CH 65

Soutarou and I chat as we wait for the year to end.

It’s 23:45 now. The year will end soon. Soutarou and I head to Sakaki Shrine from the family restaurant for the first shrine visit of the New Year. It won’t even take 10 minutes to reach the Sakaki Shrine from this family restaurant.

“It’s cold, huh?”

“… Yeah.”

I hold Soutarou’s hand softly. His body temperature feels very warm, like a child’s.

The two of us walk unswerving straight on the dark road. The small fluorescent light in the space between alleys is too weak to shine on us both.

The road continues far ahead and one can reach their destination at some point if they keep walking. My anxiety now is similar. Even if I give up thinking, I may be able to reach the ending I picture if I somehow go to some good place.

For example, obtaining the power to travel between this world and the other as I please, having the ability to be both male and female, and living happily with Soutarou and everyone. I have such a feeling.

Magician, fairy, God, whoever it is, I believe that they will somehow turn this ending to something happy.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could go for the first shrine visit next year and the year after that together too?”

I see a bashful Soutarou when I look up. I can’t bear it once I think that this smile will flicker in my head whenever I remember Soutarou after returning to the other side.

Not just Soutarou. Kaname, Prince, Mitsuki and Hasumi too. I may think “I shouldn’t have returned to something like reality” when I remember them. I may think “I wouldn’t have such bitter thoughts if I remained in the world of Hearthrob Love Revolution”, repeatedly.

Nah, I definitely will think so. Because those known as humans will always find the things they threw away more beautiful.

“You’ll bring me even if I refuse, right?”

If only you’d go to reality to bring me. Even though I know such a thing is impossible, I end up clinging to a thread of hope.

He hugs me tightly with a smile like that of an amiable dog. His strength makes my backbones seem like they’re about to break, and I forget about wanting to cry, instead smiling with exasperation.

“Of course. Not just me, everyone will come and fetch you.”

Just those words are enough.

Although the romantic emotions of youths may be like mere measles, at the very least he’s cherishing me in this moment and at this time. It’s enough just knowing that.

If I don’t think that way, I will hesitate returning to the other side. Even by force, I must accept this state of affairs or I will probably cry in an ugly yet loud voice.

“I’ll be waiting. I’ll always be waiting for you to come fetch me.”

I think I like Soutarou much more than I realised.

It is at this moment. Feeling intense dizziness, I immediately crumble and sit down on the spot. Violent palpitations, pain in my joints, dizziness and nausea, I couldn’t quite remain standing. I’ve had these symptoms before. The symptoms I had when I was transported here. That, feeling of passing the ticket barrier.

Don’t tell me, I’m already, already going back?

No, I don’t want to go back yet! This is too cruel. Forcibly bringing someone here when they refuse and forcibly returning someone when they start to enjoy it. Taking captive and confinement, isn’t it a crime?

Good for me, I enjoyed my genderbend trip to another world――…… as if I’m convinced with that!

I don’t want to go back yet. I want to live in the same world and the same time as Soutarou and my precious friends. Like this. With a distance so close I can feel their body temperature, seeing, hearing and touching the same thing, I want a happy ending like in fairy tales.

Feeling intense dizziness like my head shook directly, I almost unconsciously vomit on the spot. No thanks, I don’t want to become a geroine[1] after all this time.

“Mako?! What happened, you okay?!”

“Un, … I’m okay.”

The dizziness calmed down just a little and I manage to stand up unsteadily.

Thank goodness. I’m still male. I still properly have the appearance of Sakurai Makoto.

But it looks like a matter of time before I return to being female or return to the other world. In that case, I should probably at least give Soutarou a proper farewell and bid him goodbye as a proper male.

“I[2], like Soutarou.”

“Eh, un.”

“I like Soutarou’s cuteness and kindness very much. Though you may be sly at times.”

Perhaps delighted that I said I like him, pop, dog ears grow out and move energetically. Although I just said he’s sly, Soutarou’s cheeks are faintly dyed in vermilion as he shyly takes the my-head-hurts pose and look at me with upturned eyes.

My heart reflexively squeeze when I look at that figure. I may have repeatedly said this but, I’m extraordinarily weak to this sort of sly guy. Unable to bear with his cuteness, yet also feeling sad, there’s a sharp pain in the center of my heart as though cupid’s arrow pierced it.

Unable to bear with my feelings, I sandwich Soutarou’s cheeks between my palms and pull him towards me.

What face will Soutarou make if I say I feel like kissing him?

However, right before kissing, I remember that I was about to vomit just now. I calm down, because I expect it will be unpleasant to be kissed by this mouth.

“… Can I go to the toilet for a while? I want to gargle.”

“Eh, what about the kiss…”

The extremely disappointed Soutarou may be very cute but that doesn’t mean I’ll resume.

“As expected, one would hesitate to kiss with a mouth that was vomiting just now.”

