(Intro and Chapters 1 - 10 can be found here: Sissy (娘娘腔))
(Chapters 11 - 20 can be found here: Sissy (娘娘腔) c11 - c20)
(Chapters 21 - 30 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c21 - c30)
(Chapters 31 - 40 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c31 - c40)
(Chapters 41 - 50 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c41 - c50)
(Chapters 51 - 60 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c51 - c60)
(Chapters 61 - 70 can be found here:Sissy (娘娘腔) c61 - c70)
Chapter 71
Li Chengxiu looked at the thin piece of paper in surprise. It was the resignation letter he had handed in today: "You… how did you…?" Then suddenly he didn’t want to ask anymore. Figures that Shao Qun had a way to find these things out. So what if he asked? Li Chengxiu had been so proud of himself, thinking that his achievements at the company were actually the result of his own hard work. What if it turns out that these were also just handouts given to him by Shao Qun?
If it turned out that he was nothing without Shao Qun, how would he be able to go on?
Shao Qun crumpled the piece of paper, threw it at Li Chengxiu’s feet, stared at him with his red eyes and asked sternly, "Where are you going? Where do you want to go this time?"
Li Chengxiu took a step back, feeling weakness in his legs. He knew now that there was nowhere for him to go.
Shao Qun suddenly leaned over, fiercely hugged Li Chengxiu and hoarsely shouted at him: "Chengxiu...Where do you want to go? You want to leave me again, so that I can't find you anymore. Why are you so fucking cruel?"
Li Chengxiu's eyes were full of tears, and the desperate feeling in his heart could not be described in words.
Shao Qun's voice trembled slightly: "I won't let you go. You’re not going anywhere. You’re not leaving me again…"
Li Chengxiu said, shaking: "Shao Qun. You’re done here. I’m done too. Let’s just end it."
Shao Qun roared, "I'm not fucking done! I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So where are you going?"
Li Chengxiu slowly pushed him away, then sat down on the sofa, feeling exhausted. He then choked:"Shao Qun,your words are so cheap." This person told him that he liked him, told him that he was going to treat him well, told him that he was not getting married, told him that he was the only one… The same person then stepped on him. These promises were such flimsy and frivolous things…How could one believe in such things?
Even now, Shao Qun was so persistent in claiming his sincerity. But if he was so sincere in the first place, then why was he being so forceful in making Li Chengxiu accept him? Shao Qun was still the same Shao Qun, after all. He still thought that everything had to go according to his wishes. If he wanted to abandon Li Chengxiu, he would abandon him in a heartbeat. If he wanted to reconcile again, Li Chengxiu wouldn’t be allowed to say “no” and would be forced to accept his “care” and “sincerity”.
Why was that? In fact, Shao Qun had never even given him a choice. If Shao Qun said he didn’t want him, then that was it. But if he said he wanted him, then Li Chengxiu had to immediately come back. Shao Qun already owned a lot. Li Chengxiu had almost nothing. Could he at least keep the right of making his own decisions in life?
Shao Qun squatted beside Li Chengxiu’s legs and looked up at him: "Chengxiu, you hear my words, and you think they are cheap. Do you have any idea how much I’ve paid for these words that you describe as “cheap”? Do you know what I’ve traded to be able to give you this promise? I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. I’ve only ever liked you. In my entire life, this is the first time that I’ve lost somebody I love. So, of course, I am disheartened and I have no idea what to do. I’m just trying to get close to you, trying to look at you and tell you over and over again that I know that I was wrong and that I can still change and that I hope you can give me another chance…Other than that, I don't know what to do. If I need to do something else, just teach me. I’m willing to do whatever you ask of me. I’m not going to get married, I won’t let anyone bully you, even my own family. I will listen to whatever you say. You can even tell me to die. Just teach me what I should do, so we can go back!”
Li Chengxiu said hoarsely: "What if I tell you… to let me go?"
Shao Qun's vision gradually blurred, and his heart was in so much pain that he almost lost consciousness. He heard his own voice as if it was coming from somewhere far away, "That’s the one thing I can’t do."
Li Chengxiu held back his tears, took a deep breath and said: "Shao Qun. You said that you respect me. But when have you ever… taken my feelings into consideration? When you moved next door to me… did you ask me what I thought about it? Did you ask my opinion… when you intervened in my work life? I won't give you a child… and you can’t bring me anywhere with you in public… since your family will never accept that. How long can we even… be together then? One day… you'll get tired of me. Then… where should I go? What… should I do? You’ve abandoned… and humiliated me… before. So what if it… happens again? Have you ever… thought about this? You’re only thinking about… your current wish to reconcile… but have you actually… thought about me?"[1]
Shao Qun looked at him blankly. This was the first time that he heard Li Chengxiu speak so much, and every single word was like a knife mercilessly slashing at his body. When Li Chengxiu was done, Shao Qun almost had no more strength to squat.
Shao Qun choked: "Chengxiu, it's unfair of you to say that. I have been working hard for our future. I want my family to accept you, and I want you to enter the Shao family publicly. And I will be able to achieve all of this, if you give me some more time. Everything in the Shao family will be yours one day, so how can you say I haven’t been thinking about the future? I’m only afraid that you won’t want me. I can promise you everything, except for giving up. Even if you tell me to let go, I won’t be able to, so there is no use for you to tell me that."
Li Chengxiu slightly turned his head : "Shao family… doesn’t concern me. And … I don’t want to have anything to do…with your family anymore."
Shao Qun's body trembled, he turned Li Chengxiu's chin towards himself and said with some excitement: "Chengxiu, what I told you is true. The Shao family will be yours. If I give you the entire Shao family, will you believe me again? In that case, can you give me another chance?"
Li Chengxiu pushed him away: "What are you even talking about…?"
Shao Qun grabbed Li Chengxiu’s hand: "Chengxiu, believe me. Listen, I am going to give you the Shao family. Together with me, the entire Shao family will belong to you. Does that put your mind at ease? As I already told you earlier, you think that you have nothing, but if you have me, you will have everything."
Li Chengxiu wanted to pull out his hand and stop this torrent of nonsense: “Stop talking. Just leave..."
"Chengxiu!" Shao Qun seemed to be desperate, "Chengxiu, do you remember your physical examination that day?"
Li Chengxiu’s heart skipped a beat and he turned to look at Shao Qun.
"In nine months…you will have a child of your own."
It seemed that Li Chengxiu was struck by lightning at that moment. He was completely stunned, unable to digest the bomb that Shao Qun had just dropped on him. He thought that he must have heard it wrong.
Shao Qun looked at him and said with excitement: "The surrogate mother I’ve found has been successfully fertilized. She will give birth to your child. And this child’s name will be Shao. He is your child and also mine. He is ours. In the future, everything in the Shao family will belong to him and to you..."
Before Shao Qun even finished speaking, Li Chengxiu's face was already distorted. His whole body trembled, he raised his fist and punched Shao Qun right in the face.
Shao Qun was knocked to the ground by the sheer force of it, but Li Chengxiu still wasn’t done venting his hatred. As if he was possessed, he got on top of Shao Qun and kept hitting his face and body over and over again.
Unexpectedly, even weak people could go berserk, if they were angered enough, and their wrath could be quite painful.
At first, Shao Qun subconsciously blocked Li Chengxiu’s punches a couple of times, but then he simply frowned with a painful look on his face and let him beat him up as he pleased. In any case, these fists hurt his heart much more than his body.
After an unknown amount of time, Li Chengxiu was so exhausted that he couldn’t even lift his hands anymore. His body softened, and big teardrops started falling onto Shao Qun’s face: "This is... Shao Qun, you bastard! This is...this is a life...You can’t just casually….casually do whatever you want...are you even human? This is… a human being you’re talking about!"
Shao Qun struggled to sit up and hugged Li Chengxiu, tears welling up in his eyes: "Chengxiu, I had no choice. I can’t let you go. I will go absolutely crazy without you. I'm so scared that I can't sleep anymore. I'm afraid that when I wake up one day, I won't be able to find you again. But you don't want me anymore. So what else could I have done to keep you? Apart from this, what other option did I have to keep you? If you don't want me anymore... What the fuck should I do then? What do you think I should do?
Li Chengxiu opened his mouth and fiercely bit Shao Qun’s shoulder, wishing that he could bite through the flesh. But even that wouldn’t be enough to vent his hatred.
How far was Shao Qun willing to push him before he was finally willing to give up?
A child! A child! A lowly homosexual like him now had a child. This was something he had never even dared to think about in his life. To Li Chengxiu this was such a sacred and beautiful thing. And Shao Qun had the nerve to actually use it as a bargaining chip to preemptively force him into a corner. This innocent child now had to be born into these complicated circumstances. What was Li Chengxiu to do? What would happen to that child? How could Shao Qun do such a thing?
Shao Qun was hugging him tightly, but Li Chengxiu couldn’t even feel or care about the pain in his shoulders or his body.
This tragic love affair was doomed but Shao Qun had the guts to do whatever needed to be done. He was really stupid before because he had to reach the end of the dark tunnel before he finally realized how much he loved Li Chengxiu and that he actually couldn’t live without him. It was his retribution that their relationship had become what it was now. There was no chance that Li Chengxiu was willing to return to the way things were before. But Shao Qun couldn’t let him go. He knew that this would only make Li Chengxiu hate him more, yet he couldn’t think of a better way. Li Chengxiu was Shao Qun’s only failure in life. He didn’t dare to think where his actions would lead the both of them, and he didn’t know if Li Chengxiu was ever going to smile at him again.
Shao Qun held onto Li Chengxiu just like a drowning man holding onto a driftwood.
This was the most important wish in his life, the most urgent desire. He could give up anything, but he could never let this person in his arms go.
Li Chengxiu sobbed and cried - at this moment, he had entirely collapsed. The two of them hugged for a long time, as if they were the only ones left in each other’s worlds.
Teacup’s angry barking was what finally brought them both back to reality.
Li Chengxiu struggled to get himself up from Shao Qun’s body, picked up Teacup that was biting Shao Qun's clothes, put the puppy into his pocket and then stumbled out of the door.
Shao Qun quickly jumped up and chased after him: "Chengxiu, where are you going?"
Li Chengxiu's face was full of tears: "Don't follow me..."
Shao Qun grabbed his arm: "Chengxiu, where are you going? You are in a really bad state right now. You shouldn’t walk around like that..."
"Don't follow me!" Li Chengxiu screamed, pushed him as hard as he could, turned around and ran away.
Shao Qun didn't care how fierce Li Chengxiu was acting. He still chose to chase after him.
He had never seen Li Chengxiu like this before. It seemed that all the anger that had been suppressed in his body before had been ignited at the same time. Shao Qun had never imagined that this incident was going to stimulate Li Chengxiu so much.
Shao Qun felt a little regretful in his heart, and he knew that he did something very wrong again. He kept making mistakes like that, pushing Li Chengxiu farther and farther away. But the more mistakes he made, the more mistakes he needed to make to fix them. So he had no other choice but to continue making mistakes. There was no way back for him anymore.
When Shao Qun rushed downstairs together with Li Chengxiu, he saw a car approaching from a distance. He knew at a glance that that was his eldest sister.
He wanted to ignore it and continue chasing after Li Chengxiu but the car suddenly accelerated and swerved in front of him, blocking his way.
Shao Wen got out of the car, grabbed Shao Qun and said angrily, "So you see me and then you run…"
Seeing Li Chengxiu moving farther and farther away, Shao Qun was so anxious that he broke out in sweat. Now all he wanted was to get rid of his sister.
Shao Wen asked sharply, "Shao Qun, what happened to you? Who hit you?" She looked at her brother's face, which was blue and purple. Shao Qun’s cheeks were also still swollen. She realized that Shao Qun seemed to be in a hurry right now, so she kind of had an idea of what might have happened. The whole thing made her angry and distressed.
Shao Qun said anxiously, "Sis, I'll talk to you later, okay?" Then he bypassed her and ran in the direction where Li Chengxiu had disappeared to.
Shao Wen blushed from anger, turned around and got into the car.
"Follow him," she instructed the driver.
Li Chengxiu was running very fast, and he actually had no goal in mind. Right now, at this time, he just didn't want to look at Shao Qun anymore. The farther away he could be from him, the better.
Although Shao Qun followed closely, he didn't dare to get too close. He kept a little distance between them, afraid that if he approached Li Chengxiu right now, he would go berserk again.
Li Chengxiu’s thoughts were a jumbled mess. All of a sudden, countless pictures and sounds were rushing through his mind. He felt that he was thinking a lot, yet at the same time he wasn’t thinking at all.
Teacup was nervously twisting inside his pocket. The puppy whimpered, clasping at the edge of his pocket with its claws, and looked at the distance between the ground and Li Chengxiu’s pocket. It tried to jump down a couple of times, but didn’t dare.
Suddenly, the phone right under Teacup’s butt rang. The vibration startled the dog, so it started whimpering even more anxiously.
It took Li Chengxiu a long time to calm down too. He took out his mobile phone, looked at the number on the screen and accepted the call.
Ji Yuanqi's energetic voice came from the other side: "Hey, Li Chengxiu, why haven't you come to visit this Young Master in such a long time? I'm stuck in this shabby house, and I'm dying of boredom. I want to eat tasty food."
Li Chengxiu didn't speak, instead he just pressed out an "um".
Ji Yuanqi immediately sensed that there was something wrong with his voice: "Hey? What's wrong with you?"
Li Chengxiu still didn't speak, so Ji Yuanqi quickly repeated his question: "Li Chengxiu, what's going on? Are you crying?"
After a long while, Li Chengxiu finally just said "um" again. At this time, he could no longer control his emotions, and his voice was trembling.
The person on the other end of the phone immediately exploded: "Shit, you're crying again... What happened? Who caused you trouble? No, I mean, you're a man, so you shouldn’t cry under any circumstances. Tell me what's going on, and I'll help you vent."
Li Chengxiu uncomfortably called out: "Xiao Ji..." After that he couldn’t help but cry even more.
He was indeed a man, so he really shouldn't cry after every little thing. But he was a man who had absolutely no say about his own life - even if he could provide for himself, he was still under somebody else’s control. And now he was forced into such a dilemma. Even if he doesn’t want to have this child, can he still reject it? It was his own flesh and blood after all.
Li Chengxiu had always known that he wasn’t the most capable person, but this was the first time in his life that he felt so desperate about any kind of situation.
He hated Shao Qun's willfulness, and he also hated his own weakness and uselessness. He still couldn't come up with a solution to this problem. So he was now crying his heart out to a child who was a decade younger than himself.
Ji Yuanqi was anxious: "Where are you now? I'll ask someone to pick you up. Don't cry, just come over. I'll help you. Tell me where you are."
Li Chengxiu ran out of the house at the spur of the moment, and now he didn’t want to go back. In the big city of Guangzhou, he really only had this one friend. After hesitating for a while, Li Chengxiu told Ji Yuanqi his location.
Ji Yuanqi told him to stay put and immediately sent someone to pick him up.
Li Chengxiu waited at the side of the road for about 20 minutes. Sure enough, a familiar car appeared. The same men in black from the last time respectfully opened the door for Li Chengxiu.
Shao Qun had been monitoring Li Chengxiu from a distance, and as soon as he saw what happened, his eyes widened. He hastily jumped into a taxi and followed.
