V1C2

—What the?  Am I sleeping?  I can’t move. Something’s crawling over me…  A bug?  Is it a bug!?

“Ahh!!  What the, hey!!”

“!!”

Ah?  Something ran and hide.  Was it that bug?  Is it still on me?  No, doesn’t look like it anymore.

More importantly, where is this place?  A forest?  Some grassy area?  The heck am I doing sleeping here?  Ack, was I sleepwalking?  I’m pretty sure I was walking home from school…

That reminds me, on the way back, there was a kid at the park and… a truck?  I died?  And then there was something with God?

“Looks like the bugs are off me and my body doesn’t hurt anymore.  In other words, this is another world?”

By the way, what the heck is another world?  What was it Megane [1] said? “ Etto , it’s something like being abroad.  Wrong, that’s what I said.”

I don’t know.  That’s right, I was dropped into a hole.  No one explained anything!  Just what is God?  Was that guy really something that impressive?

I’m in the middle of a forest.  “Tch, what should I do now?” I’ll leave the forest for now… Uwoah!

A chill runs down my back. Is it a bug!? “Shit, they haven’t left yet!  Where is it!?  On my back?  The bottom of my neck!  Gotcha!!”

…The heck?  Is this a bug?  The heck is it?  A white rock?  It looks like a white rock with legs and arms…?  Let’s flip it over for now.

‘Kuruu’ [3]

“Ha?”

Haaaaaaaaaaa!?  What is this!  What is this!  A kid in some sort of cartoon rock cosplay!?  Geh! This kid is the size of my hand!  A midget!?

“Ha!  What are you!  Why are you clinging to me?”  It trembles, furu furu , as it hides its face behind its hands.  “Oi, can you hear me?  Can you understand me?”

Uwoah, it’s shaking its head with all its got.  Guess it can’t talk.

“Ah, you can understand me?”

This time it nods.  So it can understand me.  Still, why’s it trembling so much?

…Oh yeah, that’s right.  I’m staring at it with my eyes.  I forgot.  My bad.

Alright, from now on, I’m going to work hard to make friends.  I should try talking while hiding my eyes.

I cover my eyes with my hands.  “Oi, is this scary?”

…No, this doesn’t work.  This guy can’t talk and I can’t see a thing if I do this.  Damn it, what’s with this intercultural communication barrier?  Maybe I can take a peak, ‘sho’ between my fingers.  That should be better than directly looking.

“…Ha?”

Wait a minute, what is this? I take another peak, ‘sho.’

“Haaaaaaaaaaa!?  Why are you multiplying!?” Amazing, there’s a whole bunch of them!  I think there’s 10?  Haa, maybe these guys are what were crawling over me earlier?

What this?  They’re copying me by covering their eyes with their hands.  What’s with them?  They’re kinda cute.

This is bad, these guys are just bad news.  Shit, what’s with them?  They’re just too cute.  From what I can tell, other than rock cosplay, they’re also wearing cartoonish tree, flower petals, and water drop cosplay.

They’re just incredibly cute.  Just, they’re still shaking…  Maybe it’s because I shouted?  Alright, I’ll use a gentle voice.

“Hey… hey.”

How do I speak gently?  I don’t have a clue.  Stop that.  I need to keep at it and speak gently.  Alright, I should be able to do this.

“Name’s Zero.  Who are you guys?  Do you have some sort of business with me?”

Uwoah, they’re hopping, ‘pyon pyon,’ up and down on both of my hands.  Maybe I should pet them on the head?  I’m pretty sure girls should have their heads stroked instead of being trounced on.  Actually, are these guys even girls?  Well, it’s probably fine.

“Hey, sorry but, I don’t have a clue as to what you’re saying.”

For now, I’ll just pet them.

Ahn?  They’re all bunching together for some reason.  I see, maybe I shouldn’t rub their heads as a cultural exchange communication.  Let’s just say I’m an idiot.  In the first place, what are these guy even supposed to be?  The way they tilt their heads is adorable.  Actually, are they scared of me?  I should find out.

“Yo, are you all afraid of me?  Are my eyes scary?  I get it a lot.  You don’t have to force yourselves to approach me.”

They all shake their heads with all the strength they can muster. They’re not afraid of me?  I see…  Oh crud, something’s making me tear up.

“Really, thanks.  I’m gonna pet you.”

I’m gonna spend the rest of my life in this forest. God is so thoughtful [4] .  Although, there’s no way that Megane is God.

Mn?  That one’s doing something strange.  It’s holding out a finger while trembling, ‘furu furu’.  Ah, could this be that thing I saw in a movie back when I was a kid?  That guy wants to be my friend?  Damn it, I won’t get happy from this.

“Hahaa, here it comes.  You’re okay with this, right?

Mn?  What the?  They’re all holding out their fingers.  Keh, fine then, no problem.  I’ll just pet all of them!

“Alright!  Get ready!  I have two hands so get into two rows!”

