/
Chapter 188
Sendai-san is unlike anyone else — 188
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
Wait until I say yes.
Sendai-san has yet to break the promise she swore to my earring.
She is just about to break it.
If I tell her why I don’t want to do it with her, she will have kept her word.
But I don’t have a strong enough reason to make her keep her promise, so that「Sendai-san will not be able to do anything.」
She told me「to make up」a reason, and I guess I could if I didn’t have one, but there is no reason I could make up right away that would stop her.
「Miyagi, what’s the reason?」
「…Sendai-san, you said there doesn’t have to be a reason for kissing. Then I don’t have to have a reason for not wanting to.」
Before I can find or create a reason, I was rushed to answer, and I am forced to give a reason that I don’t think Sendai-san will agree with.
「That’s not going to stop me from doing anything, you know?」
Sendai-san pats my arm, which is sticking out of my T-shirt.
Her soft hand gently slides over my skin and pokes my arm.
「Is it okay?」
Her voice is gentle as she asks me, but her lips are pressed against my neck as if she has no intention of waiting for my answer. Lips that snuggle together quickly separate and then snuggle back together again. The hand that had been stroking her second arm is somehow rolling up the hem of my T-shirt and gets inside before I can catch it.
Fingertips crawl up my sides and sweetly bite my neck.
This is not fine.
There is no way I can continue, but the hand wriggling in my T-shirt and the feel of her lips on my neck takes me out of my thoughts. I can’t think of a good enough reason to convince her.
The hand that had been crawling up my side is now placed on my chest.
Not wanting to be seen, I am not sure if I should pull Sendai-san closer to me.
This room is too bright.
I can see everything I want to hide.
I would really like to turn off the lights, but I don’t think Sendai-san will turn them off, nor can I turn them off by myself. Then I would like to draw Sendai-san to me and remove myself from her sight. But if I pull her in, it will be as if I have allowed her to do what she does.
The hand on my chest moves slowly.
The fingertips trace the contours as if checking the shape, stroking it softly. The hand that was moving slowly stops at the center of the breast, and the body reacts to the fingertips.
When I touched Sendai-san’s breast myself, the same thing that was happening to her body is happening to mine.
I know Sendai-san already knows what’s going on with me, but I don’t want her to know, so I grab her hand over my clothes.
The hand that grabbed me so vigorously was pressed hard against my chest, unwilling to leave me. It’s also an act of telling her what the center of what she’s touching is like, and my cheeks heat up.
I look away from Sendai-san.
「Stop.」
I can’t see what she looks like now.
「What’s the reason?」
There is no answer to reply to the voice that asks gently.
Sendai-san bites my ear.
A puff of breath robs me of the strength to push her away.
「If you can’t tell me, then let it slide.」
The voice whispering in my ear relaxes me.
Sendai-san’s hand, which had been holding me, escapes from me and begins to move freely over my chest. The fingertip strongly strokes there, which is clearly changing. The part that Sendai-san is touching tingles as if an electric current is flowing through it.
I bite my lip hard.
I want to stop Sendai-san’s hand, but my consciousness goes to the place where her fingers are touching me. A sensation arises that I don’t want to put into words. The room, which should be cool and air-conditioned, is burning hot, and my breathing becomes erratic.
「Are you feeling uncomfortable?」
Sendai-san is trying to drag out the emotions I am turning away from and I want to deny them right now. But I can’t open my mouth because I’m afraid that if I do, the voice I don’t want to hear will come out.
「Tell me, Miyagi.」
Hands moving around on my chest and a voice whispering in my ear stirred my head.
Somewhere along the way, Sendai-san’s hands became an easy way to break my reason. The walls that were supposed to repel her fall to pieces, and Sendai-san enters. It’s something that scares me and I am dying to get away from, but it feels good and I can’t help but pick up the pieces of my crumbling rationality because I feel like I’m not myself anymore. If it’s not me who protects myself, I will be too scared to stay by Sendai-san’s side.
