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No Matter The Cost, Move Forward
Around one week after the general system of the culture festival executive committee was changed, we’ve been making great progress with the procedures necessary. The general motivation of the members of the committee is on an entirely different level, to begin with. It’s basically the difference between having a goal in mind, and just wandering an endless straight tunnel with no light at the end.
We passed the tall mountain, and are now heading for the foot of the mountain again with Gou-senpai and me as the leaders doing the final checks. We make sure that the filled-out data and files have no errors or mistakes. Although I’m just a first-year brat, I can at least support Gou-senpai in a way that makes me feel good. And I’ll follow his butt until the end of time.
“All documents…are done!!”
“All right!!”
Vice president of the committee Kimura-senpai raised her hands in the air. Following her, the other third-years joined in with roars of joy. I’m worried they might just start stripping because of their overabundant excitement. You better not, folks. My gaze moved towards the printed documents in the back of the classroom. It’s not just page by page, they were huge bundles all over. Some were even still in the moment of being printed.
“Everyone…thank you! Thank you…!”
“C-Come on, don’t cry, Tomoka.”
To everyone’s surprise, committee president Hasegawa-senpai started crying. She covered her face with both her hands, immediately cheered up by Kimura-senpai. Now that I think about it, ever since we restructured the workflow, she’s been working without saying anything. She probably felt responsible for everything that has happened. Well, I get why she did it, and she deserved getting an earful for it, but she’s still amazing. I probably would have done only half of what she did because of the guilt and stress. I guess this is the power of love, in a way…
It’s not as if all our work suddenly vanished on us, but we managed to finish what we had to. With this, there’s no more reason to gather up during lunch break and after classes to work overtime. I guess Hasegawa-senpai is just relieved that everybody else is work-free, even if she’s not done yet. She really seems like the type of person who blames herself for this sort of stuff.
“Hey, hey, let’s go for some karaoke! Haven’t done that in a while.”
“Good idea!”
And with that announcement done, the committee was disbanded for the day. From here on out, things should be okay if we just used the times in between the school’s curriculum, which is changed up a bit because of the culture festival preparations. To the very end, it felt like I was less of a temporary assistant, and more of a guy for the miscellaneous work, but everything worked out in the end, so I’ll take it. We achieved our final goal, so that’s all that mattered. The feeling of success and relief finally set in for me as well, making me sigh.
“Wataru, I’m sorry about this, but…”
“Clean-up, ye? Same as always, don’t worry about it. Not to mention that it’s a good thing this time.”
“Thanks.”
Although we reached the ultimate goal, we could only drag an outside organization into this whole mess. Especially looking at the actions of Hanawa-senpai’s group from here on out, a report to the student council and other sharing of information is the job Gou-senpai and I have. I didn’t expect that we could just go home like that.
“We did it, Natsukawa!”
“Yep…!”
I looked over at Natsukawa and that guy. This is as good as me having achieved my own final goal, but the ship’s still far from the harbor. I still lack the footing to jump off the ship in joy. The student council’s still in a do-or-die situation. My previous working experience tells me that I shouldn’t flip the switch just yet. Then again, we made it before the deadline, so I doubt there’s much I can do to help. Maybe they’ll just let me go? Let me play a bit? I wanna go back to the RPG I was playing…
“We should leave now. The longer we stay, the longer they’ll feel forced to be with us here.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Although things aren’t fully over yet, it probably wouldn’t feel right if I stayed behind working on my laptop, so a change of location is the best right now.
*
“…Phew.”
“You really helped us out a lot, younger brother.”
“Huh?”
After having another short verbal argument with Big Sis in the student council office, I immediately returned to work, when Hanawa-senpai entered the room after what feels like an eternity, and immediately came to greet me. Weird…so far, he only saw me as ‘A man who is close to Sajou Kaede’, so this odd distance gives me the creeps. Let alone that he’s thanking me.
“Sniff…You don’t have to be that shocked, okay? Well, you did save us back then, so I guess you really feel like Kaede’s younger brother?”
“R-Right.”
“You never praise me for anything, Renji.”
“I do, though. You just don’t realize, Kaede.”
“Really now…” Big Sis let out a weak sigh in the face of Hanawa-senpai grinning at her.
