āMaĆÆne, up here,ā says my father. He leans down, stretching both arms wide, and I quietly let myself be picked up, clinging to his head. If I were to try to walk through this, we wouldnāt make it to the gate in time for my fatherās shift. Now that Iām being held up, though, my head is above the snow. A cool wind blows across the broad, white expanse, sending eddies glimmering across its surface like ocean waves.
āDaddy, are you going to be shoveling snow on the main street today?ā
āThe noblemen have to be able to drive their carts,ā he agrees. āā¦In this snow, Iād think Iād rather stay inside.ā
With this much snow on the ground, I thought there wouldnāt be that many people out and about, but there are quite a few more people hurrying about their business than I expected.
āThereās a lot of snow out here, but thereās still so many people outside,ā I say. āItās one of those rare days when the snow isnāt falling, isnāt it? When it is, thereās about as few people out as youād expect.ā
As he says this, though, a sprinkling of snow starts fluttering down from the sky, prompting my father to pick up the pace.
āItās starting to snow. Letās hurry, MaĆÆne. Hold on tight!ā
āAaah!! Iām gonna faaall!!ā
We arrive at the gate, clamoring the whole way. After taking a moment to roughly brush off the snow clinging to us, we quickly head towards the night duty room. After a light knock on the door, we push it open. A desk has been set up near the fireplace, atop which a veritable mountain of paperwork has been stacked, behind which is Otto, working on calculations.
āOtto, your long-awaited assistant has arrived!ā says my father. āMake room by the fire.ā
āSquad leader, thank you very much! Iāve been waiting for you, MaĆÆne.ā
The documents atop the desk rustle as Otto tidies them up, making space for me to work at. Judging by the absolutely enormous smile heās giving me as he welcomes me, it looks like the work has piled quite high, too. I pull my slate and slate pencils from my tote bag, then haul myself up onto the slightly too-tall chair.
āNow then, MaĆÆne. Please go over the calculations for this duty post, and make sure they match up.ā
āOkay!ā
Well, it looks like I wonāt be able to have my discussion until this mountain of paperwork is first straightened out. I look at the pile of documents that had been set heavily on the table in front of me, and pick up my pencil.
For a while, we work in silence. The only sounds that filled the room were the quick snap of beads from Ottoās calculator and the scratching of my pencil against my slate.
A knock at the door cuts through the silence, and a young soldier steps into the room.
āExcuse me. I have a question for Ottoā¦ā
āMaĆÆne, you handle this one.ā
Otto doesnāt even look up as he volunteers me, his eyes glued to his documents and his calculator.
āHuh? Me? Oh, um, wait one moment, please, let me just finish this lineā¦ā
I finish working out the calculation, mark the answer off as verified, then look up. The young soldier looks at Otto, who is flicking the beads on his calculator around with frankly terrifying intensity, then at me, then sighs, holding out a roll of parchment.
āPlease help me with this.ā
āWhat is it? ā¦Ahhh, a nobleās introductory letter. Is the Private First-Class on duty?ā āNo, he has the night shift todayā¦ā āThen, get the chiefās stamp and make immediate arrangements for them to head towards the castle walls. Since itās been a long journey through all this snow, even the gentlest noble might be on edge, so be as quick as you can.ā āYes, maāam!ā āIf you do have to keep them waiting, I think you should make sure thereās a fire in the waiting room, get them in there immediately, and make them some warm tea.ā āUnderstood.ā
The young soldier salutes, then rushes out of the room. I return his salute, then turn back around, resuming my calculations.
āYouāve gotten good at that,ā remarks Otto, taking a brief break from his calculations to rest his hands. My pencil keeps moving as I reply. āTheyāre all dealt with the same way, after all.ā
The work done at the gates is pure bureaucratic red tape. Fundamentally, the response to every situation is the same. Once youāve read through the manual once, you can deal with everything that isnāt completely out of the ordinary.
After calculating for another long while, Iāve gotten a little tired. I tidy up the pile of calculations Iāve verified, then lean back, stretching my arms wide. Otto, as well, seems to have found a stopping point, and starts gathering up his documents.