Ohh, they’re scrambling, ‘tote tote’, into rows without any trouble.  These guys, is this what a nursey teacher feels?  I would’ave been a terrible nursey teacher back in my world.

I pet the heads of everyone while joining my finger against theirs. That’s all ten…

“Ahn?  Is there more of you guys or something?  Wait, there is more!?  You guys doubled?  Do you come in groups!?  Oh, whatever, it doesn’t matter!  Men don’t go back on their words!  I’ll do this, so line up!”

It’s just double from earlier… No, wait.  They’re still increasing.

“There’s no end!  How many of you are there!?  Shit, well, bring it on!  I can take all of you!”

Che, that took long enough.  There’s 53 of them in total.

“Finally!  We’re done!  Alright everyone, listen up for a bit.  Please let me know if there’s anything I don’t get.”

Ooh, their grinning, ‘nico nico’, as they nod.  They really are too cute.

“Alright, so, what are you guys?   Dwarves?”

…guess not.  They’re all shaking their heads.

“ Etto, are you human?”

They shake their heads. Obviously, they’re way too small.

“Then, do you know if there’s a town around here?”

Ooh, they’re all pointing the same way.  They even look a bit proud too.  Should I pet them again?  ‘Nade nade’.

“It looks like it’s gonna be dusk soon.  The town’s that way?”

Fumu, doesn’t look like it’s nearby.

“It can’t be helped.  Is there someplace I can sleep?  After that, can you also tell me where I can get some cooked rice?”

This is a bit troublesome.  They’re probably thinking the same thing.  Mn, they want me to follow them?  Fine, I’ll believe in all of you.  I won’t get mad even if you make me walk off a cliff.

Jumping around, ‘pyon pyon’, with these guys to wherever they’re taking me is pretty fun.  It’s really relaxing.  I think I’ll ask the one riding on my shoulder, “Where are we going?  Is it a good place?”

It shakes its head. So you don’t know.  Actually, do these guys even eat rice?  Am I gonna have to catch a bird or something?  I don’t have a knife.

We reach a small opening in the forest after walking for a bit.  There’s a cave.  “Is this where you guys live?”  They shake their heads. So this isn’t where you live. That means this place is for me.

“Sorry for the trouble.  With this, I’ll be fine even if it rains, thanks.”

Ooh, everyone’s lifting their arms and jumping, ‘pyon pyon’.  This is the first time I’ve ever wanted to become a photographer.

Mn?  A good smell is coming out of the cave. I see something like a fire near the entrance. Damn, is that a pot?  Is it rice?

“Hey, did you guys cook this?  Mn? It’s for me?  Take a look?  Oh, guess I’ll have to give them a hand by stiring the pot or something. [5] ”

Stirring the pot isn’t enough. They climb on top of the rock and help by tossing wild vegetables into it. They’re so skillful [6] .

Ah, this smells great.  That alone quenches my hunger.

Once it’s ready, they offer me a bowl. Is this so I can eat?  In that case, I guess I’ll just have to serve myself.

“Hey, bring bowls for yourselves too.”

They all scramble around to get bowls for themselves. It’s not like I’m going to eat in front of everyone.

Uosh, we settle ourselves and, “Well then, itadakimasu [7] .”

There’s no spoon?  Fine, I’ll just bring the whole thing up to my mouth.

…The hell is this, it’s damn straight delicious.

“The hell is this!  It’s damn straight delicious!”  The chibi [8] are just as overwhelmed as me.

I eat the rice and then sleep on the bed they prepared for me. Tomorrow, I’ll head to town or something.  Man, I’m exhausted.  I’m too tired to think of anything else.

One final thought pops into my head as I drift off.  … Ahre?  What about these guys?  Can I take them with me?

I don’t receive an answer, but I fall asleep while overcome with happiness.

T/N: This novel is actually pretty hard to translate.  Zero talks with a lot of slang and my limited Japanese doesn’t really cover that.  Still, I’m not giving up!  Fight, Gandire, fight!  Remember the cute little spirits!  You can do this!  That said, Zero’s line’s are actually pretty fun to translate.  I’ve never written a yankee’s dialogue before, so it’s a pretty novel experience.  I have one major question.  It’s one I always think of when I read these parallel world stories.  How did Zero brush his teeth?  I don’t know about all over you, but I have trouble sleeping unless I brush my teeth.  Anyway, Zero is such a tsundere~

-Gandire Alea

[1] Glasses

[3] SFX for flipping.  Normally, I distinguish SFX with italics, but due to the first person narrative, I’ll be adding ‘sfx’ to help.

[4] 神様も粋な計らいをしやがる。 That translation is a guess.  Is there anyone who knows better?

[5] 鍋は俺が混ぜてやんよ  Any ideas, anyone?

6うまいこと石に乗って、そっから鍋に色々山菜みたいのを入れてる。器用なもんだ。 I’ll stop asking soon, I promise.

[7] “Thanks for the meal”  A Japanese custom said before eating.

[8] Chibi = small.  He just gave them that nickname

<<1. Shit, I died!

3. Moron, you’re sick!>>