When I woke up in the hospital, I subconsciously looked around the sides of the bed I was lying on, and was terribly disappointed to find out that there was no such scene wherein the male lead would rest his head on the woman's bed, as he ended up sleeping from being so tired which is often shown on TV dramas. Hence, I just kept on turning my head in all directions, trying to look for my phone — I didn't find it, and instead felt a little dizzy from swaying my head a couple of times.
I wanted to lift my hand to massage my temples, but as soon as I lifted it, I felt a dull ache on the back of my hand. Putting it right before my eyes to assess it, I've noticed that there were bluish green pin pricks on it. It seems that I have been treated with needles, but I don't understand what for. I didn't want to rule out Jiang Chen's disdain for me, and the probability of him bringing me here to undergo acupuncture treatment as an opportunity for him to execute his revenge.
Around five minutes later, as I was still trying to overcome the kind of dizziness akin to barely waking up, the door was pushed open, a familiar-looking nurse came in, and said, "Doctor Jiang's girlfriend, are you already awake?"
I wanted to open my eyes, if it wasn't for that mishap, it would not seem as though I have just woken up, so I nodded my head a little, and very cooperatively said, "Just woke up."
"Doctor Jiang went to a meeting. He asked me to come here and watch over you." She explained.
"What's wrong with me?"
"Low blood sugar, pregnant."
"……….." My three hun left my seven po right on the spot, trembling, I asked her, "Wh…….What?"
(T/N: In Daoism, they believe that the human soul is made up of many different souls/spirits – the three hun and seven po, hun being the heavenly (and more spiritual) souls of the human being that leave the body upon death, as distinguished from po, the earthly (and more material) souls. Separation of the two different kinds of soul brings death.)
"Low blood sugar! Pregnant!" She replied with her voice slightly raised.
I was having mixed feelings, I just had a fight with Jiang Chen, but as soon as he turned around, I've already conceived his child, my tummy seems to be too disappointing……."
"Hey, you're going to be a mother, cheer up." The nurse said, then added, "Give me a smile."
I was still having mixed emotions, there was no time to show her a smile, "Help me call Jiang Chen to come over right now, I have something to talk with him."
She looked very reluctant, "You have to smile first to show that you are happy, after that I'll go out to call Doctor Jiang for you."
I searched her face suspiciously, say jie jie, I think you're acting weird.
She looked a little bit guilty, after forcing out two hollow laughs, she suddenly bolted for the door, shouting, "Doctor Su, come inside!"
The door was pushed open, the 'humour expert', Doctor Su walked inside in a leisurely manner, using the kind of voice of hating the iron for not becoming steel, she lectured the little nurse, "You're truly very useless, this matter you can't even handle properly."
She greeted me with a smile, "Hi Xiaoxi, actually, you only have low blood sugar and a hangover, also a slight cold. But we made a bet just a minute ago, say if we trick you and tell you that you were pregnant, will you cry or smile? She bet on you smiling, I bet on you crying, in the end, you neither cried nor smiled, so boring."
Aha, why am I neither sad, nor happy, and not even surprised at Doctor Su's actions?
"I was just joking, you're not mad are you?" Doctor Su said, "Or are you very disappointed now? Do you want to cry?"
I was rubbing the bruises on the back of my hand, and said, "What did you guys bet?"
"10 shifts." Doctor Su said.
"You're a doctor, she's a nurse, how are you going to relieve the other from duty?" I asked.
Doctor Su's reply was clear and simple, "Her boyfriend is a doctor here."
I thought about it for a while, mumbling under my breath, afterwards grinning from ear to ear I said, "Half and half?"
"Deal." Doctor Su replied hurriedly in a manner of someone competing in a game show.
The little nurse looked at us cluelessly, there was a pile of question marks on her forehead.
I cleared my throat, then snuck my hand under the quilt to pinch my thigh, after two seconds, I said, with tears streaming down my cheeks, "I………I cried………."
When the little nurse came to realise what transpired, she stomped her feet, complaining, "You guys are…….working hand in glove! I curse you both………to be in low blood sugar!"
I wiped my tears dry, feeling very proud of myself, my few drops of tears were exchanged for Jiang Chen being relieved from 5 shifts of duty. I'm truly a virtuous wife and a good mother.
