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Chapter 320
t.w: mentions of suicide
Of course, when thinking about it from his perspective, Seo Dawon’s anxiety was understandable. First of all, I looked like a hamster to others, but I could have been in incredible danger.
If I had escaped the building as he had feared, there were things that threatened my life anywhere I went. Let alone other people, dogs and cats roamed around the hub as well.
However, I was also sure that his concerns over my safety wouldn’t make Seo Dawon so violent this time–he was trying to tame me once more. That implication came through when he showed me this broken house.
‘Seo Dawon… You punk. Are you trying to control me here as well…?’
As I became deeply acquainted with Seo Dawon back in my reality, I learned what existed deep in his subconscious mind.
Rather, should I say he’s more vulnerable to falling into a certain tendency than other people? When he encountered feelings or things that didn’t go his way, he was much more stressed than others. Things like saying how it would have been easier if he didn’t like me…his tendency to just ignore or kill issues.
However…
‘For someone who is attracted and in love but can’t be honest with his feelings…’
All his mental faculties were consumed by my mere existence.
Furthermore, even if I liked Seo Dawon, I didn’t want to give up my entire life’s purpose for him, unlike those that had liked him in the past.
It was the first time *this* Seo Dawon would have experienced something like this, so obviously he wouldn’t understand these tumultuous emotions. It would be the first time he met someone he likes but doesn’t move as he pleases. He’s never failed to coerce another with his appearance, ability, and personality.
‘That’s why he’s nervous.’
I looked up at the Mage and sighed. First, once I understood the underlying emotions, I wasn’t scared nor impressed by his violent attitude.
Seo Dawon raised his eyebrows at my sigh. He was obviously displeased by my calm attitude.
Rrrippp–
I looked straight back at Seo Dawon as I tore off the pervy maid top that I had wanted to rip off for a long while. When I took off the ragged torn cloth and tied it around my waist, my bare upper body felt a little cold from the cooling sweat.
However, I straightened my back and pretended to feel fine. And, I firmly answered my insolent servant, “I’m sorry to have worried you… but I wasn’t going to live like this for the rest of my life, understand?”
[……]
“I know you…like me a lot. However… It’s quite burdensome for me when you act so foolishly.”
“I have a place I need to return to, after all.”
Seo Dawon fell silent, but I felt like he was inwardly snorting to himself. As expected, Seo Dawon responded in a sarcastic and despicable voice–
[Really? I’m curious how you’ll get there by yourself… You can’t even change clothes without help.]
“I’ll return to my human form soon, so don’t worry.”
[……]
However, the line made by Seo Dawon’s lips hardened when he heard my firm answer. He stared at me again, as if he were trying to measure the validity of my words, and soon reached for me. I didn’t bother to run away and docilely let him take a hold of my body.
Seo Dawon pressed lightly at my neck bone with his index finger and thumb before releasing me. Then, when I stared at him nonchalantly through his subtle intimidation, his expression became quite rigid. He soon relaxed his face, but I didn’t miss his agitation.
The Mage continued to make thinly-veiled threats–
[Choi Lee-kyung. Don’t you think I could break your leg easily like this?]
“……”
[Where are you going to go? You can’t go anywhere without my permission.]
Seo Dawon slowly pressed at my kneecap over the flowing skirt. I felt significant pressure, but, instead of complaining about the pain, I continued to stare back.
Then, I asked him, “What’s the point of doing all this?”
[What kind of answer is Lee-kyung-ie anticipating?]
“Be honest with me. You want me to be by your side, don’t you?”
Simultaneously, the pressure on my knees weakened; Seo Dawon slowly blinked at me. However, soon, he hid his brief hesitation and spoke in a stubborn, cold voice–
[You should say it properly, Lee-kyung-ah.]
“……”
[You can’t get out of here without my help anyway.]
With that said, he relaxed his grip, releasing my leg, and waited for my response.
I stared back, pressing down on my now stiff thighs. When Seo Dawon made eye contact with me, he closed his lips as if he were holding back some words. Perhaps he was agitated by my angry expression.
However, I didn’t hold myself back like the Mage. I burst my bubble of anger without embellishing or excluding anything from what I planned to convey, “Then… I guess I’ll die.”
[…What?]
“My business here is all finished anyway. I met Eunji and everything.”
[What the…]
“Now, I no longer need to struggle to survive while being wary of your thoughts and actions.” I have no idea what expression I was making at the moment, but I noticed that he was momentarily shaken. His hand, still holding my body, trembled slightly.
I wasn’t lying, so I wasn’t that surprised to see how agitated he was.
‘He pretends that my will and my wants don’t matter, but…’
To be frank, Seo Dawon wanted to be with me. He wanted me to just give into him and settle for what he gives me. The threat of breaking my leg was just a means to keep me from leaving him.
However, by suggesting the possibility of staying by his side through my own will, Seo Dawon seemed to realize what he truly wanted.
I could clearly distinguish two things from his gradually hardening expression. “If you break my leg, do you think I’ll beg and cling to you? Did you think that because I acted so kindly to you–with no criticisms–after you broke my ribs, that I’ll do the same now…?”
[You…]
“If you do something like that again, I will never forgive you. I’ll bite my tongue and commit suicide. I won’t say a word to you, and I’ll throw up anything I eat. If you want to have such a futile argument with me, then break my leg immediately. No, you’d better cut off my limbs and make sure I can’t bite my tongue instead.”
[……]
“That way, at least I won’t ‘die.'”
Seo Dawon didn’t respond; he merely stared down at me with flustered eyes. It seemed like he was trying to determine whether or not I could follow through with my threats…whether or not he could bear it if I did.
However, the Mage could not come to a satisfactory conclusion. He merely placed more strength in his grip…as if, once enough strength was used, he could hold me forever.
[…Fine. Then tell me your terms first. If it’s something reasonable, I’ll cooperate.]
“……”
[You were a normal-sized person before, right? Isn’t that why you want to return to your previous state?]
“…….”
[I had already ordered Choi Kyung-sik to investigate this matter. Once information from his side comes in, I’ll be able to help you return to your original body. I can also request a size-change potion to be made–no one can match Choi Kyung-sik in this field.]
After being silent for a long time, Seo Dawon offered conciliatory conditions of his own.
However, I was not interested in the terms he offered. After all, the Mage only dangled short-term necessities–what I needed most in my current condition–as bait.
If I were a normal user, it would be hard to turn down this offer. After all, who would want to live as a hamster forever?
However, I was only here temporarily to sign a contract with Bang Eunji. Even if he looked like the man I loved, I shouldn’t be caught up with what was only a remnant.
The penalty my body sustained now was only a nightmare that would end when I finished signing the contract. However, Seo Dawon was unaware of this. Perhaps my tranquil attitude contributed to his growing anxiety.
So, mustering further ease, I was able to push him further, “So… Why on Earth would you so desperately want to possess me?”
[……]
“Answer me properly, Dawon-ah. Don’t play around with your words.”
Seo Dawon, who had been silent all this while, frowned and finally asked–
[Is this really that important?]