Chapter 6 – Yuri IQ 180 x 180 = … I Haven’t Calculated It, But It Should Be Infinite!!
“I’ve thought about it carefully.”
On a bright red bike that ran nimbly, Arshariya whispered.
“Until now, my job has always been to put a man between Yuri.”
And she smiled.
“That’s why I may have instinctively tried to increase the favorability of the girls toward yo—”
When I kicked her off the bike, Arshariya rolled down the road while screaming “WA….”.
“Vallachia, Vallachia, sorry but stop the bike. It’s canceled, canceled. It was my fault for believing that idiot.”
“Eh~? Is it over~?”
The loose curly haired girl then put her index finger on her lips.
“Even though Val has been giving my all for this date. If you say that, will Kyo-sama take responsibility for it? The seriousness of this responsibility is to the point it will be lying heavily on your stomach, you know?”
She, who called herself 『Val』 and me 『Kyo-sama』, was doing a ridiculous thing, which is riding a bike wearing a check design dress. If she fell in that dress, she would be a tattered mess.
“It’s over, it’s over. This is the end. Goodbye. I’ll treat you to a parfait, so please drop me somewhere.”
“Eh~? Parfaits are so lame~! If it’s a snack, Val wants to eat Jiro’s1 with plenty of garlic, vegetables, oil, and soy sauce~!”
“For a snack?!”
With a sweet voice, Vallachia continues.
“Un, Jiro is so much fun, you know? Although it’s a little small for a snack, I like to see those Otaku who are eating with a desperate look on their faces. Val likes to do a lot of disturbances at Jiro, crushing circles at universities, and doing marriage scams by pretending to make people have a fateful encounter. Let’s do it together next time, Kyo-sama~? It will be really fun, you know?”
“For some reason, isn’t it only Jiro that has a different vector? Is that okay?”
As we chatted, the bike slowly stopped. And as if it was natural, she, who wore no helmet, starts taking selfies while winking.
“Yayy! A photo with Kyo-sama, get~! Then, I’ll post this to my SNS and say it’s my lover~… yes, okay, okay… Aha, since Val gave them hints that Val was with Val’s lover, Val’s followers will start to have a family quarrel! Ahaha, so unsightly!”
“You sure are better at doing something devilish as natural as exhaling than the demon (Sylphyel) herself.”
“Eh~? But, Val is better at sucking than exhaling, though~? There is also such a place in Jiro, right~?”
“Ah, is that so.”
When I got off the bike, Vallachia embraced my arm, like it was natural, causing the scent of perfume to enter my nose.
She, who condensed her cuteness, then smiled at me.
“Val is Kyo-sama’s fan, so Val will follow you~!”
“It’s fine, you don’t have to follow me… Just obediently go play by crushing the circle of Yakuza or something… I’m a pure love sect, after all (Harem is possible if there is love), so I can’t forgive Yuri who plays around with love… Our road is already different from the start… so, get lost…”
“Eh~? But, Val didn’t do anything, though? They just went out with me to Jiro voluntarily and suddenly collapsed, which also collapsed their circle~”
“The thing that was destroyed there wasn’t a circle, but a stomach.”
Looking at Vallachia, who didn’t seem to intend to leave me while smiling, I sighed. And at the same time, Arshariya appeared in front of me.
“Get back to the bike quickly. Otherwise, it will hinder the plan.”
“Didn’t you already notice that the plan was hindered from the beginning?”
“Do not worry,”
Arshariya lifted one finger.
“We’re going with plan B.”
“Don’t you learn at school that a sudden change of chart2 is the cause of messed up play?”
Hearing that, Arshariya, who was standing in front of me, smiled.
“The earlier mistake happened because I made a mistake in arranging unimportant details. I’ll also admit my pride is one of the reasons. However, this plan B will be different.”
“Where is the difference?”
“I also have plan C in case it fails– wait, I know, wait a minute. It’s a joke. Of course, it is just a humor peculiar to a sage like me. Listen. Don’t walk away.”