“I don’t mind!”

“I mind. I’ll return immediately so wait.”

Rinsing the mouth for kissing. I don’t like how it seems I’m eager to kiss, but it can’t be helped.

Besides, the insides of a mouth that almost vomited will certainly feel gross.

“Then I’ll come with! I’m worried.”

“Going to the bathroom together, are we girls? It’s fine. Come take a look if I don’t return after 10 minutes. That’s fine right?”

Soutarou nods with visible reluctance.

Entering the shrine’s public toilet, I gargle at the washstand. Although I feel slightly opposed to filling my mouth with the water from a washstand of a public toilet, I can’t be fastidious at this point. I decide to think that it’s water from the world of an otome game so it will be clean wherever.

When I raise my head after gargling, I see the proper, usual me. The person who’s Mitsuki’s older brother, Sakurai Makoto.

The very moment I feel relieved, a violent fit raise up once more. Thinking that I want to sit somewhere for the time being, I sit on the toilet seat of a private stall. Along with dizziness like the world is spinning, pain run through my joints as though they’re forcibly pressed from above and below.

Some sort of authority may be trying to return me to my original form.

I unsteadily walk to the washstand again when the fit calms down. Timidly raising my head, there is a girl the epitome of ordinary, looking at me with a frightened expression.

Even though I wished to turn back to a female and return to the other world, I feel a senseless sadness now that I’m no longer Sakurai Makoto.

Nonetheless, it seems I’m still in the world of Hearthrob Love Revolution. This toilet is still the public toilet I was in just now, and the clothes on my body are what I’d been wearing. They’re rather baggy and are barely attached to me. The waist is almost the right size though… My waist when I was a guy was considerably thin, huh.

“But… why, only the body…”

I don’t know why only my body returned to its original form, but this situation is extraordinarily inopportune.

An unknown woman is in the toilet that Sakurai Makoto entered some time ago, moreover wearing Sakurai Makoto’s clothes. Should Soutarou see this, he’d definitely be bewildered.

I can’t use the toilet exit Soutarou should be waiting at, so I go out from the window. I’m the worst for leaving without notice but I can’t explain in this situation.

It’s at a height I could easily climb over when I was male, but now I lack both height and strength. Pathetic.

“For the time being, to Subaru…”

Somehow escaping the toilet, I contact Subaru. I start up the app while praying that it’s not a case of only Subaru returning ahead to the original world. Subaru immediately picks up when I call her.

“Subaru, I[3]… Makoto… I turned back to my original form. I’m no longer Sakurai Makoto…”

“Really! Mako, this is your voice as a girl isn’t it? I see, you turned back. Now, where are you? You can’t go back to the Sakurais’ house as a female, right? Come to my house for now.”

“Un… un, Subaru, thanks…”

Still not knowing what to do from now on, I aim for the Yurinos’ house unsteadily.

I want to see his figure one last time. Looking at Soutarou from a distance, he’s still waiting for me. Looking at the night sky while rubbing his fingertips like he’s cold.

――…… It’s me, sorry to keep you waiting. If only I can tell him that.

If it’s Soutarou, perhaps he’ll notice that I’m Sakurai Makoto. However, it’s too painful if he doesn’t notice. I want to return while locking up pretty memories, while they’re pretty. Even if I’m being selfish.

“Soutarou… I liked you,”

Soutarou’s side profile. Adam’s apple, shoulder, waist, arm, palm and foot. Don’t people say that new couples are intoxicated? We just started dating for a week. Do you not think it’s too cruel to break up after a week, unseen power-san?

A sign of love that can’t be heard when parting, is like a tragic heroine wannabe. Giving a faint, wry smile at such a me, I aim for the Yurinos’ house.

Is my body starting to prepare to leave bit by bit?

How long will it take before I completely return to the other world?

There are too many things I don’t know that it goes past sadness, to irritation. This is why it would have been easy to understand if an enthusiastic God typical of trips to another world appears, or if this was a reincarnation trip where I was granted a cheat after dying in an unforseen accident. Ah, this isn’t dissing! There was an emotional portion in the opinion just now. I apologize.

My pace gradually quickens. Hot tears trail down my cheeks. The tears that don’t stop even when I wipe and wipe, are annoying. But I can cry because I’m not a guy anymore. I’m now a frail girl!

Ah, we should’ve at least kissed at the end. Because a completely unromantic kiss with the taste of stomach acid, should be something Soutarou will never taste again for the rest of his life. It will be good if he’d remember me along with the worst memory. That guy, it will be good if he remembers me every time he wants to vomit!

Because I definitely won’t be able to forget Soutarou, so that should make two of us.

[1] Play on ‘heroine’. A female character with a vomit scene.

[2] As in most of the novel, Makoto used ‘ore’, the masculine version of ‘I’.

[3] Also ‘ore’ here.