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Past\nWu Xingpingâs answer aligned with Zhou Luoyangâs guess. âBig bro contacted the informer. Boss Mu had already warned us not to take on ATM jobs anymore. He was worried that the ATM machines would get pushed too far, and all of us would be implicated and get busted. So big bro never told anyone about it. He only told me that after we finished the job, we could get ten million. He and I would split itâŠtwenty-eighty.â\n
Du Jing knitted his brows ever so slightly. His fingers tapped the surface of the table.\n
âIâm not lying,â Wu Xingping said.\n
Du Jing asked, âDid you know that Yu Jianqiang was meant to be killed that night?â\n
âI didnât. Big bro said we were just going to teach him a lesson.â\n
Wu Xingping looked utterly exhausted. Ten million. That amount of money was already far more than he couldâve dreamed of. Even if he saved up over many lifetimes, he still wouldnât have that much. It was enough to convince many people to take a risk out of desperation.\n
âHow could you be sure that the other party would give you the money?â Zhou Luoyang voiced another doubt.\n
Wu Xingping had worked with his big bro for a long time and knew a little something by now. âThis wasnât the first time. In the past, theyâd always kept their word and sent the money.â\n
Du Jing tapped his finger on the tabletop. Wu Xingping didnât understand what that meant.\n
âPhone,â Du Jing said.\n
Wu Xingping took out his phone and put it on the table. \n
âPassword,â Du Jing said.\n
Wu Xingping hesitated momentarily, but he told him his password eventually.\n
âHas anyone added you in the past two days?â Du Jing asked.\n
âIâŠturned off my phone. Zong ge specifically reminded me to. He was worried my location could be tracked.â\n
âWhoâs Zong ge?â\n
âThe one with the glasses,â Wu Xingping explained. âHeâs the bossâs right hand man.â\n
âCard,â Du Jing demanded.\n
Wu Xingping was silent for a good while, and Du Jing clarified, âI want to use your WeChat. The four hundred thousand is yours now. When itâs daytime, get off at any stop.â\n
Wu Xingping didnât resist anymore and gave him his SIM card. He even provided a SIM card ejector needle.\n
âLet him leave,â said Zhou Luoyang.\n
âBeat it,â Du Jing said at last.\n
The train continued onward. Zhou Luoyang looked at the card and needle on the table. Du Jingâs long, slender fingers grasped the needle and tried to stick it in the slot. Zhou Luoyang sat down on the couch and took it from him. The card slot sprung out. He pressed the card into Wu Xingpingâs phone.\n
Du Jing fiddled with it for a while. He pressed a button, turned the phone on, and unlocked it. First, he logged into Wu Xingpingâs WeChat and looked for new contacts. Two people had added Wu Xingping.\n
Du Jing used his own phone to take pictures of the two peopleâs contact pages. Then he turned the phone back off and put away Wu Xingpingâs phone and card. Zhou Luoyang yawned.\n
âSleepy?â Du Jing asked.\n
It was nearly one, and Zhou Luoyang was very tired. Du Jing said, âI told you not to come with me on this business trip.â\n
âIâm a kindhearted person. I didnât want you to go on a business trip alone, how boring.â\n
âIf you hadnât come along, I wouldâve just gotten off at the next stop, bought a ticket, and headed back.â\n
âBut you were still working overtime all throughout the middle of the night, and you even had to leave for a business tripâyou must be in a bad mood. Who knows, maybe you wouldâve tossed him off the train. Being tossed off a train into the wilderness in the bitter cold would be nothing short of a death sentence.â\n
Outside the window, lights flitted past, each illuminating Du Jing and Zhou Luoyangâs faces for only a fleeting moment.\n
âYouâre always like this,â said Du Jing. âYouâre very kind. I take back what I said. You havenât changed.â\n
Du Jing stretched out his hand as if to touch Zhou Luoyangâs face, or perhaps to rub his head, but he sighed and dropped his hand back to the table.\n
âHow many daysâ worth of medicine did you bring?â asked Zhou Luoyang.\n
âThree days. Itâs enough,â Du Jing said. âI donât want to go back and forth anymore. Letâs talk in the morning. Sleep now.â\n
âI want to wash up,â Zhou Luoyang said.\n
âI told you not to eat the snacks.â\n
Du Jing ended up having to go to the dining car and look for the staff on duty at the snack counter, from whom he bought Zhou Luoyang toothpaste, a toothbrush, and a towel. After a shower, Zhou Luoyang felt rejuvenated. Until now, heâd hadnât yet gotten used to the northern lifestyle. But this way, it didnât seem so bad. Maybe in the future he and Du Jing could hit up bath centers from time to time.\n
He lay on the top bunk, while Du Jing lay on the bottom. Zhou Luoyang stuck his head over the edge to peer down at him and tell him goodnight, but he saw Du Jing laying there on top of his blankets, with his eyes open, still wearing a shirt and trousers. The bunk bed was too short, leaving his legs bent uncomfortably.\n
