As soon as we returned to the room, I tidied up Ethan's messy hair at the back. I couldn't stop laughing while I was doing it, imagining how he must have looked all this time. Ethan, who rarely showed any expression, frowned and glared at me when I kept laughing.
After tidying up his hair, Ethan once again suggested having tea. After some hesitation, I happily agreed this time. Seeing his joyful smile made me feel bad for being so stiff earlier.
We drank tea and ate dessert together. Once we were back in the room and out of the public eye, he seemed to relax instantly. His stiff gait softened, and his rigid posture relaxed. His face looked much more comfortable, as if all the sharp edges had been smoothed out.
I refilled his empty teacup and ate the cake with a fork. It was deliciously sweet. I offered some to Ethan, but he didn't seem to like sweets much, so he only had a few bites and kept drinking tea. As a result, the dessert was all mine.
Ethan sat almost lying down on the sofa, sipping his tea. His body leaned back more and more as he closed his eyes and inhaled the tea's aroma. He looked like he was about to fall asleep again.
His teacup trembled slightly in his hand. I was about to scold him for the danger, but then I changed my mind. If he fell asleep again, he wouldn't bother me anymore.
While carefully eating the cake, I watched him relax. Suddenly, a question came to mind.
"Ethan."
"…Yes."
His response came a beat late, as if he had just woken up.
"Why were you chasing me around today?"
I couldn't understand why someone who usually avoided people and stayed in his room would chase me around just because he found it amusing. Honestly, I wasn't that entertaining.
At my question, Ethan slowly lifted his eyelids. After blinking a few times, he slowly turned his gaze toward me. His eyes softened.
"Because I was bored."
"Just because you were bored? Is that really the reason?"
"I said I wanted to get closer to you."
"That doesn't seem like a good enough reason."
"Why not? You've been avoiding me ever since our last conversation."
I felt my face stiffen at his blunt words.
I had been avoiding him since the day of the bet. As a servant, I couldn't completely avoid seeing him, but whenever he tried to start a conversation, I pretended to be busy and left.
I was afraid he might say something that would put me in an awkward position. I was glad to see him again, but I felt uncomfortable when he brought up the bet and tried to manipulate me. How did he know what I was feeling?
"I was honestly hurt. You acted like you didn't want to talk to me."
"I didn't mean to."
"You were avoiding me, weren't you?"
"…."
"Please don't. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I really didn't."
Even though he said that, I still felt awkward. The extended probation period was a problem, and I didn't like the idea of catching Vincent's eye in a different way. Besides, I wasn't sure if Ethan, who knew who I was, would really behave as he said.
But he looked genuinely hurt, and I couldn't bring myself to argue with him.
"…I'm sorry."
"I didn't ask for an apology."
Ethan, looking slightly flustered, scratched the back of his neck and smiled bitterly.
"What are you going to do now?"
"What do you want to do?"
I was tired of answering that question and had no pressing matters. When I asked him, Ethan, who had been drinking his tea with a thoughtful expression, got up from the sofa. He plopped down next to me, making the teacup he had set down clink.
I shivered and shifted my hips to the side. The sudden closeness made me wary. Ethan smiled at my reaction.
"I'd like to keep talking."
"About what?"
"Anything, really. For example, about the bet."
There it was again. I shook my head firmly, looking exasperated.
"I don't want to talk about that."
"Why not? It sounds interesting."
"I don't find it interesting."
"Still, think about it. Whether Vincent remembers you or not."
His heavy words stabbed at my heart, and I sighed.
"I think he's forgotten me."
"So you still believe that."
"Yes."
"Why are you so sure?"
"Because there's no reason for him to remember me."
As I've said before, it wasn't a good memory, and there was nothing memorable about it.
Even if he remembered me, it wouldn't be a reason to meet. I still didn't want to reveal my identity to him. Despite the fact that we had spoken, my feelings hadn't changed.
"There's nothing memorable about it. Even if he remembers me, I still don't want to meet him."
"Is that how you feel, too?"
"…Yes."
I hesitated before answering. Ethan gave me a sharp look. I had been caught lying.
"Why are you so cold to yourself?"
"Because it's the truth. I'm not someone he should remember."
"Polar, how many people remember and miss someone without a clear reason? Even if you're not special, you can still be a precious memory to someone."
"Ethan, it was just a coincidence."
What if I had met Vincent earlier? I've thought about it before. If I had met him before he gave up on life, before he locked himself in his room waiting to die, before he lost his sight but still had hope, we would never have had that kind of relationship.
I would have just been a servant taking care of him, and he wouldn't have paid any attention to me. In fact, I might not have even gone to that mansion.
It was all just a coincidence. I caught the eye of an old gentleman who visited the village, and I followed him to the mansion where I met a man who had lost his sight and was in despair. I became his maid and shared a brief memory with him.
All of this started by chance. It wasn't some grand destiny.
"I just happened to be there when the master was struggling with life and tired of being comforted. I just did my job, and I wasn't even good at comforting people. Even if it wasn't me, the master would have eventually left that place. I didn't do anything special."
I smiled bitterly as I said this.
"So, Ethan, your words are too kind."
The time we spent together couldn't have been a precious memory for Vincent.
A breeze blew through the open window, soothing my troubled heart as it swept over Ethan and me. I heard the cheerful chatter of people nearby, but it felt foreign to me.
Ethan looked at me intently without saying a word.
"Do you think we're great people, Polar?"
"I can't say that we aren't."
I couldn't deny it, even if it was self-deprecating. The difference in status was real. I knew their lives weren't always happy, but that didn't mean we were on the same level. The fact was, I was different from them.
But Ethan shook his head.
"You're wrong. We're not as great as you think. We get hurt by sharp words, and we find comfort in someone's embrace. We know that trust is thinner than paper and can be trivial. Sometimes, life can be so painful that we want to die. We live ordinary, not particularly special lives, just like you."
"…."
"And you don't have to be special to be remembered. Don't be too hard on yourself. At least, I know you're a good person."
"Based on what?"
I was genuinely curious. What did he see in me to say such things?
"Because you said Lucas was kind."
"That's because it's true."
"But Lucas was a coward."
"Don't say that."
"Polar, he closed his eyes and turned away from a great truth because he was afraid and scared. He dragged Vincent into it because of his guilt. Is Lucas pitiful? He's the one who made Vincent like that."
"Ethan!"
I didn't understand why the conversation had taken this turn. I didn't want to hear such things. He was already gone. Even if he had done wrong in life, I didn't want to criticize him after his death.
Ethan smiled as if he understood my feelings when I glared at him fiercely.
"Are you angry?"
"Yes, I'm angry. Don't ever say that again."
"Will you get angry if I do?"
"Yes, I will."
"Even at me?"
"Yes. I will dare to be angry at Ethan."
"Even to hit my bottom?"
No, not that far. I paused, and Ethan chuckled.
"You know, I like that you said Lucas was kind. I'm grateful to you for remembering him as a kind person."
"…."
"By making Lucas a kind person, you show that you are a good person."
He gently took my hand and patted it. It felt like he was thanking me. His touch was awkward, but I didn't pull my hand away.
"Still, I… don't understand."
I shook my head, disagreeing with his words. No matter how I thought about it, I didn't deserve such praise. I couldn't understand or accept his words.
His brown eyes, looking at me, softened. They seemed to say, "I knew you'd say that," but also, "I understand." It was a look of affectionate consideration.
"Polar, sometimes, people find salvation in the smallest things."