Therefore, I will put the missing pieces of reason back to where they were like puzzle pieces, repairing them and making me the person I always was.
I held my breath and exhale thinly.
Catch Sendai-san’s hand on my clothes.
I look her in the eye and voice my reason, however small.
「…Stop.」
「Tell me the reason if you hate it.」
I meet Sendai-san’s gaze.
Her eyes, neither cold nor warm, stare at me.
「It’s bright, and I can see everything.」
I glared at Sendai-san and peels off the hand that is attached to my body and takes it out of my clothes.
「I’d like to see Miyagi though?」
「I don’t want to be seen.」
「Is that your only reason?」
I know it’s not a reason to stop her, but I can’t find any other reason.
When I kept silent, Sendai-san grabbed my hand.
「If you’re ashamed to be seen, Miyagi can hide my eyes.」
When she said this, Sendai-san covered her own eyes with my hand and added,「Now I can’t see.」
「This is not what I meant.」
I answer strongly and pull my hand back.
But her hand is still holding mine, and she doesn’t let go. On the contrary, she tries to pull it back with more force.
「So you don’t want to be the only one touched? Then Miyagi can touch me too.」
My hands are forcefully placed on her breasts.
I feel her body heat on her T-shirt.
I don’t think it’s enough through the cloth.
I want to touch her more.
Like that time when I touched Sendai-san—
No.
Sendai-san is trying to mislead me.
If I didn’t want to be the only one touched, I wouldn’t have said anything.
We should have been talking about something different, but Sendai-san keeps doing weird things that make me want to touch her more.
「Now the terms are the same, right?」
「It’s not the same.」
「Miyagi, if you want to touch me directly, you can. I’ll touch you too.」
My hand is guided by Sendai-san into her T-shirt and I am about to be fooled again. My hands are placed under her breasts, and I’m not fast enough to repair my crumbling rationality. The warmth I feel in my palm is comforting, and I put that hand behind my back. I stroke the smooth skin and crawl my fingers a little higher and I hit the hook of her bra and she told me I can unhook it. My heart beats harder, like it has doubled in size.
I remove the hooks and touch her breasts directly.
The past overlaps the present.
I wished I hadn’t turned off the lights at that moment.
I wanted to see and know what Sendai-san looked like.
I can see her face now.
I call out, “Sendai-san,” and she makes eye contact with me.
Her cheeks are red and my name「Miyagi,」spills out from her thin open lips. Sendai-san’s hand touches my skin directly.
Slowly, her fingertips trace my breasts, and her palms come together as if to confirm the sensation. My hands are hot, sticking to each other tightly. But my body feels even hotter than that, and my breath escapes. The hands that are attached are so close together that they seem impossible to remove.
Breathing hard and wanting more Sendai-san, I put my hands around her back and pull her closer. Her lips are attached to my neck and licked.
I grab a corner of her head, a sliver of reason that has been driven away.
I have drawn Sendai-san to me myself, and I feel I must stop her.
I feel like I need to find a reason to stop my hands from exploring my body as soon as possible, but I can’t find it because I am disturbed by the body heat that flows in. The hand crawls over my body without leaving, and my emotions are dragged away.
I see something I don’t want to see in the reason that is falling apart in my hands.
It is something I have turned away from for a long, long time.
Something that is trying to show its face deep in my heart, in a place where no one can see it, not even me.
I have always turned away from it.
I have covered it up to keep it from growing, to keep it out of the sun, and kept returning it to the soil before the little sprout showed its face.
What is it?
Even if I clarify it, it shouldn’t be a reason to stop her.
Sendai-san’s hand strokes my side and goes down.
Not knowing what to do, I call Sendai-san.
「Is it only, for today?」
「What do you mean, only today?」
「Is this kind of thing, only today?」
「I want to do this as often as possible in the future.」
I grabbed her hand and her hand was pressed flat against my hip bone.
