Deciding on todayâs dinner from among several options, I take out the retort hamburger steak and heat it up. Iâm the only one who eats it, and I donât bother to make it. In the morning, Sendai-san left the house saying she would be late because she had a part-time job, but even without being told, the day I eat dinner alone is in my mind.
I put the hamburger out on a plate and prepare the rice. I wished I had bought a salad or something, but eating dinner alone with one more dish doesnât make it an enjoyable time. Any dinner eaten with someone else tastes good, but any dinner eaten alone tastes only adequate. Itâs just to satisfy hunger.
I move my chopsticks and stuff the hamburger and rice into my stomach. Even when I am with Sendai-san, there is no such thing as a lively conversation, but when I am alone, not only is there no such thing, but I donât have to say a single word, so my plate is quickly emptied. Once the dishes were washed, there was no need to stay in the common area and I went back to my room.
I take the black cat from the bookshelf and throw it on the bed.
I then dive into bed to chase after the black cat.
Today was not a fun day, but it didnât mean it didnât go well. I canât be bothered to take a bath or change my clothes. Itâs also a hassle to look at the assignments I have to do, which draws the black cat.
ăMeow.ă
Instead of a stuffed animal, I purred and pats its head.
The black cat, which came as a Christmas present, has become such a calming presence when kept by my side that I find it distracting to pet its head. Staring at it, I think it would brighten my mood if it would let me hear it chirp.
I place the black cat on my chest and close my eyes.
I wouldnât have wanted to sleep, but when I blocked out my vision, my head became foggy and my consciousness faded away.
Just a little bit.
About thirty minutes.
Too lazy to set the alarm, I let myself fall asleep, feeling the light of the room on my eyelids. I hear myself breathing in my sleep, and then the black cat falls. In the darkness, where I feel light even though it was dark, my consciousness wanders in a place that is neither shallow nor deep. As I was halfway asleep, dreaming or not, I heard a small sound coming from far away.
Knockâknock, knock.
I realize itâs an understated knock on the door, and I raise myself up.
ăWhat?ă
I ask, pushing the voice tangled in my throat out the door.
ăI bought a cake, would you like to eat it with me?ă
I can hear Sendai-sanâs cheerful voice.
ăA cake?ă
ăYes, a cake. Just open the door for now.ă
I leave the room at her urging.
As I slammed the door, Sendai-san grabbed my arm.
ăI bought a shortcake, a strawberry tart, and a rare and baked cheesecake. You can have whatever you want.ă
ăIsnât these too many?ă
ăYou can have two. Iâll make you some tea. You can sit down.ă
I didnât say I would eat, but Sendai-san pulls my arm, so I have to be hauled to the table.
Sendai-san pulls back her chair and smiles at me.
I looked at the table and saw a white box on it, which told me that she had bought the cake at a proper store, not a convenience store.
I donât mind having cake and I have plenty of room in my stomach.
Iâm not sure if I can eat two, but I can certainly eat one.
I sat down quietly and looked at Sendai-san.
ăâŚDid something good happen?ă
ăI buy a cake even if itâs not a good thing. Itâs a fun feeling to eat something good. Miyagi, do you hate cakes?ă
ăI like it butâŚă
ăThen, itâs fine. The waterâs already boiled, so just wait a bit.ă
Sendai-san then brought a teapot with tea leaves and a mug, and poured hot water into the teapot with an electric kettle that we both went to buy. Then, after timing it exactly using my phone, she pour the tea into a mug.
ăYou can choose whatever you want.ă
Sendai-san says as she opens the white box.
Peering inside, I see the cakes she told me about earlier, lined up without any gaps. I like it so much that I could eat all four, whether I could or not. If I had to choose two, I would say this and that, but I feel bad choosing them first.
ăWhoever buys it should pick it out first.ă
After handing the choice to Sendai-san, she brought a plate and placed a shortcake and a baked cheesecake on it in front of me. Those were both things I wanted to eat, and perhaps Sendai-san chose those two from my gaze.
ăWhich one do you like, Sendai-san?ă
ăStrawberry tart and baked cheesecake.ă
She raised the two remaining cakes and placed them on a plate.
ăWhich one is it really?ă
ăI bought what I like, so all four of my favorite cakes.ă
Perhaps thinking I was about to say something troublesome, Sendai-san peels off the film on the baked cheesecake. Then, after sayingăItadakimasu,ăshe broke the top angle of the isosceles triangle with her fork and chewed the cake.
That means I should eat the cake on my plate without saying a word, so I sayăItadakimasu,ăand peel off the film from the shortcake. I put the strawberries on the plate first because I want to eat them last, then cut off the top corner of the isosceles triangle and take a bite. The not-too-sweet whipped cream melts on the tongue, mixes with the fluffy sponge, and falls into the stomach.
ăDelicious?ă
After the third bite of baked cheesecake, Sendai-san looked at me.
ăYeah⌠thank you.ă
I thank her and break off a piece of cake filled with whipped cream. I stick a large chunk in my mouth with a fork. The whipped cream passed down my esophagus so easily that it was hard to believe that I had eaten dinner.