âCanât sleep?â Zhou Luoyang asked.\n
âIâm thinking about the past,â Du Jing replied.\n
âFor you.â Zhou Luoyang passed something down from the top bunk. Du Jing looked up.\n
âSo soon?â\n
It was the watch that Zhou Luoyang had promised to give to Du Jing once he found it a watch strap. Zhou Luoyang had already fitted it with a steel chain.\n
âTo celebrate getting your job,â Zhou Luoyang said lightly. âYou found an interesting one. I donât know what prompted you to get into this line of work, but I figure you must have your own dreams.â\n
Du Jing reached up and twined his fingers around Zhou Luoyangâs. The watch slid from Zhou Luoyangâs palm down to Du Jingâs wrist. Without even looking, Zhou Luoyang pinched at the watch clasp, and with a gentle click, it was fastened.\n
It fit just right, as if it were made specifically for him.\n
âSwitch,â Zhou Luoyang said, as he stuck a finger under the rubber band on Du Jingâs wrist and tried to pull it off.\n
âWaitâŠâ Du Jing pulled his wrist back, but Zhou Luoyang didnât let go. The rubber band snapped.\n
The two fell silent. In the darkness, Du Jing asked, âWhere did it fall?â\n
âDonât look for it,â said Zhou Luoyang. âYou donât need it anymore. Itâs already over.â\n
Du Jing didnât protest.\n
He adjusted the watch so that it sat on the inside of his wrist, facing him. He admired the face of the watch under the dim lights. In the twelve-pointed shape, the three squares were staggered and turning slowly. They rotated irregularly during the span of a day, but after their long, slow crawl, the three squares returned to their original positions all at the same time at midnight and at noon, like an indigo rose in bloom.\n
Du Jing replied, âThanks. Iâll dedicate my entire life to this dream.â\n
âThis âdreamâ sometimes might work and sometimes might not,â came Zhou Luoyangâs voice from the top bunk. âItâs way too old, so I didnât want to take it apart and mess with it too much. You might need to put a little effort into it sometimes.â\n
âSince Iâve chosen it, Iâm bound to put in the effort. Is anyone an exception to the hustle and bustle of the world?â\n
In the darkness of night, Du Jingâs eyes were glued to the watch, staring as time inched forward little by little. A full half hour passed.\n
Zhou Luoyang piped up again. âDo you like this gift? Stop looking at it. Iâll sleep with you?â\n
Du Jing shifted uncomfortably to one side. âItâs too cramped. Donât force it.â\n
Zhou Luoyang climbed back down from the top bunk. Du Jing probably hadnât slept for two days now, if he counted last night.\n
The beds on the train were very narrow. Du Jing could hardly fit on one by himself, to say nothing of Zhou Luoyang squeezing in beside him. Du Jing pressed close to Zhou Luoyang from behind to avoid falling off.\n
âHow long has it been since youâve done that?â Zhou Luoyang asked, feeling Du Jingâs reaction.\n
âForgot,â Du Jing said. âI can never get good sleep.â\n
The train slowed to a stop at a platform. The inertia gently pushed Zhou Luoyang toward Du Jing, and Du Jing wrapped his arm around Zhou Luoyangâs waist, holding him.\n
âYou have a kind of androgynous vibe,â Du Jing said. âItâs normal to have a reaction. Even holding a sheep, anyone would have a reaction.â\n
Zhou Luoyang helplessly said, âIâm just worried that when you fall asleep, your pantsâŠWe didnât bring along a change of clothes, and it wonât be convenient to wash a pair of trousers tomorrow morning.â\n
Du Jing gave a truthful answer. âSix days ago. I can hold it in for another couple of days, but your concern does make sense. I guess I could take off my pants?â\n
Zhou Luoyang thought, Wouldnât that be even more awkward? So he said, âNah, go to sleep.â\n
Du Jing wanted to sit up, intending not to sleep anymore, but Zhou Luoyang pressed down on the back of Du Jingâs hand, which was still splayed across his waist.\n
Du Jing gave up and closed his eyes. Very soon, he fell asleep.\n
Zhou Luoyang could feel Du Jingâs breath hitting the back of his neck. When he slept, his breathing was very even, and he never snored. Even if he was exhausted from exercising in the daytime, he would still sleep quietly at night, as if he were being very careful not to cause a disturbance.\n
He always had great posture when sleeping, whereas Zhou Luoyang could shift from the head of the bed to the foot of the bed or from the left side to the right side in the middle of the night. Sometimes he would even fall off the bed.\n
Zhou Luoyang remembered Du Jingâs body from when they were in the public bathsâthe excitement that had previously disappeared now reappeared.\n
The first time heâd seen Du Jingâs body fully naked was when they were still in the dorms. Before that, Zhou Luoyang never felt awkward about seeing the bodies of other menâafter all, heâd never felt any sexual desire for other men.\n
