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<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="335" data-orig-width="500"></figure>I flew back to Texas today and translated another chapter on the long flight. Enjoy!
I loved translating this chapter. There was just so much emotion, so much anguish between Jing Wan and Liu Shao. Even though Liu Shao did everything he could to obtain Jing Wan’s love, his underhanded methods ultimately caused a rift between them. There is so much foreshadowing in this chapter and I bet Liu Shao will revisit this conversation many times in the future.
Encountering Love: Chapter 37
Jing Wan just felt an incomparable sense of loss, for she was not only disappointed in Jian Zhang, but she was also disappointed that he said this aloud so frankly, and her eyes were filled with a hopeless expression: “As I thought, you are so despicable.” His heart spasmed, he was not enraged, but was in a pain that he himself had a hard time understanding: “Despicable? I only asked him to choose, you cannot say that I am despicable. Jing Wan, you must rely on your own efforts to obtain everything in this world. He did not even put up a fight, how can he protect you? If he cannot even protect the person he loves most, how can you call him a real man?”
The depths of her eyes flickered with a dim fire: “You used your power to force him, what else could he do?”
He grasped her hand firmly: “Jing Wan, I love you, so I wanted him to know that I love you more than he does. I didn’t use any methods, I only forced him to see reality.” She replied coolly: “Do not use your love for me as an excuse, explain what underhanded methods you used [1].” A thread of anger passed through his eyes briefly: “Underhanded methods[1]? So that is what you think. Yin Jing Wan, you are belittling me, Murong Feng, too much. If I wanted to use underhanded methods [1], that man Xu could not even save his own life. If I wanted to use underhanded methods [1], I would not respectfully present my love for you, and not touch a hair on your head until now. For the past twenty years of my life, I have never used so much effort on another person. I wish I could bring whatever you want to you, I thought you were very clear on how I feel about you. Why?! Why do you treat me like this?!” His eyes looked like they were about to swallow someone. He was aggressively forcing her then, but Jing Wan did not know why, but she suddenly shut off her feelings and raised her head to say loudly: “Because I do not love you.”
This phrase was very clear, his entire body shook, and she also quivered uncontrollably. He gazed at her, and treating it as if it were a dream, he gave an ‘en’ sound. After a long time, he then said softly: “You don’t love me?” Her heart was like a pot of boiling water, a countless number of bubbles surged out. For some reason, she felt as if she about to split open, but she stiffly suppressed everything, and as if she was trying to convince herself, she enunciated each word: “I don’t love you.” His palm was icily cold, each joint was stiff grasping, but that hand seemed to suddenly lose all of its control, her own hand hurt terribly but her heart was even more jumbled, as if the pot of boiling water had been upturned. After the burning pain had subsided, there was only numbness; she knew that after the numbness was a pain that would reach the depths of her bones, so she only thought: I cannot think anymore, I don’t want to think anymore.
She slowly withdrew her hand, drawing back inch by inch. She turned around and said: “Liu Shao, please leave, I want to rest now.”
Murong Feng said: “I knew that you would blame me, but I only allowed you to see past his façade. He always said that he loved you, but when his own interests were threatened, he immediately abandoned you and left. Jing Wan, do you still not understand?”
Her heart felt painfully empty, as if someone had dug out a piece of her heart and had forcibly stuffed something hard in it’s place. She could resist this, so she lifted her head and her face slowly split into a smile: “Liu Shao, you are right. You only allowed me to see past his façade, but during life in this world, everything is forced. Could Liu Shao give up his safety and that of his family, as well as half of the country for Jing Wan?”
He was restless with anxiety, and after a long time, he finally called out: “Jing Wan.” She continued to speak: “Liu Shao, since you cannot, do not demand that of others. Does Liu Shao not even understand this principle?”
His heart tightened as her expression became even colder, so cold that the depths of his heart became filled with anguish. He had never felt so useless before, during the past twenty years of his life, there had never been something that he couldn’t obtain, and he clearly understood that there was something greater waiting for him. He had lofty aspirations, he could have power over the entire world, but at that moment, he clearly felt that he had lost, and this loss made him feel so helpless; he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t even say a word.
The rain outside grew stronger, and when he heard the rustling of the rain, it caused him to inexplicably lose his patience. She was hanging her head slightly, and her earring was hitting her clothes slightly. Under the light, two small dark shadows flickered on her exquisite ginger-colored qipao. The material of her qipao was a kind of soft and slippery satin, but the light shining on it was a cold, bright white. He thought back to when he held her within his embrace, the icily cold satin against his arm, along with her scalding hot skin, gave him a confused and wild kind of joy, as if he were a moth flying towards fire.
But now, only the cold impression of satin was left on his arm, and this coldness slowly drained to his heart, where it turned into an uninhibited pain. He clearly understood that he had lost, her earring was still swaying there, like an uneasy heart, it swayed as his feelings became even more jumbled, until he was unable to think clearly.
This year, Cheng Zhou had an abundance of rain, within these five months, there were several rainstorms, and on the sixth lunar month, the water level of the Cheng River rose, the river water became a pea-green color, the muddied and roiling eddies rose and fell in waves, like an excited wild horse, neighing loudly and galloping about madly. It seemed as if the riverbanks could overflow at any time and wash away the city of Cheng Zhou.
That morning, it had begun to rain hard again. He Xu An was holding an umbrella, lifting his feet high with every step, the muddy water swirling about his feet, splashing on his shins. Amongst the expanse of whiteness, he could see scores of large umbrellas in the distance, clustering around a person who was standing on the slope, giving instructions. Gladness filled his heart and he increased his pace, panting to reach them: “Liu Shao!”
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[1] Chinese wording 巧取豪夺; literally means to take by force and deceit.