CH 2

Taboo Words

The following day, after classes ended, the student council president Yuuki-senpai of all people called me over. Not to mention over the school broadcast, did he really have to go that far? And don’t say ‘Sorry’ during said broadcast, I swear to god. Girls like Koga or Murata will give me death stares because they’re jealous.

“Damn it, now they’re even keeping me here after classes…”

Big Sis said ‘We might need to ask for your help again’, but the reason I’m actually helping them is most definitely not because the lunch I was receiving was so delicious, yeah…But, man, it was good. I wonder what that black mass with white rice on it was…It was salty, but in a good way.

Even so, I felt a bit reluctant to just sacrifice my free time after school. If I actually continued with my part-time job, or joined a club, something like this probably wouldn’t have happened. I bet Ichinose-san is working again today…I’m worried if she’s managing without me. I feel like Gramps would force me into another contract if I showed up, so I won’t visit them…I played around on my smartphone, while changing into my outdoor shoes. Normally, I’d play some games on my phone, or read some articles that sound interesting, but recently I’ve gotten more into listening to music while walking home.

“…Ah…”

“Hm?”

The sun was slowly starting to set. Right as I mixed into the group of other students about to go home, I heard a faint voice calling out to me. Normally, I would simply ignore that. However, now that this voice reached my ears, I did not have that choice left open for me. I stretched out my back, and turned around with a natural smile.

“G-Good day…”

“Why the weird greeting…”

The right hand I offered was only met by empty air. In what way was this ‘natural’, huh? I immediately pulled down my hand like I was shot by some sniper, to which Natsukawa slowly approached me with an exhausted expression. Wait, approached …? Eh, what am I supposed to do here? The atmosphere feels so awkward. Like I ran into the person who rejected my confession over and over again…Oh right.

“Uhm…on your way home?” I asked.

“…Yeah, just finished up.”

“Work in the execution committee?”

“Yup. We’re at a critical moment right now.”

“Must be rough, you’ve been at it since summer break.”

“…Yeah.”

“…?”

I thought I was being pretty genuine with my words, but Natsukawa looked a bit exhausted. Eh, is it that bad…? I mean, I don’t know the details, but I didn’t think they’d put this much of a burden on their first-years. I heard ‘It’s not that bad’ from someone, but maybe that was misinformation after all? And yet, Sasaki is taking up a lot of Natsukawa’s work, huh…I’m a bit worried. As I was framing the scenery of Natsukawa inside my head to preserve it for later, the beauty left my view, walking past me. I turned towards her a tad bit too late, as she grabbed my sleeve.

“…Come on, let’s go home.”

“Eh?”

On an average afternoon, with classing having ended, the girl I had feelings for, the girl I had given up on, looked up at me from my right, her eyes watery and full of anticipation. Although I should have known, I once again can’t help being entranced at her beauty. No wait, more importantly, what is with this gesture of hers, emphasizing her restraint. ‘Let’s go home’ means that we should go home together…right? I’m not wrong, yeah? I’m dead. If I’m under the wrong impression here, I will die.

“Y-Yeah…”

Because this took me by surprise, my response came in late. I rushed to change my shoes and step out of the entrance, which led me to walk ahead of Natsukawa this time. What profanity…I shall cut my belly open to repent. I just stood still, waiting, when Natsukawa finished changing into her outdoor shoes as well, and stopped right next to me.

“Well, sorry.” I muttered.

“No, it’s fine.”

Eeeeek…she’s next to me. So close, directly next to me. What is this about? That we’d ‘go back together’, of course. Despite us being acquainted for more than two years, I still get nervous. Maybe it’s because her back is everything I remember, since I kept chasing her, but having her next to me was new. Am I okay…? I’m not reeking of sweat, right? Can I keep on living?

How long has it been since the two of us walked next to each other like this…Since the school visit of the middle school students, right? Why does this feel like I’m being tested? Maybe it’s some kind of game that would make me game over if I spoiled Natsukawa’s mood. God up above, don’t underestimate me. Once you become a Natsukawa freak like me, you can tell what she’s thinking just by taking a glance at her profile. On her nape, I could see a bit of sweat, that made her hair shine even brighter—Hold on, calm down me. Where am I looking? How dare I look at her with these kinds of thoughts, I should go to hell. A conversation, I need to start a conversation.

“…It’s been a while, right. Since we walked home together like this.”

“…Yeah.”

“…?”