As I tried to leave, I turned around, sighing.
“I can already see the impending failure, you know… they will probably realize it was me and their favorability toward Hiiro will increase, right? Are you going to make me repeat that pattern two more times? Are you sane? You, I advise you to stop being a demon.”
“No, they definitely won’t realize it is you next.”
Arshariya whispered with her eyes shining suspiciously.
“Because next, I will have Vallachia act as the Mysterious White Yuri Mask Black.”
“… let’s hear your plan.”
Hearing the plan, I nodded.
“Arshariya,”
“What is it, Hiiro-kun?”
And then, we grinned.
“It’s our win.”
“Aa.”
With that, we got on the bike– and went to the Japanese branch of the Devil religion– Fairlady faction’s base.
There is actually a base of the Fairlady faction in one of the rental buildings in the center of the city.
Perhaps because there is a capable retainer managing it, the auspiciousness of the ghost company that exists in the building has been deodorized. Incidentally, there are English class and yoga class companies, which have their own commercials, and a non-profit company that wasn’t part of the Devil Religion and is made for tax evasion purposes in the building. In addition, they are skillfully tampered with, so it wouldn’t reach the mainstream.
“Tsukiori and Astemil must be on top.”
I wore the White Yuri Mask– and Vallachia wore a Black Yuri Mask and dressed just like me.
Our appearance is not so different, so it would be hard to tell the difference in a glance.
“No~! Val doesn’t want to wear a lame outfit like this!”
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Vallachia’s voice came out of my throat.
“Endure it. Endure it for a little.”
Conversely, my voice comes out of Vallachia’s throat.
The mechanism of this plan is pretty simple. We just simply put throat microphones around our necks, talk quietly, and output each other’s voice from the speakers in our throat (I don’t have money to buy a microphone, so I borrowed some from Snow. Got scolded.).
“It’s perfect, Hiiro-kun. There is no way they would find out. Because a human’s first impression is determined by their faces and then their voices. Since your face is hidden by a mask, they will likely judge who you are from your voice.”
“So, Tsukiori and Astemil will chase the Mysterious White Yuri Mask Black, who has my voice– until suddenly, she strips off her mask.”
“However, what they see behind the mask is Vallachia’s face.”
“After that, Vallachia just has to do Millefeuille (layer of sweetness)3… and then Tsukiori and Astemil’s favorability will move from me to her, huh. This is, definitely, our win!! As expected of Sensei!! You are a genius!!”
“Oi, oi, Hiiro-kun. Who do you think I am?”
Arshariya smiled and hit me on the shoulder.
“I am the destroyer of love… Demon Arshariya, you know?”
“SO COOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!”
Next to us who were excited about our win, Vallachia played with her polish-coated nails.
“Will it go well, I wonder?”
“”Undoubtedly (confidence).””
Since Kuki Masamune has become a watery grave (Being collected by Sylphyel), there is no way they could identify it was me.
Yup, this is my win (confidence).
“Val is a fan of Kyo-sama so Val will just do her best, but… anyway, Kyo-sama, please put your hands on Val’s stomach~? Chest is also fine, okay~?”
“I choose shoulders.”
“IS Kyo-sama okay with that?”
Vroom, vroom, vrooom!!
Vallachia who pulled the accelerator smiled–
“Even if Kyo-sama is thrown off, Val will not pick you up this time okay~?”
“Eh?”
Suddenly, the scenery I was seeing disappeared from my eyes.
Vroooooooooooooooooooooooom!!
She raised the front wheel, charged into the automatic door while smashing its glass, and made a beautiful turn in front of the receptionist who screamed. Immediately after that, she charged into the emergency stairs and broke the door with magic.
BOOM!!
The thick door blew and scattered debris inside, raising the alarm in the building.
In the middle of that, Vallachia runs up the emergency stairs with her bike. The super bike, which ran at a tremendous speed, showed no signs of weakening and went up to the 2nd and 3rd floors, pressuring the guards by its momentum, causing them to make a way for us.
“Whoa, oeee, eheeee, ogoo?!”