Remembered this quote for some reason.
At least Shao Qun didn’t kill Teacup.
Chapter 72
Very soon they arrived at the villa which Li Chengxiu had already visited a couple of times before. During the ride, he managed to calm down a bit. When he got out, he was a little embarrassed to see Ji Yuanqi quickly running towards him.
As soon as Ji Yuanqi approached, he hugged Li Chengxiu and touched his red puffy eyes with his fingers: "What happened? Did you lose your job? Did Teacup die?"
Li Chengxiu frowned and patted his pocket: "It's doing very well. Don’t talk nonsense..."
Ji Yuanqi glanced at the puppy in the pocket, put his arm over Li Chengxiu’s shoulders and then led him inside the house: "Tell me, what's the matter with you."
Li Chengxiu took a deep breath and gave Ji Yuanqi a heavy look.
He didn't know where to start. The entanglement between him and Shao Qun was so chaotic, that it was impossible to untangle it. And even if he could do it, it wasn’t something he was willing to divulge to Ji Yuanqi.
Ji Yuanqi saw that Li Chengxiu didn't speak, so he poked his face to make him hurry up.
"You're looking at me with such a desperate face, and you still haven't told me what's going on. Are you deliberately trying to stir something up here with me?"
Li Chengxiu shook his head: "I should just go back..."
Ji Yuanqi pressed him back down onto the sofa, "Don't go. You can't go until your thing is resolved."
Li Chengxiu took Teacup out of his pocket, fiddled around with it, lowered his head and kept quiet.
Ji Yuanqi took out a paper tissue and pushed it towards Li Chengxiu, so he could wipe his face.
Li Chengxiu awkwardly took it and whispered, "Thank you."
Ji Yuanqi sighed: "Talk. How can I help you if you don't talk to me?"
Li Chengxiu rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath: "What do you want to eat? I'll cook it for you."
Ji Yuanqi shouted in a husky voice, "I don't want to eat anything right now!"
Just as the two of them were looking awkwardly at each other, there was a sound of commotion coming from the outside.
Ji Yuanqi was about to get up to take a look, when a bodyguard knocked on the door and came in.
"What's going on?" Ji Yuanqi looked outside the window and saw several people making noise around the gate.
The bodyguard answered: "Master, someone outside was insisting on coming in. He said that he’s looking for Mr.Li…Then a lady arrived right after him. One of the subordinates recognized her as the eldest Young Miss from the Beijing Shao family."
Li Chengxiu's face suddenly changed, and he nervously looked at Ji Yuanqi.
Ji Yuanqi showed a fierce expression: "Were you crying like this because of that Shao Qun guy?"
Li Chengxiu stood up anxiously: "I still..."
Ji Yuanqi stared out the window: "Just sit down... Fuck, I’ve been itching to teach this Shao jerk a lesson for quite some time. Let him in and ask his sister to wait outside."
The bodyguard said cautiously, "Master, that person doesn’t seem too friendly. Are you sure you want to let him in? Why don’t you rather invite Miss Shao here? It’s not appropriate to make her stand outside…"
Ji Yuanqi said indifferently: "I’m already being very respectful by letting her brother come in. What are you afraid of? This is my territory."
The bodyguard helplessly retreated.
After a while, the people who were crowding at the door dispersed, and Shao Qun was brought in with a gloomy expression on his face
Ji Yuanqi firmly squeezed Li Chengxiu's hand and grinned: "Watch me channel your anger at him!"
As soon as Shao Qun entered, he first located Li Chengxiu and was slightly relieved. Then his eyes moved towards Ji Yuanqi, and his gaze turned cold in an instant.
Ji Yuanqi glared right back at him, serving the same energy.
Shao Qun reached out towards Li Chengxiu: "Chengxiu, let’s go home."
Li Chengxiu didn't lift his head. He only covered Teacup with his hands, while his shoulders slightly trembled.
Ji Yuanqi put his arms around Li Chengxiu and said coldly to Shao Qun: "He’s not even paying any attention to you, and you’re still pestering him. Are you not done yet?”
Shao Qun responded: "What do our affairs have to do with you? You’re an outsider. Just be smart, stay out of it and don’t get in between us."
Ji Yuan said sarcastically: "You are standing on the floor of my house right now. Li Chengxiu came to my house on his own volition. Me and him are at least friends. And who are you? Can't you see that he won't even bother with you?"
Shao Qun resisted the urge to wave his fist and said to Li Chengxiu with a pleading tone: "Chengxiu, what's the matter? Let's just go home and talk about it, okay?"
His sister was waiting outside the door. And he didn't want her to know that his relationship with Li Chengxiu had reached a very bad point. It would make it more difficult for him to convince his family on this matter.
Li Chengxiu remained unresponsive, while Ji Yuanqi proudly glanced at Shao Qun.
The three of them were in a deadlock for a long time. Shao Qun finally couldn't hold it any longer, so he came up to Li Chengxiu and tried to pull him up.
As soon as he made his move, Ji Yuanqi also stood up and blocked Shao Qun, looking at him provocatively.
Li Chengxiu got up from the sofa and took several steps back, trying to avoid him.
This apparent dodging stabbed Shao Qun right in the heart. His eyes immediately turned red, and he shouted at Li Chengxiu: "I just want to be with you! Why are you always running away? Why are you always avoiding me?"
Li Chengxiu trembled: "I don't want to be with you."
When Shao Qun heard these words, his eyes filled with deep pain, and his expression partly showed utter despair and partly cold cruelty.
He pushed Ji Yuanqi away and wanted to come closer to Li Chengxiu.
Ji Yuanqi had been waiting for this opportunity to show off in front of Li Chengxiu for a long time. And here came the awaited trigger. Ji Yuanqi grabbed Shao Qun’s arm, twisted it to the side, and his fist went right into Shao Qun’s face.
Shao Qun quickly took a hold of Ji Yuanqi's hand that was twisting his arm. He then ducked away from one of the punches and slammed his shoulder into Ji Yuanqi’s chest.
Ji Yuanqi was knocked over backwards, but he didn't let go of Shao Qun's arm, so both of them instantly fell to the ground.
The bodyguards who were on guard next to the door rushed in to witness this scene. Ji Yuanqi’s face was red from anger. He shouted at his men, "Don't come in between! Not a single one of you."
The bodyguards were discouraged by his words, so they had no other choice but to stand around with some embarrassment and watch the two guys go at it.
Looking at the fight, Li Chengxiu was so frightened that he was nervously retreating back until he reached the wall.
He actually wanted to go up to them and stop this madness, but he didn't dare to get close to the battle area, so he was beside himself with anxiety.
Li Chengxiu then ran towards the bodyguards: "Hurry up and stop them!"
The leader shook his head and smiled bitterly: "Young Master didn’t allow us to interfere."
So there was nothing Li Chengxiu could do besides nervously pacing back and forth,
The bodyguard tried to comfort him: "Mr. Li, don't worry too much. He can't beat the Young Master without a weapon..."
Before he even finished speaking, someone next to him shouted: "Wei-Ge, they have a knife!"
The person who was called Wei-Ge turned his head, and sure enough, Ji Yuanqi and Shao Qun had snatched the fruit knife from the coffee table. It was unclear who exactly was holding the knife at that moment.
Wei-Ge shouted: "Not good, we have to stop them now!" He then rushed up towards the men first.
Several other people ran to protect their Young Master.
After that, the situation turned chaotic, Li Chengxiu was pushed onto the sidelines, while Ji Yuanqi and Shao Qun were tightly surrounded by a group of people in black. Li Chengxiu couldn't see anything at all, when he suddenly heard a grunt. All the people in the room immediately quieted down.
Li Chengxiu felt that the grunt had hit him right in the heart. A terrible thought suddenly invaded his mind. He staggered over and pushed the person in front of him away.
Then he saw Shao Qun lying on the ground with a frown and sweat on his forehead. Blood was seeping out from the side of his waist. Most of the shiny blade was still outside his body.
At that moment, Li Chengxiu had the illusion of going into cardiac arrest. For a while, it seemed like a heavy weight was put on top of him. He couldn't stand anymore, so he slid down to the ground.
Ji Yuanqi was stunned, as he looked at the bloody knife in his hand.
Wei-Ge went up to him and grabbed the knife out of his hand. Sweating profusely, he shouted "Quick, take him to the hospital. Hurry!"
Li Chengxiu felt dizzy. He placed his weak hand onto Shao Qun and called out to him as quietly as a mosquito:"Shao... Shao Qun... Shao..."
Shao Qun barely opened his eyes, covered his waist with one hand, and wanted to hold Li Chengxiu’s arm with his other hand.
Li Chengxiu’s body was being torn apart by the unbearable pain he felt. Unspeakable fear and despair squeezed out the remains of his rationality. His body started to tremble in an abnormal way, and tears ran down his cheeks. Li Chengxiu barely managed to take a hold of Shao Qun’s hand and open his mouth to say something, when Shao Qun was already lifted up.
Li Chengxiu was still kneeling on the ground and couldn't stand up. The two of them were holding tightly onto each other and wouldn’t let go, no matter how much they were persuaded.
In desperation, one of the bodyguards held Li Chengxiu's other arm and lifted him up from the floor. Li Chengxiu felt as if his legs were stepping on cotton. He couldn’t exert any strength, so he just reluctantly walked forward while being supported by the man.
In his eyes, the whole world had suddenly become dim, and there were no more colors left. The surrounding noise, screams, people in front of him… Li Chengxiu couldn’t see or hear any of that anymore.
There was currently only Shao Qun's dazzling red blood in front of his eyes… And there was a real possibility that Shao Qun was going to disappear from his life forever.
Li Chengxiu wasn’t sure how the bodyguards managed to stuff him into the car. Shao Qun was now lying in his arms, and both of them had blood on their hands, but they kept holding on tightly to one another.
Shao Qun's voice slowly reached his ears: "Chengxiu..."
Li Chengxiu looked at Shao Qun’s pale face as if he was in a trance.
Shao Qun forced a rogue smile: "Give me... a kiss..."
"Give me... a kiss..." Shao Qun weakly raised his hand and put it on Li Chengxiu’s neck, "Come on, in case... I can't kiss anymore... ok?... come..."
Li Chengxiu's eyes filled with tears, and he could only see a blur instead of Shao Qun’s face.
Shao Qun's voice seemed to be losing its strength, so he was barely audible when he repeated: "Come on..."
Li Chengxiu slowly moved closer to his face.
This was really not a good kiss. Li Chengxiu was crying so hard that he could barely locate Shao Qun’s mouth.But as soon as hot and humid lips were finally pressed together, Shao Qun felt that getting stabbed was worth it.
At that moment, the power that was choking Li Chengxiu’s throat slowly eased, so he suddenly cried out:"Shao Qun, you... don't die... Shao Qun..."
Shao Qun had already passed out in his arms.
When they got to the hospital, Ji Yuanqi's bodyguards finally managed to separate Shao Qun’s and Li Chengxiu’s people's hands.
Shao Qun was taken into the operating room. Li Chengxiu felt that he had become just an empty hull of a person - everything in front of him was just an illusion that would shatter when touched. Even the fact that he was alive became unreal.
In a trance, he vaguely noticed that Shao Qun's sister was crying in front of him and saying that she would never let him go, if something happened to her brother.
Shao Qun...
Li Chengxiu gradually couldn't even feel his own body temperature. He was standing against the wall as if penalized for something and stared at the lights inside the operating room. He feared that if he took his eyes away even just for a moment, he might miss something important.
In those few short hours, Li Chengxiu experienced unforgettable pain and suffering.
He couldn't restrain himself from thinking about the worst case scenario, and he felt like he was on the verge of collapse.
All their love-hate entanglements became worthless in the face of death. Those fierce words they exchanged, those chaotic emotions he experienced - all of that was slowly being erased. Only Shao Qun remained - still utterly and completely occupying all of Li Chengxiu’s thoughts and attentions.
He might die... There was so much blood, his complexion was so pale, his voice so weak… Shao Qun, who always seemed invincible before, was now so fragile that he could disappear at any moment.
Li Chengxiu didn't know how to accept that. He couldn't imagine that there might not be a Shao Qun in this world.
Even if he and Shao Qun were separated and lived on opposite ends of the world, at least Shao Qun would always live in Li Chengxiu’s memories as high spirited as always. In that case he wouldn’t need to worry at all - just that was enough for Li Chengxiu to peacefully live his own life. But he couldn't bear the cruel possibility that Shao Qun would just be gone forever.
Li Chengxiu couldn’t take it anymore... He couldn’t figure it out... How did it get to this point? What happened to him and Shao Qun?
An unknown amount of time passed before the lights in the operating room finally went out.
Li Chengxiu was standing still as a sculpture. When he finally moved, his legs were sore. He walked towards the operating room, feeling hoarse in his throat.
Just a few steps away, he was stopped by Shao Wen's driver.
As soon as the door of the operating room opened, Shao Wen rushed over, anxiously questioning the doctor.
Li Chengxiu could only see Shao Qun lying there on the bed with his eyes closed. But he couldn’t push the chubby and strong driver out of his way no matter how hard he tried.
While he was attempting to approach Shao Qun, he heard the doctor say, "Everything’s alright for now. The patient is still under anesthesia, so he needs some rest."
Li Chengxiu’s eyes filled with tears, his legs softened, and he could barely prevent himself from kneeling down by holding onto the wall.
He helplessly watched as Shao Qun was taken away, while Shao Wen followed. He then slumped to the ground. Everything in front of his eyes gradually turned black, and he lost consciousness.
When Li Chengxiu woke up again, he saw one of Ji Yuanqi's bodyguards sitting beside him and playing with his cell phone.
When he noticed that Li Chengxiu was awake, he immediately leaned over: "Mr. Li, are you conscious? Do you need anything?"
Li Chengxiu propped himself up planning to leave the bed, but the man stopped him.
Li Chengxiu grabbed his arm and asked urgently, "Shao Qun! Where is Shao Qun?"
The bodyguard reassured him: "Mr. Shao is fine. He is resting upstairs."
Li Chengxiu's eyes felt sore, and his body was trembling. He closed his eyes and fell back on the bed, repeating to himself, "It's okay...it's okay..."
The bodyguard picked up his phone: "Mr. Li, my Young Master wanted you to call him as soon as you woke up."
Li Chengxiu glanced at the phone and gently shook his head.
He didn’t want to talk to Ji Yuanqi right now. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Because he didn’t know what to say.
The man put the phone away with some embarrassment: "It's fine. You can do it when you're emotionally stable... Also, Mr. Li, your dog is currently at my Young master's villa. It's already been fed, and we’ll send it to you with a car at a later time."
In all the chaos, Li Chengxiu had long forgotten about Teacup. At a time like that, how could he think about anything else other than Shao Qun? With tears in his eyes, he nodded to the bodyguard.
The bodyguard was about to say something else, when there was a knock on the door, and Shao Wen's driver came in. Seeing that Li Chengxiu was awake, he said, "Mr. Li, my Young Master wants to see you."
Li Chengxiu was shocked, but he immediately sat up: "He… how is he?"
The driver looked a little embarrassed: "Mr. Li, let's just go."
When Li Chengxiu got out of bed, he realized that his legs were still soft, and he was shaking when he walked.