<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nThat day, Du Jing was showering. In the middle of his shower, he suddenly hollered from the bathroom, âLuoyang! Luoyang!â\n
Zhou Luoyang was listening to music at the time, and he didnât hear Du Jing until after heâd called for him several times. He knocked on the bathroom door and asked, âWhatâs wrong?â\n
Du Jing didnât reply. Afraid that something bad had happened, Zhou Luoyang pushed open the doorâit was unlocked. They never locked the bathroom door, as they were the only two people in their dorm.\n
Du Jing stood under the showerhead. Soap, mixed with the residual water flow, trickled downward along the lines of his slim muscles. His hair was a nest of soap bubbles. He looked dumbly at Zhou Luoyang and said, âThe water stopped.â\n
Du Jingâs first reaction upon realizing that the water had stopped was to call for Zhou Luoyang. Shortly after, he realized that that wasnât much useâit wasnât like Zhou Luoyang could create water for himâso he quickly went silent.\n
But Zhou Luoyang had already come inside. At the sight of his roommateâs body and the way he looked like he was halfway through washing his hair, he abruptly burst into laughter. Du Jing was very incensed. He twisted the shower head a few times and then also began laughing, a bit embarrassed.\n
Zhou Luoyang quickly realized he shouldnât be laughing, but to his surprise, he saw Du Jingâs smile for the first time ever.\n
âIâll go get you some hot water.â Zhou Luoyang remembered that they had bottled water in their room.\n
âYou donât need to go to the trouble,â Du Jing said. âCold is fine. I just need to rinse my hair.â\n
Zhou Luoyang poured the bottled water into a bucket and added in some hot water. He had Du Jing sit down. âIâll help you rinse. The waterâs a little bit cold.â\n
Du Jing sat on a stool. Zhou Luoyang rinsed away the bubbles from his body and handed him a towel.\n
âThanks.â Du Jing met Zhou Luoyangâs eyes. Zhou Luoyang took a couple of extra glances at him. Du Jing followed his line of sight down toward his own body.\n
âYouâve got a great body,â Zhou Luoyang said.\n
He could see two angry scars on Du Jingâs waist and thigh. But his figure was beautiful, well-proportioned, and slim. He had abs, and he wasnât modest in length eitherâhe was very masculine. Usually everyone had clothes on, so Zhou Luoyang had no idea Du Jing had such a great body.\n
Zhou Luoyang didnât stare at Du Jing, though most of the time when he gazed at other menâs bodies, it was on account of an aesthetic unrelated to sexual attraction. Like when he saw men at the gym whoâd toned their bodies until they were well-muscled. Zhou Luoyang would sometimes take a second glance at them as well.\n
âI have a lot of scars,â said Du Jing. âI donât scare you?â\n
âI just saw you smiling. You looked very handsome. You should smile more often.â\n
As Zhou Luoyang spoke, he turned around and left the bathroom.\n
âEvery day you come up with a new way to compliment me.â Du Jing put on a pair of pants and emerged from the bathroom, drying his hair off with a towel. âIâm not as good as you say. Stop flattering me.â\n
âYour body really is sexy. You have fair skin, wide shoulders, a great waistline, and V-cut abs.â Zhou Luoyang glanced back at Du Jing and explained, âIâm not flattering you. When I watch films Iâll sometimes take notice of male actorsâ bodies. What is there to be shy about?â\n
Du Jing suddenly grew aggravated. âIâm not handsome. Stop complimenting me! I donât like it! Stop before you go too far!â\n
âOkay, s-sorryâŠâ Zhou Luoyang hadnât realized Du Jing was taking it this way. He awkwardly said, âI just kind ofâŠum, envy you.â\n
âYou can practice archery,â Du Jing said, changing the subject. âJoin the archery org, and your shoulders will naturally get wider. Your figure is great too, lively and androgynous. Girls really like that. You just need to practice a little bit, but not too much.â\n
Zhou Luoyang nodded, putting an end to this discussion. But nearly half an hour later, Du Jing suddenly said, âSorry, Luoyang.â\n
Zhou Luoyang looked at him questioningly.\n
âWas my tone of voice a little mean just now?â\n
Zhou Luoyang hurried to say, âNo, no, I always speak without thinking.â\n
âSometimes Iâm sensitive and I have low self-esteem. Luoyang, you didnât say that because you felt bad for me, right?â Du Jing asked.\n
âHow could I?â Zhou Luoyang pushed at the desk and spun himself around in the swivel chair to face Du Jing. Earnestly, he said, âAbsolutely not. Why would you think that?â\n
Zhou Luoyang was speaking the truth, but as he spoke he felt the slightest bit guilty.\n
âYouâre a very good person,â Du Jing said with a sigh. âYou take me out to have fun when Iâm down. I understand that very clearly. Every time I say Iâm accompanying you, I understand that youâre the one accompanying me. You want to help me drive away my worries.â\n
