“Your condition is not too good…” Lu QingFan hesitated for a moment, but still ended up asking, “Do you need me to stay with you?”
I immediately refused, “No, there’s no need. You probably have a lot of things to do, so don’t worry about me. Please just help me call Meng SiQi. He will take care of me.”
Perhaps due to a lack of lighting in the room, Lu QingFan’s expression turned very ugly for a moment.
“That’s fine too.”
He took out his mobile phone and asked me for Meng SiQi’s number.
I recited a series of numbers before feeling guilty. I paused and said, “Forget it. He’s at work, so we shouldn’t disturb him now.”
It was just a fever, so there was no need to make such a fuss and alarm Meng SiQi. After all, there were still hundreds of desperate people waiting for his help in this city. If I made him rush around because of me, I would feel guilty.
“I can take care of myself.” I held onto Lu QingFan’s hand that was about to press the dial button. “It’s just a low fever and not a big problem. I’ll be fine after sleeping for a while.”
Lu QingFan gazed at me. “Your mood is very unstable just now, so I’ll worry if you’re left alone.”
I smiled. “You always treat me as an ignorant child, but I’ve already been an adult for many years. There’s no need for you to worry about me for all your life. One day, I will leave the Pei’s household and your protection to go to a place without you. So, you should let me gradually learn to be independent in both life and relationships.”
He lowered his face and asked, “What do you mean by going to a place without me? Where are you going again?”
“I’m just saying that both of us have our own lives, and you can’t always take care of me.”
“Who says that I can’t take care of you for all my life?” He suddenly raised his voice with a furious expression on his face, “As long as I’m alive, I will take care of you.”
I stared at him.
Seeming to notice his lack of composure, he calmed down. “The Pei family has raised me for many years, so I won’t let you continue to give up on yourself. You should return to the Pei family, as such a life is not for you.”
Hearing such words, I felt slightly helpless. “Lu QingFan, I’m not giving up on myself, but trying to stand on my own feet. Father has passed away, and you have worked for the Pei family for so many years. You’ve already repaid us, so you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
For more than ten years, he was bound by the shackles of the Pei family. Now, he finally had the opportunity to get rid of them, and pursue the life he wanted. I didn’t want to be a burden on his shoulders and continue to restrain him.
It was also today that I finally understood that being adopted by the Pei family was not a blessing for Lu QingFan. On the contrary, it was the biggest nightmare of his life, causing him to be suppressed till he couldn’t straighten his back. As long as he remained involved with the Pei family, he wouldn’t be able to straighten his back.
Lu QingFan was too prideful. Perhaps if he was taken in by an ordinary family, he would have been happier.
“Isn’t it your wish to stop being subservient to the Pei family and have your own life? It’s now time for me to get out of your life. You don’t have to be shackled to the Pei family and feel inferior anymore.” I continued on, “You’re free.”
I just hoped that he could attain real happiness.
Since the time he was brought to me by Mother many years ago, I already had such a hope. Hoping that he could smile from the bottom of his heart and attain eternal happiness.
Even so many years later, I still held onto such a wish.
However, Lu QingFan’s expression turned strange, and he glared at me for some time. In the end, he actually began to laugh, but his face was as pale as a sick patient. He said, “Don’t you think it’s too late for you to leave my life now? The shackles of the Pei family have grown into my flesh and bone. Even if I want to break free, it’s impossible.”
“Why?” I looked at him blankly, not understanding the meaning in his words.
He shook his head and picked up the coat on my bedside. “I’m leaving first. Have a good rest.”
He then closed the bedroom door, and left just like that.
In the evening, when Meng SiQi returned, I was still in bed with a low fever.
He came over and touched my forehead. “How long have you been like this? Why didn’t you tell me?”
I replied, “It’s just a low fever, isn’t it normal? If it’s really bad, I’ll inform you. Besides, you wouldn’t have made such a fuss either if I was an ordinary patient. Didn’t you say that a doctor cannot invest too much personal feelings?”
“But you know that you’re not just an ordinary patient, but someone I hold dear.” Meng SiQi continued to say romantic words with an unchanging expression, “Even if you lost a single strand of hair, I would still feel heartache for a long time.”
I exclaimed, “Meng SiQi, you’re not shy at all. You’re already all grown up, and yet still say such words!”
He didn’t even feel embarrassed. “I’m telling the truth. What should I be embarrassed about?” He lifted his hand to help me sit up before putting it on my forehead to test my temperature. He asked, “Did you take all the medicine I prescribed for you on time?”
“Yes, yes,” I hastily answered.
I was afraid that any slight dissatisfaction he felt would turn him back into the fierce looking Dr. Meng who was solemn and serious. I couldn’t afford it.
He sighed, “Recently, your mood has been really unstable. What happened to your father had hit you hard, and I’m afraid that you’ll contemplate suicide again if there’s a lapse of control on your thoughts.”
“I just think that I owe my father a lot, and I felt sorry for him.” I continued, “I won’t joke around with my life anymore. Don’t worry, I’ll try my best to survive.”
He then gazed at me quietly and said, “I’ve always felt that you’re like a mirage in the water. If I don’t pay attention, you’ll disappear. As someone who has been waiting for more than ten years, I’m not afraid of the wait. What I’m most afraid of is that once you leave, you’ll never come back.”
Sometimes, a long wait was not the most terrible predicament. The worst despair was actually being unable to even wait.
“Meng SiQi, I should have met you earlier.”
It was unfortunate that fate was never reasonable.
To my words, he shook his head gently. “No, I’m already very lucky to be even able to meet you.”
No matter whether it was the right or the wrong time, as long as one managed to meet another, it was already the greatest thing the heavens could bestow on someone. That was because some people could only brush past the other person, despite waiting and searching for a lifetime.