Higher Brothers - Young Master (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO)
Due to the constant “Young Master” this and “Young Master” that in this chapter,
I now got this song stuck in my head.
Chapter 73
Shao Qun woke up as soon as the anesthesia wore off. His waist was sore, and it felt like it was on fire. He touched his wound and slowly smiled.
When he moved, Shao Wen, who was napping while sitting next to him, immediately woke up. She quickly straightened up and asked with concern, "Qunqun, are you awake? How are you?"
Since the time he grew up, his sister hadn’t called Shao Qun by his nickname anymore. At this moment, when he looked at the dark circles under her eyes and her swollen eyelids, he felt very uncomfortable. Hoarsely he said, "Sis... It's okay. I made you worry."
Shao Wen touched his forehead, her eyes full of discomfort: "You made such a mess... I don’t even dare to tell Dad. How could this happen? How could you be so stupid?"
Shao Qun sighed: "Sis, I know you can't understand… But in any case, I’m in love with him, and I only want to be with him. We have already discussed everything, and that woman I found is pregnant. If she gives birth to a girl, I will do all of this again, until there is an heir for the Shao family. So you can stop pestering me with that."
Shao Wen shook her head gently: "I think he's not worth it... You'll regret it later."
Shao Qun closed his eyes: "Whether he’s worth it or not, it's a question for the future. Right now, I hope that Li Chengxiu can enter our Shao family in a dignified manner."
Shao Wen turned her head away: "Don't push it."
Shao Qun sighed and said solemnly: "Eldest sister, I used to treat him very badly. I was such a jerk to him on so many occasions, but from now on, I don't want to wrong him ever again. I know that you’re looking down on him, but he's really not the kind of person you think he is. He is good to me, and he harbors no ulterior motives. Why can’t you accept him? Beijing is such a big and diverse city. Have you and dad really never encountered something like this before? Why can’t you just turn a blind eye and let me live a happy life?"
Seeing that his sister still didn't speak, Shao Qun said, "I want to see Li Chengxiu."
Shao Wen glared at him.
Shao Qun became angry and was about to get out of bed.
Shao Wen said: "He has already left the hospital. Where do you think you’re going?"
Shao Qun was stunned and stared at his sister: "He left?"
Shao Wen pressed him back onto the bed.
Shao Qun smiled but his smile looked even more ghastly than a crying face would. He murmured, "Was this fucking knife completely useless..." He clearly remembered kissing Li Chengxiu before he passed out. It wasn’t just a hallucination from excessive blood loss, was it?
Shao Wen didn't hear him clearly: "What did you just say?"
Shao Qun lifted the quilt: "I'll go find him."
Shao Wen angrily slapped him on the top of his head: "Are you crazy? Don't move or your wound will open up again."
Shao Qun still insisted on getting out of bed: "He didn't even care about me and left. I have to find him."
Shao Wen angrily said, "He didn't leave. He's still in the hospital!"
Shao Qun's face immediately turned red, and he exclaimed in surprise, "Really?"
Shao Wen turned her head away. It annoyed her to see her brother’s current pathetic appearance.
Shao Qun insisted on seeing Li Chengxiu, and he couldn't sit still at all. Shao Wen really had no other choice but to ask her driver to bring Li Chengxiu in.
Shao Wen wiped the corners of her eyes and said tiredly, "Don't talk for too long." After that, she left the room.
As soon as Li Chengxiu came in, he saw Shao Qun lying on the bed with his eyes closed. His face was just as white as the sheets.
He had never seen Shao Qun in such a state. In addition to the bruises on his face, there were also several other injuries from his fight with Xiao Ji. He looked completely miserable and haggard.
Li Chengxiu’s heart tightened, and he slowly approached him with light footsteps.
Shao Qun opened his eyes and slightly turned his head to look at Li Chengxiu, seeming very weak.
Li Chengxiu stood by the bed and didn't move, just helplessly wringing his hands : "You…you are awake..."
Shao Qun witlessly said: "Chengxiu..." He slowly stretched out his hand, "Come here..."
Li Chengxiu hesitated for a moment, then came a bit closer, but didn't take Shao Qun’s hand.
Now that he knew that Shao Qun was out of the woods, his heart that had been hanging up in the air before finally felt relieved, thus he came to his senses. When he thought of his own reaction to Shao Qun’s injury, he was unable to face the man without some awkwardness. It seemed he wasn’t indifferent towards Shao Qun, but he wasn’t close to him either.
It must have been because he felt guilty about Shao Qun’s injury that he reacted like that. After all, it wasn’t Shao Qun’s fault that he got injured.
Seeing the man’s pale face and his hand that was still stubbornly hanging mid-air, Li Chengxiu’s heart softened. He grabbed Shao Qun’s arm and wanted to put it back under the quilt.
However, Shao Qun held tightly onto him, clasping his hand with his five fingers and refusing to let go.
Li Chengxiu sighed, pulled a chair over and sat down.
Shao Qun looked at him without blinking, his eyes full of anticipation.
Li Chengxiu lowered his face and whispered, "Do you feel better?"
Shao Qun pulled Li Chengxiu’s hand to his chest: "I'm lucky to be alive and still be able to see you."
When Li Chengxiu felt Shao Qun’s warm, firm chest and his strong heartbeat, his own heart ached uncontrollably.
No matter what, Shao Qun was still alive.
It’s good that he lived.
Li Chengxiu said: "I'm sorry…Xiao Ji, he is..."
"It's not your fault. I had it all coming. If you aren’t satisfied yet, you can vent your anger on me a couple more times."
Li Chengxiu was stunned at first, then he shook his head with a wry smile.
He hated Shao Qun, but not so much that he wanted him to end his life on an operating table.
Shao Qun brought Li Chengxiu’s hand to his mouth and kissed it, whispering, "If your anger has been satisfied, does it mean I have hope?"
Li Chengxiu pulled his hand back slowly but firmly. The two of them have been entangled with each other for almost two years. Both physically and mentally Li Chengxiu was exhausted.
At this point, he was also tired of frowning and acting fierce. He finally felt that he could have a calm conversation with Shao Qun.
Slowly, "Shao Qun, I won't hate you anymore, but..."
Shao Qun interrupted him and said, "Don’t say “but”! Nothing good ever comes after a “but”. Chengxiu, I know you still have feelings for me. You’re still concerned about me, right? If I really die, I don't believe that you won’t care at all."
Li Chengxiu lowered his head and said nothing.
Shao Qun continued: "Ask yourself - isn’t this the case? I have wronged you too much in the past, so I understand your need to be mean to me and drive me crazy. It’s all right. I'm an asshole, true, but even a murderer gets a chance for rehabilitation. You can't just shoot me dead. I am willing to do anything for you for the rest of your life. I can even give you the Shao family. What are you so worried about? What else makes you distrust me? If you’re unhappy in the future, you can just throw money left and right, and I will keep supporting you forever. How can you still say that you have nothing? Doesn’t all this make you feel at ease?"
Chengxiu sniffed and choked: "Shao Qun… us…It's not about money..."
Shao Qun said anxiously: "I didn't say it was about money! I’m just trying to make you feel at ease. Your main concern is that one day I’ll become a jerk again. In that case, you can kick me out, you can dump me, you can slap me and tell me to get lost. I want you to feel secure for the rest of your life. And it’s my job to make that happen."
Li Chengxiu wiped his eyes: "I...you still need to… get better., Let’s wait… wait for you to recuperate..."
Shao Qun was already ecstatic. He knew that Li Chengxiu had finally given up his positions. The knife was so fucking worth it. At least Li Chengxiu felt too sorry for him now to treat him like an enemy.
At this time, it made sense not to push too hard anymore. Shao Qun sighed, relaxed his body and whispered: "Chengxiu, can you stay with me? My stomach hurts... I can't eat anything yet…but I really want to eat your porridge."
Li Chengxiu looked down at his hands: "When you can eat again, I’ll make some for you."
Shao Qun stretched out his arm again, trying to grab Li Chengxiu, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.
Li Chengxiu turned around and saw that the person had already entered. That was the same bodyguard who stayed at his bed earlier. He handed Li Chengxiu a phone and quickly said, "Mr. Li, please answer it right away. My Young Master is calling"
Before Li Chengxiu even managed to say something, Shao Qun growled, "Get the fuck out of here!"
The bodyguard pretended he didn’t hear anything: "Mr. Li, please be sure to pick it up now. Master has returned from abroad and is heading to the place where the Young Master currently lives. When he arrives, the Young Master will not be able to contact you anymore."
Li Chengxiu stood up and said to Shao Qun, "You rest." Then he walked to the door.
Shao Qun hurriedly shouted: "Chengxiu, don't go! I'm in this kind of state… and you’re still going to talk to that bastard!"
Li Chengxiu gave him an embarrassed look: "I… I have to take it... Besides, you were the one who started it first..."
Shao Qun was nervously sweating. He really didn't want Li Chengxiu to answer that call.
But unfortunately he had a hole in his waist. It hurt even when he wasn’t moving, not to mention sitting up or getting out of bed to stop Li Chengxiu. He could only helplessly watch as Li Chengxiu said "hello" on the phone and closed the door.
"Li Chengxiu." Ji Yuanqi's voice was filled with great frustration, "I won't be able to see you for a long time."
Li Chengxiu sighed and said in a reproachful tone: "Xiao Ji, you were too reckless..." It wasn’t entirely Ji Yuanqi’s fault, but he did indeed cause the injury to Shao Qun. It was a good thing that Shao Qun woke up. In case he... Li Chengxiu didn't even dare to think about it. But these kinds of thoughts made him feel uneasy towards Ji Yuanqi.
Ji Yuanqi's tone suddenly became impatient: "It's not what you think! It wasn’t my fault at all..."
Li Chengxiu interrupted him, "You injured a person! How can you…say such a thing…?"
Ji Yuanqi retorted angrily: "I didn't injure him! He stabbed himself."
Li Chengxiu was stunned for a while.
Ji Yuanqi continued to rant: "I had to call you just to tell you that! This Shao guy is insane! He was the one who grabbed the knife. I thought he was going to stab me, so I snatched it from him. Then he held onto my wrist and stabbed himself in the stomach! And I’m the one who has to take the blame for it, damn it! Since my dad is coming home soon, I’ll have to postpone killing him for now…"
Li Chengxiu broke out in cold sweat and he shivered.
He heard his own voice coming out with some difficulty : "You’re saying...that he... himself..."
"Exactly! If you don't believe me, ask him yourself! He is a sick fuck... Chengxiu, no matter what, you can't trust him. I had someone investigate him. He's not a good person. He’s had countless affairs with men and women. He’s someone who’ll treat you like a treasure while he’s chasing you but as soon as he gets what he wants, he’ll kick you to the curb…"
Li Chengxiu hung up the phone.
He was dizzy, his eyes couldn’t focus, and his legs were shaking. He slid down the wall and sat on the ground.
He still couldn’t digest what Ji Yuanqi had just said.
Shao Qun did this to himself? That knife… was his own doing…
Why would he do such a thing? He lost so much blood... What if he had really died? Why did he do it just because of him...
Li Chengxiu trembled uncontrollably, and an unspeakable fear tightly enveloped him .
Was this what Shao Qun's love was like? So intense and so desperate... It was like an insatiable fire that burned himself and also others around him.
If Shao Qun could make him a father against his will, if he could stab himself with a knife…what else could he do?
Li Chengxiu had never been so scared in his life before.
What kind of crazy person is Shao Qun, and what exactly is he capable of?
Li Chengxiu climbed up from the ground and staggered towards Shao Qun's ward.
He wanted to ask him point blank.
He had to know beyond any doubt that what Xiao Ji had said was true, and he wanted to know Shao Qun’s objective.
When Li Chengxiu approached, he saw Shao Wen and the driver standing at the door of the ward and discussing something. Shao Wen's face was ashen.
As soon as she saw Li Chengxiu, Shao Wen looked at him with disgust. It seemed she wanted to pounce on him and strangle him to death right there and now: "Haven’t you talked enough? Get fucking lost!"
No matter how much Shao Wen disdained Li Chengxiu, she had always maintained a certain level of politeness. Now, her emotions were obviously out of control.
Li Chengxiu said dumbly: "Let me… let me go in. I'll just ask him… a few questions..."
Shao Wen stared at Li Chengxiu for a long time. Her eyes gradually turned red. Then she turned her back to him: "Ten minutes. Don't disturb his rest."
Li Chengxiu opened the door and walked in. Shao Qun had already turned his head, expecting him to come closer. His eyes were so dark that it was difficult to decipher his emotions.
Li Chengxiu dragged his body forward as if he was a walking corpse. He stood in front of Shao Qun’s bed, hearing his own voice coming out of his throat, sounding hollow: "Did you… by yourself… this… knife..."
Li Chengxiu was incoherent. But the other party in the room understood him all too well.
Shao Qun kept quiet. His bright black eyes were staring at Li Chengxiu without blinking.
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes, then opened them again. They now looked red.
"Why… why…?"
Shao Qun gave him a self-deprecating smile: "Aren't you here right now?"
Li Chengxiu asked in a trembling voice, "Shao Qun, are you crazy?"
Shao Qun nodded, his eyes empty: "You’re damn right I am. And it’s not a light case either. I’m not just a regular nutcase walking the streets. I’m so rare, that I’m actually willing to die. I guess I am very abnormal."
Li Chengxiu choked, "Shao Qun, you’re going to drive me insane."
Chapter 74
Shao Qun's eyes gradually filled with tears: "I didn't want to force you either. I had exhausted all my tricks at that point. And you still wouldn’t even look at me. So I had to do what I did. And if I didn’t, would you be here talking to me? Li Chengxiu, let me tell you, taking this knife was far less painful than what I felt when you stabbed at my heart over and over again. I tried everything else. At first, I thought that as long as I was a good person, treated you well and let you know that I really loved you, you’d forgive me. Then I found out the hard way, that that wasn’t fucking true. No matter how good I was and no matter whether you believed in the sincerity of my feelings or not, you still didn’t want me anymore. You just didn’t fucking want me at all. Since you left me no way out, what else was I supposed to do?"
Li Chengxiu sat down on the chair, covered his face with his hands, and his shoulders slightly trembled.
Shao Qun looked at him with unbearable pain in his heart.
He was at his wit’s end. All he could do now was desperately throw his weight around. If Li Chengxiu’s heart still didn’t soften after all of this, what else was he supposed to do? Die? Lock him up?
Either way, they've both come to the end of the line. Li Chengxiu was still unwilling. Shao Qun could obviously make him happy, yet he refused to accept it. Why? Why couldn’t he just trust him again? Shao Qun would literally do anything for him. So why did he refuse to go back to the way they were?
How stubborn was Li Chengxiu? He was stubborn to the point that Shao Qun’s forehead was bleeding from trying to break through the wall that Li Chengxiu had built around his heart.
He was desperate.
Li Chengxiu suddenly moved and asked witlessly, "What… what else are you planning to do?"
Shao Qun smiled a miserable smile: "You tell me. If you’re going to leave now, just pick another place I should stab at. What do you say, if you just leave like this, why don't you pick a place and stab you again. If I die, you’ll have your peace, and no one will disgust you anymore."
Li Chengxiu couldn’t help crying when he said: "Shao Qun, threatening me with something like this...you...you are sick..."
