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“Don’t play tricks on me.” Of course, I wasn’t able to firmly refuse Seo Dawon no matter what trickery he schemed. The series of events last night significantly reduced my confidence in him.
‘He’s even crazier than Koo Hui-seo.’
I glared at Seo Dawon with flames in my eyes as I recalled last night’s events. However, the Mage simply lounged around me. He hugged me in his embrace and laughed quietly.
I was going to be strict with this man–unlike my lenience yesterday. “If you do something like that again…”
“I’m going to go for it whenever I get the chance.”
“What?”
“So, hurry up and raise your ‘domination’ levels. It would be too dull to do it with ‘this body.'” 1 With that said, Seo Dawon lifted his hands towards the curtains–to where the light flooded into the room. After seeing the light permeate through, he burst into laughter at my astonished expression. “What’s with that face?”
“Are you asking because you really don’t know?” I was shocked; I had no idea how the Mage could be so brazen.
However, he shrugged nonchalantly. “You and I aren’t minors.”
“It’s not about being a minor; it’s a matter of common sense.” I tried to grumble and protest about yesterday’s events, but then I felt the greatest shame I had ever felt in my life… The mere memory took its toll on my brain.
Seo Dawon stared at me, chin in hand, grinning constantly. I wanted to shout, ‘Say something if you have something to say.’ My indignance was fueled by his shameless expression; however, I couldn’t speak anymore and covered my head with the blanket. “So… D-Don’t…tease me with that ridiculing expression.”
My frustration had yet to be relieved, so I still complained from underneath my blanket. However, Seo Dawon raised his heavy arm and hugged me through the covers. He locked me in his embrace and slowly stroked at the uncovered top of my head. He also apologized quite insincerely, “Sorry… But, what do you mean by ‘teasing’ or ‘ridiculing’?”
“……”
“I’ve only ever complimented you. I’ve only ever called you pretty.”
I flinched and elbowed him. Seo Dawon, though, ignored my struggle and asked again, “Or…are you talking about the time I called you cute?”
“Shut up!”
Following his words, I lowered the blanket and yelled at the Mage. I was kissed one-sidedly again, as if he had been waiting for my face’s re-emergence; his hand cupped my cheek. He didn’t do anything so difficult to handle–as he did at dawn–but I was still unfamiliar with this level of affection.
Seo Dawon looked down at my panting self and enjoyed himself by occasionally squishing my cheeks. His expression was so irritatingly cheeky; the Mage quickly hugged me before I could become too angry. “I’m not teasing you, Lee-kyung-ah.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I know you’re incredibly elated right now.”
“Of course I’m happy… I want to keep doing this with you.” The mage tilted his head as he continued to meet my eyes.
I was utterly amazed at what he just spouted. ‘I want to keep doing this…’ he said… Was this really the person who changed lovers like he changed clothes…?
‘Since when has he been so stubborn…?’
After he passed me by, when he finally left me alone, wouldn’t I become a ragged shell of a human being?
However, perhaps Seo Dawon wasn’t cognizant of his own personality changes; he didn’t hesitate. Rather, he asked another question, as if I were the strange one. “Have you never felt that way?”
Of course, I’d also wished that, just once, Seo Dawon would open his heart and clearly tell me that he liked me. Furthermore, it was impossible to not have racy fantasies while dealing with him.
‘…However! I’ve never been in a relationship!!’
That was why the sexiest thing my brain could think up were only kisses.
I wasn’t the type of person to watch porn… If I were to try and replace the hazy figures in my fantasies with the Mage, my delusions had always ended fuzzily at ‘kissing.’ That was the limit of my shabby imagination.
However, Seo Dawon was different, I suppose… Before he died, he was known for his prolific private life…and…
‘His nickname was…’
Just as I thought that, I became a little depressed and clenched my lips shut. Almost automatically, I fired back a reproach, “Y-You… You’re too fast. And, I… You know I’m nervous.”
“……”
“Doing these sorts of things may mean nothing to you, but…” As I spoke, I took a sly glance at the Mage. I thought he would laugh or treat me like a fool, but he looked somewhat annoyed.
