Chapter 23

Chapter 23

The Determination to Move Forward

After a teacher had requested his help, Ashley had left the ballroom, leaving me to fend for myself. He’s already been gone for quite a long time at this point, but still hasn’t come back yet.

And since the music for the dancing won’t start for a while, I decided to just relax and wait for him, and enjoy the atmosphere of the ball from afar. While I was waiting, Oswell came over to talk with me once, and I’ve had to deal with Leila coming over every so often as well, so honestly the time has been passing by pretty quickly.

I don’t know if something good had happened or what, but Oswell seems to have gotten back to his normal, flirty self.

And as for Leila, he had refused every guy who had asked to go with him to the ball, and had ended up getting a close friend of his to be his partner instead… A close friend that wasn’t Lufrey. I almost can’t believe he even has a friend; I never would have imagined it.

I feel like Ashley should be coming back any minute now.

As I wait for him, I stare down at my feet absentmindedly, but then I hear someone call out to me.

“Alldington-Senpai.”

At his voice, my blood runs cold.

I slowly raise my head to see Rona Randolph standing right in front of me with an innocent, childish grin on his face.

“You’re looking especially pretty today. That dress really suits you. Ah, do you know who I am?”

Although his smile is broad and guileless, it doesn’t reach his eyes at all.

And as for me, forget my eyes, no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to even manage to form the semblance of a smile on my lips. It’s taking all my willpower right now just to remain upright and on my feet.

“Yes, I do….. Since my servant’s been in your care.”

My face feels so stiff that regardless of the sort of expression I’d like to make, my muscles refuse to move at all.

“Ashley is such a great person,” Rona says fondly as if talking about a friend that he’s proud of. But in an instant, his expression turns cold. “So he shouldn’t be stuck serving someone like you, wouldn’t you agree?”

His tone is so low that it sends shivers down my spine. Rona reaches over and grabs my right hand with his.

“You’re an evil influence on him. On both Ashley and Leila.”

His grip on my hand tightens, squeezing almost painfully hard.

And in his eyes I can clearly see his murderous intent. Just what is he planning to do? Does he actually want to use magic to hurt me in front of all these people? Rona has that much of a grudge against me?

“Everything would be perfect if only you weren’t here.”

So, you’re telling me to disappear?

“It can’t be helped, every~one would be happier if you were gone. You’re just a nuisance. A hindrance. It would be best if I just quickly got rid of you.”

“You…. really….. on that day tried to–…..”

Heh heh. He sneers, his laugh oddly high pitched for a boy.

“That day ended up a failure.”

“……What are you implying? What do you think you can do in a crowded room like this…”

This Rehearsal Ball is supposedly a party where all the students can finally have a chance to relax. Before the music and the dancing begins, it’s supposed to be a place where everyone can enjoy good food and chat about whatever lighthearted, childish things that come to mind. Even now, the atmosphere in the rest of ballroom is pleasantly mild as the the students mill about, socializing. He couldn’t possibly want to cause an uproar in a place like this, right….?

“Oh, there’s plenty of options, I assure you. And even if I am discovered, that won’t be a problem. I might only be an adopted son, but I’m still the son of a Duke. No matter how big of a fuss you make, what do you think a mere Viscount’s daughter like you could do to me?”

I…. made a mistake. This was a huge miscalculation.

I never thought that I might see him during the ball, let alone that he might approach me. Even though I knew…. I knew that from this point on the hidden character would become a real threat to Leila, and therefore to me, but I let my guard down and now I have no one to blame but myself for my stupid, foolish negligence.

“Let go…. of my hand…..”

“What’s wrong~ Senpai? There’s no need to fret. I’m not nearly as merciless as you are, Senpai? I can sympathize even with someone like you. At the very least, I know how to show compassion, you know? I can make sure that it doesn’t hurt… It’ll only take a second.”

This is bad.

My voice isn’t working. Every time I try to say something… try to scream, my mouth opens, but no sound comes out.

What’s he doing to me? He’s still so young, but just what sort of high level magic is he already capable of? I’m sure that Rona’s the reason that I can’t speak right now. But to be able to use magic while concealing the telltale light that comes with it… That means that he is quite powerful already and has completely mastered magic control. That’s something that would be difficult even for Gray-Senpai to do.

And here is someone younger than him, younger than me, doing it offhandedly… Easily.