Shao Qun took a deep breath, trying to prop himself up. He then turned his face towards Li Chengxiu and said anxiously: "Chengxiu, is it so hard to accept me again? Hm? You once loved me, and we were also very happy together. We can be just like we were before. No, I… I will treat you a thousand times better than before. Is that so hard? If you give me one more chance, you will save me and yourself. I beg you, give me a second chance. You can do whatever you want with me, except leave me!"
Li Chengxiu covered his face.
After a long time, he asked in a weak voice: "Is it true…the thing about the child?"
Shao Qun was stunned for a moment, then he realized that he was asked a question and hurriedly said, "Yes! It's true."
"A boy or a girl?"
"She just got pregnant, I don't know yet... If you’re so eager to know, we can do a chromosome test[2]..."
"No..." Li Chengxiu raised her tear-stained face, "If…If it's a girl...you… and Shao family… won’t need it?"
Shao Qun responded anxiously: "Nobody said that! Doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl - your child is also my child. So how can I not need it?"
Li Chengxiu looked at him as if he was in a trance.
Is this affection, or is it just a creepy obsession?
The image that Shao Qun had created in Li Chengxiu’s heart was inseparable from cruel ruthlessness. But more and more he felt that maybe he didn’t know Shao Qun well enough. This man could do all these crazy things, his eyes were full of sadness and deep affection… Was it the same man who brutally humiliated him? Li Chengxiu almost couldn’t recognize him anymore.
No matter how much he told himself not to fall into the trap again, his heart had still moved. And he actually began to believe that Shao Qun really loved him.
Although he couldn't forgive what Shao Qun had done to him, Li Chengxiu also couldn't continue lying to himself.
Shao Qun loved him. And this time it was true.
After this person had hurt him, humiliated him, and pushed him into the abyss of excruciating pain, the most painful thing in the world was hearing Shao Qun tell him that he loved him.
Loved him to the point where you could do anything and be relentless in his pursuit.
Li Chengxiu felt that after these two years of his entanglement with Shao Qun, he was more exhausted than ever before.
He suddenly wanted to lie down on the ground and tell anybody, who passed him by, that he didn’t care about love and that all he wanted to do was to never get up.
Li Chengxiu wiped his tears with quick violent motions. He needed to be alone for a while.
He didn’t want to face Shao Qun at this moment. And he didn’t want to face his own predicament. He wanted to be alone to think about all of this in peace.
He had to think about Shao Qun and also about his innocent soon-to-be-born son or a daughter.
Only after thinking about it, he would come back and tell Shao Qun... tell Shao Qun that...
Li Chengxiu got up from his chair and shuffled out.
Shao Qun's pupils shrank sharply, and in a trembling voice he asked , "Li Chengxiu, where are you going?"
Li Chengxiu stumbled out without turning around as if he didn't hear him at all.
Shao Qun shouted anxiously: "Li Chengxiu! You are not allowed to leave!"
At that moment, he felt as if an invisible hand had penetrated through his chest and was tightly and mercilessly squeezing his heart. No surprise, that it hurt like hell.
He propped himself up on the bed with his arms and was about to roll over. Unfortunately, his body had lost too much blood, so it was obviously not as flexible as he had imagined. As soon as he left the bed, he couldn’t keep his balance and fell heavily to the ground. Shao Qun felt a sharp pain in his waist, and warm blood started flowing out again.
Li Chengxiu was shocked when he turned around and saw Shao Qun struggling on the ground.
He hurried back and helped him up: "You…What are you doing?" His hand touched Shao Qun’s waist, stained with blood, and his voice changed: "Shao Qun, you... Ah, the wound... Shao Qun!"
Shao Qun put his arm around Li Chengxiu’s neck and choked: "Chengxiu, don't go. Don't leave me. I have nothing else left in my life... Stay by my side, I beg you. You stay... I'm dying... If you leave, I'll go crazy… really… really…I’ll go crazy... You stay..."
"I'm not...not going anywhere...I...Doctor!!!"
The door of the ward suddenly burst open, and Shao Wen rushed in first, followed by the doctor and two nurses. They came up to help Shao Qun, and the scene became a chaotic mess.
Li Chengxiu didn't even understand who pushed him out of the ward. While he was still out of it, he was heavily slapped, and then a woman's cry rang in his ear.
It took him a long time to realize that it was Shao Wen who was sitting next to him and crying.
It turned out that even such a strong woman would cry so sadly.
Li Chengxiu slowly got back to his senses and said hoarsely, "I'm sorry."
Shao Wen's shoulders paused. She maintained this awkward position for a long time before her crying finally faded. She wiped her face and stood up.
Shao Wen was very tall. In her high heels she was even taller than Li Chengxiu. As soon as she got up, her facial expression went back to indifference and sternness. This put an invisible pressure on Li Chengxiu.
"Come with me," she said coldly.
The two of them entered an empty ward. Shao Wen turned her back to Li Chengxiu, looked out the window and after a long time spat out: "When our mother died, Shao Qun was only four or five years old.”
"All year round, our father was not at home. Besides, he’s not the type to take care of children. At that time, I had to bring up my two younger sisters, who were eight and six, as well as Shao Qun… Shao Qun is more like my son than my brother. He grew up being pampered by everyone around him. He always got what he wanted. And there came a time when I realized that he became selfish and stubborn. He never gave a thought to what others did for him or to what I did for him. There was always someone around to clean up his fucking messes..."
Shao Wen paused, "But... it was just the way he was. He... I remember when he was nine years old, there was a man in my school who kept harassing me. After he found out, he went to pick a fight with that person. Could a nine-year-old boy beat a grown man? To be safe, he brought a knife... No one taught him to do that. I myself knew there was a better solution to the situation. But he went there on impulse... and almost ran into a disaster. He doesn’t care what others think. He has his own ideas on how to be good to somebody. And it doesn’t matter to him, if that somebody wants that or not in the end."
Shao Wen turned around and looked at Li Chengxiu blankly: "I watched him grow up, and I worry every day that he will cause irreparable disasters because of his recklessness and impulsiveness. He is more daring than an average person. He dared to stab somebody when he was nine, he dared to steal my dad’s gun, he dared to jump from the third floor on a bet. Today, he hurts himself for you, tomorrow he’ll dare to drive into the wall."
Looking at Li Chengxiu's terrified expression, she smiled sarcastically: "This is how my brother is. He has to get what he wants, or, sooner or later, he will destroy himself or others."
She took a deep breath: "After telling you all of this, I want you to know that it is impossible for me in this lifetime to approve of a man entering our Shao family. But I have no choice. Before doing any of his stupid things... Shao Qun could always force me to compromise. Fortunately... Fortunately, at least he agreed to the matter about the child. So the major demand of the Shao household about having a descendant has been satisfied. Since Shao Qun agreed to make such a concession, I also have to give up some of my positions. So, from now on, I don’t care about your private affairs."
Li Chengxiu looked at her blankly, his throat seemed to have closed up, and he couldn’t make a sound.
Shao Wen hugged her chest and looked at him: "You don't have to be afraid. If he really likes you as much as he claims, you should be glad. Although he often pisses off the people he likes with his various shenanigans, he will also give his everything to protect us from any harm." Shao Wen stepped closer to Li Chengxiu with her high heels. Her eyes became colder, "Things have come to this. I don't want to hear any more words that I shouldn't hear. You just stay by his side. If you cause any more trouble to my brother, I won’t let you off." After Shao Wen finished speaking, she walked right past him.
Li Chengxiu squatted down holding his head.
His fate had always been decided by others. Who had ever asked him what he thought? Who had ever asked him, whether he was willing or not?
Everything Shao Qun had done shocked and frightened him. Li Chengxiu had to admit that Shao Qun had achieved his goal.
Unless Shao Qun chased him away, Li Chengxiu wouldn't dare to think about "leaving" again.
Shao Qun’s desperate appearance, bleeding out on the ground and looking at Li Chengxiu as if he was abandoning him still lingered in his mind. Even if he was reluctant, he couldn't stop himself from looking forward to having a child whom he had actually always wanted from the bottom of his heart. This little hope was now a part of his heartbeat.
Shao Qun had thrown an invisible big net, tightly wrapping it around Li Chengxiu and making him unable to move even an inch away.
Li Chengxiu originally thought that he could push Shao Qun out of his life completely, but he had underestimated the level of Shao Qun's obsession. In the face of such a crazy person who would literally do anything there was nothing left but a complete surrender.
Li Chengxiu thought about his future life. The most difficult thing was going to be kicked out by Shao Qun yet again.
But come to think of it, this fear was completely useless. No matter how scared Li Chengxiu was, he had no choice but to take this path. When the time comes, he’ll still be alive. So even if Shao Qun doesn't want him anymore, he will at least have the child. Li Chengxiu will then secretly take the child away, so he won’t end up alone.
At least he won’t be alone...
Li Chengxiu covered his head and cried.
His life was too hard. It was too hard, when no one even took him seriously. Li Chengxiu wanted to think for himself, wanted to protect himself but there was always someone around who wouldn’t let him do what he wanted. Honestly, how many things in his entire life had actually gone smoothly for him from beginning till the end?
He knew that he was a thirty-year old man, so he shouldn't always complain and ask why the Heavens had treated him unfairly. But he just couldn't restrain his grief and anger. If there were really gods in this world, then Li Chengxiu wanted to ask them whether it was possible for a good person who never went against his conscience to live a peaceful life? Everyone claimed it was the case. So why was reality so different?
When Shao Qun woke up, the first thing he did was look for Li Chengxiu.
When he saw that Li Chengxiu wasn't there, he quickly pushed the button by his bedside.
Before he even lifted his finger, the door opened, and a tired Li Chengxiu came in.
Shao Qun was ecstatic: "Chengxiu! Chengxiu."
Li Chengxiu was carrying a lunch box in his hand which he then put down by the bedside. He looked at Shao Qun with red swollen eyes and said lightly, “I made porridge.”
Shao Qun was stunned for a moment. He almost thought that he was hallucinating from excessive blood loss. He stretched out his trembling fingers, grabbed Li Chengxiu's hand and put it on his knee. He then excitedly said, "Porridge? You... made porridge for me?"
Li Chengxiu sniffed: "Didn’t you… want porridge?"
Shao Qun held his hand and then put it to lips, almost greedily kissing him. His eyes filled with tears: "Chengxiu, thank you... Thank you, Chengxiu..." He was so excited that he couldn’t say anything anymore.
Li Chengxiu's eyes were also full of tears. He wiped them and said: "Drink... Drink your porridge."
Shao Qun stretched out his other hand: "Let me... hug you, Chengxiu..."
Li Chengxiu hesitated for a moment and finally leaned down.
Shao Qun tremblingly wrapped his arms around Li Chengxiu’s neck and burst into tears. He couldn’t say another word other than repeating his name over and over again.
Li Chengxiu looked at the snow-white sheets beneath him with bewildered eyes, and tears rolled down his cheeks.
Could they be happy this time?
Could this person accompany him for the rest of his life?
How long was the shelf life of his sincere promise?
These were the questions that tightly gripped his heart, but they couldn’t be answered at this moment. Li Chengxiu could only let time slowly reveal the answers.
This novel has me stuck between these two moods
Chapter 75
When Li Wenxun and the others came to visit Shao Qun, they started to doubt whether they had heard him right on the phone. He said that he was stabbed in his stomach, not in his head. Otherwise, why was he smiling like an idiot?
They also immediately saw Li Chengxiu sitting with his back to them. He turned around and gave them a quick glance.
When Li Wenxun got closer, he noticed that Li Chengxiu was peeling apples, and a tiny fluffy ball was nestling in his lap. When he looked closer, he realized it was a sleeping dog.
Shao Qun's eyes seemed to be glued to Li Chengxiu's body. When he realized that his friends seemed unresponsive, he just said: “Come on in.”
Li Wenxun sat down on Shao Qun’s bed, lifted his quilt and looked at the wound: "Oh, it would have been so much better, if the knife went in just a few inches lower."
Shao Qun laughed and scolded him: "Fuck you for cursing me like that!" He then looked at Li Chengxiu with warmth and affection, "Chengxiu, my lower half is completely unaffected.”
Zhou Li said "fuck" and pretended to vomit.
Li Chengxiu put the apple he was peeling on the plate, carefully picked up Teacup and looked around for a good place to put it down. Finally, he said,”You guys talk…I’ll go out.”
Zhou Li thought that the little fluffball in Li Chengxiu’s hand seemed very interesting, so he stretched out his arm and said: "Give it to me!"
Li Chengxiu warily glanced at him and put Teacup in his pocket. The puppy barked, moved around and then calmed down again.
"Don't go!" Shao Qun quickly grabbed Li Chengxiu, "Don't go. Just sit here. You are my wifey, so there is nothing you can’t listen to."
Shao Qun had recovered quite well in the past few days. However, there was another problem now. If he couldn’t see Li Chengxiu even for a couple of minutes, he would start making trouble. Like a little child, he would alarm the whole building in the middle of the night, because Li Chengxiu left for a bit to go to the bathroom and wasn’t sitting next to Shao Qun’s bed.
Since Li Chengxiu had to take care of the dog and of this adult child, he was very busy.
Li Chengxiu sighed. He really wanted a short break, so he said, "I'll go to the bathroom and come back later."
Shao Qun had no choice but to let him go. He muttered, "They still haven’t repaired the bathroom in this damn ward! Is this what they call fucking premium service? To think that you have to go outside to look for a bathroom..."
Li Chengxiu ignored his ranting and left.
Shao Qun finally reluctantly noticed that people around him seemed nauseated.
Li Wenxun waited for Li Chengxiu to close the door, when he solemnly said: "Shao Qun, this is the kind of fucker you are. How come I didn’t realize earlier that you were the lovey-dovey type! Was your head kicked in by an ass?"
Shao Qun nonchalantly retorted, "You know shit! My wifey is so good, you have no idea. You can be envious all you want!"
Zhou Li rolled his eyes.
Shao Qun bragged: "When I did the stabbing, I went for the waist, so I wouldn’t hurt any internal organs. It looked very scary with all the blood. But it’s actually nothing."
Li Wenxun gave him a thumbs up and said sarcastically: "You have nerve. You fucking have the nerve. You’re so great and smart - even if you had stabbed yourself in the kidney, you would still have a spare one. Ain’t that marvelous?"
Shao Qun snorted: "I was pretty precise."
Ke Yisheng, who had been silent all this time, asked, "Shao Qun, how did you get your sister off your back in the end?"
Shao Qun lightly said: "Made a child." The child wasn’t his, of course. But the less people knew about it, the better. Even if these were his close friends, he was not willing to divulge. So far, Shao Qun had only told Li Chengxiu and the doctor who took his sperm. The doctor promised to keep it a secret, besides he didn’t really know what it was for.
Zhou Li sat on his bed and said, "Bro, you've really taken a dark path. What if there is no return?"
Shao Qun said with a wry smile: "In order to take this path, I have fallen on my face and bruised it so hard that there is no way for me to ever look back."
Zhou Li shook his head: "This world feels too fucking unreal right now. I hope that at least Mars is still the same."
While they were chatting, Shao Qun was continuously looking at his watch. After a long time he finally couldn’t help it: "Why hasn't Li Chengxiu come back yet?"