āMan, Iām tired,ā he says. āShall we take a break?ā
āPlease,ā I reply.
Otto brings in some hot tea from the mess. As we slowly sip at it, I start asking him for advice.
āā¦and then, thereās what my mother said to Lutz when we were talking. She said that if he was always looking after me, then he wouldnāt be doing enough work to really be pulling his weight as an apprentice. If he was keeping his attention on me, heād leave the job half-finished.ā
Otto gives me a look as if my motherās words were the most obvious thing in the world.
āIsnāt that obvious? If heās only doing half of his work while looking after someone else⦠of course it would wind up half-finished. If Lutz is really aiming to become a merchant, he canāt afford to spend his time looking after you, I think.ā
āā¦Thatās what I thought.ā
Right now, weāre not yet apprentices, so we donāt do any actual work at the store. We just go there to deliver our goods. As such, Lutz is able to keep an eye on my physical condition while we work together. When we become apprentices and have to do real work, heās very likely not going to be able to stop worrying about me, and I canāt let myself put him under that sort of burden.
As I sit there, wondering what I should do next, Otto looks down at me with gentle eyes.
āHey, MaĆÆne. Are you serious about becoming a merchant?ā
āThatās my plan for now, yes. Iāve been thinking of a few things I might be able to commoditizeā¦ā
My decision is based on the fact that you canāt buy or sell things without the approval of the Merchantās Guild.
āLeaving commerce aside, I think it would be better if you didnāt work at Bennoās.ā
Itās already been decided that my apprenticeship would be under Benno. Iāve lately been feeling anxious about my actual work, but Iād like to know why Otto is telling me that I shouldnāt work for Benno.
āWhy do you say that?ā
āThat storeās growing quickly. Every single person there is working earnestly. Itāll be exhausting work, and I donāt think your body can take it.ā
The reason he gives me as he lightly shrugs his shoulders is the same reason Iāve been feeling anxious, and the same thing that I heard from Benno the other day.
āā¦Mister Benno actually asked me the same thing, whether or not I could really do the work.ā
āThereās work to be done that just involves doing calculations and validating documents, but even a merchantās job has deadlines, so itās hard to entrust that kind of work to a girl who could collapse at any moment.ā āThatās true, isnāt it.ā
I know full well that Benno has been thinking about how the information in my head could be turned into new goods or otherwise profited from, which is why he doesnāt want me to go to any other shop. However, when you think about my ability to actually work in a shop, my lack of strength and stamina is a fatal flaw.
Hiring an employee whose health makes her actual attendance rate constantly uncertain would be a hard decision to make, even in Japan. If I were in charge, I wouldnāt want that kind of employee.
āMy other opinion is the kind of harsh thing you donāt really say around children, do you still want to know what it is?ā
I tilt my head slightly to the side in thought, and Otto studies my reaction closely. The ultimate reason I came here was so that I could get an honest, objective opinion from someone like Otto, who doesnāt feel like they have to handle me with care. Under the table, I clench my fists, steeling myself for whatever answer Iām about to get, then slowly nod.
āPlease.ā
āThe number one reason I think you shouldnāt go to work for Benno is, frankly, human relations. Youāre going to wreck the social dynamic of the shop. If a brand new apprentice is, thanks to her poor health, constantly taking time off from work and, when sheās actually there, only doing physically undemanding work, wouldnāt all of the other employees feel more and more upset as time went on?ā āā¦Right.ā
Even if itās made clear that the problem is my health, there will almost certainly be problems with the people who see that kind of favoritism, even if they arenāt immediately apparent. Iād been working so frantically to make sure Lutz secured his apprenticeship that I hadnāt actually considered what things would look like after Iād actually started my own.
āAnd then⦠I think thereād be a problem with your wages, you know?ā
āHunh? My wages?ā I hadnāt even considered thinking about my wages being a problem, so my voice comes out a little weird. I tilt my head doubtfully to the side. Otto sighs. āYouāre already bringing in a huge amount of profit to the store, MaĆÆne. Thereās no way the other apprentices will be making as much as you are, right?ā āMy base pay would be the same. I thought Iād just be getting my share of the profits added as a special caseā¦ā
Although Lutz and I have waived our profits for making paper in order to secure our employment, Iāve been planning on holding tight to the profits on any goods we come up with after that. I have no intention of handing over all of my secrets for free.
