After contemplation, I immediately opened up the messaging service to cancel Han Kiseok and my appointment. As soon as I turned on the app, however, Seo Dawon entered the room; I impulsively hid the cellphone behind my back. Seo Dawon had a mischievous gleam in his eyes as he looked at me, but this time I looked away and avoided his gaze. I really had no intention of revealing any of this.
âNo, itâs justâŠâ I murmured.
Now that I think about it, though, wonât the servants also swarm along when I went to meet Han Kiseok? Honestly, what a catastropheâŠ
âItâs better to get this over withâŠâ 1
Wouldnât it be better to first tell Seo Dawon how this situation came about? From what I could perceive, Seo Dawon seemed to have already noticed the nature of my relationship with Han Kiseok. Even if I hid it, Iâd get caught anyway; perhaps Iâd be scolded for 10 seconds less if I were to admit that this meeting couldnât be helpedâŠ
With that thought, I immediately took out my hidden cell phone. Seo Dawon simply glanced at my outstretched phone without trying to interrogate me.
âBut, even if I confessed everything⊠I donât know what type of reaction heâll have.â
It was honestly hard to imagine Seo Dawon losing his temper and releasing fiery anger. No matter how angry he may be, he always seemed to be the type to calm down and de-escalate and not the one to pursue his temper. I was intimidated by the mere thought of Seo Dawon coldly telling me, âWhy would you do something so stupid?â
But, if he were to nonchalantly laugh and pass it off as nothing worth noting⊠I honestly wouldnât feel too good about that. That meant that the Mage had no interest in who I used to like or who I was going out to meet.
âIf Seo Dawon told me he made an appointment to meet Ryu Hyerin, I would surely feel upsetâŠâ
No matter how much I observed Seo Dawonâs close face, I couldnât predict his reaction⊠Eventually, I explained the situation in a small voice, as if I were confessing my wrongdoings to the Mage.
âI⊠This saturday⊠Han Kiseok and I promised to meet up.â
âWhy?â
âWellâŠâ
Seo Dawon tranquilly asked for my reasons. The question wasnât really much, but I felt like I was suddenly at a loss for an answer; I squeezed the bed of my nails. I felt like I stayed silent for too long, so I stuttered, âI wasâŠwondering why Han Kiseok wanted to see me⊠Ah, but itâs not like I have lingering feelings for him or anything! SoâŠâ
âDid you want to meet him first?â
âNo! Never! Itâs just⊠our conversation just flowed in that directionâŠâ
âHe asked to meet?â
âMhmmâŠâ
Contrary to my expectations, Seo Dawon did not get angry nor did he laugh light-heartedly.
He looked down at me expressionlessly, sat on my bed, and began to stare at me while maintaining eye-level position. It didnât seem like he was furious, but the atmosphere didnât feel carefree either; I kept my eyes fixed on the floor.
Then, Seo Dawon reached out to me. Surprised by the hand approaching my eyes, I flinched and pulled my head back. Eventually, though, his fingers brushed through my bangs; afterwards, I felt like I couldnât move. Seo Dawon touched my hair gently, as if he were softly stroking it.
âI thought you didnât want to see him,â he said, in a calm voice. âDid you perhaps miss him?â
I wasnât usually a quick-witted person, butâŠat this moment, I knew I shouldnât nod. I jumped to an upright position and emphatically shook my head. âNo! Itâs not like that at all. Itâs just⊠a matter of male prideâsomething like thatâŠâ
ââŠâŠâ
âIfâŠyouâre feeling uncomfortable about this, read my DMsâŠâ
Seo Dawon took the cell phone from my hand as soon as I finished talking. To be honest, I wanted to stop him, but I couldnât take the phone back; he was holding tightly onto that hand with his, and I had already given permission.
Despairing, I glanced at Seo Dawon who motionlessly read through Han Kiseok and my conversation.Was he going to smirk at meâŠ? Or was he going to get angryâŠ? But, if I thought that Seo Dawon would get angry, why was IâŠ.