One couldn’t blame him for being nervous. He really felt insecure.
Li Chengxiu didn't say anything to him. For some reason, he just stayed and took care of him without making any substantial promises. And Shao Qun didn't even dare to ask.
Now every minute and every second of his life was so blissful and beautiful, and he was so happy. Even if Li Chengxiu was just taking care of him for the time that he was sick, Shao Qun was already very grateful. He was afraid that if he asked anything, he would get an answer like "I'll leave when you get better”, so he didn't raise the topic at all. He could only take it one day at a time. So when he didn’t see Li Chengxiu, he worried that he had changed his mind and just left.
Li Wenxun patted Shao Qun’s head: "We came all this way here. Wouldn’t you like to spend some time with us first?"
Shao Qun glanced at him reluctantly, resisting the urge to get out of bed and go looking for Li Chengxiu. He politely continued to talk to the guys.
When his friends felt that they had teased Shao Qun enough and left, he couldn't bear it anymore. Quickly, he pressed the button by his bedside.
After a while, a young blushing nurse came in, and Shao Qun anxiously asked her to look for someone.
When Li Chengxiu finally came back, he seemed to be in a good mood.
Shao Qun impatiently asked, "Chengxiu, where have you been?"
Li Chengxiu said, "Just walked around."
"Is it annoying for you to be stuck here with me all day? Let me go on a walk with you!"
Li Chengxiu frowned, "Your injury hasn’t healed. You shouldn't move."
"The wounds have scabbed over already! Why would I worry about such a small inconvenience…I'm afraid you’re bored..."
Li Chengxiu shook his head: "It's okay. I’m not bored."
It has just been him and a wall for more than ten year. What could even bore him at this point?
Li Chengxiu started playing with Teacup, lowered his head and stopped talking.
Li Chengxiu’s nails were always cut a little short. They looked particularly beautiful and delicate. So Shao Qun looked at the dog with some jealousy.
Shao Qun's heart beat like a drum, when he nervously asked, "Chengxiu, when I'm discharged from the hospital, let's move back to Shenzhen."
Li Chengxiu's movements stopped, he raised his eyes and looked at Shao Qun in confusion, nodded and then shook his head again: "Not living together."
Shao Qun said happily: "Ok, we won’t live together. But can we still be neighbors?"
Li Chengxiu said softly, "As you wish."
Shao Qun then asked, "Chengxiu, would you like to come work for my company?"
Li Chengxiu looked at him with hesitation.
Shao Qun grabbed his hand and kissed it: "I can't wait to be able to see you every minute of every day."
Li Chengxiu nodded.
Whether he agreed or disagreed, the end result would still be the same. So why waste his breath?
Shao Qun was overjoyed and wished that he could immediately jump out of bed and take his wifey into a new life.
In fact, Shao Qun had actually completely recovered at that point and could be safely discharged. But in order to let Li Chengxiu take care of him a little longer, he stayed in the hospital for extra two weeks. Poor Xiao Zhou had to visit Shao Qun in the hospital every day and bring his work to him. He would never smile when he saw Li Chengxiu.
After the discharge procedures, the shrewd and capable assistant Zhou had already found a suitable apartment for Li Chengxiu. The place was very close to Shao Qun's company - basically, just across the street. It was a small single apartment with all the necessary facilities but the decorations were relatively simple. It was also an older house. It was unclear if the choice of this particular place was due to Xiao Zhou's unintentional actions or Shao Qun's detailed understanding. Li Chengxiu was just relieved that Shao Qun didn't arrange some kind of mansion for him.
When Li Chengxiu moved in with little Teacup, he was not surprised at all to see that Shao Qun was living right next door to him.
Li Chengxiu settled the place for Teacup and then began to unpack his own luggage.
Right at that moment, Shao Qun knocked on the door and came in.
His injury was healed, so he spent his days hanging around Li Chengxiu.
With obvious excitement on his face, he handed him a thin file bag: "Chengxiu, I have good news for you!"
Li Chengxiu suspiciously took the bag, opened it, and saw something that looked like a lab result sheet from the hospital. He didn’t understand what it was about.
Shao Qun said softly, "It's a boy."
Li Chengxiu looked at him in surprise. A strange light flashed in his eyes, when he finally reacted to what Shao Qun had just said.
Shao Qun's eyes were full of warmth: "I can't wait for her to have a B-ultrasound[3]. The surrogate did a chromosome test in advance. It's a boy. And the due date is April next year."
Li Chengxiu looked at the piece of paper with excitement, and finally could decipher the information on it.
Just eight months later, in April next year, Li Chengxiu will be able to see his son. His hands slightly trembled, and an unspeakably huge expectation rose in his heart.
He never thought that one day he would actually have an offspring.
Li Chengxiu’s joy and complicated emotions couldn’t be described in words, when he thought about a new innocent defenseless life in this world, who would wholeheartedly rely on him, whom he will raise and whom he will see grow up with his own eyes.
Shao Qun's heart also made a leap. He bent down and hugged Li Chengxiu from behind. He pressed his nose to his neck, sniffed the warm scent and said into his ear, "We will soon have a son. I really want to see him as soon as possible"
Li Chengxiu put the lab results close to his chest. For a moment, he felt that such a huge joy really needed to be shared with another person. And Shao Qun was currently the most suitable person. Li Chengxiu couldn't help saying: "Me too..."
Shao Qun felt his heart suddenly tremble.
This was the first time that Li Chengxiu had openly said that he wanted this child.
When he found out about the baby, he was so angry, and he hated Shao Qun for what he did, but in the end Li Chengxiu’s heart softened because of this child. As Shao Qun expected, Li Chengxiu had finally begun to sincerely look forward to the birth of their son.
He finally got his wish and could bind Li Chengxiu to his side.
Shao Qun hugged him tightly, desperately wishing to become one with him. He couldn’t help but say,"Chengxiu, I love you..."
Li Chengxiu trembled and closed his eyes.
The next day, Li Chengxiu went to report to Shao Qun's company. He refused to take Shao Qun's car, since it was only a ten-minute walk from where he lived now.
Perhaps Shao Qun had prepared everyone in advance for his arrival, but his new colleagues were very warm and friendly towards him.
In addition to this, his salary level and benefits were very average, and there was no preferential treatment that would make him uncomfortable. Li Chengxiu felt that Shao Qun had really changed this time. He learned to consider Li Chengxiu’s feelings. Even in such trivial matters, he avoided hurting Li Chengxiu’s self-esteem.
Li Chengxiu felt that the current way of them getting along was better than he had imagined, and the big stone pressing onto his heart suddenly became much lighter.
The life of two neighbors and colleagues had officially begun.
During the working day at the company, Shao Qun didn’t put Li Chengxiu in any embarrassing situations, except occasionally eating at the same table with him at lunch. Shao Qun had significantly reduced his after-work socialization. Most of the time, he would come home directly and then knock on Li Chengxiu’s door saying that he’s hungry.
Li Chengxiu gradually got used to this kind of life. He would prepare breakfast for two people in the morning. After both of them finished eating, they went to work separately - Shao Qun would take his car, and Li Chengxiu would go on foot. When Li Chengxiu came back in the evening, Shao Qun would also come over, and the two of them would eat together. If Shao Qun wasn’t there, Li Chengxiu ate together with Teacup.
Shao Qun never entered his place casually ever again. When he saw Li Chengxiu getting close with his colleagues, he would get angry but he didn’t dare to even make a peep on the subject. Although Teacup bullied Shao Qun in various cruel ways when he came over, he kept his mouth shut.
Li Chengxiu thought that his life was really good now.
A few months later, Shao Qun brought over another mysterious file.
Li Chengxiu opened it up and saw a couple of ultrasound pictures in full color. There was a blurry image in the middle, and it was easy to recognize that it was a curled up fetus.
Li Chengxiu's face turned slightly red with joy, and he repeatedly outlined the fetus on the picture with his finger.
Shao Qun looked at Li Chengxiu’s excited face, and he really couldn’t wait to jump him.
It has been three or four months since he and Li Chengxiu had been neighbors and colleagues, but all he could do for now was hug his waist, hold hands and occasionally kiss him on the face. His beloved was so close to him, right at his fingertips, but he didn’t dare to make a move. Was there anything in this world more frustrating than that?
Shao Qun took the opportunity to hug him: "The hospital said that next month they can make a video. You’ll be able to see him moving, turning over, kicking his legs and so on…"
Li Chengxiu was pleasantly surprised: "Really…? Everything’s so advanced… nowadays…"
Shao Qun was stunned when he saw Li Chengxiu’s sincere joy.
Li Chengxiu would only smile at him when he brought news about the child. The rest of the time, his face showed rarely anything other than indifference.
Although Li Chengxiu's usual attitude towards Shao Qun was not deliberately cold, the feeling of caution and detachment was palpable.
He knew that Li Chengxiu was wary of him and could not forget the abuse. Shao Qun tried hard to make him reopen his heart. Taking even one step in the right direction took a long time and a lot of effort. But Shao Qun wasn’t going to give up.
He didn't know when Li Chengxiu would gift him a sincere smile, let go of his grudges and accept him again. All he knew was that he would just keep working hard and waiting.
Shao Qun cuddled on the sofa with Li Chengxiu in his arms. The two seemed like an ordinary couple, looking at the ultrasound photos together and happily discussing their soon-to-be-born child.
Teacup curiously patted the photo with its paws and wanted to bite it, which made the puppy’s old enemy Shao Qun laugh.
At that moment, Shao Qun felt that all the filthy thoughts in his heart had disappeared.
He felt that such happiness was enough for him to savor for a long time - just being able to stay next to this person like this, just being able to calmly talk to him and share common joys.
Chapter 76
Content warning: references to rape, some rapey behavior
After seeing the ultrasound photos, Li Chengxiu, like most parents waiting for the birth of their child, started anxiously preparing for the arrival of the baby - buying clothes, toys, baby bottles and so on and so forth.
When he got off work one day, he went to a nearby shopping mall and found that the current baby products were terrifyingly expensive. Almost more expensive than stuff for the adults!
Li Chengxiu walked around becoming more and more depressed until Shao Qun called him and asked him where he was. He then finally decided to go home.
As soon as Shao Qun found out that he went shopping by himself, he pestered him to go to the shop together next Saturday.
"This is our son! Why would you go alone?"
To think about it, Shao Qun wasn’t quite wrong about that.
Shao Qun was, of course, a rich wealthy man who threw everything he saw right into the cart. When he got the same clothes in different colors, Li Chengxiu quickly stopped him.
Such a small piece of fabric cost hundreds of thousands! It was basically just a rip off, since little babies grow really fast. It would be really expensive and uneconomical to buy clothes which could only be worn a handful of times.
Looking at the label was enough to make Li Chengxiu’s skin crawl. There was no way around buying pacifiers and cribs. But clothes he could also make by himself.
Li Chengxiu felt a bit awkward at first but finally couldn’t bear it anymore, so he said all of that to Shao Qun.
Shao Qun looked at him with a smile: "So you can also make clothes, huh?"
Li Chengxiu nodde. There was basically no manual work that he couldn’t do.
Shao Qun felt really happy. He hid behind the shelf and gave Li Chengxiu a quick kiss: "My wifey is really virtuous. You can do anything! Okay, since you can make clothes by yourself, let's not buy all this shitty stuff and rather go get some nice fabrics."
Li Chengxiu blushed and quickly looked around, for fear of being seen by others.
The two of them got into the car, while carrying large and small bags. Shao Qun then drove them to buy a lot of good-quality fabrics.
Li Chengxiu touched the soft materials, and his heart was filled with joy and hope.
Shao Qun had a lot of financial staff at his company. So although it was almost the end of the year, Li Chengxiu’s workload was not too heavy. He spent all his spare time sewing clothes for his son.
Shao Qun thought it was a very fun and fresh idea. The most important thing for him was being able to interact with Li Chengxiu. So he would have been happy, even if he was just sitting there and staring at the wall in a daze. After work, he would go to Li Chengxiu's place and search up pictures of cute babies on the Internet. They then discussed which baby clothes looked good and which pictures could be used as inspiration.
Shao Qun bought so much fabric that one could fill half a wardrobe with it. Li Chengxiu wasn’t worried at all about running out of materials but he got quite addicted to the craft.
His heart softened every time he looked at the babies on the Internet, which were dressed as watermelons, as Mickey Mouse, as Superman, even as little angels… He couldn't help but imagine what his son would look like. Would he also be just as fair and chubby and look cute in everything?
When Li Chengxiu was sewing clothes for the baby, Teacup would roll around in the pile of fabrics. Sometimes Li Chengxiu would become a little absent minded and try some fabrics out on Teacup’s little body. Finally, he even sewed some pieces for the puppy. Later, he got even more addicted and started making matching outfits for his son and Teacup. Although the baby still wasn’t there, Teacup was ready and available. Li Chengxiu finished his piece and put it on the puppy, trying to imagine what his son would look like wearing these kinds of clothes. He then smiled so much that his eyes turned into tiny slits.
Li Chengxiu was happy, and Shao Qun was happy. He kept boasting: "My wifey really knows how to live right. And my wifey is very skillful."
Not only did he boast around, he also took pictures of the clothes and of the dressed up Teacup and posted them on the forum of the game he was playing in his spare time to show off how capable his wife was. Sure enough, soon a bunch of envious comments appeared under his post, and Shao Qun pulled Li Chengxiu closer to show these remarks to him.
Li Chengxiu was a little embarrassed but he looked at the compliments from strangers with bright eyes, and also felt very happy.
It seemed to Shao Qun that the timing and the atmosphere were just right, so he gently hugged Li Chengxiu and kissed him on the neck.
Li Chengxiu was indifferent to Shao Qun’s grabby hands and feet and didn’t respond one way or another, still intently reading new replies on the forum.
Seeing that he didn't react, Shao Qun became more and more daring, hugging his waist, then gently biting his lower lip, and finally licking and sucking to deepen the kiss.
Li Chengxiu was frightened by his sudden enthusiasm, and was stunned, until he felt Shao Qun’s hand reaching inside his clothes.
Li Chengxiu's mouth was completely blocked by Shao Qun, and he couldn't say anything even though he wanted to speak.
Shao Qun had been acting fairly well in the past few months. Unfortunately, he had been holding back for too long, so as soon as he got a little taste of Li Chengxiu, his body went out of control.
He pushed Li Chengxiu down on the sofa and kissed him passionately while stroking his smooth skin. Li Chengxiu could already feel something hot and hard pressing against his thigh.
He suddenly panicked, and a huge fear enveloped him like a dark cloud.
Li Chengxiu’s last memory of intimacy was Shao Qun's brutal and humiliating treatment. Even a year later, he couldn't completely get rid of that shadow. Especially now, when the same person who treated him like that was pressing against him, impatient to invade again.
Li Chengxiu felt his body twitching hard, and his eyes instantly dimmed.
What Shao Qun did to him in that cramped up rental loft was the nightmare of his life. Li Chengxiu forced himself to forget it, but Shao Qun chose to use the same behavior yet again to give him a reminder.
Li Chengxiu tremblingly pushed him away: "Let go... Let me go..."
Shao Qun, who was already on fire, turned a deaf ear to his pleas, lightly bit his collarbone and proceeded to undo his belt with one hand.