Zhou Luoyang didnât know whether to laugh or cry. âDoes it really matter whoâs accompanying who? Du Jing, every time I suggest going out, itâs because I genuinely want to go. Of course Iâd get bored staying at school day after day.â\n
Du Jing looked up at Zhou Luoyang. In that split second, Zhou Luoyang seemed to sense that there were a lot of things Du Jing wanted to tell him. Maybe things pertaining to his illness, or maybe his scars, but in the end he still retained that tiny bit of hesitation.\n
Zhou Luoyang interrupted that hesitation. Smiling, he said, âLook at the people in other dorm rooms. Theyâre the same way, arenât they? Youâve got to leave some time to relax in between studying. Otherwise, how dull would life be when youâre just studying all day, every day?â\n
When he was done speaking, Zhou Luoyang turned back to his desk. In order to cover up the tiny bit of guilt he felt, he asked casually, âSpeaking of, want to see a movie tomorrow?â\n
âSure.â All of a sudden, Du Jing looked like he was at a bit of a loss. âIâll buy the tickets.â\n
Out of the corner of his eye, Zhou Luoyang caught sight of Du Jingâs expression in the full-length mirror, and he suddenly felt distressed for this friend of his. He truly wanted to be able to look after Du Jing, to help him get better. Even if he still had to take medication every day, even if he sometimes fell into unfathomable spells of silence, Zhou Luoyang hoped that at least while they were in contact with each other, he could do his best to make Du Jing a little bit happier.\n
Du Jing was very good to him as well. He had clearly picked up on Zhou Luoyangâs care toward him, and over the last half year, every single time they went out, whatever Du Jing wanted to buy, he was sure to buy an extra one for Zhou Luoyang as well.\n
Sometimes, Zhou Luoyang couldnât get out of bed in the mornings. Initially, he would plan on borrowing notes from a classmate, but Du Jing would have already sat in on his class and let him know what was covered. Through their interactions over the last half year, the two of them had already struck up a firm relationship. Most of the time, Zhou Luoyang would raise a suggestion, and Du Jing would never object, always going along with him.\n
At first Zhou Luoyang would always ask for Du Jingâs opinion, but Du Jingâs response was always, âThereâs nowhere in particular I want to go. You?â And so Zhou Luoyang assumed the role of the one that made the decisions between the two of them.\n
Whenever Du Jing vented on Weibo that he didnât feel well, Zhou Luoyang would figure out some form of entertainment that could distract him, whether it was to venture outside with him or to occupy him with a task that required deep concentration. So far, heâd found the most success with potteryâin the shopping centerâs handmade pottery store, the two grown men could spend an entire afternoon kneading figures out of clay.\n
If he didnât give Du Jingâs thoughts the chance to run wild, whether that involved emptying his mind or occupying it completely, perhaps it could alleviate some of his depression.\n
âDo you still have insomnia lately?â Zhou Luoyang asked.\n
âItâs been much better,â replied Du Jing.\n
âDo you sleep better when thereâs someone next to you?â\n
âIâve noticed that as well.â\n
âYou can push your bed up against mine,â Zhou Luoyang suggested. âThe window on your side doesnât close right; itâs too cold in the wintertime.â\n
Winter had already arrived without them noticing. All the way from summer to fall and then winter, no one had ever come to fix this window. Zhou Luoyang smacked some tape over it, but it didnât totally stick right, and cold air would still slip its way inside. And it was easy to bump into the tape whenever they went in and out onto the balcony, knocking against the window. Zhou Luoyang was at the end of his rope.\n
Du Jing didnât reply. Zhou Luoyang then asked, âAre you going home for New Yearâs?â\n
Du Jing shook his head. \n
âIâm not either. Do you have any plans?â\n
âNo,â said Du Jing. âYou?â\n
Once Zhou Luoyang received the answer heâd expected, he said, âThen Iâll come up with plans.â\n
<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nBut not long after, on December 31, something happened that completely changed the relationship between them. It arrived like gales and showers, so abrupt that Zhou Luoyang had no way to prepare. \n
Du Jingâs illness was exposed because of something very trivial.\n
<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nTranslated by beansprout.\n
<hr class="wp-block-separator">\nhellooo hereâs some bed sharing fanart from the train scene by Claire Choo!! (i know she captioned it as chapter 17 but the quote and scene are definitely from this chapter lol)\n
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