But Iâm more concerned about the tip of her tongue that was sweet, her breasts that were beautiful, and other such things that remain in my memory.
I wanted to kiss her more, and I couldnât tell her I wanted to touch her, because I wouldnât be able to do more than just biting me.
ăIâll keep my promise. Call me during the winter break on any day you like, Miyagi. I canât take much time because I have prep school, but Iâll be here to teach you. So, can I turn around?ă
For the time being, I spoke safely, keeping to Miyagiâs advice to keep my back turned.
ăAbsolutely not. ă
Miyagi whoâs like a child, talks like a child.
ăBut I need you to make sure of something.ă
ăThatâs uncertain.ă
A strong voice comes from behind me.
I sense in that voice a willingness to never follow my words. But that doesnât mean I canât keep my back to Miyagi all the time, so Iâll tell her why I think I can turn around as naturally as possible.
ăMiyagi, you bit it as hard as you could. It looks like you left a mark.ă
ăYou canât.ă
ăIf I canât look at it, Iâll tell everyone that Miyagi bit me at school when she left her mark.ă
ăâŚWhere is it?ă
Miyagi, perhaps reacting to the words, âIâm going to tell everyone at school,â asked with an air of reluctance.
ăHere.ă
I quietly turned to Miyagi and pointed to the bitten area. Then Miyagi, who had come just a little closer, said in a small voice, âOh.â
ăAh!ă
ăIt remained.ă
She doesnât look apologetic, but her voice is dark.
ăI knew it.ă
ăBut maybe itâll go away soon, and even if it doesnât, if you button it up, they canât see it.ă
As I said this, Miyagi forcefully fastened the top button of my blouse.
ăI think they can see it.ă
The position in which Miyagi bit was not so good.
It should not be hidden even if the button is fastened to the top.
ăItâll be gone by tomorrow morning.ă
I let out a small breath at the answer, which is appropriate no matter how she look at it.
I undo the two buttons that have just been fastened.
Itâs not that hot, but I donât feel comfortable buttoning them all the way to the top. In the first place, buttoning up the buttons does not hide the marks, and if the other party is only Miyagi, it does not matter if they are visible.
ăYou can chew on it, but only if it doesnât leave a mark.ă
ăBecause itâs Sendai-sanâs fault.ă
Without looking at me, Miyagi answers.
ăWell, youâre right about that, butâŚă
For what itâs worth, the fault is mine.
I donât think Miyagi should be blamed for this.
And I understand Miyagiâs refusal to see me.
But it is also unsettling to study with this delicate atmosphere dragging on, more awkward than after summer vacation. The evil feeling inside me is adding to the uncomfortable feeling.
ăAh, right. I had something to give to Miyagi.ă
Unable to bear the stagnant air, I stand up.
It is not a lie that I have something to give.
I take out a bag from my briefcase, a size that fits in both hands, though not enough for one hand, and hand it to Miyagi, who is sitting on the bed.
ăI know itâs a little early, but hereâs something for you.ă
ăâŚWhat is this?ă
ăYouâll know it when you see it.ă
The bag is colored red and green and has a red ribbon tied around it.
There are not many people who do not think of something when they see this color scheme at this time of the year. Even Miyagi should be able to tell what was given to her.
ăA Christmas present?ă
ăYes. Iâm also returning the favor for this one.ă
I pulled the chain of the pendant and show it to Miyagi.
ăI believed I told you I didnât want anything in return.ă
ăI remember. But I already bought it. Open it anyway. If you donât want it, just throw it away.ă
Miyagi stared at the bag in her hand until it had a hole in it, then untied the ribbon. Then she pulled out the contents and raised her eyebrows.
A stuffed black cat that looks somewhat like Miyagi.
It was not chosen for positive reasons, such as that Miyagi would be pleased with it or that she would like it. If anything, it is due to negative thinking.
Although we have been together for a long time, I couldnât think of a suitable gift to give to Miyagi. All I knew was that if I gave something grandiose, I was sure it would be pushed back, and in the end, I chose something that would not be too shocking if it was rejected.
Maybe she will throw it away.
Such a thought came to my mind.
I donât think Miyagi is the kind of person who would throw away a gift. But I donât know if she would treat it the same way she treats others. I know she wouldnât throw away what I gave her, but I wasnât sure.
ăWhy itâs a stuffed animal?ă
She holds the black cat trapped in the bag in the palm of her hand, and Miyagi says, without looking too happy about it.
ăThat crocodile, I thought it might want a friend.ă
I pointed to the tissue cover on the floor.
ăIt wasnât the wrong feed?ă
ăI said itâs friend. Donât make it eat that.ă
ăI donât have any Christmas presents for you.ă
Miyagi sits flat on the floor and places the black cat on the back of the crocodile. The white tissue growing from the crocodile crumples and becomes a cushion for the black cat.
I am relieved that the black cat did not meet a sad end and found a safe haven.
ăItâs also a return gift for the pendant, and it would complicate things if I got another gift from Miyagi.ă
ăThat was not a present.ă
Miyagi says while looking at the pendant.
ăOkay.ă
I see an alligator with a black cat on its back.
But no matter how much I look at it, I donât know if the crocodile was happy to have a friend. And I didnât know if Miyagi was more pleased than that.
She took it, and thatâs good.
Christmas presents are not something to be taken seriously. I just felt like I should give her something.
I switch heads and sit next to Miyagi.
Then I heard a small voice from next door.
ăBut, well⌠thank you.ă
She thanked me for the unusual gesture and stared at Miyagi.
But she spreads her textbook on the table without looking at me.
ăLetâs study.ă
Itâs not that what happened on the bed never happened, and there is a subtle space between me and Miyagi, but the air of awkwardness is gone. Still, it is better to study quietly than to continue chatting and risk saying something unnecessary.
I cast my gaze down to my textbook.
But soon, I looked at Miyagi, curious about my seatmate.
As I try to reach out to her, I feel the temperature around Miyagi drop just a little.
I should not want or speak of anything more today.
I know this in my head.
But the nerves in the head and mouth seem to be disconnected.
I poked Miyagi with my pen on her second arm, because she doesnât even look at me.
ăHey, Miyagi. Can I put one more condition on your earlier promise?ă
ăItâs not okay to do whatever you want after so much. Youâve had enough. We hardly have time to see each other during winter break. Youâre putting too many conditions on it.ă
Miyagi, looking up from her textbook, says in a voice with several thorns and throws an eraser at me.
ăOn winter break, let me kiss you on the day I come here.ă
ăI never said you could say what the conditions were.ă
ăItâs okay, Iâll just say it.ă
As I pick up an eraser that is lying around and place it on top of Miyagiâs notebook, a small voice comes back to me from next door.
ăThatâs the only condition?ă
ăYes.ă
ăâŚâŚIf I said no, you wouldnât teach me how to study, would you?ă
ăDoes that mean itâs okay?ă
ăNot well, but youâll keep your promise to teach me to study, right?ă
She said in a voice with a couple of extra thorns, and Miyagi flipped through his textbook.
Itâs not a clear answer, but the option to promise seems to have been accepted. Iâm a little surprised because I didnât expect Miyagi to be so obsessed with winter break. I think I may have misheard.
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But I didnât ask back. Before Miyagi could say that she would not allow any additional conditions, I answered shortly,ăOf course,ăand concluded this conversation.
ăThe day I want you to teach me how to study, Iâll call you.ă
Miyagi says, looking at the textbook.
ăOkay, but Iâd like to be notified the day before.ă
ăAlright.ă
Without looking up, Miyagi said, and I drank my tea, which had completely cooled.