「If that happens, I can’t call you my roommate.」
If I had to do this over and over again.
I think I wouldn’t be able to get away from Sendai-san like her hand pressed against my hip bone. If we stick together, I am sure it will be very painful when we are peeled off. I don’t think I would be able to endure that pain.
「…You don’t want to be anything other than roommates, Miyagi?」
I want us to stay the same, but Sendai-san wants to change.
She wants to change into something that isn’t a roommate.
Something different from what we are now.
We know we can’t stay the same.
But I cannot keep up with Sendai-san’s speed.
「…You should still be my roommate.」
I am finally getting used to being roommates, but I don’t want the relationship to suddenly change. I cannot walk at the same speed as Sendai-san. Sometimes I stop and manage to move my feet, walking only fast enough to make it difficult to tell if I am making progress, so if I walk too fast, I am tempted to give up on following Sendai-san as she gets further and further away.
I don’t want Sendai-san to go away.
So I would like her to walk a little slower.
「Sendai-san.」
I grab her clothes.
Sendai-san lets out a small breath.
「I understand. We can be roommates for now. I’m putting an end to this.」
Sendai-san removes her hand from my body.
Then she looked at me.
「So, Miyagi—— I want you to praise me.」
I hear an unreliable voice and I touch her hair and pat her head.
「…Thank you.」
I don’t think those are the words Sendai-san wants, but I can’t find anything else to say. I brush her long, untied hair and stare at her.
「It doesn’t feel like a praise, but whatever.」
Sendai-san says in her usual voice, gets up and begins to adjust her disordered clothes. She turn her back to me and fasten the hooks that have been removed.
「I’m returning to my room today.」
I turn around at the sound of a voice coming from behind me.
「You said this was a sleepover.」
The words came out of my mouth unintentionally, and Sendai-san said in annoyance.
「…Do you enjoy testing my reason, Miyagi?」
「I didn’t mean that, but it was Sendai-san who pledged to my earrings, and it was Sendai-san who invited me to a sleepover.」
I know I am being selfish.
But I want Sendai-san to stay by my side.
I am afraid that if I forgive her everything will change, but I am also afraid that she’ll try to leave my side.
「Sendai-san.」
I tug at her T-shirt as she tries to leave the room. Still, Sendai-san doesn’t give up on proceeding, and when I tug hard on the T-shirt, the cloth stretches and Sendai sits down flat.
「Miyagi. I’m not lying about waiting, but I don’t think I can wait forever. I’ve already found out that a lot of things aren’t going to work.」
「Don’t give up on me.」
「I’ll sleep quietly today, so don’t worry.」
「I thought you’re going to be awake.」
「I’m already sleepy. You can stay awake if you like, Miyagi.」
After saying this, Sendai-san peels off my hand that was holding her T-shirt and lies down on the bed without asking me to.
「That’s my bed though.」
「You don’t keep people in and then tell them to sleep on the floor, do you?」
Sendai-san smiles and hands me the tablet that was on the bed, so I have no choice but to take it and put it on the table. I exhaled, and this time the lights turned off on their own and the room went completely dark.
「Is Miyagi up?」
「I’ll sleep.」
After pushing Sendai-san to the wall side, I turn my back to her and lie down on the bed. When I close my eyes, I am embraced and my body is close to Sendai-san with no space between us. My entire back belongs to Sendai-san, and I can feel the softness of her chest and her breath.
It’s both comfortable and uncomfortable.
I want to complain about the mixture of the two opposites, but before I can say anything, Sendai-san whispers to me.
「As a reward for your patience earlier, allow me to do this.」
Sendai-san is forceful, but gentle, and I can’t say anything.
I don’t know what will happen to us in the future.
I hope that the present will continue forever.
Because we can’t stay the same forever, I want to continue to feel her warmth by my side, indulging in Sendai-san’s gentleness now.
I hold Sendai-san’s hand, which is passed around my body.
May today continue tomorrow.
I closed my eyes with a small wish.