82. To You, Whom I Couldn't Forget Even If I Tried (6)
However, before long, he handed me a letter. I bowed slightly and expressed my gratitude. The letter in my hand felt unexpectedly heavy. It was the letter I had been waiting for, yet now it only felt burdensome. As I pressed it to my chest, I could feel my heart pounding.
"Can I go in now? I want to deliver it to Master Robert quickly."
"One more thing."
"Yes?"
"The person you said you met. By any chance, was it a... woman?"
I widened my eyes, which had been cast downward. My mouth moved, and something welled up, so I swallowed it. Then, with great effort, I managed to speak.
"No, it was a man."
"…I see. If you find out where he got it from, let me know immediately."
"Understood."
Vincent finally stepped aside. I entered Robert's room straight away. The brief moment as I brushed past him and closed the door felt longer than ever.
Before the door could fully close, a large hand shot out, stopping it. The toe of a shoe that had slipped through the gap prevented the door from closing. Vincent spoke urgently.
"Anything, even the smallest detail. Let me know if you find out."
"…"
"I'm asking you, please."
"…Understood."
The hand that had been holding the door fell away. The shoe retreated, and the door slammed shut, making my legs weak. I almost collapsed but was startled.
Had he noticed my tension? I inched forward, trying to calm my trembling heart.
Damn. Had the tension already dissipated? I had told myself to be careful. It seemed my nerves had dulled in the calm. I regretted my mistake, made in the hope of pleasing Robert. I had overlooked how much a single clue could reveal.
I thought of Vincent, who had interrogated me earlier. What did he want to know? Could it be...
"If he's looking for me."
No way.
No, no way.
I chuckled. There was no way. Even when we faced each other, he couldn't recognize me. Don't delude yourself. No matter what the circumstances, I'm just a maid who ran away from the earl's house. Just an employer-employee relationship. There's no reason for him to look for me. Was he afraid I might reveal his secrets? But those secrets were now useless.
Unless someone told him, he wouldn't recognize me even if he woke up from the dead. Even if someone told him, would he believe it?
The words I had spoken to myself pierced my heart. There must be another reason.
But if he really was looking for me, would I be happy? I wasn't sure. The conflicting feelings of wanting him to and not wanting him to collided, causing me pain. I pressed my fingertips to my chest. What would I do if he found me? Nothing would change.
When I looked up, Robert was still asleep. I had brought the letter he had been waiting for.
"I'll give it to him later."
I would surprise him with it when he woke up. He would be very happy. For now, that was enough. I closed my eyes tightly, suppressing the emotions that threatened to burst forth.
* * *
Darkness enveloped the floor. It crept up and grabbed my ankles. Running away was useless.
In the darkness where even the moonlight didn't reach, only the sound of shallow breathing echoed. It wasn't my breathing. Even though I was alone, the sound came from somewhere.
I took a step forward, following the sound. At that moment, a pale hand shot out of the darkness and grabbed my ankle.
Startled, I shook it off, and the hand let go weakly. The hand that fell to the floor was swallowed by the darkness.
In the pitch-black darkness, a hoarse voice echoed again.
"…Ra."
My breathing became rough.
"Po… A…"
The voice mumbled, muffled by the breath. I couldn't hear it clearly, so I focused on the sound.
Just then,
"Pola."
A clear voice accompanied the moonlight that flooded in.
The scene brightened, and I noticed someone sitting in front of me. They were slumped with their head bowed.
"Who are you?" I asked, but there was no response. I bent down and sat in front of them.
"Hey." I grabbed their shoulder and shook it. They reacted by suddenly grabbing my hand and pushing me away. The force was considerable, and I fell backward.
I quickly composed myself and scanned the person. They slowly raised their head.
The moment I saw their face, my eyes widened.
You are…
"Huh."
I snapped awake. I quickly looked around, searching for something. Darkness. Darkness. More darkness. It was all around me. Unable to bear it, I sat up.
Feeling the texture of the sheets under my hands, my eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, and I quickly examined the room. Once I realized where I was, a breath I hadn't known I was holding escaped.
As I caught my breath, something hit the back of my head. A pillow fell beside me.
"Shut up."
Alicia grumbled and turned over. I stared at her back and clutched the sheets. After swallowing a few times, I curled up.
Again, this dream. Again, this nightmare. My body felt as cold as if it were drenched in water. The nightmare brought back the forgotten sensations. I heard someone whisper in my ear. Run. Run quickly. Please go.