The little nurse kept on harping that her boyfriend would kill her, she then left the room wailing endlessly.
"Since it's just low blood sugar, then when will I be discharged?" I asked, interrupting Doctor Su who was in high spirits as she eagerly count the days where she would not be on duty.
She said, "This, I don't know, just wait for Doctor Jiang to tell you when he comes back."
"En." I nodded, I was thinking that staying inside the hospital just because of low blood sugar is a bit ridiculous.
I didn't see Jiang Chen even until noon, I wondered why his meeting was taking so long. Doctor Su bought lunch and ate together with me inside the room but the taste was lacking. Moreover, just as in the past, she kept on bombarding me with her logically strange jokes. I had a really tough meal.
Just after we've finished eating our lunch, Wu Bosong surprisingly came to visit me. He said he phoned me early in the morning, but Jiang Chen was the one who answered it, he told him I fainted due to low blood sugar and got admitted to the hospital. Wu Bosong told him he's going to come visit me. He also didn't fail to mock me for being hospitalized just because of low blood sugar.
His smile was a little wan, and when he spoke, he kept on dodging my gaze. My heart felt like it was slowly sinking, in the end, I wasn't able to bear it, and asked him, "What really happened?"
"Hu Ran Ran left, and that man went on a vacation abroad." He said.
"Wait for her to come back." I said. "Or perhaps, try to look for her."
He shook his head, then said, "I can't, I applied for a transfer back to New Zealand. The truth is, the general headquarters has always wanted me to move back, I just didn't agree to them before."
"But now you do?"
"Yes, I'm already leaving the day after tomorrow."
"So you're here to say goodbye?"
"Yes, this time I'm leaving together with the head, so I don't know when we can see each other again?" He offered a reluctant smile.
I casted him a look of disdain, "Foreign devil, don’t learn from others to speak in such a genteel way."
Then we both feigned to be amused by the other.
We faced each other silently for a while, I finally couldn't hold back myself from saying, "Do you not remember what you've once told me? If love couldn't conquer all, then how could you call it love?"
He heaved a sigh, "Then the thing with Ran Ran isn't called love, I mulled over Jiang Chen's words the entire night. Towards Ran Ran, I think I don't have that sort of feeling that I couldn't just live without. In fact, I've never had such feelings towards anyone. I am like this. If loving someone is difficult, then I just wouldn't love. I don't feel regretful about it."
I was suddenly reminded of the phrase — 'incapable of love'
Something flitted across his eyes, but he quickly dropped his gaze to cover up its tracks, and in a self-deprecating manner, he said, "You must have not known about this, I liked you back in high school, but I've never thought of staying here for you."
I was so surprised that my mouth was opened wide enough for me to stick my whole fist inside.
Wu Bosong patted my head, saying, "Look at you getting so scared, I was just joking with you. You're not going to send me off tomorrow, and you're not going to encourage Hu Ran Ran to chase after me in New Zealand, or reenact whatever stupid drama scenes there are. I prefer feelings that aren't complicated."
It wasn't funny.
I originally wanted to swear at him through gritted teeth, "Wu Bosong, you are not a f*cking man!"
But I pondered over it again, from the perspective of the field of biology, it says that the matter about him being a man or not would depend on the existence of both X and Y chromosomes, and what I've said would not be regarded as true, hence I just didn't comment on it. Besides, Wu Bosong is my friend, Hu Ran Ran is not, so I'm siding with him.
In the end, I told him, "Once you go back, and regret it, then by all means don't ever come back just because you can't lose face."
He bent his body and lightly hugged me, saying, "When you're going to get married, remember to send me a wedding invitation."
I leaned over the window to watch Wu Bosong downstairs as he gradually walked out of my sight. The last time I sent him off, we didn't see each other for 8 years. I don't know how long it will take this time. Maybe some friendships are like this, keeping the other company as we go on our own journey, then separating from the other, and then remembering them with longing.
I laid back in bed and gazed at the ceiling. I then felt a sudden desperation of wanting to see Jiang Chen so I crawled out of bed to look for him.
I was running in circles inside the hospital. I went to his office but I still wasn't able to find him. I suddenly felt scared. Such a small hospital yet I couldn't find him. I was then reminded of what Jiang Chen had once randomly told me, he said, "Chen Xiaoxi, the world is not as small as the toilet in your house, to have found you was already very difficult for me."
