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Chapter 91: (Extra) Koharu’s Point of View (Part 1)
For a long time I’ve spent my days off with Aoi-chan. It was so often it felt natural.
Sometimes we’d go out, but we’d also just stay at either of our homes to do homework, or play games without planning ahead. During summer vacation last year, we studied for extran exams together almost every day.
It was the same when we first entered high school, but now that my allowance has increased, the things we could do have expanded. Aoi-chan and I weren’t able to spend much of the holidays together, partly because of these uncomfortable feelings that started to pop up around spring.
“Did you and Aoi-chan have a fight?”
As I was sketching Mao, the cat in my living room, my sister called out to me, sipping her barely tea in hand.
I’m not good at dealing with my oldest sister, but I get along well with my youngest older sister. Sometimes we share each other’s clothes, plus she helps with my studies.
“She hasn’t been here lately, right? And it doesn’t seem like you’ve been going to her house either.”
“Ah, yeah. Right now things are kind of awkward.”
“That’s odd. . . actually isn’t this the first time? Did something happen?”
“Hmm, I’m not really sure.”
I’ve been thinking about what went wrong many times over. Everyday I have been contemplating it.
If I didn’t like Aoi-chan, and obediently aided her relationship with Sugimura-senpai, I’m sure this wouldn’t have happened. I became sad she never looked my way, and I was in pain from jealousy. I couldn’t stay by her side anymore, so I left.
However, because it’s futile, I’ve given up on it recently, but I can’t pretend my feelings don’t exist.
“We’ll make up soon. So how are things going with Onee-chan’s boyfriend?”
“Oh, did you not hear?. . . We broke up.”
“Eh, really?! When!? Why!?”
“Maybe before summer vacation. He fell in love with another girl.”
I can’t believe it. Even people as talented and beautiful as my Onee-chan could get dumped. Unlike me, she doesn’t seem to have any flaws.
“Well, he was also rejected by the girl he liked. So serve him right.”
. . . It must be his personality or something like that.
“Amongst the first years at my high school, there is a transcendent beauty. Her name is Sara Fujioka.”
“Eh, i-is that so?”
A familiar name came out of my Onee-chan’s mouth. It startled me. What? Could it be that her ex-boyfriend fell in love with Sara-san? I’ve heard a little about it, but she is truly popular.
“Yeah, it seems like there is a girl from Yuri Nomiya that goes to school with her, and she was the one he fell for. Rumor has it that she is a beauty with big breasts.”
“Heh-heh. . .”
Sugimura-senpai- – – -! ! !
Speaking of which. I heard that a Senpai was confessed to by a student from another school. It happened during the morning train trip to school, and Aoi-chan was very noisy about it.
So the rumored fearless man was actually Onee-chan’s ex-boyfriend!? I didn’t want to know that! !
“Welll, At first apparently he thought Fujioka-san was cute, but then he became more and more interested in the girl she was with. The girl from Yuri Nomiya. He’s a sucker for good looks through and through.”
“R-REALLY!”
Onee-chan is a cool beauty with a standoffish atmosphere, Sara-san is a mixed race beauty, Sugimura-senpai is. . . Well she is a very sexy beautiful girl regardless of what’s actually inside.
Geeze, I can’t help but be jealous of everyone’s good looks.
“And that’s why I’m free now. Having a boyfriend takes so much time and money, so I’m going to enjoy my single life for a while. This year I’m preparing for the exams.”
“Well you seem quite positive, so that’s relieving.”
“I’m always positive. Oh, but I’ll always accept an invitation to meeting good looking men~ â™Ș ”
Judging by my Onee-chan blowing a kiss, she doesn’t look depressed.
She has a simple personality to begin with, and seems to quickly recover.
Even though we are sisters, why are we so different? Each of us don’t look alike at all.
“I don’t know anyone I could introduce my Onee-chan to.”
“Ahaha, I understand. You go to a girls’ high school, I didn’t expect anything from you.”
“Ah-, yeah. That’s true.”
Certainly as a student at a girls’ highschool, I wouldn’t know anybody fitting that, so it’s no surprise it’d be seen as a joke. Onee-chan didn’t mean anything about it, I understand that.
Despite that, hearing the words “I didn’t expect anything from you.” made a pang of instant anxiety hit me.
Sorry for interrupting your sketch, she said and waved her hand walking away. I was watching her leave with resentful feelings, but it’s not her fault. My complex was just triggered without expecting it.
But I think.
Even though I’m just an ordinary person, there are people who do accept me.
Yoko-senpai told me that she wanted me to be a member of the student council.
Sugimura-senpai told me that she likes my paintings.
They both said they like me for who I am.
I started having lunch because I was just called out, but now I’m comfortable there. Even if the art for the school festival is finished, even if it feels awkward to see Aoi-chan face to face, I still want to meet those two, so I’ll show up to club activities.
Even at times when my heart aches, if I keep the words from my senpai close to my heart, like an important locket or silver bullet, my feelings recover so much faster than before.
“It’s kind of frustrating.”
Yoko-senpai is a pervert, and Sugimura-senpai is my love rival, but lately I seem to like being around those two more than Aoi-chan. Of course I like them all in different ways.
Even when I’m painting, it’s strange that I look forward to showing it to Sugimura-senpai. That person is a triple threat, useless, good for nothing, but with a good natured heart. She’s too much of a swindler.
“Mao, do you want me to do something for you?”
My cat looked up at me with a curious expression on her face. Then she leaned her head against my hand which was resting on the sofa. . .
Eh, what is this? So cute!
My mood soared after receiving this huge treat. What my sister said earlier was blown away in an instant.