Across to me, Sendai-san is silently bringing a piece of baked cheesecake to her mouth. She didnât talk about her part-time job. Sheâs talking about the questions she didnât expect to be asked, or what middle school students are thinking these days. She didnât talk about those things that donât interest me.
I donât like it when she talks about her part-time job, whether she does or doesnât.
The cake tastes good, but I keep having an indigestible buildup further down in the pit of my stomach.
ăSendai-san, come here.ă
I called out to Sendai-san, who is across to me, and points diagonally in front of her. Sendai-san stood up with a curious look on her face, and I added,ăAnd the whole chair.ăWith a rattling sound, Sendai-san sits diagonally in front of me.
ăOpen your mouth.ă
After telling her this, I scoop the whipped cream with my fingertips. The smooth cream cover my fingers and a cool sensation is felt.
A thin crease can be seen between Sendai-sanâs eyebrows.
I know that what I am about to do is not a very good thing. Still, when I asked her to open it again, she opened her mouth without hesitation.
I extend my arm and bring my finger to her mouth.
When I put my fingertips in the open mouth, her lips closed and her teeth hit the first joint. Her warm, raw tongue is pressed against the fingers, and the cream melts.
Sendai-san will do most things for me if I ask.
She still opened her mouth and licked my fingers, even though she is not commanded to do so.
It is a relief to see her obeying my words. It is different from when I was giving orders, but it seems to me that some things have not changed.
I push my fingers in a little.
She can set her teeth on my fingers to resist.
Still, when I pushed it to the inner part, her tongue tangled with my fingers. The feeling of a tongue crawling over my fingers, warmer and harder than fresh cream, is both pleasant and unpleasant. I forcefully pulled my finger out, took a tissue from the uncovered tissue box and wiped my finger.
ăWhy did you lick it?ă
ăMiyagi told me to lick it.ă
Sendai-san said as if it is natural to follow my words.
ăI just said open your mouth though.ă
ăThat means Iâm supposed to lick it, right?ă
Sheâs not wrong, but when she does something that isnât said as a matter of course, it makes me feel that she was willing to follow any word.
ââNow, if I tell her again to quit her part-time job.
The thought almost came out of my mouth unintentionally, and I crumbled the shortcake with my fork. A small bite is formed and I take it to my mouth. It wasnât too sweet, light and fluffy, but the cake in my stomach was heavy. The cream and sponge seem to have turned to lead or iron.
ăSendai-san. You said earlier that youâd buy a cake even if you didnât have anything good to say about it, but you really have a reason for buying it, donât you?ă
I ask, trying to fool my heavy stomach.
ăI just wanted to eat something delicious.ă
ăAre you really?ă
ăâŚI was just trying to put Miyagi in a good mood.ă
Sendai-san answered with a sigh and continued her words.
ăYou still donât seem to be in a very good mood. How can I get you into a better mood?ă
ăIâm not in a bad mood.ă
ăThatâs not good. Iâm not asking you to smile, but you should be having a little more fun.ă
Sendai-san is with me even if I am grumpy or donât smile, and she cares for me in this way. So, I donât know how to look happy in front of her, although it would be nice to look a little happy once in a while.
Sendai-san is gentle.
But I canât be gentle to Sendai-san, and all I do is try.
ăLick me. Maybe that will put me in a better mood.ă
As I extend my uncreamed finger toward Sendai-san, she grabs my hand and pulls it away. As I say, the tip of her tongue attaches to the index finger and licks it. Something hotter than her hand crawls over my fingers and moves like licking whipped cream, even though there is nothing to lick off. The fingers become wet toward the base and the lips are pressed against the back of the hand.
The lips quickly separate and are pressed together again. The tips of her tongue stick together and lick up to my wrist. Nerves gather in places where Sendai-sanâs body heat is present, and the sensation on my skin becomes acute. Every time her tongue moves over my skin, I feel a twitching sensation and my shoulders move of their own accord.
Itâs painful, as if my heart has shrunk to half its original size.
Sendai-sanâs tongue follows the veins from my wrist to my arm.
When her lips pressed against mine again and pulled my arm back, her hand returned to mine without any resistance.
When her body heat disappears, it is not enough.
I would rather touch Sendai-san than eat cake.
ăClose your eyes.ă
When I told Sendai-san, her open eyes closed without a word.
I stood up and touched her cheek.
I slide my hand down and trace her lips with my fingertips. When I stroked to the middle, she licked my fingers. When I removed my fingers from her lips, Sendai-san grabbed my clothes. She touched my lips with her lips as I was drawn straight to her.
It was a light touch, so I couldnât taste the whipped cream.
I just feel the softness and let my lips go.
Sendai-san opens her eyes and our gazes meet.
I opened my mouth before she could speak, looking like she wanted to say something.
ăSendai-san, you havenât kept your promise to go out for dinner.ă
I bring up the promise she made to my piercing during Golden Week.
ăIâve been in a flurry of activities since the holidays ended.ă
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I sit in my chair watching her make excuses.
ăSendai-san asked me out.ă
ăCan we make that appointment for this coming Sunday?ă
ăThatâs fine.ă
After answering shortly and wiping her fingers with a tissue, Sendai-san drank her tea as if nothing had happened.