Editors: sleepchaser, Katie_WanderingFujoshi, ASplashofMusic
I dreamt of my past over and over again after Allen’s death.
I dreamt of the delightful days when I was with Allen every second of every day.
He would wake me up before dawn, and we would fetch water to clean the orphanage together. After that, we would perform errands for the villagers and receive tiny morsels of spare food to share with the other kids. Joy in our hearts, we would thank God for giving us life, albeit lives that were impoverished, before taking a nap in the cool shade of a large tree.
Back then, we had lived in a small orphanage in a poverty-stricken village.
Extremely short on helping hands, the old nun who had taken care of us had to complete most of the chores herself. For this reason, even the youngest children would help out however they could. Otherwise, we couldn’t eat. Despite doing our best, though, we would still feel the bite of winter each year.
I had once whispered to Allen, “…I wonder if we can eat until we’re full in heaven.”
And he had answered, “Maybe we can even eat some meat.”
He had never allowed himself to cry directly, always averting his eyes to gaze at the sky at times like this.
My heart lay heavy with sorrow at the sight of that single drop of tear sliding down his cheek.
I felt pathetic. I didn’t want to make Allen cry. And yet because of my weakness…
Once the old nun had passed away, apprehension and anxiety struck me. And these emotions could be discerned in my voice when I had asked him,
And tears spilled out from my throbbing eyes.
When I had woken up, Ilya was sleeping peacefully beside me, lips slightly parted as he lay nestled in the warm covers.
Nevertheless, I often couldn’t believe my eyes. My yearning for Allen might have caused me to hallucinate, so I always pressed a finger lightly to his chest to check if he was real.
The spirited cadence of his heartbeat beneath my fingers proved Ilya was alive.
Such a lively, helpless sound akin to a small animal’s. I couldn’t help but find it so lovely.
Tobol village was located north of the royal capital.
It was a disadvantaged land, with harsh winters that persisted around six months every year. To add to their misfortune, the trees in the forests around the village stood tall and thin. And the wood from these trees could easily start forest fires in the dry winter.
Initially, I was going to trek back home on my own. But now, atop Chescal, I slowly advanced along the path heading toward the village.
As I peeked at Ilya riding his horse next to me, he gazed back at me with a small smile and a tilt to his head.
“Hm? What is it?” he inquired brightly.
“I think we should set up camp soon.”
“Already? Even though the sun is still high?”
I explained to Ilya, who was confused, that we needed time to search for a water source and pick up firewood while there was still some light present.
I also urged him to make haste, since the days in the mountains ended faster than one would expect.
Ilya nodded and flashed me a smile, gaze glittering.
The tip of his nose, which had reddened from the cold wind, made him resemble a child. Even this part of him appeared adorable to me.
“By all means, Sir Riley~ So, we need to find a water source first, right?”
I nodded. Then I raised my head to the sky, squinting as I checked the position of the sun again.
Since the day I had begged him to not leave me, Ilya stopped distancing himself from me.
Whenever we sat next to each other, he would scooch closer to me until our shoulders almost touched. And when we ate a meal facing each other, his eyes would glisten with joy as he graced me with a smile.
While bathing, he would help me wipe my back. He would even slip into the same bed as me at night!
Well, his reason was that he felt cold. And his feet really were cold to the touch. So, I reckoned he was telling the truth.
He cast his smile at me from a much closer distance than before. At this point, I couldn’t stay calm anymore. Was he plotting something?
After setting up camp and preparing the necessary materials, we sat around the campfire for dinner.
Our meal consisted of only hard bread and soup.
Even so, the soup with Kieri seeds warmed my chest.
We fell into a comfortable silence as I relished the nostalgic taste. After reminiscing for a while, I finally broke the silence.
Hesitant, I said, “Ilya… There’s something I had always wanted to ask you. But I couldn’t bring myself to for quite a long time.”
Ilya widened his eyes in surprise, tilting his head to the side in a silent question.
His face, when illuminated by the crackling bonfire, seemed so similar to Allen’s. I closed my eyes to cast aside that image.
The soft contours of his cheeks weren’t chiseled. His bright eyes always sparkled. The campfire dyed his cheeks red.
Ilya was unlike Allen of the past. Pale even when illuminated by flames.
“…Back then―” My voice choked up. I couldn’t articulate anything else after that.
There were many questions I wanted to ask him.
There were also many things I wanted to say to him.
But more importantly… I really wished to apologize.
If I had been stronger than I was back then, I could have protected Allen from the demon.
Exactly like what Allen had done for my sake on that calamitous day, I should’ve trapped Allen in the basement and walked out, revealing that I was the hero.
I had killed Allen with my weakness―
“Riley.” Ilya’s voice broke me out of my despondent reverie. It was only when I refocused my vision that I noticed his sharp gaze literally inches away from my eyes.
The tips of our noses touched, and his hot breath brushed against the corner of my mouth.
Yet, before I could tremble from the delectable sensation, Ilya’s soft lips met mine.
Support the author! Here’s the tutorial made by “Shido Within” on how to buy digital books at CMOA. The tutorial specifies on how to buy digital manga, but I think it should work for novels too. After registering, you can click here to go to Icy’s CMOA page. Apparently, you can also buy this book at Bookwalker Japan! You’ll need to create a Bookwalker Global account first, then connect to VPN before clicking here to go to Icy’s Bookwalker page (or you can go there from the RAW Page on Icy’s ToC!). Here’s the guide on how to purchase books on Bookwalker JP Store! After purchasing, you can turn of the VPN and download to read the book on any device! (Thank you Shadow-san for telling me about this! ˭̡̞(◞⁎˃ᆺ˂)◞*✰) The difference is that if you’re using CMOA, you need to pay using your credit card, but with Bookwalker, you can pay using PayPal! Very efficient!
Support the translator! How about buying this translator a cup of bubble tea to boost her motivation and power (to defeat the wall of text!)? As a small thank you, you can read one advanced draft chapter of Icy ahead from schedule! /dogeza