They were words of a childhood friend to another after we had neglected to stay in contact. The only time I ever said something like this was towards a girl across the screen that looked like Natsukawa, but to think I’d actually say it to the person in question. At the same time as I felt satisfied to have nailed a gal game phrase, I was still a bit concerned about Natsukawa’s attitude, seeming like she was a bit out of it. Maybe she really is exhausted.

If so, then rather than forcing some kind of conversation, just walking next to each other would probably be the best. If anything, just having her next to me might be even more exhausting for her. I’m ready to disappear on command!

“You must be tired, right? Are you not forcing yourself?”

“No, not that much. I’m not part of any club, so this is nothing compared to Kei.”

“No, the burden people feel differs depending on their habits, you know? Comparing you to Kei is like comparing a housewife to an athlete.”

“S-Stop with the housewife.”

Ah, crap. Natsukawa just seemed so mature recently because she’s been taking care of Airi-chan, it gave me this caretaking image of her. Well, Natsukawa is a bit too athletic to be called a housewife. According to Ashida, she’s been playing around with Airi-chan a lot. I know what she’s going through, I’ve been there, done that.

“Knowing you, since you’re number one on Oricon, somebody would surely come to help you.”

“What’s that even supposed to mean…But, well…there’s a girl who cares for me…”

“Sasaki?”

“I wouldn’t call Sasaki-kun a girl.”

Tsk…I was hoping for her to indirectly state that she doesn’t see him as a man, but I guess that didn’t work. Well, they’ve been together over summer break…Ahh, I’m so jealous.

“Sasaki-kun is amazing…He even does his work in the classroom.”

“I mean…should he really? He told me to not look at the stuff.”

“Well…he actually shouldn’t, yeah.”

“……”

I found myself feeling a slight discomfort at Sasaki’s actions. Even if he really has that much work from the committee, would they really give him, a first-year, so much responsibility that he would have to take the work with him? As long as there’s no particular reason, I don’t see why he would need to force himself that much. On top of that, I know how diligent of a guy he is. The fact that he’d do something that’s fundamentally prohibited, something doesn’t add up. There must be a reason why he’s going out of his way this much.

‘—Sajou, I’ll get serious.’

There, I remembered the words he told me last summer break. The entire reason he joined the culture festival execution committee connected to this impure motive. I see…I feel like I’m starting to see the light. Even if it meant breaking the rules a bit, he would get something far greater in return. That’s the moving force behind Sasaki’s actions right now. By working hard, he is trying to lessen his partner’s workload. Put bluntly, it’s all for Natsukawa’s sake. That bastard, he’s going all out.

“…Ashida isn’t the only one doing sports, right.”

“Eh…?”

“Sasaki. He’s a promising first year in his soccer club. Every unnecessary burden you might have, he could easily take care of with his stamina. Why not just rely on him?”

‘Is it that hard for you? Then, let me help.’

How great it’d be if I could just stay that…But, bringing documents with you is prohibited, and since Sasaki said that we weren’t allowed to look, I can’t help out. Rather than meddling and making things worse, I should leave it to someone with high specs like Sasaki to clean it up. Not like I enjoy the idea of him playing the hero, but he should be able to handle things. He already has protagonist vibes with his brocon little sis.

“I can’t just push it off to other people…”

“You sure can. And the same goes for Sasaki. Why do you first-years, who don’t know left from right, have to carry such a large burden?”

“That’s…”

High school students—Even if we only have three years, the difference in skill between student years is something you can’t ignore. The atmosphere inside the organization, the management and how to handle it, how to deal with computers. What they have learned over the past two years can’t compare to infants like us. There’s no reason not to rely on them. I think Natsukawa should focus more on having fun in all of this.

“You know, you’re probably subconsciously engrossed in your ‘Onee-chan mode’. Maybe you’re just acting like when you’re in front of Airi-chan, telling yourself that you have to do it all on your own?”

“………”

“…Hm, Natsukawa?”

It’s pretty terrifying to me if you suddenly get all quiet like that, you know. Thinking about it, I must have sounded super arrogant while just blabbering on like that…Maybe I just ruined her positive mood…Nothing good happens from me becoming too confident. Carefully, almost terrified, I looked at Natsukawa next to me.

“O-Onee-chan…”

Crap. I involuntarily took a fighting posture, seeing Natsukawa with her face cast downwards as she said that. I faintly remember calling her ‘Onee-chan’ in a message before. Back then, she said ‘Stop’ with no room for discussion, but…behind her divine nature and attitude, she can be quite the siscon. She might just hate being called that way by anybody, not just me.