āEven if itās a special case, youāre still going to be a brand new apprentice earning more money than the ten year veterans at the store. I really think thatāll be a huge problem.ā
āOhhā¦ā
Human relations certainly are very quick to strain when moneyās involved. What Otto is pointing out is completely correct. On top of that, if human relations collapses, then thereās a high probability that the shop itself might go down too. A shop, ultimately, is made of people.
āIt really does look like I shouldnāt work at the shop, no matter how you think about it.ā
Every one of Ottoās points is correct, and I have no rebuttal for any of them. Iām starting to feel like all I would do at Bennoās shop is sow the seeds of discord amongst his employees.
āAnd then, thereās one more thing Iām worried about.ā
āWhat is it?ā I urge him on. Heās laid out so much stuff already, I can take whatever heās got left. He leans in a little closer, lowering his voice. āMaĆÆne, your illness⦠itās the devouring, isnāt it?ā āMister Otto, you knew about it?!ā
My eyes open wide, but Otto starts lightly shaking his head in denial.
āAh, no, I didnāt. I learned about it after Benno brought it up as a possibility. The other day, Corinna came to me and asked, ādo you know anything about this disease called the devouring?āā
āMiss Corinna did?ā āA little while ago, Benno was unusually out of sorts, it seemed, and he said something about it to her. Something about how the devouringās symptoms had suddenly manifested, and someone nearly died in his shop? Around then, the squad leader started acting extremely out-of-sorts, too. Between his behavior and what Corinna said, I pieced together that you must have been the one to collapse from the devouring.ā āā¦Iām sorry to have worried everyone so much.ā
It looks like the story had spread far and wide. Iād collapsed in Bennoās shop and gotten carried to the guild masterās house. In hindsight, that must have been extremely conspicuous.
āThe squad leader said youād been cured, but⦠from what Iāve heard from Benno, itās incurable, isnāt it?ā
āā¦Thatās right.ā
The magical implement might have staved off the devouring for the time being, but even now I can feel it building back up again. Freida, as well, had told me that itās going to build back up to overflowing again in less than a year.
āHave you told him?ā
āNo, not yet,ā I reply. āMy familyās so happy now that they think Iāve been cured, so telling them that I havenāt been isā¦ā
Talking about the devouring would involve discussing a lot of extremely painful subjects, like how much magical implements cost or how much longer my life will actually be, so when the subject comes up Iāve been dodging around it as obliquely as I can. I donāt know much about it myself, other than āthereās a strange fever that keeps building up inside me on its own and if it overflows then I dieā, so itās really just difficult to talk about in general.
Otto shakes his head slowly, a stern expression on his face.
āYou should tell them. Your father thinks youāve been cured, so he probably thinks that youāll be just fine going to work. Once youāve made sure to take care of the things you need to take care of today, then we can start talking about your job prospects for tomorrow. If youāre just going with whatever works in the moment, youāre going to cause a lot of trouble for a lot of people.ā
āI understand.ā
Since Iāve recently realized myself that I have a tendency to charge ahead without regard for how much trouble Iām causing others, I have no choice but to meekly agree with Ottoās rebuke.
āSo, for the future, since youāll need magical implements to live, if you want to meet with the nobility then you should go to the guild masterās shop, I think. Bennoās shop is big, but itās still very new. No matter how hard he tries, history and tradition carry a lot of weight. Thatās not the kind of thing you can get past so easily.ā
āThat may be true, butā¦ā
As I waffle, Otto raises his eyebrows.
āIs there some sort of problem with you not working at Bennoās?ā
āItās not that I wouldnāt be working at Bennoās, itās that I donāt like the guild master. Heās pushy, and the way he runs his business isā¦ā
Being overbearing might be a necessary quality for a merchant, but I canāt stand that he tried to deceive me by quoting a too-low price for a life-saving magical implement. Iām certainly thankful, but I have no intention of making his acquaintance.
