I didn’t expect to meet an acquaintance while having a meal out.
As soon as I put down the menu after ordering, a man sat down opposite me and almost gave me a scare.
On closer look, it turned out to be Dr. Meng.
Currently, he wasn’t working and wore casual clothes. His expression also wasn’t as serious as when I saw him at the hospital. I could hardly recognize him.
“Dr. Meng,” I greeted.
He reintroduced himself, “I’m not working now, so you can just call me Meng SiQi.”
“Meng SiQi,” I said, easily changing my term of address.
He smiled at me.
Wow, he was really smiling at me.
As I had assumed that he was someone who didn’t smile, I looked as if I had seen a ghost in broad daylight.
“Are you really Dr. Meng?” I asked disbelievingly.
He looked puzzled and said, “Of course I am. Why would you ask that?”
“You look like a different person.”
He understood what I meant after a while.
“It’s something that’s required in my profession,” he said. “To be a doctor, one can’t be emotional.”
I nodded to indicate that I understood. “Doctors aren’t human beings.”
Meng SiQi took it in stride.
Seeing that he didn’t object to my statement, I went even further.
“Every time we met, you acted like this.”
I carefully recalled the instances when we met, put on a solemn face and imitated him. “Mr. Pei, I suggest that you inform your family.”
He was amused by my imitation so much that he had started laughing.
“Mr. Pei, you’re a very interesting person,” he said.
“You can call me Pei JiYu.” I also started laughing. “You told me to call you Meng SiQi, but you address me as Mr. Pei. That’s too polite.”
He nodded and said, “JiYu.”
This man. I only told him not to be too polite and he took advantage of it to call me so intimately.
“JiYu,” he said with a stern countenance, “You should accept treatment, or it will be dangerous.”
Tut, the cold Dr. Meng had made a return.
“I’m not afraid.” I had also stopped laughing and said to him in the same tone, “I have a terminal disease and will die soon, so having cancer is nothing significant. It’s not as if I’ll be able to live long.”
He was taken aback, unsure whether to laugh or cry.
“You’ll make your parents sad with such an attitude.”
He brought out the family card, but it was a pity that it would not work on me.
I retorted, “My mother died when I was young, and my father severed our father and son relationship.”
At that, he turned speechless.
I then explained to him, “My father is ashamed of the fact that I like men. I haven’t seen him for four years.”
He opened his mouth and closed it again. He probably wanted to apologize, but didn’t know how, looking embarrassed.
Seeing him like that made me delighted. I never thought that Dr. Meng, who had a face akin to steel, would experience a day where he felt humiliated.
“Does it make you happy hearing about other people’s secret family story?” I teased.
Meng SiQi smiled wryly. “You…this person is really…”
He couldn’t find a word to describe me so I added on, “Really accepting, optimistic, and open-minded?”
He then replied, “You’re different from the others.”
“Is that a compliment?” I laughed.
I explained to him further, “I’ve never felt sad or minded it too much. My father thought that I embarrassed him, while I felt like he restricted my personal freedom. With such sentiments, we both ended up parting ways. It’s not as sad as you think.”
At that time, my order arrived at the table, relieving the uncomfortable atmosphere between us.
Meng SiQi proceeded to ask the waiter to add a bowl of rice to the order.
He asked, “Would you mind treating me to dinner?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t have much time left anyway, so I don’t really care about such little money.”
“JiYu, do you really have no sentimental attachment to life?”
I nodded as I stuffed rice into my mouth. “Yes, I won’t be receiving any love in this life.”
He was silent.
The long period of hunger made my stomach ache, and these meals did nothing to relieve the pain.
He asked further, “Did you get into a disagreement with your father for a person?”
“Yes,” I answered without mincing my words.
“Will you not live for him?”
I lifted my head from my bowl and looked at him in surprise. I couldn’t believe that there was someone who was even more naive than Pei JiYu.
I replied to him, “It’s been four years since he has abandoned me.”
It’s been just as long since my fallout with my father.
He was silent for a while before asking, “Is there anyone around you who reciprocates your feelings and is worth living for?”
I nodded before I immediately shook my head.
“Yes or no?” he asked persistently.
“I love someone, but he doesn’t love me. He’s not worth it, and he also doesn’t need me to live on for him.” I mockingly pulled the corners of my mouth up. “I think he would rejoice in my death instead.”
He wore a look of pity on his face.
I said to myself – Pei JiYu, you are so miserable that even others find you pitiful.
“Meng SiQi, please don’t ask me any more questions, or I will feel like I’m living a tragic life. I may end up rushing out onto the street to find a car to knock me down,” I implored while crossing my arms together.
He stared at me silently for a long time before he finally stopped asking me questions.
My stomachache was so unbearable that I desperately shoveled food into my mouth. Even the waiter who handed me the rice had stared at me in surprise, as if I was reincarnated from a hungry ghost.
Meng SiQi stopped me, saying, “It’s not good for your body if you continue to eat like this.”
“But I’m so hungry that my stomach aches.” I clutched my chest and said to him.
At first, he didn’t speak and just stared at me directly.
It was only after a moment that he reached out and touched my hair.
I stopped moving my chopsticks while staring blankly at the hand in front of my eyes. There was a faint smell of soap coming from his sleeves.
“Pei JiYu, you are such a fool,” he said softly. “What you are feeling is not a stomachache, but a heartache.”
I widened my eyes to glare fiercely at him, but my tears started to fall.
Pei JiYu, it turns out that your heart was just simply aching.
Meng SiQi wanted to drive me home, but I refused.
The whole restaurant had seen me crying in front of him.
My most unbearable side had unfolded one by one in front of him and I was afraid to continue letting him see my ugly side.
It was fortunate that he didn’t insist.
He just flagged a taxi on the street and opened the door for me.
Before leaving, he untied the scarf around his neck and wrapped it carefully around me. “JiYu, you should treat yourself better. If you change your mind, I’m still willing to help you. After all, you deserve to have a better life.”
I told him that I would consider the treatment.
But I knew that it was already too late.
Sitting in the taxi, the neon city night lights flashed by the window. With the warm light surrounding me, I buried half of my face into Meng SiQi’s scarf.
He is such a good man.
But I only met him when it was too late.
As I laid down on the bed, I immediately entered my dreams upon closing my eyes. I ended up dreaming of something that happened a long, long time ago.
Actually, it couldn’t be considered a very long time ago, as it had occurred just around four years ago.
However, for me who had only half a year left, four years seemed like a really, really long time. In my dream, it seemed as long as a lifetime.
I dreamt of Leo.
In my dream, that little boy was as obstinate and unruly as ever.
Putting his hands on the table, he had said to me, “Pei, don’t ever come and find me again. You should know that I was only with you because of your wealth. But now that you have nothing, how can I still be with you?”
The me in the dream was dumbfounded, how could I have known.
Really, how could I have known. How could I have known that you didn’t love me if you didn’t tell me.
Why had no one ever seriously told me: Pei JiYu, there is no one who truly loves you?