At that time, I was only thinking that he was just boasting shamelessly, even though my toilet is not big, but I clearly found him first.
Speaking of toilets, I need to drop by on one.
Often in many stories, an impending doom would always have some sort of omen — perhaps the blue sky would turn into something strange, perhaps the birds would let out shrill cries, perhaps there would be thunder and lightning, or……in other words, just anything out of the ordinary. As a matter of fact, if you really want to insist on interrelating things, take notice of anything unusual from the day to day happenings. For instance, as I am speaking right now, I'm already looking at two ants that were crawling at an abnormally fast rate on the tiles of the toilet
When I was about to open the cubicle's door to go out, I heard a voice from outside, so I quickly took back my hand. There's something wrong with me, I don't like bumping into people inside the toilet, I feel awkward. After all, the toilet isn't exactly the most convenient place for friendly meetings. The Chinese people's most loved form of greeting of 'have you eaten?' could also make one's imagination roam easily when said in here………
Hence, I just waited inside the tiny cubicle, foolishly watching those two ants crawling at such a fast rate. I'm suspecting that one is male, the other, female, and they're in the middle of eloping.
The person outside seems to be in a phone call, I couldn't hear their voice clearly as it was drowned by the sound of the running tap, but the voice sounded familiar, it sounded kind of like Doctor Su who has been bombarding me nonstop today.
After around ten seconds, the sound of the running tap suddenly stopped, then I heard her say, "Old Man Su, the procedures for Su Rui to go abroad must be finished quickly yet you're not doing it. Now what? Basing on Su Rui's eccentric temperament, he'd jump down from a building for sure."
I automatically felt like bile was coming up my chest. After all, when it comes to eccentric temperament, Old Man Su and Doctor Su' state of oddness leads far ahead of China's diving team and China's table tennis team in the international arena.
Then I started wondering why Su Rui would want to jump off from a building, could it be that his feelings towards me were as deep as the sea, and is unable to forget about me for a very long time? Being charming and such is really troublesome……..
Her next words satisfied my shameless conjectures, she said, "You know how Su Rui likes Xiaoxi so much, he has been making a ruckus in wanting to look for her to play."
My face was flushed red as I looked at the pair of ants which has already been crawling on the door.
"We can't let him know." She said in her next sentence, then softly sighed, "Xiaoxi's condition has been stabilized for the time being, but I'm afraid it's going to turn for the worst."
It seems as though the power wire has been cut off, the incandescent light which has brightened the entire room was extinguished in the blink of an eye, there was infinite darkness. The darkness was right before my eyes, my feet felt like it was treading on cotton, so soft that it made me want to slide down the floor and lie down. Fortunately, I was able to hold unto the door to steady myself. The noise from my movements must have interrupted Doctor Su's conversation. She paused for a moment and asked, "Is anyone there all right?"
I took a deep breath, then cupping my mouth with my hand, I replied in a low voice, "All right."
She let out an "oh", then continued on with her phone call, "You must not let him know by all means. To sum it up, you have to hurry up, and send him abroad to study for a couple of years. When he comes back, he would have already forgotten about it. Also, don't send him to France, see which country's visa is the easiest to process……..eh, Old Man Su, in the end, is your head* old or flaky? Are you not capable of using a part of your brain? The UK visa is not easy to process…….."
(T/N: It's a play on words, Old Man Su is Su laotou in Chinese, the character Su means flaky, lao means old, and tou means head)
Her voice and the sound of her footsteps gradually drifted away, my hand that has been holding unto the door was shaking violently, when I took it back, I noticed that two tiny black dots were pressed unto my palm — those little ants just a moment ago had died tragically in my hand.
This is life, and one of its many definitions is impermanence.
The topic of life and death, even though I've seen it a thousand times, ten thousand times in television and novels, I've never really thought about how it would also come to me one day. I've only been thinking about how I would slowly observe mine and Jiang Chen's face, witnessing our first wrinkle when it appears, then the second one, then the third one, until we could no longer count them, and then we would taunt each other as the years have woven its net on both of our faces.
But fate is like this, it would stand in front of you, blocking your way, then it would deliver a kick right to your nose, and you could only wipe the blood coming down from it with the back of your hand, as you walk forward with clenched teeth.