Li Chengxiu suddenly opened his mouth and fiercely bit down on Shao Qun’s shoulder .
Shao Qun was in pain - he let out a muffled cry, and his grip loosened.
Li Chengxiu pushed him as hard as he could, so that Shao Qun ended up heavily falling off the sofa right down to the ground.
Shao Qun was confused by the fall. Before he could regain his senses, Li Chengxiu jumped up, rushed to his bedroom and locked the door from the inside.
Shao Qun sat on the ground.
After a long while, he gave himself a frighteningly loud slap in the face. Only then did he finally get up from the ground, grit his teeth and knock on Li Chengxiu's door.
"Chengxiu..."
Shao Qun put his forehead against the doorframe and said dumbly, "Chengxiu, I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me."
There was no sound coming from inside.
"Don't be angry... I…I couldn't hold back, but… but I… I really won't force you any more. If you don't want to, I won’t..."
Shao Qun squatted on the ground in frustration, his face was filled with disappointment and sadness: "If you don't want to, I really won't force you... Chengxiu, come out. I won't do anything like this in the future, okay?"
Shao Qun smiled bitterly: "Chengxiu, you have to understand me a little, I am a healthy man. How can I not think about these kinds of things, when I look at you…I just… my brain went into overdrive, and I got confused. I… I promise it won't happen again. Just stay by my side - I will burn incense to deal with my own issues. Let’s just take it slow. I promise that I won’t force you. I will just wait until you are willing to accept me, okay? I know that for you that time was…that time…Fuck, it’s all my fault, I deserve it. Chengxiu, don't mind me, you also don’t have to… don’t have to be afraid of me. I’ll fucking cut my own dick off but I won't force you again. Just trust me..."
He sat at Li Chengxiu’s door for a long time, but there was still no response. Shao Qun sighed, wiped his face, got up from the ground and staggered back to his room.
The atmosphere between the two of them had been very good recently. Li Chengxiu was kind to him, and he would cook dinner for him every night. Shao Qun just couldn't help but want to go a bit further, become more intimate.
But Li Chengxiu was still afraid of him and very resistant. It seemed he could still feel the way he trembled in his palms.
As soon as Shao Qun remembered what he had done to Li Chengxiu, he wanted to kill himself. If there really was a regret-fixing medicine in the world, he would buy it even if it made him go bankrupt.
Not a day went by that he didn’t miss the time when he and Li Chengxiu were in love. It was the happiest, most blissful memory in his life. It was just a pity that he had destroyed it by his own hands. He wanted to put it all together again but didn’t expect that it would be so difficult.
It was still unknown how he could make Li Chengxiu whole again and how long it would take him to deal with the large, broken pieces of sadness and despair.
Every day Shao Qun spent with Li Chengxiu was full of happiness and pain. If his huge desire for this person was released, he would destroy himself and him too, so he can only endure, endure, endure… Even if he couldn’t bear it, he had to continue to endure it.
He wanted Li Chengxiu to sincerely accept him. He wanted all of him. Completely.
When Li Chengxiu heard the sound of the outside door closing, he felt relieved and at the same time unbearably exhausted.
At this point, he actually wanted to start over with Shao Qun.
Regardless of whether he was initially willing or not, now the two of them got along well with each other. Also, the child was going to be born very soon. Since Li Chengxiu didn’t have any other choice anyway, he was also willing to make his life a bit less difficult.
Moreover, re-accepting Shao Qun turned out to be less difficult than he had imagined.
Shao Qun respected Li Chengxiu in many regards and really cared for him. Both of them also had more common topics and a closer relationship because of the child. Everything was going well. Li Chengxiu hoped that they could continue like this, and he was satisfied with the way things were.
But this incident right now was obviously a hurdle that Li Chengxiu couldn’t avoid. If both of them could pass this obstacle, they would have a much easier time going forward. But if they couldn’t, both of them would suffer.
Li Chengxiu buried his face in the quilt and felt the urge to cry for a while.
Subconsciously, he had already outlined his new "home" and his new life with Shao Qun and their soon-to-be-born child.
As long as Shao Qun didn't abandon him, he was going to dedicate his whole life to this "home". Wouldn’t it mean that he also should make some compromises for the sake of “home”?
The next day, Shao Qun didn't dare to go to Li Chengxiu's place for breakfast.
When the two of them met in the company, Li Chengxiu acted as usual. He glanced at Shao Qun and left. Shao Qun wanted to lean over and say a few words to him, but he really didn't dare to.
After getting off work, Shao Qun drove home and waited for Li Chengxiu in the staircase.
When Li Chengxiu came back, Shao Qun didn't say anything and just followed him upstairs.
Li Chengxiu gave him a look but said nothing.
The two of them went upstairs quietly. Li Chengxiu took out the key to open the door, and then he suddenly turned around and asked Shao Qun, "Are you coming in to eat?"
Shao Qun stared at him blankly, feeling close to tears for a while.
Li Chengxiu muttered to himself, "In the morning...I boiled bone-broth…Days are getting cold."
Shao Qun suddenly came up, hugged Li Chengxiu from behind, buried his face in his neck and said hoarsely, "You're not angry anymore..."
Li Chengxiu gently broke away and whispered, "Let's eat."
Shao Qun was relieved. He didn't sleep last night, because he was worried that the harmonious atmosphere between them that he had been cultivating so hard in the past few months was destroyed by his impulsive behavior yesterday. However, Li Chengxiu was still willing to eat with him. He was so happy he wanted to jump up and down.
The two then ate facing each other. When they finished their meal, Li Chengxiu stood up and was about to clean up the dishes.
Shao Qun also suddenly stood up. Startling Li Chengxiu, he fell to one knee in front of him.
Li Chengxiu saw Shao Qun take out a small red flannel box from his pocket.
Anybody would know what it was at a glance, and Li Chengxiu's heart suddenly leaped.
Shao Qun opened the small box, and Li Chengxiu saw a platinum diamond ring.
The diamond ring looked simple and elegant, and it didn’t have any excessive design - it wouldn’t look awkward on a man’s hand. The designer's talent and good taste were reflected in the elegant and concise style of the ring. Even Li Chengxiu couldn’t help but admire the craftsmanship.
Shao Qun looked up at him sincerely: "Chengxiu, I know I'm acting like a fool…Don't laugh at me. I ordered this ring a long time ago. I already had it before you... left. I… I originally planned to give it to you back then, but I didn't have the chance. And afterwards…I didn’t even dare think about it. You hated me so much that you definitely wouldn’t want it. I don’t know if you can accept it now. This ring is my promise to you, there’s no other meaning to it. With this, I want you to know that I will treat you as my wife, I will be good to you for the rest of my life, I will respect you forever, and I will never hurt you again. Don’t be afraid of me. I am patient, I will wait as long as you want. I will wait for you to sincerely accept me."
Tears welled in Li Chengxiu's eyes, as he looked at the beautiful ring. He was filled with emotion.
What Shao Qun was doing right now was once Li Chengxiu’s shameful fantasy which he knew people would mock him for.
How would he ever dare to admit to anybody that there was a time when he, a man, dreamed of Shao Qun affectionately proposing to him just like he was doing now? When he used to be in love with Shao Qun, this little fantasy had a sweet taste of shyness to it, and made Li Chengxiu savor it again and again.
But when this fantasy really became a reality, Li Chengxiu didn’t have any more expectations towards the person in front of him.
What an entirely tragic thing it was.
Li Chengxiu felt heartbroken.
Shao Qun took out the diamond ring from the box and held his hand: "Chengxiu, can I put it on for you?"
Li Chengxiu gently bent his fingers.
Shao Qun was still holding his hand. He then lightly pinched the ring and looked at Li Chengxiu with quiet expectation and determination in his eyes.
The two of them were looking at each other for a while. Li Chengxiu finally lowered his eyes and slowly stretched out his fingers.
Shao Qun was so excited that his hands were shaking. He tremblingly put the ring on Li Chengxiu’s left ring finger.
The size was just fine. As soon as Li Chengxiu felt the ring around his finger, suddenly an inexplicable sense of responsibility surged in his heart. It was as if Shao Qun had given him all his lifelong expectations for happiness. And he chose to accept it. He now had to bear this responsibility for the rest of his life and be there for him till the bitter end.
He didn't know if every person who decided to enter a marriage felt this way at first.
Li Chengxiu only knew his own state of mind at that moment, and he felt that suddenly something was different.
Shao Qun got up and excitedly hugged Li Chengxiu.
He really didn't expect Li Chengxiu to accept the ring. In order to get this thing on Li Chengxiu’s hand, Shao Qun had already prepared for a long-term war with hard resistance. So right now he was so happy he could fly.
Since the New Year was coming closer, Shao Wen's phone calls became more frequent.
Shao Qun felt bad in front of his family. Although he wanted to celebrate New Year’s together with Li Chengxiu, he understood that this wasn’t the right time to act like that. Now he needed to go and placate his old man, so one day he might bring Li Chengxiu home with him for the celebrations.
When Shao Qun told Li Chengxiu that he wanted to go home for the New Year’s, he carefully observed Li Chengxiu's expressions.
Li Chengxiu was not surprised by this at all. He just felt a little strange when he remembered how lively his last New Year’s Eve was and what farce it evolved into at a later point.
Nobody wanted to be alone on New Year’s Eve. But Li Chengxiu knew that Shao Qun couldn’t ignore his family and stay with him.
He had had lonely celebrations for so many years already, and it was fine to have another one like that. So Li Chengxiu behaved very normally.
Shao Qun kept comforting him: "Once I manage to pacify my dad, my sister, and the others, I will be able to take you home for the Chinese New Year in an upright manner."
Li Chengxiu nodded noncommittally, knowing that that day was very far away.
Before the holidays, Shao Qun took Li Chengxiu shopping to buy New Year's goods. Whenever he saw anything he fancied, he immediately bought it, so even Teacup got a new fancy dog bed.
On the twenty-ninth, Shao Qun reluctantly returned to Beijing.
The two of them hadn't been apart from each other for more than half a year at this point. When Shao Qun was gone, Li Chengxiu was suddenly not used to it. His heart felt empty - especially at this time of New Year’s reunions, his loneliness seemed to be exponentially magnified.
On New Year's Eve, when he and little Teacup celebrated the festival all by themselves, Li Chengxiu missed Shao Qun a lot.
Chapter 77
Since the day Shao Qun left, Li Chengxiu was constantly bombarded by phone calls and text messages, which he received in high frequency every single hour.
Li Chengxiu was mostly sitting at home alone with nothing to do. Sometimes he would chat with Shao Qun and send him concise replies. Every time he returned his message, Shao Qun would immediately call and ask Li Chengxiu in an obviously excited voice, whether he was missing him.
Li Chengxiu felt that Shao Qun was recently acting more and more like a child.
On the evening of the thirtieth, Shao Qun was most likely really busy, so he didn't bother Li Chengxiu for several hours in a row.
Li Chengxiu ate the New Year's Eve dinner early, kneaded the dough for the dumplings and put it in the kitchen.
It undoubtedly felt very lonely.
Last year, he celebrated this day with Li Shuo and Adrian. They were chatting and laughing, and the atmosphere was very lively at the time. Although everything was ruined by Shao Qun later on, it still was one of Li Chengxiu’s happiest New Year celebrations in the past ten years. Because it was the only New Year when there was somebody around to celebrate with him.
He had no idea what Li Shuo and Adrian were doing now[4]. Was there anyone with them? What was Xiao Ji doing now? Was he still locked up at home and couldn’t come out?
All the people Li Chengxiu had met and contacted in the past two years vividly entered into his mind.
They were all good people. At this time, he really missed everybody and had an impulse to call them.
But he couldn’t. He didn't know how he would explain why he was together with Shao Qun again when these people inevitably asked him about it. They would probably be really disappointed, and Li Chengxiu would feel very embarrassed.
Li Chengxiu picked up his phone, opened the address book and saw only a handful of people there.
He realized that Shao Qun was actually the only one whom he had left. Whether these were received calls or missed calls, Shao Qun's name was always at the top of the list. His inbox was also filled mostly with Shao Qun’s messages.
Li Chengxiu looked at some of his texts, and the corners of his mouth reluctantly went up.
This was the moment when Li Chengxiu realized that he actually wanted to have Shao Qun by his side.
In the past six months, he had let go of his resistance and defenses against Shao Qun. Shao Qun easily became a part of his life again. And an extremely important part at that. It was just like at the beginning of their journey.
Only that back then, Li Chengxiu sincerely worshiped Shao Qun and put him up on a pedestal. Now, he could finally stand next to Shao Qun on an equal footing.
Li Chengxiu sincerely hoped that his life could go on like this.
The high tide of the Spring Festival Gala sounded the bell to signify the approaching end of the year, and the sounds of fireworks outside the window were getting louder and louder - the sky was blooming with gorgeous flowers. The view fascinated Li Chengxiu.
The countdown on the TV screen had begun.
Li Chengxiu moved Teacup's little paws up and down in the air and also counted down the seconds with a smile on his face.
The New Year's bells were finally ringing , and Li Chengxiu clapped Teacup's paws together.
At the same time, his phone rang.
Li Chengxiu quickly accepted the call.
Shao Qun's voice came from the other end with the noisy background: "Chengxiu, Chengxiu, can you hear me?"
Li Chengxiu responded loudly, "Yes! Happy New Year!"
Shao Qun also shouted: "Happy New Year! I love you!"
Li Chengxiu was stunned but couldn't help smiling.
Shao Qun continued to shout: "Chengxiu, did you hear me? I said I love you! Did you hear me?"
Li Chengxiu realized that Shao Qun was probably a little drunk, so he replied, "I heard that."
Shao Qun didn't speak for a while, but Li Chengxiu could hear that Shao Qun had entered a seemingly quieter room.
"Chengxiu, it's a New Year. You should say something."
Li Chengxiu paused: "Happy New...Year..."
Shao Qun sighed lightly: "Can you tell me what I want to hear? Even if it's only a lie, just humor me and consider it New Year's charity."
Li Chengxiu kept quiet.
Shao Qun waited for a while, which seemed to last as long as a whole century. His heart ached before he finally sighed in disappointment: "Forget it, I drank too much...You, you are alone. Don't go to bed too late. I'm hanging up."
Li Chengxiu suddenly called out, "Shao Qun..."
Shao Qun's eyes lit up: "What?"
Softly, Li Chengxiu said, "Come back soon."
Shao Qun's hand holding the phone trembled.
"Okay...Okay, definitely...I'll return home as soon as possible. Just wait for me! I'm thinking of you all the time… I must come back very very soon, you...you should go to bed early...and then...what…I…" Shao Qun was so excited that he became incoherent.
Li Chengxiu asked him to come back soon! So he was going to return at the earliest date possible! What did Li Chengxiu’s words actually mean? Did he begin to accept him again? Shao Qun even imagined Li Chengxiu's gentle smile as he beckoned him.
Shao Qun had worked so hard for so long, hoping to break through Li Chengxiu's defenses, and now he finally saw the dawn of victory at the beginning of the New Year.
Shao Qun was so happy that he almost jumped up, wishing he could immediately walk through his phone - hug Li Chengxiu and kiss him vigorously.
