No matter what kind of deity he is, I will serve him — that’s a big fat lie.
I just wanted to be that kind of saintess.
I didn’t become like that, so nobody chose me.
Eric left, but I was still inside the room.
Still sitting down, couldn’t even move right now.
It’s not just because I don’t have any strength left.
The cool, smooth feeling wrapped my arm, so I unwittingly grimaced.
“… Please let go of me, Kami-sama.”
I muttered quietly as I stared beyond the door that Eric went through a few minutes ago.
I tried pulling my arm away, but the coolness didn’t disappear.
It was gripping me so hard that it almost hurts — but so gently that it’s making me irritated.
“Thank you for sticking up for me. I’m fine now, so —”
“I don’t want to.”
He rejected me bluntly.
I scowled as his grip tightened.
“I won’t let go. Please look at me, Eleanor-san.”
I could hear his voice from behind me, but I couldn’t look back at him.
I didn’t want him to see my face — hideously contorted because of all these emotions clinging to me.
“You heard what Eric said. Kami-sama, you should’ve understood what kind of human I am.”
I continued staring into space towards the door, which was still wide open.
My own voice filled with self-disgust made me clench my jaws.
It’s mocking me.
“Eric didn’t say anything wrong. I, I became a Saintess for myself. I wanted to be praised as a Saintess.”
The summer breeze blew into the room from the open window.
I shook my head as the cool breeze caressed my cheek.
Just a little bit more, and we would have been married, Eric and I.
My gown, the ring — everything I looked forward to is wasted now.
‘I deserve it.’
Becoming a saintess, getting married — it’s all the same for me.
“I also wanted to get married for the same reason. I don’t care who my partner is. I just wanted somebody to look at me, only me. Not Amalda, but me .”
I wanted to be a person that was worth something for somebody else.
Something that Amalda didn’t have, that only I possessed — I was desperate for that.
If I became a special existence, if I became a saintess, if I have the position of worth within the family —
‘Father will definitely turn around to look at me.’
That was the beginning of everything, and now my all.
With expectations held within the dreams of youth, I continued my training, thinking that if it’s the deities, they would understand, but…no. Everything was meaningless in the end.
Even the deities chose Amalda; nobody chose me.
‘At least…’
After being assigned to be the proxy saintess for the Incompetent God, I wanted to at least serve him sincerely, even if it was unwillingly at first.
At the very least, I wanted to be loyal to him, the deity who lived in the shadow of the other deities and was respected by no one.
I wanted to face him properly, not just because of his appearance or status — but even that wish had not been granted.
“In the end, I’m no different from everyone else. Even now as we speak, I’m thinking about how nice it would be if Kami-sama held a higher rank.”
Somebody high enough that we wouldn’t lose against Amalda.
I wanted to be a saintess highly ranked enough to look down on her.
But now, the one holding me had a smooth, black arm that didn’t have any trace of ‘human’ in it.
Slimy, wriggly, hideous, pathetic, loathed by everyone — that’s the Incompetent God.
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But you know who’s more pathetic than anything for thinking that way? Yeah, me.
“Serving pretentiously as a Saintess, yes, I’m a fake Saintess, indeed. You saw it with your own eyes, Kami-sama.”
Ha — a laugh escaped from my lips.
My narrowed eyes reflected the ceiling.
I didn’t want to smile, but I couldn’t wipe the smirk off my face.
“I was laughing at you, Kami-sama. I was insulting you.”
I heaved a sigh, my face still contorted.
Really, I could never face Kami-sama like this.
The things I spout with this ugly expression of mine — they were facts that I didn’t want to admit.
“…I’ve been always inwardly thinking of you like that — you’re just Incompetent God — things like that!”
No matter how touched I was because of Kami-sama’s kindness, and no matter how much affection I held for him… Just a moment was enough to reveal all my true intentions.
The words I said, the expressions on my face — I could never pretend that they didn’t happen.
Even now, it’s still the same.
Yes, I regret it, I didn’t want to hurt him.
And yet, here I was, smiling twistedly while saying ‘you’re just Incompetent God’.
“………….”
Kami-sama remained silent for a while.
I didn’t know what kind of expression he had on now.
He just quivered faintly — without letting me go — before quietly sighing.
“…No.”
What I heard was a whisper far quieter than the sound of the wind.
Soft, gentle — but it was a protest, no doubt about it.
“No, Eleanor-san. It didn’t seem to me that you’re laughing.”
Kami-sama’s smooth hands, so different from that of a human, grasped me more tightly.
I gritted my teeth as his touch enveloped me.
Oddly shaped hands — these were the hands of the Incompetent God.
Gentle yet firm, I couldn’t shake them off.
“I have been watching you, and from what I see, you’ve always —”
The contorted face wouldn’t return to normal.
The wind caressed my cheeks, and that’s when I realized, for the first time, why it felt so cold.
“Always been crying.”
I could feel the cold as the breeze brushed my tear-streaked cheeks.
I blinked in dismay, realizing that I had been laughing while crying all the while.
Hi everyone, Hanazakura here, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Hungry for more? Great news! You can read 5 chapters in advance for as low as $3 at . Early access reading (per chapter) is also available now at Foxaholic 18 ! Schedule for this novel is two free chapters per week. 🙂