Seo Dawon kept his mouth shut, as if to stop himself from talking out loud; but, I could clearly see that his excited energy was dampened. So, I stopped talking, letting my words dissipate vaguely.
Twisting the ring on his thumb–as he usually did when annoyed, the Mage said, “I get it. I’ll keep my mouth closed next time.”
“It’s not just that…”
“However, why do you always think I’m sneering at you? If you don’t trust me, activate my [current mood] and check my thoughts.”
Startled, I cringed at the Mage’s rapid-fire bluntness. However, he didn’t stop there and pinched at my cheeks, holding onto my stretched skin. I couldn’t complain and simply stared at him.
Still maintaining that position, Seo Dawon, who was either angry or frustrated, said coldly, “I like you, Lee-kyung-ah. I don’t know if you’re the type whose affections cool off once the chase is over and you have your hands on the prize, though.”
“What…?”
The way he spoke… I didn’t think the confession was his end goal–I felt a little out of the loop. Seo Dawon’s ‘confession’ did not end there; he continued, as if pushing me with his cold tone, “But what can I do? I’m truly sorry I’m not a fantastic man as you’ve imagined… Honestly, I was so nervous yesterday I couldn’t even fulfill a tenth of my usual vulgar thoughts. I just ‘helped’ you a little with my hands.”
“…W-Wait a minute!” I wanted to cover the Mage’s mouth, but, when my fingers touched his lips, he bit them quite painfully.
When I withdrew in surprise, he said sarcastically, “Honestly, the fact that you’ve never thought about being with me in this way… I wonder if it’s because of my body’s defects. I suppose your brain blocked all these potentialities. ‘What could you do with a dead man?’ etc.”
“I-It’s not like that…”
“Whenever I say, ‘I like you,’ I mean it. Body and all. But, everytime I say something like this, you’re so scared; it’s as if I dropped some sort of bomb.”
“……”
“Or, were you thinking you’d just hold my hand and change my clothes? Like playing with dolls?”
Seo Dawon appeared as if he were picking a fight–his tone certainly suggested his eagerness to tussle.
My lips quivered before I spoke clearly, “You…really need to fix your habit of speaking so meanly.”
Seo Dawon snorted. “Why? Is this breaking your fantasies?”
“…And I’ve already said that being ‘dead’ isn’t one of your flaws!” Eventually, I also exploded. I pushed the Mage away; he docilely retreated a few steps. We stared at each other, the comfortable bed in between us, as if we wanted to rip into and eat each other.
I opened my mouth first. “You keep on talking about your death as if I… As if you think I’m treating you like an object instead of a human. I-I’m not…a deviant paraphile, alright?” 2
There were too many things to argue, but I felt like my head was being overloaded due to my anger. Meanwhile, Seo Dawon snorted at my statement.
‘Oh, he really wants to try this with me?’ I gritted my molars and finished what I had to say. “And, about your past… I now know how strongly I sympathized and simply went with your opinions because of the Vengeful Ghost Memories… But, that’s not everything!”
However, Seo Dawon didn’t answer. He looked suspicious, as if there were some underlying conspiracy for why I liked him.
I added angrily, “Why must my affections for you be tested everytime?”
“I can’t read your mind. How can I believe you when you show no signs of it.”
At that remark, I sarcastically thought, ‘So, he’s able to hide that sort of insecurity and still do *those sorts of things* yesterday, huh…?’
“So, basically, you’re only able to make assumptions from my reactions. Is that what you’re saying?” In other words, everytime I rejected him, he couldn’t prevent such insecure thoughts from popping up? I was frustrated, but I stepped back and squeezed out, “I… As long as you don’t talk as if you’re ridiculing or making fun of me, I don’t hate it!”
“I didn’t make fun of you.”
“You were laughing!”
“Can’t I laugh because I like you?”
Footnotes
By ‘this body,’ Seo Dawon means his ghostly body. paraphilia = sexual desire towards objects. Think of the lady that married the eiffel tower or the man who married his anime body pillow.