/
This conversation reminded me of one I had in the past–when I wasn’t sure of Seo Dawon’s heart. At that time, when the Mage asked, ‘Do my feelings matter?’ I was frustrated and wanted to hit him.
And, above all, this made me feel miserable. If I bravely said that this matter was very important to me, I felt I’d be releasing one of my advantages in this tug-of-war battle I was having with the Mage.
That is to say, I was worried that I would be faced with evidence that Seo Dawon treated me like some toy or joke.
‘In the end, I couldn’t push it further back then. I was too afraid of his true feelings.’
However, I knew that *this* Seo Dawon was desperately holding onto our tug-of-war rope. In this [Vengeful Ghost Memory], he was neither dead nor obsessed with revenge; however, I could notice that he desperately wanted me by his side.
That’s why I was able to be firm in my demands. “Of course it’s important.”
[……]
“After all, you may be holding onto me because you think I’m some unusual pet.”
At those words, Seo Dawon smiled–
[Do you think I’m Jo Chan-young?]
“From my point of view, there’s not much difference between you or him.”
[That’s so mean.]
Despite saying that, Seo Dawon didn’t release me. He lifted me up in his hand, bringing me to eye level, covering my shoulder with a handkerchief he had taken out from his suit pocket.
The handkerchief smelled sweet, as if he had infused it with perfume. I looked at the Mage, bewildered, but I didn’t refuse his kind gesture due to his cold eyes and the chilliness I felt on my bare skin. Seo Dawon’s expression became softer as I held the ends of the handkerchief as if the cloth was a shawl.
However, this sudden affection must be an attempt to stall time. As he delicately touched the handkerchief as if he were wrapping a luxurious watch around his wrist, the Mage did not speak. He continued to have a stubborn staring contest with me who stared blatantly back at him.
I gripped his index finger to express my dissatisfaction. At that moment, Seo Dawon gently rubbed that index finger against my cheek as if to soothe me.
After a few seconds, he opened his mouth with a short sigh–
[I… Wanted to endure…to hold it in…until you returned to normal.]
“You’re talking about my size?”
[Honestly, your size is a bit too ‘cute,’ for me to make an honest confession. I wanted to be certain of my emotions as well.]
“……”
I didn’t want to interpret his words in such a way, but… It sounded as if he wanted me to return to a normal human size. That is to say, as soon as I returned to my real self, he’d confess straight away.
For some reason, my body wanted to wriggle; my heart began to pound violently. Of course, I didn’t fall for this lip service though. I tried to calm down by pressing my palm to my galloping heart.
""
‘No! We can’t move past this so fast! For something like that, this hamster size… He took advantage of it so much to use that excuse!’
Even when I thought about it again, this wasn’t how someone who was disappointed about my size would behave. Besides, he’s not even antsy either…
‘The dollhouse he had made for me in earnest… Honestly, even if I stayed this size, he seemed to prefer my inability to escape his grasp…’
Even though it was pure lip service, I wanted to hear more of Seo Dawon’s excuses.
So, when I unwittingly looked at him with eagerness on my face, Seo Dawon noticed my softened attitude–with his ghost-like keenness–and smiled–
[A hamster’s life span is only three years… right?]
I shouted, enraged, “Honestly…! I’m not a real hamster!”
[It’d be easier if you were a real hamster. Besides, you haven’t told me why you’re in this situation either.]
“That’s…”
[You acted as if you knew me intimately when you first met me. Furthermore, you actually knew my personality well. However, I didn’t know you, so I had to be cautious.]
“……”
[You don’t have anything more to say about this?]
My mouth clammed up from the sudden counterattack. To try and explain a [Vengeful Ghost Memory] to someone within that memory…
I thought I’d fail, no matter what. The Mage continued calmly as if he had expected my reaction–
[Even so, you expect me to be honest with you. How greedy.]
“……”
As Seo Dawon had said, perhaps I was making an unreasonable demand. He placed my fingernail-sized hand on top of his fingertips and rubbed it gently. As if…he were fiddling with my hands.
Then, he approached close to my face before slowly pulling me even closer.
I was a little puzzled, but I stayed still; soon, his lips came closer. It would have been scary if those lips widened before my eyes, but Seo Dawon didn’t eat me (!) and instead pressed his lips hard to my head.
When I raised my head, surprised at the heavy pressure, Seo Dawon looked down at me with a smile. My reflection was caught in his night-like eyes.
I hurriedly lowered my head again because I was embarrassed and shy, but I couldn’t block my ears from hearing the words that followed.
[But I still want to believe you because… you sometimes stare at me with an unbelievably adorable face.]
“……!”
Listening to the Mage’s mutters, I felt my ears turn a burning red.
I hurriedly tried to bow my head even lower, but Seo Dawon’s creeping fingertip lifted my face; the Mage scrutinized my expression. Half-mischievous and half-uncertain, he asked–
[If I say what I need to, will you stay calmly by my side?]
“……”
[Should I be more explicit with my words?]
I almost nodded at Seo Dawon’s smiling face, but… I still managed to retain my wits and consciousness that my goal hadn’t changed despite this tender atmosphere. I had come so far and had managed to draw this much attention.
‘Bang Eunji is sure to be watching…’
Does she still think that I haven’t seduced the Mage according to her standards?
The only reason I could stop this entire matter from becoming a mess was because I could keep in mind that I was within a [Vengeful Ghost Memory], but, honestly, I was too weak to Seo Dawon’s face.
The Mage in front of me felt a bit unpolished–as he would have been when he was alive. Perhaps it was more accurate to state that the Mage had a harder time filtering out his awkward and hesitant inner emotions.
The hand holding me was a little tense, the area of his cheek surrounding the corners of his lips was a little rigid, and his large smile was gradually extinguishing. I found it lovable how the Mage tried to bluff his nonchalance–that he wasn’t affected.
I wanted to enjoy, for a long while, this man’s honest affections even though the Mage’s cheeks didn’t blush. I needed to tear my eyes away from his face–from this unexpected cute side–before I was ruined… Everything felt so different from previous memories, where I felt that I couldn’t quite intervene.
And the more he showed how different he was from the Seo Dawon that I knew…
‘I really miss the real Seo Dawon…’
A deep longing flooded my body.
When I thought of the real Mage, my mouth didn’t open easily. I lowered my gaze a little, while still keeping the fake Seo Dawon in view; the ring that the real ‘Seo Dawon’ had placed on my finger before I had entered this [Vengeful Ghost Memory] caught my eye.
‘If I return and say…that this ring was of no use, what would he say? Will he be flustered?’
From then on, my brain began to be filled with thoughts about the real Mage.
‘Don’t tell me he’s going to treat me like a fool for not knowing how to utilize it?’
To be frank, I had no idea how this ring worked. However, considering how the Seo Dawon here recognized that I was a ‘person’ after the ring shone, the accessory wasn’t completely unhelpful.
At that moment, suddenly, a dark shadow fell on my head.
[What are you doing?]
“Huh? Ah….” I focused again on the ‘Seo Dawon’ in front of me, wiping away my diverted thoughts.
However, the Mage somehow looked displeased; he looked at my hand which was still stuck atop his fingertip, and then he looked towards the ringed finger I was looking at until a little while ago. I tried to read his countenance; the man gave off an ominous feeling.
‘Can he see this ring as well…?’
[Come to think of it, I was curious about this. Who gave you the ring?]
“Huh?”
[The design is the same as my own ring.]
‘Damn it… As expected, Seo Dawon must also have this same exact ring during this time period.’ I smiled awkwardly, worried that I was now truly in a fix.