“…Onee…chan…”

“Ah, no, well, sorry, Natsukawa. It’s just a phrasing, I didn’t mean it in any weird way. The Natsukawa sisters are eternal and immortal.”

They’re on the level of the Giants. No room to disagree. Nothing in this world would dare to break between them. They’re only allowed to be scouted if they both get a contract together. Worse of it all is that might actually happen…What if Natsukawa suddenly became such an idol? I found her talent. If she’s sparkling, I can live on. Though I’d feel bad for disappointing my parents.

“…One more time.”

“Eh?”

………Eh?

“The Natsukawa sisters are eternal and immortal.”

One more time, just as I was asked. To think I’d use these words two times in a row, I feel like I borrowed them directly from Shigeo, which is why they are so charming. It seems like Natsukawa enjoyed these very much, as she blushed ever so slightly, requesting them again. Alright everybody, say it with me—Cute.

“N-Not that…”

“Eh, what?”

Hm, wait, something is touching my earlobe—Ouch ouch ouch ouch! She’s pulling on my ear! Honestly speaking, this is the best. I want her to pull on my ear forever…Ah, wait, no. I almost opened the door to my inner masochist, all because of Natsukawa, even though that door should have stayed closed forever thanks to Big Sis. One more step, and I would have become willing to pay for this. Also, Natsukawa is just nonchalantly touching my ear? I can’t wash that ever again.

“W-Which part?”

“F-Forget about it.”

“Ah, okay…”

I-Is she angry now…? I guess she can’t forgive anybody but Airi-chan for calling her ‘Onee-chan’…Should I risk it for the biscuit? Call her ‘Onee-chan’ again? My earlobes might be happy. I guess I’m the only person in this entire world who would have this kind of thought towards a classmate.

“……”

“…Um.”

When I looked at my side, Natsukawa averted her gaze. Through the gaps of her hair, I could see her reddened ears and cheeks. It seems like that ‘One more time’ request of hers now came back to bite her. I can’t get enough of this. What am I supposed to do with this emotion? I feel like I would be able to shoot beams out of my hands. Might have tried it out if nobody was round right now.

However, remaining calm and returning back to reality is one of my, Sajou Wataru’s strengths. It’s common sense for Natsukawa to be cute. I can stay calm. Only the me back in middle school would have gotten flustered at every small thing she does. I am a gentleman, I am a gentleman…By telling myself this, I managed to ignore Natsukawa’s bashful reaction.

“Honestly speaking, it’s great to have siblings with a bit of an age difference. Doesn’t seem like there would be much fighting.”

“…Eh?”

“I mean, looking at you and Airi-chan. You would never get in an argument, right?”

I can’t help but feel a bit jealous of Airi-chan. If Big Sis and I had a bigger age difference, maybe I would have been able to enjoy a more relaxing life without being strangled half the damn time…No, that’s impossible. Even if I was in grade school, she would still use me as a foothold on the sofa. If anything, I’d probably be treated like even more of a weakling. I’m glad I’m a high school student…

“But…I’m always scolding her, you know?”

“If it ends with that, then that’s pretty amazing.”

“Eh?”

When was the last time Big Sis scolded me…After all, she’s always been the one beating me when it comes to being selfish…Or, rather than selfishness, it’s more like the idea of pushing her ideals through. In my case, I wasn’t scolded, but physically pushed down. If anything, we may be related by blood, but seeing her as an actual older sister is rough. She’s like a different kind of being, but a single existence called Sajou Kaede, closer to gorillas than humans.

“I’m jealous of Airi-chan.”

“…!”

At the end of my sigh, I blurted out my honest feelings. Only then did I realize that I just said something quite embarrassing. However, that won’t make me feel flustered in front of Natsukawa anymore. Though I can’t look at her face because I’m terrified. What should I do? What if she gave me a really disgusted look?

“…H-Hey…”

“Hm?”

“S-Say…at your home…how are you and your older sister like?”

“Eh?”

Eh, your sister-in-law? Naturally, such a nuance was nowhere to be found in Natsukawa’s words, so I simply gave them some thought. How are we interacting, huh? I feel like I was asked a similar question not too long ago. By Kai-senpai, maybe? Eh, wait…so Natsukawa is interested in Big Sis like Senpai is? Y-You’re joking, right…So she’s out for yuri tendencies not only with Ashida, but also my own older sister? What if I told her the exact same I did to Kai-senpai? Would she get a nosebleed? Would her nose explode…!?

