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Chapter 92: (Extra) Koharu’s Point of View (Part 2)
After dinner, I was relaxing in my room. Suddenly, a shiver went down my side as I heard the sound of voices talking downstairs.
I decided I should face her properly, and I intended to. But I thought I could prepare. It’s a matter of mental preparation.
“Rumiko-san, Here is something from my mother.”
“Ara, thank you Aoi-chan! It’s been a while!”
Apparently Aoi-chan’s mother gave up a house warming gift. Our parents are good friends with each other, so giving gifts and supplies has been common for a long time. My parents took the gifted fruits and vegetables. The Shimamoto house doesn’t drink alcohol, but our house does, so it got a gift of midsummer beer.
I was surprised by the sudden voice, I felt relieved when I heard her say she came here to drop them off, saying she’d come back soon. However it didn’t end there.
My mother invited her by saying “We have cold watermelon, come and eat some.” Moreover she told her to wait in my room!
Uwwwaaaaaaaaa, that was so natural before! But wait please! My heart isn’t ready yet!
Aoi-chan gave an immediate response and went up stairs!
“Koharu- – Open up- – .”
After a light knock, the door opened before I could answer. This was the usual ritual.
“It’s been a while.” she said with a bitter smile. I was frozen on my bed, unable to move.
It would be an unrefined joke to say we met at club activities.
Aoi-chan knew that too, and she just wanted to mention that it has been a long time since we had talked properly.
“I thought we should talk soon. . . Is that okay?”
“. . . Yeah, I also thought we should.”
I didn’t expect this opportunity would come so suddenly. When I asked her to sit down, she sat in her usual fix spot, at the foot of my bed. That simple act for some reason made this unbearable. My mother brought us watermelon and barley tea. She had a short talk asking “did you finish your homework?” and somethings like that, having those short chats. After that short exchange, she left the room and closed the door. It was a normal closing of the door, but it felt like a slam for some reason. This signaled both of us to go silent.
And then, the first to speak was Aoi-chan.
“This might be the first time I’ve been nervous talking to you.”
“Yeah.”
“Well then let’s just talk! Um, well. I don’t know what to say.”
“Me neither. There is stuff I want to talk about, but there’s so much stuff to unpack.”
Honestly speaking, it’s hard being honest.
If I try to convey everything I want, I’d expose so much. My love, my jealousy, my insecurities, and the dirty pathetic parts of myself.
“Well then, could I ask you a question first?”
“It’s fine, as long as I am able to answer.”
“Then, before we talk. . . Why did you start avoiding me?”
Yeah, that’s the real thing Aoi-chan wanted to ask me.
When she asked before, I was vague and didn’t answer properly. Or rather I couldn’t truly answer. Even though she questioned me straight on, I’m sure she must have thought I was secretly mad.
But what about now? Can I say it now? I like you. That I didn’t want to hear more about your feelings for Sugimura-senpai. That it is a dumb reason.
“What did I do?”
“No, you didn’t do anything.”
“Then why!?”
Aoi-chan then exclaimed with a crying angry face.
“I-I don’t understand. Do you just hate me? Is it because you don’t trust Sugimura-senpai?”
“No, it’s all different.”
“T-Then why? Why are you avoiding me!? I don’t want it to be like this! We’ve been together for so long. I can’t calm down without you around. . .”
I’ve never disliked you. I’ve always liked you, even now. Even now when you beg me to stay by your side, I’m so happy I feel like crying. I just want to agree to it. Yoko-senpai said that I’m codependent, and I have to admit that part, but even so, this feeling is still rooted in love.
I wouldn’t have worried about it if I just “Liked her”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t explain it. But I like Aoi-chan.”
“Then why. . .”
“It’s because I Like You.”
I was worried that it’d be misunderstood, so I emphasized my words again.
Aoi-chan, who didn’t understand the meaning at first, blinked for a few moments, and the second emphasized “Like You.” was slowly processed. Steadily her eyes widened as if she just understood it.
“Eh. . ?”
She pointed at herself, giving me a wide eyed question. I then nodded.
Doubt turned into certainty. Although turning red, she also gained a pale complexion, completely confused. With one hand on her temple, she lowered her head.
Holding her temple with one hand is a habit she has when she is panicking. From here, if she covered her face with both hands, it’s a signal that she is in serious trouble, but I don’t think we are at that point yet.
We’ve spent a long time together, and I’ve been watching her for so long that I’ve picked up on these trivial things.
“I’m sorry I never noticed it. Since when?”
“Well forever. Ever since I was a kid.”
“That long. . .!”
And now it went to the final stage.
She held her forehead with both hands subconsciously! It felt good to see her writhing in agony. I think it’s mean to say, but I’ve never seen her this worried about me ever.
I couldn’t hold in my smile. A voice of protest was about to fly out asking me why I was smiling. Yet I smiled wider.
“I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t say this for such a long time. And now that I have, it feels surprisingly refreshing.”
“Conversely, I’m having a real hard time!”