“Now…. how would you like to be put down?” Rona asks me. He had tugged my hand, pulling me close so that he could whisper into my ear without being overheard. To anyone who happens to look our way, they’d probably think we looked like a couple, shamelessly flirting off in the corner. Just how great would it be if they were right?

…..But forget asking me how I’d like to die! Can’t you just not kill me?

“What are you doing?”

Rona jumps slightly, his eyes going wide.

I’m still scared but I’m also feeling so relived that I almost burst into tears as I turn my head to look towards the newcomer.

“What do you think you’re doing to my master, Rona?”

Ashley’s expression is almost frighteningly blank as he takes long strides towards us. After closing the distance, he knocks Rona’s hand aside, seizing my hand with his own.

“What, you ask? What do you think? We were just talking, that’s all. So mean~ What are you acting so scary for?” Rona says hurriedly, speaking a little too fast. And possibly because Ashley’s intrusion had broken Rona’s concentration…

“Ah……”

My voice seems to be back.

As I thought, I really can’t afford to be worrying about Ashley’s human interactions at this point. I can’t ignore this situation any longer just so Ashley won’t have to lose a friend. Besides, if there had been any doubt in my mind about who the hidden character is, all that is gone now. So there’s no way that I’d let Ashley continue to be close with someone like Rona, since I can’t bear the thought of him being put into harm’s way. He’s had to deal with so much tragedy during his life already, I couldn’t possibly let him add more on top of that.

Wanting them to sever their relationship as soon as possible, I muster up all my courage in order to explain to Ashley what was really going on.

“Ash-….”

“Shut up.”

He glares at me.

Not Rona, Ashley glares at me with an expression far scarier than anything I’ve ever seen before. His voice had been quiet just now, but the force of those words combined with his frightening expression is enough to shock me senseless.

“Ashley……?”

“I don’t want hear any more from you right now.”

Ashley squeezes my hand which had started to feel numb ever since Rona had grabbed it earlier. But now it seems to have lost all sensation in it.

Ashley glares hatefully at me, his mouth distorting into a sneer.

“I’ve already….. had enough…..”

A dry, bitter laugh escapes from his lips, just loud enough for me to hear. It’s a terrible, scornful sound.

“I despise you, Cecile Alldington.”

“Eh…..?”

I stand there dazed, not able to comprehend what Ashley had just said, and while my mind is still reeling and in total disarray I don’t even notice as I am being lifted up into his arms.

“You’ll have to excuse us, Lord Randolph. Oh, and from now on? Make sure to never lay a hand on my master again.”

Hearing Ashley’s calmly menacing tone of voice, even Rona ends up taking a step back.

“It would take quite a lot of time and effort to destroy a Ducal family, so I’d rather not have you as my enemy.”

Is he implying….? It almost sounds like he’s saying that it’s still possible to destroy a Ducal family…. Rona probably heard it that way too, right? Is that what Ashley’s trying to say? And that expression… His lips… Is he smiling? While saying something like that?

He’s making a face that I’m no longer familiar with, using a tone of voice that I’ve never heard before… This side of him that makes threats with a confident smile is like a stranger to me.

Completely dazed from shock, I barely notice as Ashley carries me out and away from the ballroom.

＊＊＊

I didn’t come back to my senses until I had been thrown onto a bed.

I sit up and look around, realizing that I’m back in the girls’ dormitory, in my own room. It seems like Ashley was able to just walk right in today since not only the students but also the teachers and staff are all out attending the ball.

“Ashley….. Ashley, what’s wrong?” I ask, noticing him expressionlessly staring down at me. He lets out another dry laugh before answering.

This chapter is scrapped from readlightnovel.org

“I told you, didn’t I?”

Ashley sits perched on the side of the bed. He traces the back of his fingers down my face, brushing them over my cheek, down my jaw…. When he reaches my chin, he gently grasps it, lightly rubbing his thumb over my lips.

“For as much as I belong to you, you belong to me. You said you’d be mine.”

He pushes lightly on my shoulders and I feel myself falling back until I’m laying flat on the bed. Before I move, Ashley leans over me, his body parallel to mine with his arms propping himself up, maintaining what little space there is between us. I don’t seem to have the ability to think clearly anymore.

I shouldn’t be feeling like this. This is Ashley. I shouldn’t be feeling afraid when I’m with Ashley. I’m his master. And as his master, I should be someone who’s understanding…. who understands him.