“W-Well, I told you about it before, right? It’s still the same.”

“I-I wasn’t asking about her…!”

“Eh…?”

She wasn’t asking about Big Sis…So, about who…? Eh, me? She’s asking about me? Natsukawa is? Ha ha ha, that’s impossible. There’s no way she would have any interest in how I am at home. The only time she showed any kind of interest in me was back when we first met. What am I even supposed to tell her? There’s nothing interesting about me. What I have in my drawers?

“I-I was wondering…what kind of younger brother you were…”

“Younger…Eh?”

Hmmm…? What kind of younger brother I am? Is this in relation to the ‘Onee-chan mode’ I just mentioned? I see, I see…I dun get it. Is this some philosophical question? What kind of younger brother am I supposed to be…? Isn’t it enough that I have an older sister and that I’m breathing? Do I need to do something special to earn the rank of a younger brother? Maybe serving my older sibling? No no, I was just brainwashed by Big Sis, alright.

Well, there’s some TV dramas out there with character episodes along the lines of ‘Am I a proper father?’ or ‘Am I a good older sister?’ and so on. I feel like Natsukawa might be thinking about that sort of stuff. But…isn’t that the case only for older siblings? Am I the only person who doesn’t feel any responsibility at being the younger sibling? What if Airi-chan actually treated Natsukawa to a lot of stuff? Natsukawa relying on her younger sister? Yeah I probably wouldn’t be able to ever trust somebody.

In Sasaki’s case, his younger sister Yuki-chan is probably the one giving out the rules…Though I have no way to prove that. Ah, that’s probably the case with Ichinose-san? Her older bro got himself a girlfriend after all. Right now, she’s trying to find her position as a younger sister again.

Look for it…What is the common ground that I, Airi-chan, Yuki-chan, and Ichinose-san share. Brocon…siscon? No, wait. That’s impossible. I may respect her, but I’m not being spoiled by her or anything. Rather, she calls me gross with a kick to my bum.

“I…don’t think I’m made out to be a younger brother…”

“Ehhh…You’re not made out to be one!? Is that even possible…!?”

What are the qualifications of being a little brother even? I couldn’t come up with an answer, no matter how much I thought about it. Guess I have to reflect on that later. Maybe I should swallow my embarrassment to have Natsukawa teach me. She might just know more about me despite being unrelated.

“What should I do in order to be a good little brother?”

“E-Even if you ask me that…!?”

I gave in and asked Natsukawa, to which she gave me a baffled response, uncertain of what to say. I truly felt apologetic. But, at least I can prepare myself for the day I may become Natsukawa’s younger brother.

“U-Um…!” Natsukawa blushed furiously.

Did she ever before get so serious when it involved me? She must be tired from her work, and yet she’s going this far. What am I forcing the girl I love to do…So much…guilt…!

“R-Rather than doing something…isn’t it what she’s doing to you…!?”

“What she’s doing to me?”

Treating me…as a punching bag? What exactly is she doing to me? Nothing good, at least. My memories are riddled with pain. Inflicted by Big Sis, that is. Oh man, I actually am a younger brother…Yeah no, nonsense.

“…For example?”

“F-For example!? W-Well…”

Being unable to be called a younger brother if I’m not suffering from severe pain, what kind of misfortune is that? I never thought about it before, but us siblings are probably pretty messed up, huh…? Guess the whole problem of the Ichinose and Sasaki siblings wasn’t just fire on a different shore. I can’t just act like it’s none of my business anymore. I need thorough teaching…!

“—M-Maybe she’d clean your ears…?”

“Clean my ears?”

I see, ear cleaning…from Big Sis…I feel like she’d pierce my eardrums and ruin my hearing for the rest of my life, yup.

Ear cleaning. Merely the sound of that filled me with nostalgia. The last time I experienced something like that was back in grade school. Right now, I just stab the cotton swab in my ears after a bath. I’m not even using an ear pick anymore. And if I did, Big Sis would just give me a cold ‘Why are you using that’, treating it like it was our shared propriety.

“Yeah, nope.”

“Eh…!? Not once!? Your older sister never cleaned your ears!?”

“Never…”

“No way…” Natsukawa seemed greatly shocked for some reason.

She looked at me like I was a poor animal in need of help. Hold on, I don’t get this. Do I need this kind of pitiful gaze? Is it that bad just because Big Sis never cleaned my ears?

“Ah, but back in middle school…”

“Eh…!?”

