It was something I wanted to do when I was in high school, and something I wanted to get her now that weâre college students.
That right is right in front of me.
I touch my ear.
I stroke my earring and look at Sendai-san.
She accepts most of what I say.
Even now, if I donât like a gift, if I push it back and say I want something else, sheâll get it for me. If I ask for the right to command her instead, she will give it to me, and if I ask her to use that right to lick my feet, she will lick me.
Itâs one of the few things that such Sendai-san did not allow.
Itâs these earrings.
I take a sip of the iced tea, which has become a little thinner with the melting ice.
Why, all of sudden.
In the past, I guess sheâd been inspired to open a piercing that she even said she absolutely hated.
ăSendai-san, you said you wonât do piercings for yourself, right?ă
ăI said it. But I also said that I would be happy to do something to commemorate this event. Donât you remember?ă
ăâŠI remembered.ă
The little flower earrings on my ears.
When she put these earrings on me, I asked herăwhy she didnât get them pierced,ăand she replied that she did, easily reversing her past refusal to get them pierced.
ăBut is today a day to be commemorated?ă
ăItâs the kind of day youâre supposed to be having.ă
ăWhat commemoration?ă
ăMiyagiâs birthday is a commemoration.ă
Sendai-san says without a hint of concern.
ăIsnât it strange that you make my birthday like itâs an anniversary? You usually do that on your birthday, not someone elseâs.ă
My birthday is not a good enough day to get a piercing, which Sendai-san has always refused to do.
ăBecause my birthday doesnât mean anything to me.ă
ăWhy?ă
Last year I would have pierced Sendai-sanâs ears without asking why. But now I want to know what she is thinking as she gracefully pretends the past never happened. Without knowing, I cannot reach for the piercer on the table.
ăBecause I want to swear on the piercing that Miyagi opened for me on my birthday.ă
Sendai-san says quietly and looks at me intently.
ăSwear to what?ă
ăI said that next year, today, weâll have another whole cake together. Last time we only promised this year.ă
Next year, the same as this year, is what I want, just like my earring.
I would like to eat a whole cake with Sendai-san again.
But Iâm afraid of being sworn in.
An oath is heavier than a promise and binds words tighter. It ties them to actions and makes them certain. And Sendai-san will not break her oath on the earring. If I have Sendai-sanâs ears pierced on this day and swear by her, it will be more solidified.
Thatâs why, itâs scary.
If something that was never meant to be torn up is torn up and lost, and I have to spend next yearâs birthday alone, I will not be able to trust Sendai-san from that point forward.
ăYou donât have to swear.ă
I am afraid to even be sworn by my own earrings, and I cannot accept what Sendai-san has offered me.
ăThen what do you promise for that earring?ă
ăIf it was a promise, I donât think Iâd have to get it pierced.ă
I hope Sendai-san will always be the Sendai-san, who will never betray me.
ăYes, there is. I want to leave a promise in a place where I can always see it from Miyagi.ă
Sendai-san says in a gentle voice.
ăWhy do you go that far?ă
ăBecause I want to. Any other reasons?ă
ăâŠI donât need it.ă
ăThen Iâll promise you with my earring next year. And, if possible, a birthday beyond that.ă
On the table is a plate with no cake on it and a piercer.
The voices I hear are sweeter than usual, and the happy past that I had sealed away in an album seems to melt away and blend with the present.
ăâŠYou canât.ă
ăWhy? You promised me Miyagi, too. You said you would celebrate my birthday next year, the year after, and the year after that. Itâs the same thing.ă
It sounds like something you might say to a small child.
ăIt was the same?ă
ăIt was the same.ă
A pleasant voice echoes in my ears.
When I looked at Sendai-sanâs face, I thought I heard her say, âThatâs why itâs okay,â and slowly pushed out the words from the back of my throat.
ăThen I can promise you next year if you want.ă
ăAlright.ă
Sendai-san smiles and puts the disinfectant and cotton on the table.
ăAre you sure itâs okay?ă
ăIâm okay. The piercing can be done anywhere you like, Miyagi.ă
When I picked up the piercer, Sendai-san called meăto come overăhere. As I was told, I went next to her and she hands me a pen.
The procedure for piercing is in my head, without even needing to look at the package of piercers.
I sterilize the ear, mark the position to be pierced with a pen, and use the piercer.
Just by doing that, a hole is pierced in Sendai-sanâs ear.