He took advantage of his "slightly drunk" status to shyly bully Li Chengxiu and say a lot of lovey-dovey words. Hearing all these sweet nothings Li Chengxiu's ears burned. He had repeated "I'm hanging up" several times, but in the end he couldn't bring himself to do it. So he just continued to patiently listen.
After putting down the phone, Li Chengxiu quickly made some dumplings for himself, and put Teacup's bowl in front of the pup. One person and one dog were eating hot dumplings together to celebrate the New Year.
Li Chengxiu couldn't help thinking that he should be able to spend the next New Year with Shao Qun.
The New Year's holidays soon came to an end. Li Chengxiu went back to work but Shao Qun - his boss - still hadn't come back.
Shao Qun complained to him, saying that his father asked him to stay until the fifteenth and not a day less. In order to make his father less resistant to the fact of Li Chengxiu’s existence, Shao Qun had to resist his urge to fly back to Shenzhen immediately.
On the night of the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, after Li Chengxiu got off work, he made sure to thoroughly clean the house.
Shao Qun was going to come back tomorrow, and Li Chengxiu was thinking about what he could cook for the occasion.
He fell asleep early that evening and slept until midnight, until he was suddenly awakened by the sound of his mobile phone.
Li Chengxiu squinted his eyes and dazedly picked up the phone from the bedside table.
"Hey, Chengxiu." He clearly heard Shao Qun's voice.
Li Chengxiu glanced at the bright screen. It was the middle of the night. Why would Shao Qun call him at this time?
"Shao Qun... what's wrong?"
"Chengxiu, open the door for me."
Li Chengxiu paused for two seconds: "What?"
Shao Qun laughed: "Chengxiu, open the door!"
Only then did Li Chengxiu react. He hurriedly got up from the bed, ran out of the bedroom, and unlocked the entrance door.
Shao Qun stood in front of him in his ink-blue cashmere coat - cold emanated from his body but there was a warm smile on his face.
Li Chengxiu looked at him blankly: "You are back… You are really back."
Shao Qun stepped into the room with one foot, and before Li Chengxiu could react, he leaned in and hugged him.
Li Chengxiu was startled: "Shao Qun...?"
Shao Qun gave him a kiss on the cheek: "Why the hell are you not even wearing slippers? You might catch a cold."
Only then did Li Chengxiu realize that he was barefoot. Embarrassed, he said: "Let me go then."
Of course, Shao Qun did not abide - he lifted Li Chengxiu up and walked into the bedroom, placing him directly on the bed.
He then took off his coat, sat down and touched Li Chengxiu's face with his cold hands, staring at him with bright eyes in the dark.
Li Chengxiu felt that his heartbeat suddenly quickened.
Shao Qun leaned over, pressed his lips against Li Chengxiu’s, kissing him warmly and tenderly.
Li Chengxiu froze, but did not move. He dazedly accepted Shao Qun's kiss.
Shao Qun's breathing became more and more unstable. When he was done with the kiss, he pushed Li Chengxiu onto the bed, heavily pressing his body beneath him, and let out a tired breath.
Li Chengxiu panicked and wanted to move away.
Shao Qun hugged his waist and said softly: "Don't move. It's alright, just let me hug you for a bit. I'm very sleepy, since I had to catch the plane in the middle of the night. Baby, let me hold you for a while. I won't do anything. Really ."
Li Chengxiu's body slowly relaxed.
Shao Qun kicked off his shoes and turned over, hugging Li Chengxiu in his arms, as his warm breath lightly tickled Li Chengxiu’s neck.
Li Chengxiu opened his eyes and looked at the dark ceiling.
Shao Qun said sleepily: "I missed you every single day. Did you miss me? When you asked me to come back soon that day, I wanted to come back right away. Unfortunately, my father said that if I wanted to take you back next year for the Chinese New Year, I would have to stay until the 15th without any discussion. But hey, I ran away as soon as he fell asleep."
Li Chengxiu kept quiet, listening to Shao Qun's strong heartbeat in his warm chest.
With someone by his side, even on such a cold winter night, he felt a lot warmer and more comfortable.
When he first separated from Shao Qun, Li Chengxiu had really understood what it meant to sleep alone.
If one is accustomed to having someone who always sleeps by your side, with whom you can chat about something inconsequential before going to bed, whom you can touch when you stretch out your hand, and whom you can hug for warmth no matter how cold it is, then losing this person will make everything around you and your heart feel empty. Those who haven't experienced it will never understand the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night and wondering where this person has gone.
When Li Chengxiu first encountered these feelings, he suffered a lot from this kind of hopeless loneliness. Now, as he was lying together with Shao Qun again, he couldn’t quite tell if he felt joy or sorrow.
Li Chengxiu only thought that it was no doubt a good thing to have someone to accompany him.
Shao Qun's voice still lingered in his ears: "Our son will be born in two months. Shall we move back to the old villa then?"
Li Chengxiu thought of the place which gave birth to the happiest memories in his life, but which he finally vowed to never enter again. He didn't know how to react for a while.
"The day after tomorrow, let's go there and see how the arrangements for the baby’s room and our rooms are coming along. It's up to you, though. By the way, the housekeeping company I found last time recommended several nannies. We have to pick wisely, since it's hard to find a good nanny nowadays."
Li Chengxiu nodded: "Okay."
Shao Qun said softly, "Chengxiu, I'm very happy now. For the first time in my long life I'm so satisfied with everything. I don’t need anything else! What about you? How has my performance been during this time? Are you still satisfied?"
Li Chengxiu whispered: "It‘s fine. All is good."
Shao Qun smiled and hugged him tightly: "I can treat you even better! You just wait and see. I want to hold you up to the sky!"
Li Chengxiu laughed softly.
Shao Qun closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead against Li Chengxiu’s face: "Let's sleep. You have work tomorrow."
Li Chengxiu quietly responded, "Okay, let’s sleep."
Shao Qun hugged the man in his arms so tightly as if he was holding the rarest and most precious treasure in the entire world. Only this person could give him the satisfaction of his lifetime. Only this person could give him peace of mind. Only to this person could he give everything without reservation and not be afraid of losing his footing. Even if the sky fell, Shao Qun would never let him go.
Shao Qun was really tired, so after a short while he fell asleep and started snoring[5].
Li Chengxiu hadn't slept next to anybody in a long time. In the past, Shao Qun rarely snored. Li Chengxiu had always been a light sleeper and now with this noise, it was almost impossible for him to fall asleep.
Even so, he didn't feel uncomfortable. Just like in the old times, he was in Shao Qun's arms again, which made Li Chengxiu feel a long-lost peace of mind.
He didn’t know how long exactly they stayed like that but suddenly a loud "bang bang bang" sound ruined the quiet dawn. Li Chengxiu was half asleep and half awake, his heart skipped a beat, and he opened his eyes.
He realized that somebody was knocking on the door and looked out the window through the gap in the curtain.
Who would come to his place at this time?
The knocking was particularly aggressive, as if the person would not stop until he woke them up.
Li Chengxiu got a little scared. He called out: "Shao Qun! Shao Qun!", as he pushed him awake.
Shao Qun was in deep sleep, so it took some pushing to finally wake him up.
"What's wrong?"
There was panic on Li Chengxiu’s face: "Someone is knocking on the door."
Only then did Shao Qun finally react. He turned over and got out of bed: "Don't be afraid. I'll go take a look."
After Shao Qun left, Li Chengxiu also ran towards the bedroom door, hiding behind it, as he cautiously peeked out.
Shao Qun looked through the door’s eye and recognized Xiao Zhou at a glance.
He felt annoyed, thinking that his assistant was like a high level spy or something. Xiao Zhou always knew where Shao Qun went. He feared that even if he decided to go to Africa, Xiao Zhou would chase after him there to pester him with more work matters.
Shao Qun opened the door and scolded, "How the hell did you know I was back already? Do you know what time it is? Are you sick in the head?"
He finally noticed that Xiao Zhou's face was pale, and there was another person standing beside him, who seemed to be covered in nervous sweat.
Xiao Zhou said anxiously: "Mr. Shao, go to the hospital quickly! The surrogate Ms. Liu fell, and I am afraid she will give birth prematurely."
Shao Qun was stunned for a while.
Li Chengxiu felt like he was struck by lightning, and he immediately rushed out: "What did you say? What? Who? What did you say!?"
Xiao Zhou explained: "The intermediary came to me when he couldn't find you. I called your phone but it was turned off. I then called your elder sister, and she said that you were already gone. So I thought that you must be here… Mr. Shao, hurry up. Let’s go."
The scene in front of Li Chengxiu was suddenly distorted. He felt dizzy, as he grabbed Shao Qun's arm. His heart seemed to be blocked by something. He opened his mouth but couldn't speak.
Shao Qun tried to calm him down. He squatted, tying Li Chengxiu's shoe laces. Then he walked out with his arms around Li Chengxiu: "Don't be afraid, we'll go to the hospital right away."
Chapter 78
Li Chengxiu didn’t even manage to take a few steps, before his legs felt weak. Shao Qun helped him get into the car.
He asked in a trembling voice, "Shao Qun, what should I do? Will it be..."
Shao Qun patted him on the back and said solemnly, "No, don't think too much. I am a lucky person, and the Heavens have always been on my side. Our son will be fine."
Li Chengxiu's eyes gradually became wet. He looked at Shao Qun with an unfocused gaze and choked: "But... she fell..."
Li Chengxiu didn't understand why this was happening now. He stopped fighting, he had already resigned himself to fate. The only thing he hoped for in exchange was to be able to live a peaceful and stable life. But the Heavens still didn’t leave him be.
He already had nothing. Couldn’t he at least have a child? Why should a weak little life that was only about to be born suffer such twists and turns of destiny?
Li Chengxiu didn't even dare to think what would happen in case the child was gone...
He was so frightened by his own thoughts that his face was deadly pale. He tightly held onto Shao Qun's arm. Only this man could prevent him from crumbling down entirely.
Shao Qun comforted him: "Baby, don't think about it too much. Trust me, it's all gonna be fine. Most people don't carry to full term, so many babies are born prematurely after only 7 months. The baby just couldn’t wait to meet us. Don’t be afraid. Believe me, it will be alright.”
Li Chengxiu trembled: "Really?"
Shao Qun nodded firmly: "Really."
Shao Qun's heart was beating wildly.
He couldn’t believe something so bad could happen. How could the Heavens make him and Li Chengxiu go through so much?
He repeated to himself over and over again that they already had a hard life, so the Heavens would definitely bless their baby. If something really happened to the child, Shao Qun didn't know how he would look Li Chengxiu in the eye.
They finally got to where they are today, and Shao Qun was not going to let anything or anyone take Li Chengxiu away from him.
Shao Qun pressed Li Chengxiu's head to his chest and stroked his back to comfort him. He was afraid that Li Chengxiu would see the panic in his eyes.
Li Chengxiu's body trembled uncontrollably. He stretched out his hand and gently wrapped his arms around Shao Qun's waist.
When something like this happened, he realized how important it was to have someone with a strong backbone beside him.
Compared to his panic, Shao Qun's calmness and determination at this time gave him great strength. Shao Qun's voice seemed to have magic powers, and it hypnotized him, making him actually believe that their child would be fine and would grow up strong and healthy.
Li Chengxiu still doubted how long this man's love would last. He was afraid that there would never come a time when he wouldn’t doubt it. However, no matter what happened in the past and what will happen in the future, at least at this moment, Li Chengxiu was grateful that Shao Qun was by his side.
Whether it was when his mother had an accident or when he painfully ended their relationship, Li Chengxiu had always carried everything on his own shoulders. He prayed countless times that someone would help him. Even if it was just a little bit of comfort.
At least now, Shao Qun was there for him.
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes, listened to Shao Qun’s strong heartbeat, felt his warm chest, and his heart gradually calmed down.
When the two of them arrived at the hospital, the surrogate was already in the delivery room.
The hospital was empty and silent in the early morning. Shao Qun wrapped Li Chengxiu in his coat, as they sat down on the bench. He gently squeezed Li Chengxiu's hand and comforted him: "Both the mother and the child will be safe. Trust me."
Li Chengxiu was weary, but he still nodded: "Yes, yes... Mother and child will be alright."
Shao Qun said softly, "Chengxiu, have you decided what your son's name will be?"
Li Chengxiu took a loud breath: "I thought about it for a long time... I haven't decided... What about you, have you thought about it?"
"Hehe, how about we call him Xiuqun[6]?"
Li Chengxiu smiled reluctantly: "Don't joke about this, you brat."
Shao Qun laughed out loud: "Actually, I don't like children very much. I find them kind of annoying, but as long as I think that this little one shares your blood, I think of him as a treasure to be protected."
Li Chengxiu looked at the clock and said softly, "Shao Qun, have you thought about... In case the child… looks like me..."
Shao Qun squeezed his hand and looked at Li Chengxiu with a smile: "I thought about it a long time ago. And you know what? I thought I’ll cross this bridge when I come to it. Back then, all I cared about was deceiving my sister for long enough to manage to lure you back to me."
Li Chengxiu looked at him helplessly: "You..."
Shao Qun hugged his shoulders, let him lean on his body, and said solemnly: "At that time, I was like a fly without a head. As long as there was a way out, I would rush towards it. I didn’t have the capacity to seriously weigh the negatives and consequences of it all. It turned out that I did the right thing, since this decision allowed me to hold you in my arms like this now. Also… don’t all boys just look like their mothers? If it doesn’t fool my sister and my father, then, hey, so be it. I really don’t care much about it anymore."
Li Chengxiu looked at him and felt a little moved.
He knew how much pressure Shao Qun had to bear in order to do all these things. He also knew that Shao Qun did feel guilty towards his family. Once this matter was discovered, Shao Qun would probably get himself into hot waters.
Li Chengxiu was undoubtedly the beneficiary of this incident. In order to give him guarantees, Shao Qun pushed himself so far that it made Li Chengxiu suddenly feel uncomfortable.
If you want to be with somebody, don’t you have to share their joys and also their difficulties?
Li Chengxiu raised his hand and gently touched Shao Qun's frowning eyebrows: "Shao Qun, I like children. I like all of them. You, if...you can… how about you get one of your own?"
Shao Qun looked at him blankly, and then his eyes suddenly became clear. He grabbed Li Chengxiu's hand, his face full of excitement.
He didn't know whether he was excited because of Li Chengxiu's words or because of his actions. In short, he felt that the unusually heavy door in front of him, which had been closed for a long time, suddenly opened up with a loud bang, indicating that he was once again allowed to enter.
"Chengxiu..."
Li Chengxiu gave him a shallow smile: "I mean it."
Shao Qun hugged him fiercely, as he choked up: "Chengxiu, thank you."
The best thing Shao Qun ever did in his life was to never let go of Li Chengxiu.
This person had the purest and the strongest soul, the kindest and the gentlest heart, the broadest and the most compassionate mind. Most importantly, this was the only person whom he loved deeply. Only when he was with Li Chengxiu, he could feel that his world was complete.
As the two of them sat so close to each other, they could hear that their hearts were beating in unison. Although they were a little anxious and a little scared, both of them were still hopeful.
The rules dictated that the surrogate and the father couldn’t meet, so Shao Qun and Li Chengxiu could only sit in the waiting hall, anxiously watching the clock on the wall.
