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What did you call me yesterday and what did you want to talk to me about?
I think it’s okay to say something like that.
But Sendai-san just sat next to me and didn’t ask me anything. The only meaningful words she has uttered since she got here are,「Sorry, I’m late.」Now she’s looking at a reference book spread out on the table.
Indeed, Sendai-san came to this room later than I expected. I think she was concerned because it was almost eight o’clock and she came to see me. Perhaps it was her own kindness in not mentioning yesterday’s phone call.
But this is unnatural.
Sendai-san, as usual, would be the first to ask about yesterday’s phone call. It is difficult to talk when she was next to me without saying anything like this. But the words I heard from Maika keep going around and around in my head.
I take a sip of my cider and look at Sendai-san.
「About yesterday, you’re not going to ask me about it?」
I think we will end up studying together if we don’t.
I’m not wrong about that, as I promised before the winter break, but studying is just an excuse today. If we won’t talk, I don’t know what’s the purpose of calling Sendai-san here.
「You mean from the phone?」
A probing voice comes next to me.
「I knew you would ask me about that today.」
「I just came to teach you how to study. Yesterday, Miyagi said I should come to teach you how to study, too.」
Sendai-san looks up and puts down her pen.
Then she looked at me.
「But if Miyagi says she has something to say, I’ll listen. You have something to say, don’t you?」
Sendai-san says it as if she has no choice, and makes an unwilling face, though not so much as to be bothersome.
I should be used to seeing her like this, but today I am uncomfortable.
Probably because she is not in uniform.
Those knitwear and skirts that could be sold anywhere.
If I were wearing it, it would look cheap, but when Sendai-san wears it, it looks reasonably good and suits her. But she’s in plain clothes, which I haven’t seen since the end of summer vacation, and she doesn’t fit in the room and feels distant. Thanks to this, I still don’t have the courage to ask what I need to ask.
「…Isn’t it you, Sendai-san? Has something to tell me?」
「That’s what I said yesterday, but nothing in particular. So, what about Miyagi? Talk to me soon.」
I have something to say, so I called Sendai-san.
If we are going to talk, I think today is the only day to do so.
But when I know, but my mouth doesn’t move properly and I keep silent, Sendai-san speaks up for me.
「A talk, you know, is not a talk I want to hear. Miyagi, you’re not in a very good mood—— If you don’t want to talk, stop talking.」
I hear a voice heavier than before and I suck in my breath.
Then I exhale slowly and open my mouth.
「Sendai-san, tell me about the conversation you had with Maika in the hallway.」
「I’ve never talked to Utsunomiya before… You mean when we talked on the way to the purchasing?」
I hear a slightly low voice, as if to say that an uncomfortable conversation has begun.
「Yes.」
「I think I told you about that before. Didn’t I tell you that she asked me about when I called Miyagi?」
How could I forget?
I was told the same thing in the music prep room as I am now, and I believed it. But now I know that those words were intentionally left out in part.
「That’s not the only thing you talked about, you talked about something else… Like the college I’m applying to.」
「…I understand now. Did Utsunomiya told you about it?」
Sendai-san says as if she understands everything.
「Yesterday, I heard—— Why did you ask me in the music prep room where I was applying to college when you knew where I wanted to go? Did you just want to be amused by my reaction?」
My grades improved and I changed my school of choice to follow Sendai-san’s lead.
I can only assume that she was thinking that way and thought to see me upset when I pointed out that she had kept quiet.
I do not want to follow in Sendai-san’s trails and have decided that I will not see her until graduation.
In the first place, the fact that Sendai-san’s school of choice and mine are close to each other is a coincidence, and it only happened when I chose the same university as Maika, not by design.
It would be wrong if it wasn’t, and Sendai-san is wrong.
I wish she would say something.
But she says nothing.
She looks very serious and keeps her mouth shut.
「Answer me, Sendai-san.」
When I say it as a prompt, I hear a voice as serious as my face.