There is not a single difficult thing to do.
In fact, her ears were easily pierced.
And yet, it seems terribly difficult.
I put the piercer back on the table and reach for Sendai-sanâs ear.
I touch the earlobe as I pierced her ear.
It seems to me that drilling a hole in this ear, which has not a scratch on it, would be a significant change in the shape of Sendai-san.
I pull and release Sendai-sanâs soft earlobe.
Like a cake that has been reshaped from round to triangular, it changes her into something a little different than she is now. It is both terribly fascinating and at the same time makes me wonder if I should really be piercing these ears.
I feel that by changing her shape, I would be changing a relationship that I didnât want to change.
I crawl my index finger behind Sendai-sanâs earlobe.
ăIt tickles me.ă
Sendai-san says quietly and grabs my wrist.
My ears were changed by her, as I myself wished.
The ears, pierced and decorated with flowers of Sendai-sanâs choosing, serve the purpose of holding up the promise.
What I am about to do is not much different from what I wanted to do.
I will change her and stay my promise according to Sendai-sanâs wishes.
Itâs not like we are going to change much.
Itâs alright.
The relationship of being roommates does not change just because you poked a hole in Sendai-sanâs ear.
ăLet my hand go.ă
With that, I tug on Sendai-sanâs earlobe, and my wrist, which had been gripped, is released.
I gently stroke the earlobe and release it.
Beautifully shaped ears are visible.
If she wear the earrings, I will not be able to see the same ears as now.
I pursed my lips and lightly touched Sendai-sanâs earlobe.
It feels nice, a little cold and soft.
I lightly brush my teeth against it, and Sendai-san twitches.
I have left marks on her body many times with my lips like this, though not on her ears. But marks made with lips donât last long. Itâs the same with bites. I will not stay in Sendai-san forever. So I wanted a permanent, indelible mark I could put on it. If possible, I wanted a mark that would be recognizable to everyone.
If I could put a piercing in her ear, it wouldnât be a tag that said it was mine, but it would be a mark that any person could see and would know it was my mark.
As I poke the place where I am about to drill and pierce the hole with the tip of my tongue, Sendai-san pats me on the back.
ăMiyagi, itâs time to finish.ă
Pretending not to hear, I bit her earlobe again.
I put my lips under the earlobe and crawl my fingers behind the ear.
ăHey, Miyagi. That kind of thing is bad.ă
When I said this, Sendai-san grabbed my waist. Her fingertips caressed my sides, and when I let go of her body due to tickling, she pushed my shoulders as it was.
ăStop playing with it and get it open.ă
Sendai-san forcefully hands me a disinfectant and a cotton ball. I take it and moisten the cotton with the disinfectant. I then wiped Sendai-sanâs ear with cold cotton and marked it with a pen before opening the package of piercers.
For something that makes an indelible mark on Sendai-sanâs body, it comes out weightless.
ââI wonder if Sendai-san felt the same way when he pierced me.
ăItâs alright?ă
When I asked her in a small voice, she replied,ăOkay,ăand gently placed it, like a toy, on Sendai-sanâs earlobe.
All that is left is to apply force, and Sendai-sanâs ears will be pierced.
Inhale and exhale.
Itâs alright.
It didnât hurt as much as I thought it would, and I was stunned.
Sendai-san must feel the same way.
I thought so, but my hand would not move.
ăMiyagi.ă
Sendai-san calls me in a soft voice.
Her voice pushes me back as I keep stopping. I cannot walk at the same speed as Sendai-san, but my body, which tends to stop, moves.
I put my fingers to the metal.
My heart beats so loudly that it makes my chest ache.
Exhale a small breath.
Squeezing and pressing the piercer, I hear a clunk, her ears are adorned with piercings, and I hear some part of me squeak.
ăI thought it would hurt a little more.ă
Sendai-san looks at me, relieved.
ăIâll open this one too.ă
I touch the ear opposite the pierced ear.
ăOkay.ă
Disinfect, mark, and place the piercer in the ear. As I applied force, I heard the same banging sound as on the other side, which opened a hole in Sendai-sanâs ear, and I thought I heard the sound again from me.
One in each ear, right and left.
The sound that pierced two holes in Sendai-san surely cracked the shell that covered me.
I stare at Sendai-san, who has been pierced by me.
I felt that I had a small crack in my earring, which was more airy than usual, and I could see Sendai-san more clearly, if only a little.