The two of them sat around for more than four hours, witnessing as the hospital went from quiet to very full and lively. When they were almost passed out from exhaustion, the person in charge of the surrogacy agency finally appeared.
Shao Qun and Li Chengxiu quickly stood up and looked at the man with nervous anticipation.
The expressions on assistant Chen's and the intermediary's faces were now much more relaxed.
"Mr. Shao, congratulations! Both mother and son are doing well."
When Li Chengxiu heard these words, his body instantly felt much lighter. His nose felt sore - he was about to burst into tears.
Shao Qun hugged him and kissed his forehead with a lot of emotion. Excitedly, he said "It's alright, everything’s fine!"
Li Chengxiu nodded and sniffed: "That's really great..."
Shao Qun patted his face: "I wasn't wrong. The Heavens are on my side after all."
Li Chengxiu finally let out a sincere laugh.
The intermediary explained: "The child is pretty weak right now. However all the health indicators are within the norm. You can look at him through the glass right now, and in two days you’ll be able to hug him."
Li Chengxiu was so excited that he just kept repeating “all right” again and again.
Together with Shao Qun they approached the nursery and looked at the small crib through the glass.
The baby was tiny. Since he couldn’t be bathed yet, his skin was red, and his hair was still stained with his birth mother’s bodily fluids which made the child look a little pitiful.
Li Chengxiu pressed his forehead against the glass and intently looked at the little buddy in the crib. After a long time, he finally was sure that an almost transparent nose was indeed breathing in and out.
Although the child looked so fragile and small now, one day he was going to grow up. Li Chengxiu hoped that he would be bigger than himself and also not so thin. This baby should become a man who stands tall. Just thinking about witnessing the whole process of this child’s development filled Li Chengxiu with gratitude.
Shao Qun quietly stood by his side, watching Li Chengxiu’s focused expression, while a deep sense of satisfaction arose in his heart.
Beside him was his wifey, and in that crib there was his son. He had both a wife and a child. As a man, his life could now be considered complete. In the future, his only goal in life was to work hard to earn more money and spend all his days with Li Chengxiu.
The child was supposed to stay with the birth mother for the first month, so after this day, Li Chengxiu and Shao Qun wouldn’t be able to see the child for quite some time.
According to the rules, they were actually supposed to receive the baby only after it turned one month. If not for the emergency situation, they wouldn’t have been able to see the child so early.
If Li Chengxiu hadn’t seen the baby, he would have probably been fine. But now, after seeing his child, he couldn’t sleep so well anymore. He called the agency at least twice a day to ask how the baby was doing, whether he was eating well, drinking well, sleeping well... Since the child was born prematurely, all these issues weighed heavily on Li Chengxiu’s heart.
Li Chengxiu was often distracted at work during the day. After work, he and Shao Qun were busy decorating the nursery, shopping for baby supplies and other stuff like that. Every day passed by with Li Chengxiu looking forward to his son finally turning 1 month.
Once that day finally arrived, Li Chengxiu, who had normally been a diligent worker, took a rare day off just to welcome the arrival of his child.
Early in the morning, Shao Qun nervously told him that his father and his sisters were coming over to celebrate the baby’s One Month Banquet[7].
Li Chengxiu was a little dumbfounded. How could Shao Qun only tell him about this now and leave him completely unprepared for this occasion?
Actually, Shao Qun's eldest sister had started pestering him about this already a few days ago. Shao Qun didn't want his family to visit them so early, so he didn't mention the entire thing to Li Chengxiu.
"You don't need to prepare anything in particular. Just cook a few more dishes than you usually do. They are family, so you don't need to prepare anything special."
Li Chengxiu's original excitement had gone down considerably, since he was subconsciously afraid of Shao Qun's family, especially his father.
Even when not speaking, this intimidating old man had a strong oppressive aura. Li Chengxiu wouldn’t be surprised if this man actually pulled a gun at him once he found out that his grandson was not actually his grandson.
Looking at Li Chengxiu’s face, Shao Qun immediately knew what he was thinking and quickly tried to calm him down: "Don't be afraid. You would have to meet them sooner or later, there’s no way around it. But no one will dare to bully you, as long as I’m here, okay? My dad is a piece of work, but he is not unreasonable. I have talked to him already, so he will not act out in front of you."
After the pep talk, Li Chengxiu felt slightly relieved.
Shao Qun then went out to buy vegetables according to the list that Li Chengxiu gave him, while Li Chengxiu himself was busy cleaning up.
When the intermediary came over with the child, Li Chengxiu was so excited to hold him that he even forgot to take off his apron.
The heavy and warm feeling of having his baby in his arms made Li Chengxiu's eyes turn red all of a sudden.
The child looked much better than a month ago. He had already managed to grow soft fluff on his head, and his skin was white like milk. His eyes were big and dark, while his little lips were pink and tender. Li Chengxiu loved this little bundle of joy so much he didn’t know what to do.
Shao Qun looked at him with a smile: "Do you know how to take care of babies?"
Li Chengxiu nodded: "I have some experience."
Shao Qun asked with curiosity, "Which child have you taken care of?"
"Distant relatives in my village had a baby… Shao Qun, look at him! Isn’t he smiling?"
Shao Qun fiddled with the baby’s little fingers: "It seems to be his regular expression."
Li Chengxiu rubbed his cheek against the baby’s face: "I'm also smiling."
Shao Qun laughed: "I can’t really tell who this child looks like exactly. Probably, takes after his birth mother, after all." The baby’s features were too inconspicuous - at least, Shao Qun believed that his father and his sisters wouldn’t be able to notice anything suspicious.
Li Chengxiu looked at the baby’s facial features carefully and breathed a sigh of relief. On the other hand, he was also somewhat disappointed.
He took out some warm clothes that he had sewed for the baby, picked out a red onesie and carefully dressed the child. Then he put a onesie of a similar style on the little Teacup. The longer he looked at the two cuties together, the more he liked what he saw and the broader his smile got, as his eyes formed little crescents.
Shao Qun, standing nearby, was taking pictures of this cozy familial bliss.
Li Chengxiu had just finished the preparations for the meal, when the doorbell rang. He stood next to the door with the child in his arms and looked at Shao Qun at a loss.
Shao Qun kissed him, said "Don't be afraid" and then opened the door. General Shao came in first, followed by his three daughters.
"Dad. Sisters." Shao Qun greeted them in a somewhat flattering manner, as Li Chengxiu nervously looked at the four people who came in.
He had met the father, the oldest and the youngest sister before. The unfamiliar woman was probably Shao Qun’s second sister. She had a gentle smile on her face, and her whole demeanor was different from the rest of the Shao family.
Sure enough, Shao Qun pointed at her and said, "Chengxiu, this is my second sister! You haven't met yet."
Li Chengxiu almost bowed to the proper lady-like Second Young Miss Shao: “Hello. Hello.”
The woman covered her mouth and smiled at him: "Nice to meet you too."
General Shao coughed: "Come on, let’s see the child."
Li Chengxiu carefully handed the baby to him. The child was in good spirits, so rather than being uncomfortable with strangers, he was more curious about them. He stretched his little hand to grab Old General Shao's collar.
The general seemed moved, and his face turned a little red.
Shao Nuo exclaimed "So cute!!! I want to take a bite of this little bun!"
General Shao was holding the child in a particularly stiff manner, as if he was holding a precious ancient vase. After a while, he awkwardly handed the baby to Shao Wen and murmured, “It’s fine. The child is fine.”
The always serious Shao Wen also smiled, as she and Shao Nuo proceeded to tease the baby.
Shao Qun then led his family to the dining table.
Shao Nuo looked at the food on the table and praised Li Chengxiu for being such a virtuous cook. What Li Chengxiu didn’t realize though, were the long looks that General Shao kept giving him.
General Shao wasn’t a big talker, neither was Li Chengxiu. The others also didn't seem to have much to say, so the meal was pretty dull.
Li Chengxiu kept giving Shao Qun uncomfortable looks but it seemed that Shao Qun was used to this kind of atmosphere, so he just blinked at him reassuringly.
After dinner, as they were watching TV in the living room, General Shao said that he had thought about the child's name.
Shao Qun was stunned for a moment, then he quickly glanced at Li Chengxiu. Li Chengxiu smiled and shook his head. Respectfully he asked General Shao: "What name did you think of?"
"Call him Shao Zheng[8]. I hope this child will be a serious person in the future. I hope he chooses the right path, becomes a righteous man and doesn’t follow a bad example set by his predecessor." He glared at Shao Qun and snorted coldly, as he said that.
Li Chengxiu felt slightly embarrassed by his words, while Shao Qun smiled awkwardly: "Dad, we’ll do as you say, okay? You want to call the baby Shao Zheng? Very good! What do you think, Chengxiu?"
Li Chengxiu nodded: "I’m fine with it."
Shao Wen asked: "What about the nanny? Already found one?"
Shao Qun nodded and said, "I invited two nannies already. They both will come in tomorrow."
Shao Wen said: "After the Shenzhen project is completed, you should come back to Beijing and stay there. It’s a shame to make your dad take such long flights to see his grandson."
Shao Qun nodded obediently: "Yes. Of course."
After the Shao family left in the evening, Li Chengxiu sat on the sofa for a long time. He felt really tired.
It was not so much his body that was tired but rather his mind.
The whole evening he was worried what would happen if the truth came out.
Fortunately, so far everything went smoothly. But what happens when the child grows up and things become more apparent? Considering that the Shao family was not exactly a bunch of idiots…
After Shao Qun sent his father off, he came to sit down next to Li Chengxiu and started rubbing his shoulders: "My wifey’s tired. Let me massage you a little. Also, you know, my cooking skills have improved recently. You can now rest assured that I am even able to cook some dishes for you."
Li Chengxiu smiled: "Last time, your stir-fried green beans were mushy."
Shao Qun laughed: "You have to leave some room for failure. Only then, you can gradually make progress."
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes and felt his shoulders being massaged. It was quite relaxing.
Shao Qun said softly: "You have done a good job today. My dad was satisfied."
Li Chengxiu asked, "How do you know?" Old General Shao hadn’t shown a single happy facial expression throughout the whole evening.
"He's my dad - of course, I know. He isn't as rigid as you might think. Let me tell you something, my dad's ancestors were big landowners for generations but their lands were expropriated during the Cultural Revolution[9]. Originally, my father was engaged to my mother but in those circumstances my other grandfather’s side was suddenly against the marriage. So my father actually took a gun and went to kidnap his bride."
Li Chengxiu burst out laughing: "Really?"
"Really. I heard it from my sister. Later, when my mother mentioned it again, he wouldn't admit it even under a threat of death. My father's temper was quite similar to mine when he was young. He actually became a soldier due to his connections, but because of his bad temper, he had problems in the army. In fact, sometimes I understand why he is so controlling but I still can’t deal with that."
Li Chengxiu nodded: "So, it's not easy for you to get along with your dad."
Shao Qun said: "I hope this child has a temper like yours, not like mine. Otherwise, we’ll have a problem."
Li Chengxiu smiled, "It means, you also know that you’re not a god’s gift."
Shao Qun laughed but said nothing.
Li Chengxiu patted his hand: "Let’s go check up on the baby."
Both of them walked into the nursery and saw the little one soundly asleep with drops of saliva hanging from his mouth.
Looking at his son, Li Chengxiu felt that his heart was full of happiness.
Shao Qun hugged him from behind and asked, "Chengxiu, are you happy?"
Li Chengxiu whispered back, "I'm happy."
Shao Qun's kiss fell softly on his cheek: "I will make you feel happy for the rest of your life!"
Li Chengxiu turned his head and looked at him with his bright eyes.
Shao Qun then passionately kissed his lips.
When their lips were tightly pressed against each other, the soft and wonderful feeling reached the bottom of their hearts. Shao Qun was kissing Li Chengxiu, wishing he didn’t have to stop.
Relaxed, Li Chengxiu leaned in his arms, enjoying this tender moment.
Although he had experienced many unbearable things in the past, it was still Shao Qun who had accompanied Li Chengxiu up to this day. This man had many shortcomings and had done a lot of cruel things to him, but he was also the only one who Li Chengxiu could rely on and also the only one with whom he could share the joys of fatherhood.
Being with Shao Qun gave him a real home.
Although he felt sad and desperate at times, he really loved having a place to come back to. After Shao Qun presented him with a blueprint of a family, Li Chengxiu couldn’t refuse such an offer. He only hoped that through his own efforts, he could keep this home forever and ever.
He had hoped throughout all his life that he would one day gain a sense of belonging. And Shao Qun was the one who gave it to him.
This was enough. With that, Li Chengxiu was content.
This was a painful ride, ngl.
Sorry for taking a longer time to finish this last part. Somehow the last chapters
were kind of a drag. Some people have messaged me on NU about the translation, and I felt really bad for pushing this project aside for a while. I have already started with the extras. I’ll do one final update when they’re all done.
In the meantime, if you have any comments you want to share with me (about mistakes, typos, incorrect grammar, weird phrasing, or mistranslations), you can also find me here https://twitter.com/Anthropicprinc3. I don’t post anything for now but I answer messages.
And for the people who are about to type an incoherent angry one-star review on NU, I get where you’re coming from but let me leave you with this little piece of wisdom:
[1] Just a reminder that the reason for so many “...” in Li Chengxiu’s monologue is not that he is uncertain or thoughtful. It’s due to his speech impediment. In the original, the author showcases it by putting a comma after every single word Li Chengxiu says. Besides, he has a knack of saying a lot with very few words (which is easier done in Chinese than in English). Throughout this translation, I replaced commas with “...” and tried to put it after every “completed pragmatic entity”. Also, in my interpretation, Li Chengxiu is much wordier than he is in the original because if I translated his speech word for word, it would sound in English as if he was a child or there were issues with his grammar. And his speech neither has errors, nor does he come off as uneducated or childish in Chinese. In contrast, Shao Qun has a particular ability of saying very little in a lot of words ;)
[2] Correct me if I’m wrong, but one can do a chromosome test on the 10th week of pregnancy. It screens for congenital disorders, and also can reveal the gender of the baby. However, you could already see the sex of the baby by week 14 on an ultrasound. Or, if one does a prenatal blood test, one can find out the gender on the 11th week. So, mentioning chromosome test at this point seems a bit random to me, since they’ll have to wait for it anyway. But Shao Qun might just be talking for the sake of talking again.
[3] High resolution ultrasound
[4] If I remember correctly, Li Shuo is doing pretty poorly at this time in the story. While Adrian is enjoying his well-deserved happy ending… Time to reread “Additional Inheritance” and “Winner Takes All”.
[5] lol
[6] “Xiu” from Chengxiu and “Qun” from Shao Qun. It’s like if Angelina and Brad called their child Brang or Angrad.
[7] One Month Banquet or “Red Egg and Ginger Party” is the traditional Chinese celebration of a baby's one month birthday. The custom dates to ancient times when infant mortality rates were high and new babies were named and celebrated only after a month had passed and survival seemed assured.
[8] The character “Zheng” (正) by itself means something “right”, “correct”, “righteous”.
[9] The Cultural Revolution, formally known as the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution, was a sociopolitical movement in the People's Republic of China launched by Mao Zedong in 1966, and lasting until his death in 1976. Big landowners had their lands seized at the time, and the expropriated land was turned over to collective property. This reform lifted a lot of people out of poverty.