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Chapter 139
A day when Sendai-san is always away — 139
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
I feel bad for Sendai-san.
I also regret it.
But I don’t think it’s right that she’s still wearing a bandage after almost a week since then.
「How long are you going to keep doing that?」
I look at Sendai-san’s fingers and then bite into the toast she has prepared. Butter and jam on it is a perfect balance of sweet and salty, and is becoming a breakfast staple.
「You mean the bandage?」
When I was in high school, I cut my finger when Sendai-san asked me to shred cabbage after she insisted on making karaage. She put a bandage on my bleeding finger without a trace of cuteness in favor of functionality. That same thing has been wrapped around her finger that I bit all along.
「Yes.」
「Nhn—」
After a small groan, Sendai-san drinks her orange juice.
The night she made me a hamburger steak, her fingers got teeth marks from chewing it without adjustment. I thought to myself that it wouldn’t be surprising if the marks remained, but there was no way they could stay gone for such a long time.
「The marks are gone now, right?」
「I wonder?」
I say in my usual voice, but Sendai-san doesn’t look at me. Today is one of those days where she doesn’t make eye contact with me, which is sometimes the case, and that irritates me again. And I almost feel depressed at myself for being irritated by such a trivial thing.
「Take that bandage off.」
I really want to grab her hand and rip the bandage off her fingers, but I bite into a piece of toast and hold back.
Just because she doesn’t get really mad at me doesn’t mean I can do anything I want. I know what I’m allowed to do and what I’m not allowed to do. It was wrong to grab another person’s hand and forcefully do something.
「I just put it up a while ago, it’s a waste.」
「Are you being sarcastic or something by putting that up?」
「Sarcastic? What makes you think that?」
Sendai-san makes a curious voice.
「I bit you. you must be mad at me, right?」
The way I said it was tighter, and I brought a mouthful of scrambled eggs to my mouth as if to deceive.
It doesn’t go well only with Sendai-san.
I would like to be a little more normal but I can’t.
Since we are going to live together until we graduate from college, I want to be as calm as I was with Maika. But it’s not going to happen. I do terrible things to Sendai-san even though I know it’s not good, and sometimes I can’t control my emotions when I’m with her. I don’t get along with just anyone, but I’ve never bit or kicked anyone I’ve ever been with, only her.
「That kind of thing happens all the time, and there’s no reason to get mad about it now.」
「It’s nothing but lies.」
I chewed with all my might, but I know that Sendai-san would not be offended by such a thing. But every time I see the bandage wrapped around her finger, I remember what I did and my heart aches, and words I don’t want come out of my mouth.
I shouldn’t have bitten so hard.
I shouldn’t have told her to quit her part-time job.
That’s all I can think about.
I could predict that she would not quit when I asked her to quit her part-time job, and in fact she did not. Sendai-san continues to tutor and sometimes tells me stories about her student.
Sometimes she follows my words and sometimes she doesn’t. I don’t know what kind of line she draw for that, but there are some things she will never listen to me.
No piercings, no part-time jobs.
She doesn’t listen when I tell her to open up or quit. In the first place, Sendai-san doesn’t change by my words.
「Miyagi. Stop being so grumpy in the morning.」
Sendai-san says in a flat voice and bites a piece of toast.
「I’m not in a grumpy.」
「If you’re “not” in a bad mood, what’s wrong with you?」
There is nothing wrong with me.
What is wrong was Sendai-san’s part-time job.
I wish her part-time job wasn’t tutoring.
If it was another part-time job, I could forgive it.
「You just said it a little bit wrong. I think it’s out of character to fry it.」
Instead of what I want to say, I take half a glass of orange juice and put the glass on the table.
「Oh, right. As you know, I have a part-time job today, so I’ll be late. Go ahead and eat dinner on your own.」
「I know.」
One of the two times a week that Sendai-san told me about, a schedule that is not covered, makes me feel depressed. When I hear the word “tutor,” I can’t help but think back to last summer. I spent time with Sendai-san, who insisted on teaching me to study.
I don’t think the same thing will happen to me as it did then, but every time I hear the word “tutor” connected to the summer vacation, a number of questions I want to ask Sendai-san spring to mind.
Are you sitting next to her as you did when you studied with me?
Do you hold her hand?
——You said you don’t kiss your friends, but did you kiss your student?
There are a number of things I want to know and a few things I can’t wrap my mind around. The fact that one of these universities is different from the other is not something that can’t be handled as an inevitable part of the process. I can make up for it by connecting with my past and present and imagining how I would be spending my time in college. I couldn’t accept it for a long time, but now I do.
But part-time tutoring is different.
It’s so strongly tied to my past that it’s hard to accept what I can easily imagine. I am the one who wants to compare it to the time we spent together during summer vacation and after school.
A part-time job is just one of many daily routines, and it’s not something I care about. Even though I was curious, I thought I could accept it once her part-time job started, but I was wrong.
When I imagined Sendai-san as a tutor, my consciousness went to the past.
She who said she was a tutor and taught me how to study is different from Sendai-san, who is now a part-time tutor. It can’t be the same. I know that, but I want to know how they are different and I don’t want to know.
This is strange.
If I ask Sendai-san, she will only give me the usual answer. I understand how strange it is to compare then and now.
I understand.
But I can’t relax because I care.
I want to swallow and digest these feelings like I did when I ate the hamburger steak that Sendai-san made. I think so, but it keeps staying with me and makes me feel bad.
「Miyagi. I should get going.」
After emptying her plate, Sendai-san downs the remaining orange juice in her glass.
「Wait. Get that bandage off and go.」
「Do you still care about it?」
The truth is, I don’t care about bandage anymore.
I just wanted to somehow keep Sendai-san around, but I couldn’t think of a reason to keep her around.
「Show me what’s going on with your fingers.」
「It’s just my finger, though, even if you look at it.」
Sendai-san said in a tedious manner and exhales.
Then she removed the bandage.
The slightly blanched fingers are white, clean and without a scratch.
She has fingers that need no bandaging anywhere.
「There’s no mark on it.」
「Maybe it went away while I was bandaging it.」
Sendai-san said something random and rubbed her finger. Then she looked at me with eyes that did not meet and smiled.
She often smiles at me these days.
But that kind of Sendai-san is not the real Sendai-san. I overlap with Sendai-san, who pasted a smile on her face when we went to see a movie together during the summer vacation. Perhaps that is why I feel uneasy when I see her smiling all the time.
I touch the earrings.
If I could, I would bind her myself with the piercing with a promise to quit her part-time job. But this earrings are just accessories, not powerful like a lamp that turns a pumpkin into a carriage or a wish-fulfilling genie. It’s like a comforting link between the small promises of everyday life and Sendai-san. Besides, there are no absolutes when she makes promises.
「Miyagi, can I ask you to clean up afterwards?」
「That’s fine.」
「Thanks. I want to go to the college early today.」
Sendai-san gets up and goes back to her room.
I bite into a piece of toast.
It’s sweet, salty, and tasteless.
When I get home today, I will have to eat another not-so-great dinner alone. The thought of it made me sick to my stomach and I felt like the rest of my day wasn’t going to go well.