「——Did I look like I was having a good time?」
Sendai-san looks at the bookshelf.
At the corner of her eye, she sees a black cat she brought with her.
「I asked you which university you were applying to because I wanted to hear Miyagi tell me what school you wanted to go to.」
She asked me a question, but without waiting for my answer, Sendai-san said.
「Then just ask me normally. Just say you heard it from Maika.」
When I said this in an angry but strong tone, Sendai-san’s gaze shifted from the black cat to me.
「I told Miyagi, you would say that you wouldn’t accept the same place as Utsonomiya, am I right?」
「That’s—」
Sendai-san was correct.
If Maika had told me that she had heard about the school I wanted to go to, I would have changed the school I had almost decided to go to to a different university, giving the reason that such a story was a lie or that I was just trying to say something.
「About college, what will you do?」
Sendai-san asks questions as if she was a school teacher.
「I don’t want to say.」
「Tell me.」
「I haven’t decided yet.」
「It’s not the time to get lost. You’ve already made up your mind. If you haven’t decided, go with the same place as Utsunomiya.」
It is certainly not the time to get lost, and my school of choice has been decided. Even if Sendai-san doesn’t tell me, I’m going to apply to the same university as Maika. But I don’t want to tell Sendai-san.
In other words, it would be as if the school of my choice, which I had decided on with my own will, had been decided in accordance with Sendai-san’s wishes.
I have my own ideas and I don’t want people to think that I always do what Sendai-san wants. And I don’t understand why Sendai-san is so concerned about my school of choice.
「I don’t have to tell Sendai-san, and why do you try to get me to take the same or nearby universities? Why don’t you just accept it?」
My voice got a little raspy, but I wasn’t angry. But Sendai-san looked difficult and became silent.
I drink a glass of cider to fill the sudden silence.
I feel like it’s my fault and I’m not comfortable.
It was not cold, but as I reached for the remote control to turn up the temperature of the air conditioner, Sendai-san opened her mouth.
「——Does Miyagi not want to see me?」
The questions that were left out of the main points were not extremely quiet. But it was the first time I had heard this voice from Sendai-san, which was filled with anxiety, like when a lost child asks for directions.
「We promised. After the graduation ceremony, I won’t see Sendai-san.」
I didn’t want to go out of my way to say it, but I pulled out a past promise and confronted her with it.
I could have dodged questions that were missing the important parts, but I couldn’t give dishonest answers to voices I don’t normally hear.
「I remember that promise. But I’m not asking you that. I’m asking you if you don’t want to see me after you graduate.」
「…What about Sendai-san?」
「I would love to meet Miyagi and I think it would be fun to meet you.」
I was expecting to be told not to return a question with a question, but Sendai-san was honest enough to say the answer to what I asked.
「I don’t know how Miyagi feels about it, but I look forward to coming to this room quite a bit, and it would be boring to lose that.」
Sendai-san says what she usually does not say.
I want to meet her.
Anyone can say such a thing, and even if she think so today, I think it may be different tomorrow.
Even my father promises to come home earlier, or to have dinner together, or when we can see each other. But most of them did not come true.
And Sendai-san does not keep her promises.
She kept breaking the promises she made to me.
So I can’t believe that Sendai-san says she wants to meet with me.
One of the few promises she kept is to wear a necklace, but I don’t know if she’s wearing it today because she’s not in uniform.
If I could see the necklace as I usually do after school, I think I might be able to believe Sendai-san’s words. But I don’t have the courage to confirm it. Instead, all that comes out are hateful words.
「It’s no fun to be called in after school for money and ordered around.」
「Wouldn’t it be like perverting yourself if you enjoyed being ordered around?」
「That means you haven’t been having fun the whole time, right?」
When I say this coldly, Sendai-san looks troubled.
「It wasn’t fun, I didn’t know much about Miyagi at first. I mean, Miyagi wasn’t that interesting to be around me at first either.」
A relationship that started on a whim could be gone, and at first I only thought that if I got tired of it, I could just not invite Sendai-san to this room. But not that it wasn’t as interesting as she was.