“It’s not hard. Just reject me.”
Aoi-chan stopped moving when I said that.
“No matter how much you worry about it, the conclusion will be the same, right?”
Because the person you like is Sugimura-senpai.
Even if you are treated coldly, even if you are rejected once, you like her so much not to give up?
“It’s okay. I’m prepared for it.”
“It’s not that simple. . .”
“It isn’t. However, I’ve been waiting for this for 10 years, and it’s finally here.”
“Haha. . . it hits hard when you say that. . .”
After a weak laugh, Aoi-chan gave a big sigh and raised her head. She then bowed her head deeply and said “I’m sorry.”
“I can’t date you, Koharu.”
“Yeah.”
“I have someone else I like.”
“I know.”
Aoi-chan’s eyebrows lowered and apologized with a pitiful face. She has not changed at all, she had the same expression when she’d apologized on the verge to tears to her angry mother.
I’ve always liked how expressive she is, despite it sometimes being in a childish manner. I secretly admired it.
“Naturally, I won’t help you.”
“I’m not that much of a demon, I’d never ask that!”
“Ahaha, I know.”
Talking like this again has made me realize how much I’ve swallowed the words “I like you.” along with the many things I wanted to say.
That these feelings perhaps go beyond the realm of friendship, and if I said that my feelings might have been revealed.
The number of things I couldn’t say out of fear of that increased, and the lies and deceptions piled up, distorting our relationship.
Although I was rejected, it feels good to be able to tell her how I feel. When was the last time I felt so at ease when talking to Aoi-chan?
After that we talked incessantly. From light hearted talks to true feelings we’ve both been hiding from each other. It was as if we were making up for the time we lost.
When I asked her why she liked Sugimura-senpai, she seemed really uneasy, but after coaxing her several times she reluctantly told me. From what I got out of it, I could sum it up to being about looks, but she got angry saying I shouldn’t sum it up to that.
“Sugimura-senpai is pretty standoffish with me, but you eat with her at lunch time. What is she like there?”
“Hmmm. . . A cute good-for-nothing.”
“What the, A gap moe! I want to see it too!”
“Eh- I think that’s impossible for you as long as you keep chasing her around like that.”
“I already know that!”
Ah, As I thought, she understands.
Even though Aoi-chan is a very caring child, I’ve always wondered why she’s like that when she’s with Senpai. If she already knew this, she must have something in mind.
“Your personality has changed hasn’t it Koharu?”
“I’ve always been like this. Until recently, I was just hiding myself because I was pessimistic.”
“So then, that means you’re more optimistic now?”
“Yeah, it’s actually thanks to the person you like.”
“Wah, you really have changed.”
Despite her words, she seemed genuinely happy.
“Well, it’s good to be optimistic.”
“I think so too.”
I used to feel like I was in the dark. So scared I couldn’t take a single step forward. I couldn’t see a single ray of light.
However it was natural I couldn’t see anything. I had casted my eyes down for so long.
It was those two people that made me look up. They called out to me, and when I looked up scared of what I’d see, I saw light in the distance.
I stepped out towards the light, and with each step, my surroundings lit up. The world I saw dramatically changed.
“I just rejected you a bit ago, but looking at you now, it doesn’t seem like that happened at all.”
“Eh, you are telling the person you dumped that?”
“Sorry. But you look more lively. When you confessed to me earlier I was so worried about the kind of face I should carry around you, but now we are just talking normally.”
“You were worried about that?”
“Obviously!”
Well I’d think so too. I couldn’t say it for a long time because I was scared about what would happen after being rejected.
“I didn’t want you to disappear, but since I couldn’t reciprocate your feelings I was prepared that it couldn’t be helped if you wanted to leave.”
“You really thought like that? Even though you stuck it through after being dumped.”
“I understand the feelings of being rejected, so I thought it wouldn’t be right to force you to stay by me.”
“Ah, I see. . .”
Aoi-chan is having her own conflicts and mixed feelings.
Personally, I want Sugimura-senpai to fulfill her love for Sara-san. I think they both like each other, but Aoi-chan doesn’t know any of this.
“Well I’ll stay with Aoi-chan, as a childhood friend.”
“Thank you! Me too, you are my important childhood friend! ! !”
Saying that, Aoi-chan lept and hugged me tightly.
I’m a little surprised that Aoi-chan would do something like that to someone she just rejected. However it reminded me of the lack of restraint towards me, maybe this is her way of being sweet.
It’s a pity she doesn’t seem to me as a romantic interest, but she calls me her precious childhood friend, and that’s all right. Thanks to those words I could take another step forward.
This was the conclusion to my long held first love. These little heavy feelings right now will surely become a beautiful memory someday. I think it would be great if I could laugh about this with Aoi-chan later on as grown ups. For that reason, I will move forward. Raise my head and take one step at a time with my own two feet.
The faces of my two Senpai came to mind as I was hugged by Aoi-chan.
I heard a familiar compliment in my head, saying “You did your best.” The top of my nostril felt a little moist.