She probably was under attack like that many times so far. For some reason, I understand why she’s not being attracted to any of these hotties. Personally, seniors are one thing, but I don’t think I could be friends with them. I feel like they would show a kind face while setting out to utterly crush me.
That being said, if Hanawa-senpai went out of his way to praise me, he would have been in deep trouble this time. It’s not like he can keep smiling like that the entire time, so it was probably a thing of not wanting to show weakness. He even brought up this weird idea of ‘taking responsibility for her developing feelings for me’, acting as the vanguard, but as long as Hanawa Renji’s name exists in the school records of Yuuki-senpai and Gou-senpai, it’s like a stain. For just a bit, I felt the responsibility he talked about.
“Wataru, you can leave the rest to me.”
“Oh, seriously? Wait, what should I do tomorrow, then?”
“You have your own class to worry about. Just forget about us.”
“That…does make sense.”
I wouldn’t call this being relieved from a burden, but I get Yuuki-senpai’s luxurious cooking, so I’m not complaining. If anything, the inside of my mouth was already longing for its taste. Lately, I can’t even motivate myself to buy anything from a convenience store. What should I do, the chef of the Yuuki Family completely won over my stomach even though I’d never seen them. Will I be able to eat more of that if I start serving his family? I bet the pay would be pretty good too. Anyway, enough stupid thoughts, it’s time for me to head out.
“Then, please take care of the rest.”
“Good work.”
Either way, now I’m free from work during lunch break and after classes. Natsukawa has no more reason to suffer either, and the seniors from the sports club will hopefully stop complaining. I doubt there’s going to be any more trouble. In that way, I’ve finished all I can do, so I should be happy. But…
“…Well, can’t help it.”
Slipping out mid-way sure feels weird. If we came this far, I don’t think there’s going to be any more need for me to work, and I guess I just wanted to be there when it was all over to really let that feeling of success set in. But in fact, I’m not a member of the executive committee, and I have to help my own class with their work. And I don’t think Big Sis would allow any more involvement than that.
“Ah, my laptop…”
I planned to keep it for tomorrow, so I still had it in my bag. I should bring it to the student council—No wait, we kept a small cardboard box in the corner of the committee room for that sake. I should put it there and then head home. And I even get to enjoy that scenery again—
*
The dazzling light of the setting sun illuminated the classroom in a strong orange. Unlike before, it was a rather refreshing and cool day, which made the pleasant temperature in the room feel like it was inviting me to fall asleep. Thinking that I still have to walk back from here on out makes my legs feel a bit heavier, I do have to be honest. I decided to stay here for a bit to really take it all in.
I chose a random desk near the window and sat down. The time of day was a bit earlier than the previous dusk I experienced here. The slope of the sun was slightly changed compared to before, creating a faintly different scenery compared to last time. The small dust particles floating in the air looked like they were sparkling. It’s proof that the air was at a standstill. In small intervals, I could hear the loud voices of the sports clubs from outside.
Watching the scenery outside from the classroom is one thing, but we’re now in the northern building, so if I want to fully enjoy the rest of the sun, I’d have to go to the passing hallway of the courtyard. That sounds pretty good as well, but I won’t stay that long either way.
“…Huh?”
My smartphone vibrated. I took it out and checked the screen, finding out that Big Sis sent me a message. What is this, I really don’t want to look at it. Is she telling me to come back…? I mean, I’m still around, so I technically could…
‘Do it properly.’
“Huuuh?”
The heck is that supposed to mean? Properly? Do what properly? I was just freed from my work. I’m free now. Nothing is holding me down. I can play some FPS games with Iwata again. Let’s party! But yeah, I actually haven’t been playing any games lately. I barely even remember what chapter I was on in the RPG I’ve been playing. Well, remembering it is going to be fun all the same. I’m even feeling a bit excited now.
“—And off we………Huh?”
“…Ah…”
“……”
“……”
I grabbed my bag, and just put my feet back on the ground again when I felt a presence approaching. While looking at the ground to stick my landing, I spotted someone’s shoes. I raised my head and interlocked gazes with Natsukawa standing at the entrance of the classroom.
“N-Natsukawa…?”
“Y-Yeah…”
Err, what? Why? Doubts filled my head, but I didn’t consider the possibility that I was just seeing things. The intuition I had gathered through the past few years told me that she wasn’t a hallucination. That being said, seeing Natsukawa standing there, despite the school closing soon, left me with a grave sense of discomfort. When I called out her name, she started to awkwardly trot towards me, stopping when there was a bit of distance between us.