“Well…”

I just remembered an episode of ancient times, which led to Natsukawa pushing her face towards me. Her eyes were burning up with anticipation. If I wasn’t the oldest son of my family, I probably wouldn’t have been able to survive that. I was just sucked in by her small, rose-colored lips. It even wooed me to the point I felt like betting on the one in a million chance and confessing to her, but…No, I’m a moron. Nothing has changed, and nothing will change. Don’t get entranced by her beauty, me!

“In middle school, Big Sis suddenly gave me an ear pick and forced me to clean her ears.”

“!!?”

That was back when she was still a yankee, and super dangerous on top of that. As I sat in the living room, quivering in fear, she suddenly appeared with an ear pick in hand. Since I lost my escape route, I was forced to let her put her head on my lap, as her golden hair hung down on the floor. Right as I was thinking what she was doing, she just said a blunt—”Go ahead”. With a shaking hand, I grabbed the ear pick…but I don’t remember what happened after that. I just repressed those memories.

“Y-You cleaned your older sister’s ears…!?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Ah…M-Mm…! It’s nothing…”

“Just to let you know, nothing weird happened, alright?”

“I-I knew that without you needing to tell me!” Natsukawa frantically looked up into the sky.

In that split second, I saw her eyes shaking in doubt. Come on, don’t be so excited about this…You’ll only look more adorable.

“…S-So then…?”

“Yeah…?”

“W-What else?”

“Even if you ask me that…”

Other episodes with Big Sis…Just as I thought, there’s not much sibling stuff going on between us. Anything that Natsukawa would find interesting…

“Big Sis, huh…”

“A-Again, I wasn’t asking about your sister…”

“Eh?”

“I want to hear stories of you being a younger brother!”

“Huh?”

I-It’s about me now…? Even if you say that, there’s no such stories where Big Sis and I actually get along other than that ear cleaning episode. Are we even that close? It’s basically just her giving me orders. Oh yeah, before I ran into Natsukawa, there was a time when Big Sis gave me some massage manuals, and forced me to learn that. That…yeah, no good. I don’t wanna tell people about this kind of stuff. I wanted to apologize for letting her down, only to see Natsukawa giving me a gaze full of expectation, her face directly in front of wait wait wait wait!

“Close! Too close!” I spoke up, panicking.

“Eh…Ah…”

Even if I was used to her beauty, this was way above my capacity. I staggered backwards, to which Natsukawa became aware of her fierce approach, and averted her face, playing with her hair.

“……”

“……”

Natsukawa’s flustered reaction led me to become flustered myself. Even if she doesn’t see me as a potential romantic interest, I still realized that she at least sees me as a member of the opposite sex. With that being the case, feelings I should have locked away deep inside of me came rising to the surface again.

Following that came the excitement. We moved away a bit right now, but that scenery just now was engraved in my head. The tip of my nose still could smell the faint fragrance Natsukawa gave off. Maybe it’s my instinct as a man, but I felt the urge to embrace the girl in front of me. I only barely managed to suppress these youthful desires, the final stop that held me from doing so was my experience of being rejected over and over for the past few years, which pulled me back to a logical reality.

“……”

“……”

Alright…okay, I’m good now. But, I still can’t look at Natsukawa. Just by turning my head a bit, I could see her shadow awkwardly fidgeting in the corner of my eye. So cute. Even her shadow is cute? This must be God’s work. Realizing how unrealistic her cuteness was, my heartbeat normalized again. The fact of me coming to terms with the idea that she’s an entirely different existence to me must have worked. Though, I didn’t expect to be entranced by her shadow alone. Conclusion: Natsukawa is a goddess.

“…So.”

“Y-Yeah…”

It was a basic response. Even while nodding, Natsukawa’s voice was shaking. Observing this situation from a third-person view, I could see how awkward we were acting. I don’t even know what to say. But, if I don’t say anything, I don’t think this situation will change anytime soon.

“I…don’t have any memory of that. So, I’ll go try my luck with Big Sis next time, and ask her about my younger brother attributes.”

Nothing happened between me and Natsukawa. So, I just ignored the last five minutes, and continued with a natural tone. If there was a guy who answered with ‘Your face was pretty close, huh…’ then it must be a guy who’s overly confident, or a hottie who is allowed to commit any crime. I’m sorry to disappoint you…

“—T-Then…”

“Hm?”

“If she…never did something like that for you…”

“Something like that…?”