ââŠWhy am I looking forward to his reaction?â
Iâd honestly be happy if the Mage were to show signs of jealousyâŠ
Seo Dawon didnât say much even after reading the conversation and turning off the cell phone screen. Considering the force the Mage still used to grip my hand, our discussion wasnât at an end. ââŠIf you donât want to go, then just donât go.â
To my earsâto anyoneâs earsâthat was a plaintive plea for me to not meet Han Kiseok; my heart started to beat. Then timidly, pretending to be caught in a dilemma, I said, âStill, a promise is a promiseâŠâ
âI think youâll have a hard time if you go meet him.â However, the Mage said something different from what I expected. For a moment, I stared at him, unable to understand. Seo Dawon spoke again after brief silence, his words twisting and winding around the real core of his argument, âHeâs someone you liked in the past, right?â
âBut not right nowâŠâ Bewildered, I hurried to answer his straightforward question. However, my answer did nothing more than to affirm the Mageâs current suspicions.
Watching my face flush and heat up, Seo Dawon released a short sigh, âJust what do you want to hear from him by meeting him. It doesnât seem like you guys parted on good terms.â
âThatâsâŠNo, how could you even knowâŠâ
âEvery time Han Kiseok is mentioned, your expressionâŠâ
ââŠâŠâ
âEnough.â The Mageâs tone was cold, but he stroked my hair and softly fiddled with my ears. It felt like he was simultaneously embracing me and freezing me. If it werenât for that strange dissonant vibe, I would have thought the Mage was trying to comfort me.
I looked at him in a dazeâit felt like my body couldnât figure out whether or not it was dunked into an ice pool or a hot tub. Seo Dawon, in a more acrid tone, âWell, of course heâs curious. The man that liked him became a User. But, why do you have to satisfy his curiosity?â
ââŠâŠâ
Seo Dawon spoke as if he clearly knew what Han Kiseok was thinking. So, after hesitating, I asked him quietly, âDo you think Han Kiseok never liked me? Not even once?â
âWhat?â
âActually⊠Iâve been curious about that⊠For some reason, I thought I might find the answer to that question if I were to go and meet himâŠâ
Seo Dawon opened his mouth before closing it with a slightly irritated expression.
However⊠These really were my true inner thoughts. No matter how stupid or foolish I may beâŠperhaps I could muster up some courage now that I have a chance to meet Han Kiseok. Perhaps I could ask long-held questions if I considered this meeting our last.
Han Kiseok was someone who greatly influenced my lifeâmy romantic philosophy in particular. Even after our ill-fated parting, I had nurtured brief crushes on those similar to Han Kiseokâthose that were outgoing and kind but emotionally unavailable. 2. Those that were unexpectedly easy to get along with but were more secretive the more one dug into their lives.
So, I wanted to clarify whether or not Han Kiseok had lead me on or if I had been solely mistaken. After all, since then, Iâd put brakes on any possible relationships because of this trauma.
âIf he answers me⊠I feel like my I can put things to peaceâ
Who knows, maybe Iâd be able to recognize signs for when I begin to fall for similar types of people. Though I liked Seo Dawon now⊠Honestly, Seo Dawon probably wouldnât need me anymore after his revenge and resurrection are successfully accomplished. He probably wouldnât treat me the same as he did now⊠Heâd probably marry a woman that suited him, like Ryu HyerinâŠ
âWhat kind of delusional thoughts did you cook upâŠ?â Seo Dawonâs words and the sound of him clicking his tongue cut through my gloomy thoughts. I had been immersed in my own imagination for a while.
I glared at Seo Dawonâanother large contributor to the reason I resolved to meet Han Kiseok. To be honest, I would never have entertained the thought of actually meeting the man if it werenât for the Mage. My own self-pity fueled my longing for a clear, definite answer.
âWhy would you ask him that? If Han Kiseok liked you, heâd be living with you right now,â the Mage stated.
ââŠâŠâ
âAnd, if he did say he had liked you, what are you going to say? Are you feeling wistful?â Seo Dawon seemed incredibly mad; he attacked me like only he could.
At that moment, I felt more hateful towards the Mage than Han Kiseok. I shot back, âSo, youâre saying that a person who knows I like them yet wonât date meâŠbut still, occasionally, is kind to me is a futile prospect. Is that right?â
âThatâs right. Theyâre just playing around with you.â
âThen, youâre the same. You also know how I feel about you, and still you wonât give me an answer! Yet, you treat me kindlyâyou Han Kiseok-like-bastard!â I pushed at the Mage. Lackey, watching from behind, loved this conflict so much it began bouncing around on the bed. Huffing and puffing, I glared at Seo Dawon.