The classroom was drenched in the colors of the evening. This light itself forced my tired eyes wide open, but the same could be said about Natsukawa standing in front of me. Illuminated by the bright light of the setting sun, she was cuter and more beautiful than usual, like the moon accepting the light of the sun.
“A-A goddess…”
“Wha…where did that…!”
“Ah, well, you know…the setting sun, and all…”
“T-That’s…”
Damn you, evening…Making me blurt out stupid stuff like that. So this is what it means to be astonished, huh? I just blurted out these words without even thinking about it. You completely destroyed all my ability to reason, seriously. If this wasn’t us but any random boy and girl, it’d surely be the start of a blooming romance.
“…Also, you’re still here? Knowing you, I expected you to be rushing home so that you could see Airi-chan as quickly as possible.”
“That’s……ing…you…”
“Hm?”
“I-I was…waiting for you…!”
“Wha?”
Huh? The heck? I’m so happy. She’s so cute. I love her. It’s against the rules for you to say that while fidgeting awkwardly, you know? I almost asked her to repeat herself. Can you blame me for the misunderstanding? That being said, I shouldn’t get on a high horse here. I should instead try to figure out what she meant by that.
“…Hm? Why?”
Once again, I blurted out something without meaning to. This is what happens when the person you like says ‘I was waiting for you.’ God, I’m so creepy. Well, it’s true that I couldn’t quite follow this entire situation. Considering our relationship as a hole, and this damned awkwardness between us lately, I didn’t expect this at all. Whenever it was just the two of us, things ended up so awkward, so no matter how much I thought about it, I saw no reason for her to wait for me.
“…I wanted…to talk with you…”
“………”
I received an answer I didn’t even actively ask for. A shockwave ran through my body, which I barely managed to cover up. That answer made everything even more confusing. Why does she want to talk with me? Why at such a time? I thought things were awkward between the two of us? So many doubts and questions filled my head.
“Err…do you need advice on something…?”
“A-Advice…Yeah…I guess I do.”
Seems like my assumption was spot-on. After a bit of thinking, Natsukawa nodded with a somewhat dejected attitude. Well, I get the urge to just talk to anybody when you’re troubled by something, and if it’s related to the committee, there might be something I can do even.
“Oh, really? What’s up?”
“Well, lately…No, even long before that…”
I can see that she’s hesitant to tell me. Should she really be telling me? Won’t she regret it later? I can’t help but fear that. And maybe we’re the same. After all, she’s asking Sajou Wataru for advice. Everybody who knew of our circumstances would be confused at that fact. But even so, if I can help her in any way, then I will do just that.
“—Was I…able to help…”
“Huh?”
This time, I purposefully responded. My outburst was meant as a denial of her statement. Was she able to help? She always is, and always will be helping others. She took her work as a committee member seriously, so I don’t know why she’s so uncertain about that.
“What do you…mean…?”
“This time…for example. I just did as I was told…”
“I mean, you’re just a first-year, isn’t that normal?”
If anything, not running away is something commendable, considering the circumstances. Nobody would really be motivated to work for the committee, and the majority of people chosen for the committee lost it after a game of rock, paper, scissors, or they got voted. Even so, she did her work as diligently as possible. If anything, I can’t help but wonder where she got all that motivation from.
“But…”
“…?”
I waited for her to continue, wondering what the hold-up was when she suddenly looked up at me. Her expression made it seem like she desperately wanted to say something, but was unable to find the right words. Don’t tell me, did I make her worry because of my actions…?
“No, in my—”
In my case…O-Oh, yeah. I kinda barged in there without telling her beforehand. I guess it makes sense why she’d think of it as weird. I know I was just the tailing dog of Gou-senpai, but it still must have been a surprise for me to show up out of nowhere. Especially since I’m just another first-year like her. I guess I shocked her with that.
“Ah, well…I’m an outsider, right? And what I did was pretty much in the gray area…moving towards black, really. If you think about it, it should be against the rules for a student to pay for outsourcing like that. Can’t say I’ve done well despite being an accomplice.”
“Why…?”
