The results of the final exam were better than I had expected.
But Sendai-san did not ask me about the test results.
Itâs not that I want her to listen to me, but itâs also boring that she wonât listen to me at all after having studied with me. That said, it would be odd for me to go out of my way to tell her the grades.
However, after talking so much about college, I felt uncomfortable that she never mentioned my grades. I think it is safe to say that it is strange. But I could not ask Sendai-san why.
I put away the test papers spread out on my desk and turn up the temperature of the air conditioner once.
I am sure I am over exaggerating the test results.
Perhaps, I must be.
I guess thatâs just me feeling that itâs odd that she didnât ask me about my test results, and usually thatâs not something Iâm supposed to ask or say.
For Sendai-san, the test results must have been insignificant. So today in this room she just studied and did not talk about the test at all. Thatâs what she should think.
I pick up a small calendar.
It is the last one for the month of December, and it has consumed nearly half of it, not to mention looking at it. There are only about two weeks left this year, and half of those weeks are winter break.
I let out a small breath and put down my calendar.
It is sunny and not raining today.
It is quiet outside and the only sound in the room is the noise I make.
I am used to being alone in this house. And I am equally accustomed to having Sendai-san in the room.
I took my phone and lie down on my bed.
Winter break is so close that I canât believe itâs almost here. Before that, there is Christmas, the city is colorful, and everyone at school is buoyant. Ami is also going to meet her boyfriend for Christmas, and she seems to be enjoying herself, forgetting about her exams.
Iâm a little uncomfortable with that kind of atmosphere.
In case of someoneâs wondering, I have plans too, and Iâm going to play with Maika for Christmas just like last year. But thatâs all. We donât exchange gifts or anything like that, we just go about our day normally.
Still, going out with Maika should be fun and something to look forward to. But not as much as last year.
I know why.
Because I donât have much else planned.
My father should hardly ever come home, and I have no appointments with Sendai-san. My winter vacation schedule is blank.
Itâs not like summer vacation.
I look at my phone screen.
Sendai-san hasnât called me since then.
I know that it is normal that it does not come to me. Still, I canât stop thinking about how the phone might ring if it rains again.
ăââHazuki.ă
Iâm going to call it out loud and small.
Even if I were accepted to the same university as Maika, I would not see Sendai-san as I do now. With the graduation ceremony, I will no longer have the right to order her around. Even if I make up a reason to see her, she canât be with me 24/7.
But now itâs easy to meet and make up a reason to meet. Even if it is during the winter break.
Although Sendai-san and I are not the kind of people who meet at Christmas, we do study together. If that is the case, I think it would be fine if we studied together during the winter break just like we did during the summer break.
The rule of not meeting on holidays is like there was no rule. And since we broke that rule during the summer vacation, there is no need to follow it during the winter vacation as well.
Although the winter break is short because of the exams coming up, we should at least be able to make time to meet once or twice. I think thatâs about as much as Iâll allow for a vacation.
However, Sendai-san didnât say anything.
Itâs almost winter break and she doesnât say anything about teaching me to study or meeting with me. She would suddenly hug me, hold my hand, and do all kinds of weird things but leave without saying what she was about to say.
I reach over the edge of the bed and pull up the crocodile on the floor.
I touch the crocodile and hold its hand.
Such soft hands are unreliable and distinctly different from human hands.
It doesnât move or grip back.
Itâs obvious, but I find it boring.
This one with tissue growing out of its back is not Sendai-san. I know, but I stroke the tip of my nose and bring my lips together.
I exhaled and put it back on the floor before it touches the crocodile.
This is just a tissue cover, nothing more, nothing less. No matter how much I hold the crocodileâs hand or put my lips on it, it does not change into something, but because of Sendai-san, the role of the crocodile is changing, and I sigh.
IfâŚ
If I were to ask her to teach me how to study during the winter break as well, would Sendai-san teach me the same way she did during the summer break?
If this is true, I think Sendai-san should tell me.
If she wants me to take the same or a nearby university, she deserves at least that much. For the most part, everything about me wanting to touch Sendai-san and everything about me wanting to see her during winter break is all her fault, and I need her to take responsibility for it.
I crawl into bed.
I display Sendai-sanâs name on the screen of my phone.
As it is, we will not be able to fill our winter vacation schedule.
Although I am no longer hesitant to break the rules, I donât think Sendai-san will honestly say yes when I ask her to help me study. I feel that if I say I will give her 5,000 yen, she will refuse.
The 5,000 yen to be given as compensation for the order is losing its effect.
Perhaps it would be better to offer an exchange.
ăAhâ enough. This is a hassle.ă
With the voice, I let out everything that was in my head.
There is no reason for me to call her now, and there is nothing to talk about.