Chapter 138 \nChapter 138: Confession Unmade\nWe quickly made our way to the starting fairy square of this zone.
Yamajun was hurt bad. I wanted to help him as soon as possible, but we couldnât risk it away from the safety of the square.
At the time, I performed basic first aid with the salves I had on hand, and to lessen the bleeding, I wrapped him in blackhair. Blackhair bind was also useful in carrying him on Raptorâs back so that he didnât fall.
And the moment we arrived, I began his treatment. I say that, but Iâm neither a doctor nor do I have a calling specializing in healing. I canât really do much.
âGently nowâ
âSure, careful guysâ
âY-Yamajun, stay with us!â
We set him down by the fountain and took off his outer wear. Unbuttoning his gakuran and shirt, I pulled up his blood soaked undershirt.
âUgh, itâs bad⌠â
I despaired.
The wind blade had sliced into him from the top of his right shoulder all the way to his left hip. The large gash kept gushing out blood, tinting him scarlet.
Can my ointment A really handle something like this? Even if it healed, what if he lost too much blood by then and⌠Ah, fuck it, do now, think later!
I quickly clean the affected area with water, dumped the contents of my bag and grab the desired ointment container. Applying more doesnât necessarily do more, but I wasnât feeling frugal. I practically buried the wound in ointment.
âUh, Khh⌠Uu⌠â
Yamajun groaned in pain. Maybe it stings? Just bear with it, this time only, promise.
âOi Momokawa, tell me heâs fine right!?â
âShut up Yamadaâ
Yamada, panicking and desperate, was seeking reassurance I couldnât give. I then realized that it was better to tell him âitâs fineâ anyway, but Ueda was a step ahead and Iâd lost my timing.
â⌠Momokawa-kun⌠Are you, there?â
âYamajun!?â
Though tinged with pain, Yamada spoke in a clear voice. It was a small voice that felt as if it would disappear any second but, he was conscious.\nâDonât force yourself, alright? The ointment might work faster if you ââ â
âItâs OK⌠Ju-just listen⌠I, might not get another chance⌠â
I suddenly thought about how Iâve read this scene in a lot of manga. The useless thoughts buzzing into my head must be how I was trying to deny this reality.
Be that as it may, I still had a duty to hear a dying friendâs last words.
I couldnât look away from this. An important friend was on the fine line between life and death. I couldnât even imagine ignoring his parting words.
âI wrote down, everything I know about the ancient language, itâs in my notebook⌠Iâm sorry Momokawa-kun, I couldnât teach you properly⌠â
âNo, you did great, really. And thanks, Iâll read itâ
Shitshit, why are you talking like youâre leaving behind your will.
âUeda-kun⌠Youâre, the bravest one of us⌠I know that youâll, be the first to charge in no matter the enemyâŚâ
âShit, fuck you Yamajun, why do you gotta say that now!â
âNakai-kun, you, haha, youâre great at reading people⌠You handle our vanguard⌠If itâs you, we can take down any monster⌠â
âHeh, heheh, so you did notice. Thatâs right, Itâs thanks to me we have great teamwork!â
âShimokawa-kun, youâre the best at making, decisions on your feet⌠Thank you, we escaped just now thanks to you⌠â
âNo⌠I, if I was a little faster, we wouldâve⌠â
âAnd Yamada-kun, Iâve known you the longest among the guys here⌠Thank you, for being a great friendâ
âYou, dumbass⌠you say that like youâre gonna die!â
âYouâre our strongest⌠Protect the guys⌠So donât worry so much, trust in your friendsâ
âI know, I got it! So Yamajun, ⌠donât⌠â
Yamada was sobbing like a baby. But so were the rest of us. It just couldnât be helped.
âMomokawa-kun⌠Youâre the leader. And I know youâre a good one at that⌠â
âI, Iâm nothing like that⌠I could just barely manage, and even that was because you were thereâ\nâYou are⌠despite your weak calling, youâre brave, intelligent, and kind⌠Even if you, had to kill someone, yeah?â
Huh, so heâd realized that I killed Higuchi?
âI, believed that you did the right thing, I still believe itâ
âHow, how can you. Iâve never done anything so great⌠â
As if his time was nearing, Yamajun started coughing violently. Blood came out, dirtying his mouth.
âHaah, haaahâŚ. Sorry, I canât⌠â
âYamajun, itâs ok. Itâll be alright, I put on lots of ointment. This thing saved me after I was almost done in by an armor bear you know? Youâre be alright!â
âYeah, I know⌠Thank you⌠â
His life was fading away. Yamajun slowly closed the eyes on his pale white face.
âMomokawa-kun⌠Can you, hold my hand, please⌠Itâs, coldâ
âOf courseâ
I gently held Yamajunâs hand in both of mine, as if in prayer.
âThank you⌠this, isnât that scary nowâ
âYeah, youâll be fine⌠When you wake up, youâll be all healed up⌠â
Shit, donât cry, donât cry. Howâre you supposed to put him at ease looking this sad.
I had to believe. Even it itâs just me, at this moment, I had to believe that Yamajun would stay alive, but IâŚ
âGood night⌠Everyoneâ
âYeah, good night, Yamajun⌠â
Ueda was the first to speak.
â⌠Guys, we shouldnât leave him like thisâ
âRightâŚâ
\nYamada was crying his heart out while still helping us dig a hole at the base of a fairy walnut tree. He was after all, the closest friend to Yamajun among the 4 of us. As for myself, standing near such passionate mourning, my tears had pretty much dried up.
My head was already filled with a different emotion.
For us, Yamajunâs death was painful, regretful and tragic beyond words. Itâs the type of thing you see in a drama show.
And yet, his death had no meaning. Honestly speaking, Yamajun had died for nothing.
Of course, he did end up saving me by getting hurt fatally himself. But thatâs it.
The act of saving someoneâs life is truly valiant, yes, but if you died in the process, then itâs all for nothing. You shouldnât have to offer up your own life to save someone elseâs. Thereâs no meaning if only one comes out of it alive⌠No, rather, I canât accept something like that.
Why did you save me. You knew that wind blade was fatal didnât you? If it was me, I wouldnât have done it. I definitely wouldnât. I value my life the most.
Whether he knew he was sacrificing himself to save me, or he was a good enough person to not even think on it and did it on reflex, at this point, who knows.
The ends are all that matters. My feelings on the matter are, in the end, just reasons tacked onto a result. The boy known as Yamakawa Junichirou had died. That was everything.
This isnât fair. I canât accept this. He didnât have a single reason to die. Yamajun, the heart of class 2-7, absolutely no one had anything against him.
This wasnât supposed to happen. This should not have happened.
What do you call this emotion ââ it was Anger.
I, stopped being simply sad. I stopped shedding tears.
We laid Yamajun in the grave, and as a send off, we took flowers from the oneâs growing here and placed them over his body. Finally, we shoveled dirt over that and buried him, everyone still sobbing. I wasnât the same but wasnât about to blame them for it either.
I was the only one who wouldnât cry.
Because, unlike everyone else, I was mad with rage.
âReina⌠I will kill youâ
This was the second time. My second oath of killing someone due to pure grudge.
For the sin of letting Yamajun die in vain, Reina A. Ayase will face the full extent of my curse.