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CHAPTER 11 – DIALOGUE WITH MOTHER [2]
「I, myself, understand that this was a loveless marriage. Still, for the sake of bearing children, we couldn’t be picky with our methods.」
「I won’t ask for any further details. But in this case, the twins likely have their own issues as well. Mother complex?」
「They haven’t shown any such response to me or your father. Your relationship with your father1 likely had an effect on this as well but in my personal opinion, I bet they have a sister complex.」
「Since they saw me the way I was back then, then that shouldn’t be even considered though.」
「But currently as you are, there’s a possibility for this to happen in the future.」
Is that how it is? For some reason, it sounds like some randomly occurring illness now. Personally speaking, Kotone hasn’t spent any time bonding with the twins since she didn’t have any interest in them at all, so I was thinking of doing something for them but now I just might have to reconsider it.
Talking with mother, I understand a lot more about the Kisaragi family. I likely wouldn’t have known this if I only had Kotone’s memories to work with. However, there are still some things I want to say, unrelated to this.
「Say, Kotone. There’s something I want to ask as well
」
「What is it?」
「You’ve been scowling for a while now, but is there something wrong? Moreover, you’ve been speaking monotonously as I used to.」
「I’m just irritated at my naively optimistic mother.」
「Umm, if there’s anything you want to say, then feel free to do so. As your parent, I’ll accept it all.」
Hooh, she said it now. In that case. I’ll have her listen then, to everything I want to say not as Kotone but as myself.
「Then pry your ears open and listen well. First of all, your scolding was too light. What the heck was that? I couldn’t even tell from the monotonous tone if that was a serious scolding or a mild warning. You seriously thought that I would listen to that? It still would have been better if you had gotten emotional or even furious enough to be physical with me. Yes, this might have not stopped me either way. But it would’ve been better than nothing. Also, you should have brought the fact that father doesn’t even look at me to my attention. Don’t just be weirdly protective of father. You’ll get misunderstood. To begin with, you haven’t tried to talk and give counsel to father either, have you? Do you even have any intention of improving your relationship? Moreover, leaving me completely alone? What were you planning to do if I tried killing myself again? If not for me changing, I might have thrown myself off the building next. At the very least, you should have had someone to stay with me. Besides that, even if you provide me money and shelter, what was your plan if I had no clear idea on what to do next? It was pretty obvious that I’d use up all the money, wasn’t it? As a parent, what were you thinking? Did you even have any intention of properly raising me? Misaki, black coffee please.」
「Understood.」
「I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorryyyy!」
After saying all of that, I feel somewhat refreshed. On the other hand, mother began crying in the middle of it and her words were overtaken by sobbing by the end. At least she’s seriously reflecting on herself. Still, these are all my personal thoughts.
Kotone isn’t allowed to say these words. After all, it was her becoming twisted that resulted in mother suffering and if father had only shown any decent amount of love towards Kotone, things wouldn’t have ended up this way.
At this point, there’s no way to know who’s at fault here. I personally think that the three of them are all at fault here.
「Miss Kotone, your coffee.」
While sipping coffee, I look at mother and see that she’s still crying. I couldn’t help but think, if she’s this regretful then she should have mustered the strength to go against father instead. It would have been simple if that was possible but I don’t really think that that guy could be changed so easily. Rather, it’d probably end up with mother confined somewhere.
「What I’ve just said may be all wrong. Still, mother, please think about it as well. About whether your actions have affected this situation or not.」
「I’m really sorry. As a parent, it was my responsibility to correct my daughter’s conduct. That’s why, I don’t mind whatever you have to say to me.」
「Still, was it tough going against that father of mine?」
「Uugh, if I made a wrong move, I might have gotten kicked out myself. But if that happened, the twins would end up being left to that man. That was something I had to prevent no matter what.」
「That’s true. Right now, mother can still follow up on them.」
「Besides, the you back then became a good example of how not to behave and the two are sensitive to the subtleties of human emotions, so their crisis avoidance abilities are high as well. That’s why they shouldn’t grow weirdly twisted now.」
That might be why they didn’t approach Kotone in the past as well. After all, if they just carelessly talked to Kotone, there’s no telling how Kotone would reply. That probably worked out for the best. Considering that, Kotone’s existence had a great role to play.
Still, the biggest issue here is going to be the male twin. He is being raised to be the successor, so it’s worrying to think whether or not he’s gotten somewhat influenced by father.
「Was it also you that suggested having me live by myself, mother?」
「Yes. At first, your father wanted to kick you out with nothing but the clothes on your back, so I proposed an alternative plan. I thought at the time that this was just too much.」
Yeah, at that point, I’ll just die. Rather, what was his plan if I got kidnapped then and there immediately after? Or does he just hate being with Kotone so much that he was going to leave her on the spot? He really doesn’t think about his daughter at all.
He’s one of the main causes of this problem to begin with.
「Hearing that I would be separated from father, I killed myself. Father likely saw this as just one less nuisance for him.」
「In truth, an attempted suicide would be a major topic for gossip but he likely didn’t care at all.」
「Is that why mother didn’t come to the hospital either?」
「I was stopped by your father. Besides, if I had gotten emotional back then, there was no telling how the anxious twins would react. That’s why, I’m really sorry, but I had no choice except to continue life as usual.」
「I understand the situation. I’m not bothered by it.」
The actual Kotone herself is essentially dead after all. The one here right now is a being that is both Kotone but strictly not actually Kotone, me. From Kotone’s point of view, she likely can’t bear the reality of her father abandoning her. She’ll try to die again. That’s probably why I’m here inside her.
「Rather than being Kisaragi family property, is this mansion under mother’s name?」
「Being only focused on kicking you out, there was really no telling where your father would have dropped you off. Besides, this is a place I’ve considered in case I ever get driven out of the family.」
「So the apartment manager is an acquaintance of yours?」
「She’s a friend from my academy days. I only asked her to watch over you but your father said a word too many.」
She likely meant the part about kicking me out. If it was Kotone, then she’ll certainly get kicked out here. There’s no helping that part. After all, if Kotone starts causing trouble again, it’ll affect the other tenants and the manager as well.
References
Lyly Here and some parts, the guy is referred to as “my husband”, but it doesn’t quite read right when translated so I interchanged “husband” and “your father”. Slightly relevant information