“I mean—”
They were exceptional measures for an emergency. The rich kids of the West Side used money and their families to take care of everything, and us doing the same thing is messed up. It sounds great to just find fault in them, but we also just let money take care of everything. It’s not something students should do. It might look like we just did our job, but if you know the gist of it, it’s really not something you could praise us for. That being said, telling her about all of that is—
“…Why did you go that far…?”
“Err…Huh?”
Ah, that’s what she asked about? Why did I do all of that? I guess I completely misunderstood her question, huh. Thinking too deeply about the dark part wasn’t necessary…Thank god. No, hold on. Is she telling me to confess that? I’m supposed to tell Natsukawa of all people? That…sounds like torture if you ask me.
“Why did you do it, Wataru…?”
“That’s—”
“Why…how could you work so hard?”
“…Natsukawa?”
I totally thought she wasn’t all that curious about it…and yet, her words almost sounded desperate. I tried to think of a way of dodging this topic. This is definitely something I can’t ever tell her. I figured I could just say whatever and she’d be fine with it…but that wasn’t the case.
“I was really surprised when I first saw you there. You helped us as if you knew about everything and next thing you were giving out commands and advice with that senior, even participating in the meetings…When I heard about the repercussions this could have on the student council, I thought you were working this hard to help your older sister.”
“Ah…”
“…But you clearly told her that this wasn’t the case.”
“T-That was…you know, we’re siblings. We’re too embarrassed to tell each other how much we care. We were never that close to begin with, you know.”
“That’s a lie. I saw you back then. You weren’t trying to hide anything, or said it in the heat of the moment. I’ve known you since middle school.”
“………”
Her voice was pinning me down. I don’t see myself safely getting out of this situation. I have no secret trick that could help me here. Do I really have to live through the torture of telling her everything…? But, why? Why is she so bothered by that? It makes sense for her to care why I, someone unrelated, stuck my head into this entire mess. But we’re not talking about Ashida or Sasaki. This is me. She shouldn’t be caring about me.
“…Why are you so desperate to know?”
I know that this wasn’t the best answer I could have given, but I needed to break out of this situation. I lifted myself up and sat on the corner of the desk. I don’t want her to hate me more than she already does, but a small bit should be fine.
“…I-I don’t know.”
“Then it doesn’t matter, right?”
If it was any other question, I would have answered right away. But just this once, I can’t tell her. Things are still awkward between us, but we can at least talk normally. If I were to confess my thoughts now, she’d definitely never talk to me ever again. Right now, I’m just her classmate, someone she knows, and a fake place she belongs to. I’m just part of the group around Ashida. If I told her why I did all of this, then how should she even respond? Even if we’ve been close before, what I did was too much. I didn’t just mind my own business, and probably bothered here in some way or another.
“…I-It does.”
“……”
She sounded like a child who was sulking. It was so different compared to her usual mature side, it almost killed me. You’ll turn me to dust at this rate.
“………”
I relaxed my body. I even found myself sighing. Not in a bad way, of course. I was just feeling stupid for thinking so much about it. What was I even concerned about? With my current relationship with Natsukawa, I shouldn’t worry about anything? Through many ups and downs, we made it so that we could at least talk with each other. To me, it was both a godsend and a reward. My desire that I didn’t want Natsukawa to hate me any more is a contradiction to my previous actions. It’s proof that I still have some expectations from Natsukawa. Why am I trying to act cool? In the end, my feelings for Natsukawa won’t go away, and the same goes for my ulterior motive. Man, it’s ridiculous how shitty of a person I am.
…I’ll tell her. Things will be even more awkward between us? I don’t care. In reality, she should stay away from me. Measuring the distance between us is a waste of time. I’m sure Natsukawa doesn’t even care about that anymore. She’s just trying to move forward. That’s why she’s still interacting with me. I’m the only one with these wicked thoughts. I have to take a step forward myself. Albeit way too late, it’s now or never.
“Natsukawa, the thing is—”
It’s a great day, really. The perfect situation for this, you could say. The classroom was lit up beautifully, and it’s probably the last time I get to enjoy this scenery since I’m in the go-home club. I probably won’t get this chance again. So, I’ll let it all out, and create one final memory here. And after that, I can put a lid on my feelings. It’s fine, no matter what result may await me, I won’t regret anything. That’s why.
“——————“
It’s time to loosen up these chains, if even for a bit.