignation with less embarrassment.
The boss was not happy about the situation. He lost his temper at Li Chengxiu and finally made him stay for another two weeks, so he could at least manage to find a replacement.
Since Li Chengxiu's lease was also expiring in two weeks, he agreed.
After he got home that day, he began to pack away some rarely-used things first. Just as he was packing, somebody knocked at the door.
Li Chengxiu straightened up and just silently stared at the door panel for a long time, ignoring the knocking. He thought it could only be Shao Qun.
Shao Qun didn’t seem to give up - he kept knocking and knocking. And the more he knocked, the more impatient he became. The last couple of knocks were so powerful that the door seemed to be barely hanging on.
Li Chengxiu couldn't take it anymore, so he rushed over and opened up.
Shao Qun's face was fierce and his eyes were red, as he threw a piece of paper towards Li Chengxiu. Hoarsely he said: "You resigned again? So you are willing to quit a job that you like so much? Where are you going this time? Do I disgust you to such an extent that you need to keep running away again and again?!"
Went on a semi-hiatus because I accidentally discovered a new favorite danmei author whose works I’m now binging. Seriously, Lan Lin’s MLs are often so much worse than Shao Qun XD
Might start translating a particularly toxic novel of hers after “Sissy” is done.
[1] 6 megapixel-cameras were standard around 2010, I think. My current phone actually has 12 mp, so at least I’m doing better than Chengxiu.
[2] Oh, he’s doing quite well around this time during his adventures in “Winner takes All”.
[3]International Workers’ Day - public holiday almost everywhere except the US.
[4] Could also mean “chaste”. But here the joke is probably in comparing Li Chengxiu to a “virtuous wife”.
[5] I reread this line several times, but that’s what it says (不 (NOT) 算(consider)淫乱(promiscuous)). The guy is delusional.
[6] 102° F
[7] She actually calls him “Xiao Li Zi” (小李子), where “xiao” is “small”, “li” is his last name, and “zi” is “child”. However, 李子 (“lizi”) together means “plum”. So it could be that she is referring to Chengxiu as “Little Plum”.
[8] You're confused? I'm also fucking confused bro~
[9] Funnily enough, Shao Qun is still using the term 宝贝 (baobei) here. This is how he referred to Chengxiu in the past, and also how he and his friends refer to their kept lovers/sex workers in the club. Maybe I’m reading too much into this but it makes one think, whether his attitude has *really* changed.
[10] That would total to around 3USD per workday. You could probably get a very cheap meal from a street vendor for that kind of money.
[11] 15 USD for a bus ride XD
[12] He actually tells Li Shuo not to touch “his person”. It sounds a bit awkward in English, so I chose to go with “him”. But I think it’s still an important nuance.
[13] Just a reminder: Shao Qun dug up a case of illegal loans that Li Shuo was implicated in to keep him trapped in the US. Although the case was dropped later, and Li Shuo was in no danger of being arrested anymore, the case still made some waves in the business world. Thus, his reputation as an honest accountant was kind of ruined. “Winner Takes All” gives a more detailed explanation of what happened and what led him to selling his company.
[14] He uses the word 天仙 which means a “Goddess”/ a “fairy” or a “female immortal”. I used “fairy” at first but due to certain connotations in the English language (hehe), decided to go with something divine but gender-neutral.
[15] He is calling his landlord “Elder Sister Li” or “Li-Jie” not because she is actually his sister but because she is a lady older than him, whom he is addressing slightly informally.
[16] A province approx. 18-hour drive away from Shenzhen. It’s cold in the winter and hot in the summer. While the cost of living without rent in Shenzhen is around 700 USD, the cost of living in e.g. Chengdu (Sichuan) would be around 500 USD.