“Like ear cleaning…”

“Eh…?”

Hearing these unexpected words, I couldn’t help but look at Natsukawa. She had her eyes cast down, blushing furiously. It’s the kind of face I’ve never seen on her before. A coquettish sight like that left me restless with a stimulus I had never tasted before. It reached the point where I even doubted if the girl in front of me was really Natsukawa.

“I-I could—”

Natsukawa tried to say something, but the impact was too big for my brain to process what was going on, so the contents went right over my head. I could only stand there, waiting for Natsukawa’s voice to bless my ears.

“Wait…Sajou?”

“…Hm?”

I heard a bit further away. Although it wasn’t exactly unpleasant, the tone of the voice immediately clung to my ears, pulling me back to reality. And, I felt a bit of anger inside of me towards the person who interrupted Natsukawa’s beautiful voice. Cursing this intruder in my head, I turned towards the source of the voice. Narrowing my eyes, I spotted a girl waving her hand at me. Did I have such a visual kei band fan1 as an acquaintance? Maybe she just knows Big Sis? Finally, after the girl walked towards me, my eyes fully identified the person I was dealing with, albeit a moment belated.

“…Is that you, Haru?”

“Ohh! Been a while, huh! What’s with that weird brown hairs of yours!”

“What do you mean by weird…Talking about that, you let your hair grow out, huh…And you have blonde highlights.”

“I’m part of a band, so it’s related to that.”

“Huh…a band.”

We attended the same schools through grade and middle school. It’s not that we were always together or anything like that, but we usually ended up in the same class every two years. We’re on fairly normal terms, not hating each other. The guitar case towering up behind her back was quite imitating. Her appearance sure turned avant-garde, making me feel like I would definitely not approach her if not necessary.

Natsukawa seemed a bit bewildered because of Haru’s sudden appearance. Those two attended a different grade school, and I don’t think they were ever in the same class during middle school, so this might be their first meeting.

“Didn’t you…go to the same school as Hiro?”

“Ah, yeah. He’s playing basketball right now. Shaven head as always.”

“Huh.”

“Don’t ‘huh’, me! Can’t you be a bit more interested? Hilarious!”

“……?”

Maybe she’s angry that I’ve neglected this friendship? As Haru slapped me on the back with a loud roar, she suddenly stopped her hand entirely. Her eyes moved from me to Natsukawa, back to me as she slammed her hands on my shoulders.

“Hey, Sajou! What is this about!?”

“Woah…!? W-What!?”

She pushed her face closer towards me, shaking my entire body. An unfamiliar scent tickled my nose, greatly different from the soft scent Natsukawa gave off—Sssssstop ssssshaking meeeeee!

“Y-Y-You…! I heard you were still chasing after Natsukawa-san, but you finally managed to win her over!?”

“Wha…!?”

It was a bomb, one ready to blow at any second. Without any restraint, she threw it right into my arms, sealing my fate as I could only wait for it to blow me to pieces…Seriously, what the hell is she talking about? Did she even consider the idea that we actually aren’t dating?

“Good for you, Sajou! You were always gunning for her after all! Ahh, I’m so happy for you!”

“Hey! You…!”

“Say, Natsukawa-san, how are things going with him? Isn’t he restraining you too much? Wah, getting a closer look at you, you’re actually really cute. What kind of care do you give your skin?”

“Eh…!? I-I…”

“Maybe having a boyfriend is the secret trick? I hear that a lot after all~”

Haru kept blabbering on and on, creating some fake reality as she progressed without thinking. Not to mention that she even involved Natsukawa. That moment, I heard something snap inside of my head.

“…Hey!! Will you shut up already, Haru!!”

“Eek…!?”

I screamed with a fierce voice I didn’t even know I could make. I even nailed the threatening look. She must have been bewildered to see me react this way, because she had her back curled up, afraid of me. She gave me a confused look, only for her eyes to open wide, staring at me in disbelief.

“…Um, are you actually…”

“……”

It’s too late now. Of course, Natsukawa and I aren’t dating, and just because she’s pointed it out now, nothing will change between us either. If anything, I didn’t fully know how to interact with her on a normal basis, so I just wanted to take my time and at least not be awkward around her.

“Well, sorry…”

Haru really messed it up. Everything I had worked for, everything I had done so that we could act normal around each other, it felt like it broke down into a thousand pieces, falling to the ground in front of me, filling me with a severe sense of loss.

1 Originally bangya: female fan who imitates the make-up and fashion style of visual kei bands