CH 48.2

After wondering what this was all about, I got this from him. I couldn’t help but frown.

Theodore let out another deep sigh, then he stared at me with a gaze that contained such eagerness.

“So, you can’t. …I don’t want you to.”

“……”

In other words, he’s jealous right now.

About the fact that Zen Delacroix seemed to have a crush on me.

To be exact, he’s acting out of jealousy due to the possibility of me liking Zen back.

Utterly baffled, I asked back.

“It’s more likely that it’s just a normal affinity from one person to another. How can you be so sure that it’s romantic in nature?”

“…Just one glance is enough for me to see it. That guy… he’s being so obvious about it.”

He could tell?

I looked back on Zen’s attitude towards me.

Actually, on second thought, it was a little strange. He rambled a lot when we talked, and besides that… His elemental spirit burrowed its power within me.

Was it all because he liked me romantically?

…I refuse to believe that.

The only proper interaction we ever had was during that very day, during the exhibit.

Until then, we had only exchanged perfunctory greetings.

“Hello, Duchess Valentino.”

“Young Duke Delacroix, how have you been?”

That’s about it.

…No matter how much I thought about it, Theodore was just coming up with fake scenarios all in his mind.

I shook my head in response.

“That can’t be true. It’s just some general affinity. You saw it wrong.”

“But the way that guy looked at you…”

Theodore pursed his lips together. He seemed to be trying to grasp his words.

Nevertheless, I pressed on regardless of his stance.

“I’m going to send a letter of gratitude to him. It’s only right for me to do so.”

“…Haa.”

Theodore dropped his head into his large palms. He swept those hands over his face in frustration, but he immediately raised his head and looked right into my eyes.

“…Then, on one condition.”

“…Let me hear it.”

It’s absurd that he’s even putting a condition on something like this, but I relented and agreed to hear him out.

Theodore licked his lips and, with a hint of nervousness, he spoke.

“I…”

* * *

You’d wonder what kind of condition there would be for a mere letter of gratitude.

“Lily.”

“…Yes.”

“Lily…”

“…Yes, Theo.”

He asked me to call him by his nickname.

I almost crumpled the letter I was reading now—it was from Madam Pinerze. My irritation had reached its peak.

He’s been like this since a while ago.

Theodore had already asked me to call him dozens of times because he wanted to keep hearing me call him by his nickname.

In the end, I clutched the letter tightly in one fist and snapped back at him.

“Do you not get tired of it? Stop it.”

“…Yes, my dear.”

He answered so meekly that I somehow felt that I had become the bad person even though he’s the one who’s been bothering an innocent person here—for hours on end.

It took a slow, deep breath to calm my nerves.

Theodore watched me quietly for a moment, then he brought something else up.

“Lily, ever since that day… you seem to have changed. I’m glad.”

“……?”

While wondering what he’s going on about this time, my forehead became wrinkled on its own.

But regardless of the obvious grimace, Theodore continued speaking with a tender smile.

“More than before, you’ve become more scathing… Ah, no. You’ve become more comfortable around me. I feel relieved because of that.”

…He already said ‘scathing’ before he corrected himself.

Had I really been too harsh on him these days?

“I mean to say, it feels like the thing that’s been weighing heavily on your mind has disappeared a little… Kind of like that.”

“……”

…Is that so?

Of course, I had been able to unravel one stifling cord that had been constricting me until now.

I had been able to take revenge against one person that had been tormenting me all this time, and I was able to unleash my hatred upon him.

Maybe that’s why I’d been in quite a good mood lately.

Throughout this life, I imagined killing Lennon Chester countless times, but I hadn’t been able to act on it.

Because I was scared.

There was no one on Lily Everett’s side. Back then, if I retaliated against Lennon, I would have been kicked out of the household, and I’d already be dead by now because I didn’t have the necessary skills and knowledge to live independently.

I might have starved on the streets, I might have frozen to death, I might have been bitten by a rabid dog, or—worst of all—I might have been caught by a pimp and sold off to a brothel.

The world was cruel. And even more cruel to women.

I wished to survive. But at the same time, I wished to die.

Reality was so painful.

A few expectations in life and a few apprehensions about death were the only things that held me back from taking my own life.

And, as I didn’t have the determination to end it all, I endeavored to survive—but the only way I knew to survive was to bow my head and make my own presence as small as possible to look infinitely fragile.

To be weak and harmless.

If I were to be perceived in that way, then no one would feel threatened by me.

Since I was not dangerous, I would not be attacked.

…But the current me that’s right here… has given up all of that. I no longer did such efforts.

I already found out that my body was irreparably damaged. It might have been because of my long-term use of toxic sleeping pills, but at the back of my mind, perhaps I already foresaw that this would happen someday.

If one’s heart was in too much pain, the rest of the body would break down sooner or later.