It was already dark, but I was unwilling to return home.
Meng SiQi then took me to view the sea.
Both of us strolled along the shore with a bag of canned beers from the supermarket. There was no one on the beach except me and him.
That’s right. Why else would people be willing to brace the cold wind if they weren’t planning to throw themselves into the sea to seek death?
The sea breeze was so fierce that it could almost blow people away. The sea was also dark, and one could only hear the sound of waves.
I shrank my neck back. It was freezing cold.
However, I was unwilling to return. Who would want to go back to that cold apartment?
I could simply paste two scrolls on both sides of the door <sup>1</sup> Here, I think the author is referring to a pair of scrolls that usually contain poetic couplets. . The first with “a lonely life” while the second with “lonely to death”. It could also be topped with a banner <sup>2</sup> The author is probably referring to a horizontal scroll that bears an inscription. with the name Pei JiYu inscribed on it.
It wasn’t a fine composition, but at least it’s realistic.
Meng SiQi took off his long coat and draped it over me.
Feeling the leftover warmth of his coat on my shoulder, I gazed at him.
In the dark, his eyes were so tender that they almost glistened.
I dropped my head and murmured, “Meng SiQi, if we had met earlier, I would have fallen in love with you without any restraint.”
“Why not now?” he asked in a low voice.
“Why not now?” I repeated his question and laughed at him. “Because my heart has been riddled with holes and grown tired.”
I walked on and my voice seemed to float in the fierce wind. “You came too late, and my heart is already old.”
He smiled and caught up with me.
“It sounds like you’re reciting love poems.” He grabbed my hand and tightly enveloped it in his palms. “But, Pei Jiyu, what should I do if I’ve already fallen in love with you?”
As I huddled in the cold wind, I pretended not to hear him.
It wasn’t until I had drunk all the canned beers that I agreed to be sent back.
I said goodbye to him under my apartment. “Thank you. I’m truly thankful.”
I sincerely thanked him. If Meng SiQi didn’t exist in this bleak life, I would have rathered die immediately.
He shook his head and said, “Don’t thank me. I did it all for myself.”
He phrased it so nicely that I felt satisfied, despite knowing it was untrue.
On my way up, I felt as light as a feather. I didn’t know if it was due to today’s events or if I had consumed too much alcohol that it made me feel drunk.
I was full of joy.
However, when I walked to my door, I saw a man standing quietly in the shadow of the door. He was tall and straight, just like a tree.
It gave me a shock.
The man then came out of the shadow and called out, “Pei JiYu.”
He seemed familiar. Who was this man with a face as sharp as a blade?
I chuckled lightly, walked up to the man, and lifted my sleeve to his nose before saying with a smile, “Come and smell it. It’s the smell of the sea.”
He pushed me away.
“Pei JiYu, sober up,” he said with a frown. “I’m Lu QingFan.”
Sitting on the ferris wheel earlier today, I was finally brought up to the clouds. However, in the next moment, I plummeted to the ground.
I sat in the 24-hour fast food restaurant and looked at the expressionless face of Lu QingFan.
I was completely sober.
I ordered a hot drink, lifted the lid, and gulped it down in big mouthfuls.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
“You used the landline,” he answered succinctly.
I understood immediately. Damn the telecom company. There wasn’t even a sense of privacy.
“You’ve been in this city for the past four years?” he asked me.
I held the cup against my mouth, and snorted twice as an answer.
“Pei JiYu, you’ve had enough time to be as willful as you want. It’s time for you to come back,” Lu QingFan spoke in an unhappy tone.
I turned my head to look at the night scenery outside of the window.
From the glass reflection, I saw his face which was filled with repressed anger.
I sighed, pretended to be helpless, and said, “Father will not forgive me.”
“It’s fortunate that you still remember Father.” Lu QingFan sneered coldly.
I didn’t speak and raised the cup to my mouth.
Who knew that his next words would shake the sky and earth, almost exploding the earth in a single moment.