“Ahaha, Kyo-sama grabbed Val’s chest even though Kyo-sama pretended to be a gentleman, ecchi~!”
Every time we go through the stairs, my butt hits the seat. And I, who desperately cling to Vallachia, also turned around every time we reached a new floor and was about to vomit on the bike as we went to the next staircase.
The 『Ninja ZX-10R』, which was driven in wheelie by Vallachia’s super driving skill, then broke through the door of the 12th floor– making the surrounded Tsukiori and Astemil look back at us.
“Vallachia, charge!!”
“Aha,”
With her red eyes shining, Vallachia charged into the Fairlady retainers with a fierce force– and brought the bike down while keeping the speed.
*Sound of a bike crashed to the floor*
As if sliding, the bike that was brought down to the floor knocked down the retainers, while its tires rotated at high speed.
“….?!”
Meanwhile, I, who had already jumped from the bike, held a knife with my other hand– which made Tsukiori ready herself to intercept– until suddenly, the sword handle of the retainer behind her was cut off.
“Eh?”
“Yoo,”
And then, I put my back on the back of Tsukiori.
“I came to take care of your back.”
Of course, my voice comes out of Vallachia’s throat.
At any rate, surrounded by numerous enemies, I readied myself behind Tsukiori. I know she can’t hear that, but I still smiled at my dear MC behind the mask.
“Get ready, MC… you just need to face anything before you. Behind– you can leave it to me.”
She opened her eyes– and hugged me with all her strength.
“Hiiro-kun… welcome back…”
“Eh?!”
“You really…”
Tsukiori whispered in a muffled voice.
“You really always… come whenever I want you to come…”
“Hiiro!!”
Master then also came to hug me while raising the shout of joy– burying me with her soft body.
“You idiot disciple!! Idiot, idiot!! Idiot, idiot, idiot!! Where is my souvenir?! Souvenir!! Why don’t you reply to my chat!! Idiot, idiot, idiot!! Idiot!! I know there is no way my beloved disciple will die!! That is why!!”
While crying, Master keeps hugging me with all her might.
“That is why, souvenir!!”
Isn’t this 420 years old girl too obsessed with souvenirs?!
Knowing it was futile, I took off the throat microphone and speaker and stared at Tsukiori and Astemil.
“H-how did you know it was me…?”
“Because Rei already told us in chat. The one with the white Yuri Mask is Hiiro.”
“Ah… (The sound of understanding the truth of the universe)”
“Hiiro, shall we go out together for the first time in a while? While you are away, I mastered the way to use stamps (proud). I’ll show you while we’re eating (proud). I am your Master, so I should be able to send stamps in the chat (proud).”
That proud face, annoying ^_^
The atmosphere of Tsukiori and Astemil, who had gloomy eyes until a while ago, had changed like they’re completely different people.
Remembering their original purposes, the previously confused retainers then hold their weapons– flash– before they fall to the floor, mowed by Master in an instant.
“I want to eat sushi, sushi. I want to eat Japanese cyclone dish sushi with a rotating conveyor belt. Or, I feel like enjoying Japanese Mach Linear sushi, which is carried by the Shinkansen.”
“I don’t know that kind of sushi…”
“Hiiro-kun!!”
Arshariya shouted. And as I turned around, I saw a beautiful aluminum body waiting for me.
Heine, who got on a granny’s bike, dropped her two fingers from her forehead and rang the bell coolly.
“… (Skrrk, skrrk)”
“Let’s retreat!! Heine has come to pick us up!! This time, our data has been defeated!! Next, we will go with plan H!!”
“Stop switching plans without me knowing and failing in the end!!”
Guided by Arshariya, I ran to the granny’s bike.
“Sorry, Master! I have an important mission!! We’ll have sushi next time!!”
“Eh~…!”
“Later, Hiiro-kun. Do your best rescuing the princess.”
I straddle on the saddle of the granny’s bike–
“… (Skrrk, skrrk)”
— and the granny’s bike slowly went to the elevator.