'I have to leave.'
Suddenly, that thought came to me. The tension that had eased gripped my body again.
When I realized I had returned here, I was terrified. So terrified that for several days, I trembled in fear under the sheets every night. That was all I could do. It was hard to accept the sudden reality.
I was afraid of this place. Beyond the warm memories lay fear. I had seen someone kind to me bleed to death, and someone had tried to kill me.
A place where a life of luxury didn't guarantee happiness. The memories of that day still vividly came to mind, as if they were telling me not to forget.
I had thought about running away countless times. But the area was all forest, and I didn't know where it began or ended. If I got lost, it would be a disaster. It was too dangerous to take the risk.
No, it wasn't that there was no way.
'That place, the space in the forest.'
The secret path Vincent had taken me to once long ago. He said it would lead to the village. If that was true, it was the only way to escape the mansion without anyone knowing.
'It must still be there.'
But finding it was difficult. If I was absent for too long, it would be noticeable, and wandering alone in the forest was dangerous. The only fortunate thing was that I was on probation. When the probation period ended, I could leave, right?
At first, it was for my safety. But as I gradually got used to life here, the suffocating fear slowly subsided. Perhaps it was because, contrary to my expectations, there was no threat to me. Even if it was complacent, the lack of threat dulled my fear.
During my stay, I hadn't seen the butler or Isabelle, nor any of the other employees I had noticed a few times. No one in this mansion recognized me. This strange yet comforting relief made me think, "Just one more day."
Then I met Vincent. I learned he was doing well. I heard his eyesight had returned. That was good enough. I was relieved.
But what about the others? I wondered. If I stayed one more day, wouldn't I find out? Wouldn't I see them?
Just one more day, more, until the probation period ended. At that point, even if I wanted to stay, I would have to leave. It would give me a reason to go.
But… the meeting with Vincent yesterday changed my mind. If he found out I was that maid, what would happen? I couldn't imagine a good outcome.
I wasn't afraid of the punishment for running away. The butler had terrified me, but I could endure it. My life was more familiar with death. What I truly feared was…
His disappointment in me.
That's why I didn't want to stay long. I had suppressed the rising expectations for that reason.
"Pull yourself together."
There's not much time left. I slapped my cheeks and tried to focus.
"Hey, are you going to keep doing that?"
"What?"
Alicia grumbled from the start this morning. I rubbed my stinging cheek and gave her a questioning look, and she threw a pillow at me.
"Every night, you're so noisy! If you're going to groan, do it outside! You kept me awake all night! My skin is going to get worse, and I'm so annoyed!"
Alicia looked at her reflection in the mirror. She complained about her damaged nails.
I stared at Alicia blankly. It was honestly impressive how she never skipped her morning routine. Unlike me, who was just waiting to leave, Alicia seemed to want to stay here more and more.
At first, she had been irritable, but at some point, Alicia adapted well to life here. She now diligently did her assigned tasks and no longer caused accidents due to her temper.
Moreover, she skillfully catered to Audrey and Jolli's moods. I had never seen Alicia adjust to anyone other than her father before. Her unfamiliar behavior was a bit scary.
Alicia was good at winning people's favor. I had seen her laughing and chatting with the maids before. Through their conversation, I realized Alicia was gathering information about Vincent.
"Have you seen the master of this house?"
"From what I've heard, he's a handsome man."
"Indeed. I see him often. Plus, I know him well."
Alicia smiled arrogantly. The surrounding maids were puzzled.
"How do you know him so well?"
"Who knows. Maybe we had a connection in the past."
She casually flicked her long hair behind her ear and lifted her chin. The maids, curious, asked what she meant, but Alicia didn't say more. She seemed to enjoy the curious gazes of the people around her.
I was speechless, listening to the conversation. Anyone would think she had a special relationship with Vincent. I rolled my eyes at her brazen words and left the area. After that, I often saw Alicia with other maids or servants.
"Did you find out anything good?"
I asked Alicia, who was focused on her reflection in the mirror. She glanced at me in the mirror and smiled.
"Who knows—"
She deliberately drew out her words, suggesting she had some good results. I was puzzled but didn't press for details.
I washed up quickly and changed clothes. Before leaving the room, I steeled myself for the day ahead, but I felt a sharp gaze on my back. I turned to see Alicia, who had finished her morning routine, staring at me blankly.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"It's nothing."
Alicia shrugged and left the room. I was puzzled by her behavior but followed her.