“Last month, Father was diagnosed with late-stage liver cancer. His time is running out and I’ve been looking for you these days,” he said.
I choked on the liquid, clutched at my throat, and coughed non-stop.
I could only stare at Lu QingFan as he calmly handed me some tissues.
With a cold face like that, I couldn’t see any trace that indicated he was joking.
Isn’t it just nice that both father and son have cancer and could die together? There’s also no need to worry about his father sending off someone younger than him <sup>3</sup> The term used here is “白发人送黑发人” and it usually refers to the elderly (white hair) sending the younger ones (black hair) off. .
Even that stubborn old man was going to die.
I thought he would have lived to be 101 years old. At that time he would still be strong, in good health, and forever remaining obstinate while loudly rebuking the people who made him angry.
I could still remember him driving me out of the house while yelling, “Pei JiYu, leave the Pei’s house immediately! I never had a son like you!”
However, even such a man was going to die.
There was really no one in the world left who would willingly love me anymore.
After calming my mind for a while, I said to Lu QingFan, “I’m not going back. If the old man sees such an unfilial son, I’m afraid he’ll go knocking on death’s door sooner. I’ll have to trouble you to settle everything.”
Lu QingFan stared fixedly at me. “Pei JiYu, what is your heart truly made of?”
Heart? Who needs a heart when a person was about to die?
“It’s made of glass that’s sparkling and crystal clear. Despite such great quality, it is of reasonable price. If you want, I can give you one for free, as I have plenty and it’s not valuable either.”
I stood up from my seat and left without a glance at Lu QingFan, who was infuriated because of me.
Returning to the apartment, the clothes I rummaged through yesterday were piled up messily in the room. It looked as if the place had been ransacked.
Suddenly filled with patience, I bent down to pick them up one by one before folding them neatly and putting them away.
In the end, the empty suitcase wasn’t filled up completely, as I only needed a few things – some clothes and books.
The rest can remain here.
I sat down on the floor against the edge of the bed before hugging my knees to my chest and curling up into a ball.
Exhaustion descended onto me, causing both my body and mind to be in turmoil as I fell into a state of resignation.
Pei JiYu, as a person, you are passionate yet weak. Also, as someone who is naturally willful, how could you deserve happiness?
Isn’t it better to die and get reincarnated earlier? In my next life, I must remember to be smarter.
That’s what I said to myself silently in my heart.
Lu QingFan was the first person I had loved.
He’s the adopted son of my parents.
At that time, I was young and around seven or eight years old. My mother was still alive then, and my father had not become as harsh as now.
Life was good and everything went by normally.
During that time, Lu QingFan was about ten years old. With his clothing old and torn, he had dark bruises on his bare arms and legs. His hair also looked as if it was gnawed on by a donkey.
My mother stood behind him and said to me, “JiYu, from today onwards, he will be your older brother. His name is Lu QingFan.”
At that moment, I was playing in the room. I then turned my head to look before smiling at him happily.
I liked him from the very first time we met.
However, he lowered his face, pressed his lips tightly, and glared at me harshly.
He thought that I looked down on him!
Since young, Lu QingFan had been sensitive and suspicious of everything. Feeling inferior and prideful, he had also never been confident. He always put on a cold face that didn’t reveal his joy or anger, but I still liked him.
After the death of my gentle mother, he became even more silent. It was as if he was wearing a mask, and the emotions he wore were an act.
As someone who depended on others to live, he bore everything patiently. I couldn’t help but pity him, so I treated him even nicer.
I didn’t know that such actions would force him away even further. With every step I took towards him, he would take a step back. It was really disheartening.
*Translator’s Notes:
O.O The first backstory seemed to be about PJY’s past with LQF! When I first read it, I cannot believe that they were siblings cause I had thought that LQF was a family friend XD
1
Here, I think the author is referring to a pair of scrolls that usually contain poetic couplets. 2
The author is probably referring to a horizontal scroll that bears an inscription. 3
The term used here is “白发人送黑发人” and it usually refers to the elderly (white hair) sending the younger ones (black hair) off.