Chapter 2

Editor: mako

Proofreader: shika

The heavens must have liked me so much to call for me continuously.

Dr. Meng handed me the test report with a serious expression. As I looked at the large variety of assorted data, I was in a blur.

As soon as I retrieved my sight from the documents in my hand, I asked him directly, “What’s  the result?”

Will I be dead or alive?

Dr. Meng replied, “Mr. Pei, you should be mentally prepared.”

Oh. With such a sentence, it was very clear.

I confirmed it with him, “I take it that it’s malignant?”

He nodded his head.

“Oh.” I also nodded with not much fear in my heart. After all, I had been let down too many times and had gradually learned to no longer harbor hope in my heart.

“How much time do I have to live?”

“Half a year, at most one year.”

Dr. Meng’s expression made it seem like he was in greater pain than me. I couldn’t help but comfort him: it’s ok. Compared to those who get knocked down by a car after leaving home and those who died in baffling ways, my situation was already much better.

At least I knew when I was going to die.

He then advised me, “You should receive treatment as soon as possible.”

To that, I didn’t say anything. I just turned around and left.

Outside of the hospital, I crushed the test report into a ball and threw it into the garbage can.

After sleeping in bed for a whole day and night, I was interrupted by the growls of my hungry stomach.

Running to the kitchen barefooted, I opened the refrigerator, but there was nothing but three cans of beer.

Might as well. It’s still better than nothing.

While drinking a can, I wandered around the apartment and browsed through the old furnishings.

Given to me by He Li, I have lived in this apartment for four years. In other words, I have been with him for four years.

Four years ago, I was driven into a corner and had worked as a waiter in a nightclub.

Prior to that, I had not even the slightest idea of the difficulty of survival – having to let others insult, beat, scold, and boss me around while always maintaining a smiling face.

However, I swallowed and suppressed my indignation, as I still had to live.

Yet I didn’t expect that there was still a time when I couldn’t bear with it. For instance, the time when a greasy and potbellied middle-aged man placed and rubbed his pig hooves on my bottom.

As I really couldn’t stand it, I had picked up a glass of alcohol then, and splashed it on his face.

During that time, I was naive, proud, inexperienced, and the only good thing I had was my self-respect. If this had happened now, I would still continue smiling even if he placed his hands on my chest.

How much was one’s skin worth? In this world, there were far more painful things than selling one’s self-respect.

Instantly, the whole room became silent and everyone turned their sight towards me. Some were shocked while others seemed to be anticipating the drama.

As I had made him lose face in front of the public, the middle-aged man was furious. He was going to ensure that there was no tomorrow for me.

It’s not that I wasn’t afraid, but where could I ask for help regarding such an incident.

I was already abandoned four years ago.

I looked around in terror. There were many people in the room, and they were all dressed in western clothes like suits and leather shoes. They most probably came to entertain themselves after their business discussions and didn’t expect to come across me, a person who would dampen their spirits.

I didn’t know who to turn to for help.

At that time, He Li was in the room. I don’t know what aspect of me had moved him, as he had stood up to intercede.

He spoke suddenly, “Boss Fang, today is such a good day, so why must you let such a man dampen your spirits?”

Everyone turned to look at him, and so did I.

As the lighting in the room was not that well-lit, I only saw a young man sitting in the corner. One leg on the other, he looked infinitely comfortable, but at the same time imposing.

Seeing him speak, the middle-aged man hesitated.

He Li then said to me, “Get out of here. Don’t get in the way of me discussing a new joint project with Boss Fang.”

Although his words were powerful, he had a smile on his face.

Thus, with no one else hindering me, I quickly left.

Later on, I realized that he had used business to exchange for me that day. With the “new joint project” brought up, how could Boss Fang be reluctant to spare an insignificant waiter like me.

I had desired his love so much that I had started thinking that He Li truly harbored deep affection towards me.

After that, He Li often came to see me, invited me to dinner, picked me up to and from work, and offered all kinds of kindness.

It was at that time that I fell in love with him.

I had thought that since he was serious in his pursuit of me, he must have really loved me. How could I know that he was just working hard to cast a big net and catch a pet to play with.

For having thought that the other party had carried affection for me, I really deserved my current state.

I had always fallen in love with others easily, pushing myself to the edge of the cliff step by step. Now, at this stage, I could neither advance nor retreat.

I should have learned to be smarter.

I pondered on the idea of devoting the rest of my half-year life to He Li, so as to have a proper beginning and an end.

However, after struggling and being conflicted for half a day, I ended up laughing and ridiculing myself. Even if I was willing to, He Li may not be willing.

Since quite early on, he had longed for me to disappear. By getting rid of this problem, he could then free up space for his next pet that could please him.

At this point, I put down my beer can and began to pack.

Pulling out a large, dusty suitcase from the corner, I opened the wardrobe and locker before starting to sort out the heap of clothes.

It was only now that I realized that I only owned a pitiful amount of things that really belonged to me. It was almost as if I could erase my trace in He Li’s life just by throwing away the full cabinet of clothes.

Like this, he doesn’t have to think about me anymore.

As I was packing up, I found a tattered, yellowed picture at the very bottom of a drawer.

I held it up in my hand and looked up at it.

I could hardly recognize the people in the picture.

It was Lu QingFan and me when we were in our teens before I went to England.

In the photo, I held Lu QingFan’s shoulder close, smiling more brightly than that day’s sun, while his smile was more restrained, showing his prudence despite his young age.

He was always so cautious, hiding his emotions deep in his heart, and I had never managed to see through him.

There was a string of phone numbers on the back of the photo that was left by Lu QingFan.

When I left, he had said to me expressionlessly, “Pei JiYu, if you ever regret it, you can call me at this number.”

Unsure whether or not it was this old picture that made me feel sorrowful, but my enthusiasm for packing momentarily waned.

I laid in the messy room while holding the picture in my hand and recalled many things from the past. Some were happy, but most of them were sad.

No wonder people say that tragedy forms a deep impression. While happiness is fleeting,  the tears never seem to dry up.

After lying down for a while, my stomach protested again.

The sky and earth are big, but eating is of even greater importance.

I abruptly turned over from the floor to sit up as I felt a chill on my back, which seemed to enter my chest. I was afraid to lie down for any longer, in fear of frost forming in my heart.

Proceeding to grab my overcoat and wallet, I then closed the door before going downstairs to take a taxi to the closest restaurant.