「It was interesting to see Sendai-san listening to me.」
「That’s not a good character trait to have.」
「Only for Sendai-san.」
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When I replied shortly to the dismissive voice, I heard one sigh from next to me and a serious voice said,「Miyagi.」
「What about now? Do you think we’d have fun together?」
Was it fun or not?
I must always choose one or the other.
If that is the case, the choice is fixed, although conditions are attached.
「…If Sendai-san doesn’t do anything strange.」
「Hey, Miyagi. Tell me you want to see me after graduation. I won’t do anything weird.」
What she is trying to get me to say are words that come close to breaking a promise. I don’t want to speak out without trusting Sendai-san, and I don’t want something to change if I do.
When I remained silent, Sendai-san let out a long breath and leaned back on the bed.
「Well, then, whether we meet or not, let me know if you get accepted to any college.」
「Why should I tell Sendai-san?」
「We’re study buddies. Even if we’re not friends, we’ve studied together, so why not tell me?」
「Maybe so, but…」
「It’s not a maybe, it’s just that’s the way it is. If you get in, let me know what college you’re going in.」
Sendai-san says as a matter of course and pushes me to a conclusion.
I had already decided which university I would apply to, and this was conveyed to Sendai-san. I never believe a word I say that I haven’t decided. If so, once the exam is over, it’s easy to find out if I were accepted or not by doing a little research without having to tell her.
I think it’s no use keeping quiet about it.
「Alright… but, I’m not making any promises.」
「Okay.」
I picked up a pen that was lying on the table, thinking that Sendai-san should have said so. But Sendai-san begins to put away her reference books and notebooks.
「I’m leaving now. It was late when I came.」
It is true that she came to this room late.
But on days when we have school, she sometimes come home a little later. I involuntarily grab Sendai-san’s arm.
「You’re leaving?」
Not everything came full circle, and I can’t say it was resolved, but I did say most of what I wanted to say. Studying is an excuse so she don’t have to be doing it.
But it’s not much fun to be sent home just because she’d done her business.
「I’m leaving.」
When I recall the price I paid for the promise to call Sendai-san over winter break, I don’t want her to leave so easily like this.
She could stay a little longer.
I should have the right to have it accepted.
But to exercise that right, Sendai-san’s seemingly firm will must be softened.
「…What about the kiss?」
This is the only word I can think of to stall Sendai-san as she tries to get up.
「Kiss?」
「You added that to the conditions, Sendai-san.」
「I didn’t teach you anything today.」
Sendai-san, who has done many things that can hardly be called sensible behavior, says something reasonable, so I put strength into the hand that holds my arm.
「Miyagi, it hurts.」
「Go home after you teach me how to study. Keep the promise you made yesterday.」
「And if we study now, it’ll be late.」
I let go of Sendai-san’s arm.
Then I take a small breath.
「——If it gets late, you can stay the night.」
「Eh?」
「Sendai-san, I told you on the phone. I said I’d let you stay.」
Because she said so.
So I’m just going to make it happen.
「Can I stay the night?」
「My parents aren’t home today, so I’m all alone.」
「Hearing that implies weird meaning to me, though.」
The absence of parents means just that, that my father is not coming home today. There is no other meaning attached to it. If it sounds like it means something strange, that’s just because Sendai-san is strange.
「I knew it, go home.」
I push her arm to keep Sendai-san away from me, and she replies with,「I’m just joking.」
Her jokes are all in poor taste and too heavy for a joke. I hate it when I take her seriously and respond seriously because it hurts me. Still, I never know what Sendai-san will do if I don’t take precautions.
「…You can stay if you promise not to do anything weird.」
「That’s not the line you use to ask a girl to sleep over.」
「Sendai-san, think about what you’ve done. If you don’t want to teach me how to study, I’ll send you downstairs.」
When I said this, Sendai pulled out her smartphone from her bag, saying,「In case I need to call home.」