Under the streetlight, I complain to the one next to me.
ăSorry.ă
ăI donât accept your sorry. Noto-san still came.ă
ăI was able to stop Mio. Senpai is a customer, so itâs indeed a bit of a stretch to force her to stop. But Iâm glad Miyagi didnât leave. Thank you.ă
I hear a gentle voice and press Sendai-sanâs arm.
She is in a good mood now that her part-time job is over.
Annoying.
It wasnât supposed to be like this.
When either Mio-san or Noto-san came, I was supposed to leave Sendai-san and go home alone, but the reality is different.
ăI couldnât go home even if I wanted to. Noto-san wouldnât let me go home, saying she would stay with me to kill time until Sendai-sanâs part-time job was over⊠I told her I wasnât waiting for Sendai-san, but she wouldnât stop talking. That person, she talks too much.ă
Promises that werenât pledged to my earrings.
So Noto-san came to my seat.
I squeezed the end of my scarf.
In winter, night comes early.
The sky is painted dark after the sun has set, and it is colder than when I left home. My shoulders shiver as I feel as if my breath is going to freeze and fall to the ground.
ăItâs better if you talk. If you donât talk, I get worried that you donât like whatâs going on.ă
ăThatâs not the issue.ă
Noto-san was a casual person, unlike her scary-looking appearance, but all the questions she asked me in a fun way were difficult to answer, so I think it wouldnât been better if she had kept her mouth shut, even if it wouldâve been awkward.
I blurted out and went one step ahead of Sendai-san.
But I canât leave her behind.
Soon she comes up next to me and makes a soft, gentle sound.
ăDonât say that, come again. And I was glad you came today.ă
ăIâm not going back. I just wanted to eat cake today.ă
ăStill, Iâm happy and come back for more cake.ă
ăSendai-san, you donât feel the least bit sorry for breaking your promise.ă
I exhale with a gasp.
Today is not a good day.
Iâve learned a lot of things I didnât want to know.
I donât think I want to know any more about Sendai-san. But I am the one who wants to know more about what I donât want to know, so I walk without looking at her face as she walks next to me.
They say the stars look beautiful this season, but I donât have time to look at them. If I had time to look up at the sky, I would walk home faster.
ăIâm feeling sorry. Iâm sorry I couldnât keep my promise.ă
I hear a serious voice and I take my hand off the edge of my scarf and push her shoulder. But Sendai-san pushes my hand back with her shoulder, bringing us closer together.
ăMiyagi⊠What were you talking about with Noto-senpai?ă
Sendai-san grabs my coat.
She pulls me lightly and my walking speed slows down.
The part-time job is something she wonât give up, something I accept most of the time, and I wonât change my opinion, so discussion is futile. Iâm just frustrated that she wonât listen to me even though she is mine.
I wish I had left earlier.
Then I wouldnât have had to ask her this.
The part-time job Sendai-san does is terribly uninteresting to me, but that doesnât matter to her.
I know that very well, but I keep hearing the same thing over and over again.
ăWell, letâs talk about something more fun now, shall we? Shiori-chan.ă
Sendai-san says in a joking tone and pulls on my coat.
Her voice is awfully bright, and I can tell she wants to change the subject.
Continuing to talk about part-time work will not do me or Sendai-san any good. I peel her hand from my coat and follow the conversation that changes direction.
ăItâs weird to call me that, and you need to stop.ă
ăThen, Shiori.ă
ăNot that as well.ă
The name Shiori reminds me of Christmas night.
That night, Sendai-san whispered Shiori many times, disturbing my thoughts and melting my reason.
I donât want to forget, but I donât actively want to remember either. As I continue to ruminate on Christmas night, my name and that day are firmly tied together and cannot be untangled. Itâs so bad that every time Sendai-san calls me Shiori, I remember what was done to me, become conscious of it, and want to touch her. If I could, I would like to let the memory of that day sink deep into the recesses of my mind.
ăI want to call you Shiori.ă
I push her arm when I hear her unusually begging.
ăYou canât. Itâs not about that. Itâs New Yearâs Eve and itâs boring because of Sendai-san. Do something about it.ă
ăIs it my fault?ă
ăItâs definitely Sendai-sanâs fault.ă
ăSo how can I make you feel happy, Miyagi?ă
I almost say, âAnswer all the questions Iâm about to ask you,â but swallow.
Mio-san asked me if Sendai-san was popular in high school, but was she popular in college as well and had someone ever confessed to her?
Noto-san asked me if we were living together, but what does that mean?
Asking such a question will only get me more boring answers. And it is going to sound like I am terribly conscious of Sendai-san.
ăâŠI donât know, and I donât need to feel like Iâm having fun.ă
New Yearâs Eve is just one day of the year.
Itâs not a special day, and it hasnât been a very fun day up until now, so itâs just as well that itâs boring. It should be better to melt everything into the dark sky and make it invisible than to say something unnecessary and make it even more depressing.
ăSince weâre here, letâs have some fun. For example, letâs count down the days together. It would be like New Yearâs Eve, wouldnât it?ă
Sendai-san says in a cheerful voice as she pulls me up, as if to say, âIâm being swallowed up by the night.â
ăI donât know whatâs so fun about countdowns.ă
ăNhn, then why not stay up until morning and watch the first sunrise of the year?ă
ăI donât want to, Iâm getting sleepy.ă
ăIf you wanted to sleep, you could go to sleep, buy a snack at the convenience store, and stay up until you can stay up. Miyagi, you have nothing to do, right?ă
When I say decisively, Sendai-san grabs my arm and increases the speed of our walk. It is a speed that fulfills my wish to go home as soon as possible, but I did not want to be dragged along.
Itâs really annoying.
It is true that there is nothing to do, but please donât decide my future plans without my permission, or at least let me decide how fast I want to walk.
ăMiyagi. Is there anything else youâd like to do, Iâm listening to requests?ă
ăâŠNone.ă
ăThen, itâs settled. New Yearâs Eve in my room.ă
Sendai-sanâs bright voice echoed in the night sky, making me feel a little warmer.