“Why won’t you look at me? Why?”

I shriek and flinch slightly as his arm moves to encircle my waist. This is Ashley…. Ashley….

“You let him put his arm around your waist. Let him bring his face this close to yours,” Ashley whispers breathily, bringing himself closer to me, just like Rona had in the ballroom.

“Even though you’re supposed to be mine…” he continues and I feel his lips brush against my ear as they move… But he doesn’t stop there, he pulls back slightly, just enough to place a kiss on my forehead, and then on my closed eyelids… and then he’s kissing me hard on the mouth. But somehow, it doesn’t feel like a kiss. It feels like he’s trying to stop my breath with his mouth, like he’s trying smother me. Kill me.

“Cecile Alldington. I love you. And that only makes me hate you all the more!”

I despise you.

I hear the words he had said to me in the ballroom again in my head.

“You should have already realized it. You must have been aware of my feelings, of how much I’ve been yearning for you all this time. I know that you do. I’ve seen it so clearly, so cruelly…. reflected in your face before.”

And then his mouth is on mine again, kissing me deeply as if trying to suffocate me. He’s making such a harsh expression, but I’m sure that’s because he’s confused and in pain and just doesn’t know what to do about it anymore.

“Ashley….”

“I don’t want to hear your voice anymore. Quiet,” he says, bringing his mouth back down on mine as soon as he had finished speaking.

I’m having trouble thinking straight; I can’t wrap my head around what’s happening right now. And I also have no idea how to diffuse this situation. My heart feels like it’s in utter turmoil as tears start to roll down my cheeks.

“Please, don’t call out a man’s name…. other than mine. Your voice confuses me. It tempts me, ensnares me until I feel like I’ll go crazy.”

He sits up and draws me to him, wrapping both of his arms around me and laying a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

And in this position, he finally stops moving, holding me tightly in his embrace.

“I was planning on telling you….today….” he says, playing with a lock of my hair, twirling it around his finger.

“Not in some roundabout manner… Not in some way that could be misconstrued…. I was going to tell you plainly that I love you. I was determined to do it today, since it’s the day that you had finally allowed me to be your partner. I worried about you rejecting me of course, but even so, if there was a chance that it could end my current suffering then…”

Tears start to fall down Ashley’s face.

I want to comfort him, to tell him not to cry, but I doubt that I have the right to.

“But even though I had finally made up my mind, finally decided to tell you, I realized that there is always someone other than me standing by your side.”

Gray Randolph. Oswell Arkwright. Leila Morton. And, Rona Randolph. The names that are probably going through Ashley’s head also appear in mine.

“And what? We live in different worlds? Just a mere servant like me couldn’t possibly match up to someone like you who bears the illustrious Alldington name?”

No… That wasn’t what I meant. The one who’s not suitable, the one who’s not good enough… is me.

“You’re all I have. You’re my everything. If you start saying that you want to leave me….”

He puts his hand lightly around my throat. And it’s only for a moment, but in that instant he strengthens his grip on my neck.

“Please die by my hands. Not anyone else’s. And I’ll make sure to follow right after you…..”

“………..”

That’s impossible.

“Any last words? My lovely, dear Cecile-Ojousama…”

“Can you do it?”

Even though he has tears streaming down his face and his hands are trembling, could Ashley Carlyle really kill me like this?

“Just how much time do you think we’ve spent together? My adorable, beloved servant… I know you better than anyone.”

Look, just by lightly touching his hand, his grip has already slackened this much.

“….. I can…. I will…. I’d do anything to have you…..”

“You’re my servant. Aren’t you the one who’s always pledged to protect me? You won’t be able to do it. You’re such a kind, good person.”

I know that better than anyone.

If it’s about my kind servant, I’m sure I know him better than he even knows himself.

In actuality, I was aware of it: my cute servant’s true feelings. I also know that by ignoring that fact, I’ve cut off all of Ashley’s options, driving him into a corner.

Even though I always talk about how important he is to me, I’ve been nothing but cruel to him. And it was all because I was scared; I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. At least if we continued on as master and servant, I knew that we could maintain our relationship.

Even though I had told him that he was free to choose, all this time I’ve been trying to bind him to me anyway.

“Listen up, Ashley.”

At this rate, I’ll probably be forfeiting any chance I have for running away anymore. But I need to face him now. This time, I need to truly give him the freedom to choose what he wants to do.

“I–……”