“There there, do you want pets-?”
I strongly endured the feeling of ruffling her up and gently stroking the area near her neck. She narrowed her eyes pleasantly, and cutely got in a position where I could pet her. A cat punch critically struck my heart.
Dangerous. I could die from cuteness. This cuteness I must absolutely express in my painting.
“I’ll meet your expectation Mao, and pet you as much as you’d like-.”
While enjoying her fluffy fur, a thought suddenly appeared.
I want to see the picture, and she just wants me to pet her. Perhaps what cats want and humans want are both just trivial things.
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“Do you have any expectations of me?”
While helping with dinner, I took the chance and asked my mother.
It was the first time I asked her something like this. If she heard something like this she’d probably wonder what was going on. However, I felt like if I didn’t do this today, it’d be impossible for the rest of my life. Momentum is important.
“Eh, why all of the sudden?”
“Um, no particular reason, just a thought. I’m just not as good as my sisters. . .”
She wouldn’t expect much or anything from me. I’m sorry for being a daughter that can’t meet them.
I really wanted to say what I was thinking, but I couldn’t in the end. It just came out neutered. In an inconvenient casual way.
A cold sweat went down my neck as I peeled the skin from the carrot in a hurry. I felt my mother’s gaze beside me.
“Hah~ Do you really think like that? I expect a lot from you!”
“Eh. . ?”
Hearing those exasperated words, I instinctively looked to her, seeing a dumbfounded smile.
“Um, do you have an example?”
“Well I was expecting you to help me with dinner. My birthday is coming up soon, so I’m hoping you’ll bake me a cake this year too, and I’m hoping that you’ll rub one of my shoulders after this.”
“Aha, what?”
She couldn’t help but burst out laughing after counting on her fingers things she expected. Happily expressing modest desires. Those aren’t really expectations, it’s just roundabout requests.
“Normally, don’t you expect better grades, to win some prizes, or something like that?”
“Well I’d still like something like that. Or studying and going to a good university, and if you win an award, any parent will be happy.”
“That’s true. . .”
“But what parents want most from their children isn’t any of that. All we care about is that they live a healthy and happy life. Everything else is just a bonus.”
She added on that she’d wish I’d live longer than her. It was a shock, like a shooting star flying over my heart.
Happiness, health, a long life. A wish that it’s obvious and ordinary. Is that really okay? I don’t know how long I will live, but I can say that I am healthy plus reasonably happy right now.
“If that was all you want from me, you can’t brag about that to strangers, could you?”
“What are you talking about? I always brag about you. Just between you and me, you’re the person they are most envious of when I talk.”
“Huh? That’s an absolute lie.”
Such flattery can’t be easily believed. My sisters are both intelligent and talented beauties. I am neither. I can’t even be compared to them, it’s just pointless to force a praise.
“Really really. Of course your sisters are also praised. They’re outstanding, and amazing. But that being said, a daughter who helps me out like this, cooking and prepping, even bakes a cake for you on your birthday. That’s something most parents could only wish for.”
“That’s just doing normal things.”
“Surprisingly that’s not the case. Even your sisters say they’re too tired to help, or it’s annoying. They really don’t help compared to you.”
“Ah, I guess that’s true.”
I like to cook, and baking a cake just feels like an extension to that hobby, but I wonder if people around me felt that way.
The reason why I helped out since I was a child was simple. It was because I was able to have my mother all to myself when I did help.
I’m happy to receive compliments if the food looked good or the taste was delicious. I wanted to be patted on the head saying it was good- – -I wanted to be looked at.
I completely forgot about that initial idea, and it just became a habit.
“Ah that’s right. Lately, you’ve been drawing Mao a lot.”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Isn’t that nice? Besides, you have a wonderful expression when you draw.”
Good job! With the figure of my mother giving me a thumbs up despite having a knife still in her hand. The tension on my shoulders suddenly vanished.
I might have been better off if I just asked this earlier. For so long I was swayed by the voices of people that didn’t care, and independently I developed an inferiority complex. My imposter syndrome hasn’t completely disappeared, but my heart has become much lighter.
“. . . Perhaps it’s all thanks to my Senpai’.”
If it wasn’t for those two, I wouldn’t have been able to take a step forward. If I didn’t move, I might have not been able to accept my mother’s words.
“Your club senpai’.”
“Yeah, they both say they like my paintings.”
“Heh, that’s wonderful. I also like your paintings.”
“. . . Thank you.”
Up until a few months ago, I believed that Aoi-chan was the only one who accepted me.
With an innocent smile, she praised me saying “Koharu-chan, you’re amazing!” I was desperate not to lose her. Clinging to the glitter from my childhood memories. I half seriously believed that if I lost her I would die.
Perhaps it’s time to stop unreasonably clinging onto her, and face this properly. Whatever the outcome is, I’m sure I’ll be fine.
“Mother, what kind of birthday cake do you want?”
“Ah can I make any request? Well then, I’d like a two-tiered fruit cake.”
“So heavy.”
“A two tiered birthday cake has been my lifelong dream.”
I see, well it can’t be helped if it’s a dream.
I got a little motivated by my mother’s girly deam, and in my head I began to picture what the cake would look like. I think I’ll ask my father to help get ingredients, and use my mother’s favorite, shine muscat. For balance of taste and color, pione and orange would go well together. Maybe decorate it with edible flowers too. I want to try making it now.
Oh man, I’m getting excited!
“Got it, two-tiered fruitcake.”
“I’m looking forward to a cake from an art club member’s full passion.”
The hurdles have been raised, there are expectations for this cake, so let’s meet them.
After all, I’m a proud daughter that will meet those expectations.