āBennoās the same, isnāt he?ā
āHmmm, Mister Bennoās pushy, and heās greedy when it comes to money, and heās the kind of person who tests other people the moment he meets them, but I can tell heās picked up on a lot of my flaws and is helping me try to grow past them.ā āOhhh?ā he says, an unsettling smile spreading across his face.
His expression gives me pause. Iām absolutely certain my last sentence is going to go straight to Bennoās ears.
āAlso, I havenāt decided yet if I want to live the rest of my life stuck uselessly under a noblemanās thumb.ā
Now that Iāve finally started to think that I actually want to keep living with my family, Iām finding it difficult to imagine wanting to live as a noblemanās pet, especially when I donāt know what kind of treatment I would wind up facing. Like Freida, said, my choices are to either rot away surrounded by my family or to live out my life in a nobleās captivity. If I had to make that choice right now, I think Iād choose my family.
āWell,ā says Otto, āif you havenāt decided what you want to do with your life then thereās not a lot to talk about. If youāre not going to work for a shop for the sake of building connections with the nobility, then I think even more that you should think about your other options besides working at a shop. Honestly, from where Iām standing, if you and Lutz do the āMaĆÆne thinks it up and Lutz makes itā thing and make sure to keep control of the profits and the rights, thereās no need for you to actually work for a shop, I think.ā
I give him a big nod. I certainly havenāt been thinking about anything but working alongside Lutz, but if thinking is the only thing I can really do, then thereās no real need for me to work for a shop in order to do that.
As I nod to myself, mulling his words over, Otto breaks into a beaming smile. Itās such a brilliant smile that itās actually a little suspicious.
āLet me see⦠perhaps you could have a job that lets you work from home and keep a close eye on your health, like transcribing letters or copying paperwork, while also just focusing on developing new products? You could force your products onto Benno, and then when your health is good you can come help me with my work here. Your life wouldnāt be much different than it is right now, which I think would be great for your health in the long run!ā
āā¦Iāll think about it.ā
Maintaining the status quo might indeed be best for my body, but Iām incredibly wary of the intent behind that suspicious-looking smile.
āWell, this is something youāll have to talk about with your family first.ā
āIāll do that.ā āNow then, break timeās over. Letās get back to it, shall we?ā
Otto clears away our cups, and I put my slate back out in front of me. My pencil clacks against its surface as I go back to working out the numbers, making sure thereās no mistakes in Ottoās calculations.
Talking with my family, huh⦠Iām scared that if my father knew that I only had a year left to live that heād go insane with grief.
āMaĆÆne, letās go home.ā
By the time my father, finished with his shift, comes to the night duty room to pick me up, Iāve done far too many calculations. By this point, Iām dizzy. When I close my eyes, all I can see are numbers floating through my brain.
āYouāve been a big help, MaĆÆne,ā says Otto as we leave.
Otto, whoās been flicking beads around on his calculator this whole time, is still very energetic. Iām starting to think that clerical work involving nothing but calculations might be utterly impossible for me.
āDaddy, arenāt you cold?ā
Snow lightly falls from the sky as we walk home. My father has wrapped me in his coat as he holds me in his arms, but while Iām nice and warm, I canāt help but think that he must be freezing.
He just smiles and shakes his head, though. āIām not cold if Iāve got you, MaĆÆne. Iām actually really warm!ā
āAh,ā I say.
He truly loves his family and is ridiculously devoted to his daughters. How will he react when I tell him about the devouring? I worry that his smile will freeze off of his face. Itās a scary thought, but⦠I canāt avoid this topic any more.
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āWhatās wrong, MaĆÆne? Youāre looking a little gloomy.ā
āā¦Daddy, Iāve got something to tell you. About my sickness.ā
With just those words, my father stops walking, his face rigid. His mouth tightens, and he looks down at me very seriously. He casts his eyes away for a moment, then starts walking again, more quickly this time, hurrying as if heās trying to run away from something.
āLetās talk about it when we get home. Your mother will want to hear about it too.ā