Editor: Anna

Proofreader: jlycen

As expected, Lu QingFan came to find me after the call he made yesterday was cut off by the flustered Meng SiQi. For him to stay till the end of the funeral with a countenance that betrayed nothing even after that couldn’t have been easy.

Admittedly, my actions had been excessive so I didn’t blame him for his criticisms.

Still in a poor state, I approached Lu QingFan with a blanket around me.

With a bad complexion on his face, he threw a stack of newspapers on the table without a word. At the top of it was an image of Lu QingFan wearing a black suit standing alone in the corner of the mourning hall solemnly. The black characters on one side were also very eye-catching – “A father’s funeral was only attended by his adopted son, and it is  suspected that the two sons of the Pei family are incompatible” – the media had always been making groundless accusations, refusing to let go of any opportunity to spread rumors and create trouble.

The other news sources must have been saying the same thing so I didn’t spend much time looking through them.

“Yesterday, when I was on the way, I fell unconscious and was taken to the hospital.” I explained, “I’m sorry that I was unable to inform you in time.”

“I’m not the one you should apologize to,” Lu QingFan retorted coldly. “Pei JiYu, you’ve gone too far this time. You actually abandoned your father to find other men and ended up not even attending the funeral. If Father knows, he won’t forgive you.”

There was something like an explosion that went off in my head; as if something had burst. Last night, the uneasy mood that I suppressed came back to life again and I was a little at a loss. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know Father would… I thought that it would be fine if I only went out for a while. I didn’t expect that…”

Lu QingFan stood on one side with his hands around his chest, sneering at me, “You didn’t expect that? Pei JiYu, it’s not that you didn’t think of it, but that you don’t think about others at all. You can only think about yourself!”

I opened my mouth to explain. No, it was not like that. I didn’t expect that Father would depart from this world this abruptly, I had thought that he would wait for me.

However, I couldn’t say a word and my throat could only make a hoarse noise.

Lu QingFan was right. I was too selfish and always thought of myself.

In my heart, I knew that Father would leave one day but I had always thought that he would continue to hold on, drag on, and stay in this world forever. That he would not really have the heart to leave me here alone.

I was deceiving myself.

That day, I should not have gone out and should have stayed beside him instead.

Father wouldn’t forgive me for this.

Tears suddenly rolled down my face and I couldn’t help curling up. With my hands holding my head, I constantly murmured, “Father, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

As if finally realizing that something was wrong, Lu QingFan put down his arms and straightened my body. “JiYu, what’s the matter with you?” He looked at me anxiously.

My face was full of tears and I could not suppress my emotions. “Lu QingFan, I did too much wrong and the heavens have begun to punish me. I should not live any longer.”

“What are you talking about?” Lu QingFan was shocked. “JiYu, don’t you deliberately frighten me.”

“I will be going to find Father and Mother soon. At that time when we are together, Father will definitely forgive me.” Saying that, I suddenly felt at ease.

Lu QingFan was shocked, and his face paled. He knelt down beside me and pulled my face towards him. With his eyes looking at me steadily, he kept calling my name, “JiYu! JiYu!”

In my heart, there seemed to be infinite peace and I smiled gently at him, “Like this, I can finally be free.” Even then, my tears continued to flow down.

I couldn’t control my emotions anymore.

Lu QingFan placed his forehead close to me and said, “JiYu, you have a fever so don’t think too much.”

He picked me up, went into the bedroom and put me on the bed before gently covering my body with a quilt.

“JiYu, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those words.” He covered my hand in his and lowered his head against it. “JiYu, forgive me. Don’t scare me like this.”

I stared at the ceiling in a daze. In front of me, the seven colors of the rainbow passed by as if I was taking a high-speed train through the past. All the scenes in my memory then turned into small shards of color that rushed towards me.

The year Mother died, Father became cold and gloomy, ignoring me. At that time, I was also just a primary school student. Despite losing a close family member overnight, there was no place for me to cry. Unable to sleep at night, I ended up crying in my bed till my eyes became swollen.

In the middle of the night, Lu QingFan knocked on my door. As he stood there, he looked at me quietly. Suddenly, he reached out and gently placed his hand on my head.

I hung my head and was unable to control the tears from rolling down my face. I told him, “I want my mother back.”

He was silent for a moment before saying to me softly, “Mother won’t come back, but I’ll be by your side.”

At that time, he would stay by my bed until I fell asleep.

It was the only time that he took the initiative to show his warm side to me. For a long time after that, I would always remember that in that long dark night, he had held my hand and said, “I will not leave and I’ll always stay with you. Even if you close your eyes and stay in your dreams, I’ll always be here.”

At that time, I thought what he said was true.

So, I fell asleep, relieved.

Lu QingFan wrung a wet towel to clean my face and fed me a cup of hot water.

After drinking it, I gradually regained my clarity, and my prior state of instability also waned. As I remembered my loss of composure in front of him a moment ago, I felt extremely embarrassed and uneasy.

He stood by the bed and asked, “Is this better? Do you remember what you said just now?”

Still a little embarrassed, I sat up slowly. “I’m sorry, I was not fully conscious just now. I was talking nonsense so you can just ignore it.”

He rebutted, “You said you were going to find Father and Mother.”

I lowered my head. “I’m sorry.”

Even I, myself, was deeply shocked that I would say such words.

“It’s my bad, I shouldn’t have said such words to trigger you.” Lu QingFan held his hand to his forehead as if he felt guilty and remorseful.

I didn’t know how to respond and the atmosphere between us became awkward for a moment. After a while, he continued, “I came here today just to inform you that Father’s will will be announced at the Pei household in three days. You need to be present.”

“I know,” I answered. “I’ll be there.”

After that, it was silent between us again.

We were gradually finding out there was nothing much to say to each other anymore.