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Chapter 92
Things I want to know about Miyagi — 92
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
Miyagi’s room is a little hotter than warm.
Still, it’s better than the cold, shivering PE venue, and I unbutton the second button of my blouse.
Miyagi’s gaze clings to my fingertips.
I thought she was going to ask me to take another one off, but she brought me barley tea and cider without a word. She then placed it in the gap between the tables lined with reference books and problem sets and sat down next to it.
She didn’t give me any orders.
Miyagi quietly dropped her gaze to the problem book.
The pendant doesn’t seem to confirm it yet, which is a bit of a relief.
Today, I don’t want to be touched by Miyagi.
I don’t like the idea of linking dreams and sensations.
But I am the only one who thinks so now, and Miyagi must not be thinking anything. It is all my problem and has nothing to do with Miyagi.
I chase the dream away from my mind and turn a page in my reference book.
Even if something happens, it’s nothing so much as looking like nothing is wrong.
I took a sip of barley tea and held a pen.
Looking next to me, not at the reference book, Miyagi said in a small voice.
「Sendai-san, if
」
She spoke to me, but the words stopped there, and even if I waited, I would not hear the rest of the conversation. It is too sickening to see the egg of conversation die out without being replaced. So, as if urging me onward,「If?」 I asked, and Miyagi opened her heavy mouth.
「I mean, what if
」
「Yeah.」
「
What were Sendai-san going to do if I applied to the same university as you and I, got accepted, and started attending the same university?」
「Nhn— about that
」
I think with my cheekbones.
Miyagi’s voice sounded not very interested.
She never looks up from her reference book, so I can’t really make out her expression because her hair is draped over her cheeks. Looking at the notebook in her hand, she was restless or had drawn a number of meaningless lines.
「I was thinking we could have dinner together.」
I didn’t have a clear vision, so I just said what came to mind.
If we could go to the same university.
It is true that I think so, but I never thought about what I wanted to do with Miyagi.
I cannot conveniently imagine that Miyagi will suddenly become more open-minded and walk the streets with me or go out with me when we become university students. I’m more comfortable imagining her trying to keep me away.
If I can only imagine a future that keeps me away, then I might as well give up thinking about it.
「What if it was a nearby college?」
I don’t know how likely it is, but Miyagi, who might be applying to a nearby college, says without changing her tone of voice and looks up.
「Well, like eating together?」
「It’s the same. Is that all you have?」
「That’s all I have to do. We could do something else, but Miyagi would say we don’t because we’re not friends anyway.」
I can pretty much guess what Miyagi is going to say. And I could predict that she would not say anything if I took her lines away from her ahead of time, and that prediction was correct.
Sure enough, Miyagi said nothing.
I hold her hand on the table.
It is not a tight squeeze, but Miyagi’s hand reacts with a small twitch. But that didn’t make her angry.
It’s always like this these days.
She still doesn’t want to be kissed, but she does allow me to touch her. Sometimes she refuse, but more often she’ll accept it without complaint, even if she look like she want to say something. I don’t know what kind of change of heart she was talking about because she won’t answer me whenever I ask.
I stroked her fingertips and slips my own fingers between them.
Touching Miyagi in this way makes me want to touch it more than just with my hands. I am curious to know if Miyagi has had the same dream as me.
I hold Miyagi’s hand tightly.
My hand is not held back.
On the contrary, she tried to run away.
「Sendai-san, I can’t study.」
「It’s alright. I can’t do the same.」
Miyagi looked dissatisfied when I answered her while she caught my hand.
「It’s not alright
 Is this interesting to you?」
「Relatively.」
「I don’t think it’s interesting for you to hold my hand.」
I don’t know what you mean.
I don’t know why I enjoy holding your hand either. Still, I feel compelled to touch Miyagi, and I don’t think I have a choice.
「Whether it’s interesting or not is for me to decide, and Miyagi would be scared if I were holding the hand of someone other than you here. Miyagi, you won’t be able to sleep at night.」
「Don’t say weird things.」
Miyagi wrinkles her brow and runs away from my hand. Then, with a blatantly disgusted look on her face, she grabbed the box of tissues from the floor.
「If only I could hold the hand of this.」
I would be forced into a box with a crocodile cover, shaking hands with an alligator who did not want to hold my hand.
The crocodile, with short hands that are not enough to hold, is much softer than Miyagi. It wasn’t body temperature, but it wasn’t cold, so it wasn’t that uncomfortable to touch, but it wasn’t interesting to hold its hand.
The crocodile has been in this room longer than I have, and she seems to like it, not a speck of dirt on it. I’ve seen her treated this very roughly, but it still remained beautiful.
I would rather be cared for to this degree than be treated badly too.
「Was it fun?」
Miyagi looks at me holding the crocodile and says softly.
「Not so much, I guess.」
I stroke the tip of the crocodile’s nose, which looks more honest than its owner, and place my lips there.
Unlike Miyagi’s lips, the crocodile’s lack of body heat makes kissing it less interesting. I wish this were in Miyagi. That’s how much I am being dragged into the dream.
「Don’t do that.」
Miyagi said and grabbed the crocodile tail that she had pressed against me and took it from me.
「It’s alright. I could kiss a crocodile.」
「It’s not alright.」
「Miyagi, you’re cold. You don’t even come when I call you.」
I pop the head of the crocodile held by Miyagi and drank barley tea. But she never came to the music preparation room.
She did not tell me why she did not respond to my call, but I can imagine.
I’m sure the exchange I made the other day was a bad idea.
The strangely cautious Miyagi must have been wary that I might do something more than touch her and not respond to her call.
「We talked about that the other day. I said I wouldn’t go even if you called me.」
Miyagi says in a tedious manner.
It’s not the first time I’ve had this conversation with her, so I know she looks fed up.
「Yes, but if you’re not going to come, call me sooner.」
The day Miyagi didn’t show up at the music preparation room, I didn’t have enough time to complain about the delay because I got a call within ten minutes, and I knew she wouldn’t show up. Still, no amount of complaining will suffice.
「I contacted you early. Besides, I don’t want you to offer an exchange.」
Miyagi utters the answer I expected.
「I’m sure what you did wasn’t a big deal.」
「Maybe this time it’ll be something big.」
「I said no.」
I’m not saying I don’t have ulterior motives, but there is no way I would do something that Miyagi would seriously dislike.
But I know that I am so untrustworthy that even if I said such a thing, she would not believe me.
I still want to touch Miyagi more and do something that would discredit her. But I stroked the head of the crocodile in Miyagi’s arms, as if I would not even be able to touch it if I lost any more trust in it.
「
Then, what were you going to do when you called me?」
Miyagi blurted out.
「I hadn’t decided. I guess I did. Maybe I could ask you to call me by my name.」
I utter a bit of hope, knowing what the reply will be.
「Your name?」
「Yeah, call me Hazuki.」
「I won’t call you like that.」
「Call me at least once.」
It is within the bounds of expectation that the answer will be immediate, and it is also within the bounds of expectation that it is useless to condition it on one time or another. Still, I look at Miyagi without any expectations, as I would be allowed to at least mention it.
We look at each other and are immediately dislodged.
Miyagi is depressed.
And then she blurted out.
「I won’t call you Hazuki.」
Well, in a manner of speaking.
It’s a fine line, though.
Maybe I can say that she called my name.
My mood, which was near its lowest in the morning, has eased considerably.
I took Miyagi’s hand from the crocodile and held it. And this time, she gripped it back softly.