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Title: Your True Feelings
As soon as I entered the staff room, I told Akakusa-sensei that I needed to see her. She immediately understood that it had something to do with Arina, so we moved to a different place.
We went to the student guidance room. As I had never done anything wrong, the place was unrelated to me, making me unnecessarily anxious.
“I’m sorry this was so sudden.”
“It’s fine. I got the rough gist of things.”
“Have you noticed Arina’s change during the fashion show?”
“Of course.”
I told sensei about the conversation I had with the other Arina after the fashion show. They both insisted that they weren’t the base personalities, they both wanted to disappear for the other’s sake, and they both had lapses in memory. I talked about Arina in detail. Sensei listened intently all throughout.
And finally, I said,
“Shouldn’t Arina be taken to the hospital? I believe my involvement with her to obviously be a bad influence. I think it would be better for her to get proper treatment.”
“I’ve also recommended that to her. But, you know, she doesn’t want it. When I told her that once, she said, ‘This is between myself and my other self’s. I don’t want to be strangely tampered with.'”
“I wonder if I’m an exception.”
Taking a deep breath, Akakusa-sensei took an unnatural pause.
“…This is a secret, ‘kay?”
“I’m curious.”
“This is really confidential. Can you keep a secret?”
“I will, I will.”
“Well, actually, the other Arina asked me to ‘Please find a good person for me to talk to.'”
“Wai– Akakusa-sensei, you didn’t decide this on your own?!”
“Right. She asked me. I thought Sui-kun would be decent for the job, so I dragged you into the library that day.”
So instead of being on Akakusa-sensei’s whim, Arina and I met as per her own request.
But the gentle Arina told me, ‘That’s enough.’ And Arina, with her venomous tongue, is back at square one. Starting from scratch. Back to the girl reading a book in the library.
And that might be euphoria for Arina. But, when I first met Arina, she seemed to be angry that I tried to dispel her loneliness.
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Look her straight in the eyes and talk to her. I’m sure Arina will tell you what she’s really thinking. There’s nothing I can do anymore. You and Arina are going to have to find the way yourselves. I realize I’m leaving you hanging, but Arina-san really needs you. For sure.”
“What makes you say that?”
“A woman’s intuition.”
“What great timing for that line…”
“You know, feelings that aren’t able to be expressed with words are very important. I believe that to be true. You’re a special person to Arina. I can tell, with my senses, my intuition. I’m sure of it. Believe in yourself, and in Arina.”
I didn’t want to argue, as I strangely felt persuaded. I guess that’s what sensei meant by “intuition”.
I felt uneasy every time I interacted with Arina. I became vaguely anxious. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a concerning question.
｢What the hell are you doing?｣
School passed by in a flash.
I had originally planned to talk to Akakusa-sensei after school, but I remembered that she complained about working overtime before, so I decided to talk to her during the lunch break. I told Arina in advance that I had nothing for her today.
Regardless, she would be there in the Rose Garden.
“Sui-dono.”
“What’s up, horsie?”
“I’m not wearing that anymore. Recently, I’ve been feeling like Ruka-san’s been approaching me.”
“Congrats.”
“Is that what it is? Is it that?”
“Yup, it’s that.”
“She might— like me…?”
“Yup, that’s it.”
“WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!”
I hope I was able to complete Ruka’s request.
As Ruka was aware of her lady-like demeanor, she was unable to take the first step of “talking to Makoto”, so she asked for my help.
I wonder how it turned out. I looked around the class to find Ruka. There she was. She gave me a thumbs up. In response, I did the same. I held it up in a way so that Makoto wouldn’t notice.
I have no idea whether or not Makoto had any feelings for Ruka. If she had feelings for him, then this is the best setting for her. Do I wanna ask her about it? Nah, it’s none of my business. If I went any further, it felt like I was doing them a disservice.
“Sui-dono. It’s fine if I count on this, right?”
“It’s fine, isn’t it? Be happy.”
“Thank you! Sui too!”
“I’ll be single for the rest of my life.”
As I left the classroom, I gave Ruka a double thumbs up.
[Good luck. You can do it.]
[Thank you.]
We had a telepathic conversation.
Ruka gave me a small bow. She really is lady-like.
As I left the classroom, Tsuru caught me. Did this school organize a plan to keep me from going to the Rose Garden?
“Sui, wait!”
“Here’s the gal with the smartest brain in the school. What’s up?”
“There’s a weird rumor going around!”
“Don’t say anything, don’t say anything. I’m not dating anyone.”
“Nah, I don’t really care about Sui’s love life. Have you heard of the ‘Phantom Hiwa Arina Theory’?”
“Is that supposed to be a legendary Pokemon?”
“An Arina-san that no one else saw before, appeared at the fashion show! Sui was there too!”
“Ah…”
That was when her personality swapped. For those who weren’t aware of what was going on, it must have been weird. Especially for the models who were up with her. Arina returned from the stage with a completely reversed personality.
“Wasn’t that cause she was nervous?”
“It was obviously a different person though.”
“Umu. Must’ve been an illusion.”
“Yeah, an illusion!”
Tsuru was miffed and moody. She must have been skeptical of my vague answer.
“Oh, I’ve heard about that too.”
Shirona jumped in from the side. It feels like I haven’t talked to her in years. It had been awkward for both of us since the “past confession.” It seemed like she was fine now though.
However, I was still shaken.
“W-What are you two doing?”
“Shirona’s heard about it too?”
“Yeah. Arina-san became an entirely different person.”
“Right, right! Hey, Sui. You know something, don’t you? Tell me. I saw it too!”
“I’m not Arina’s kojien. Besides, it might just be our misunderstanding.”
The unsatisfied on her expression grew deeper.
For the first time in my life, I had realized that I was not very good at lying. I had no choice but to book it out of there.
“Oh no. I have to save the planet—”
“What’re you talking about?”
“This is bad. I have to save the planet. I need to slow down the expansion speed before the universe rips apart.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Say what you want. I need to go to save the planet. I don’t have much time to talk in the hallway. Now, ojou-san. You must make the most out of your after-school hours.”
Before I could see their reactions, I ran away. It felt like the setting sun boosted my back.
I shouldn’t have run in the hallway, but I had no choice. I needed to protect Arina’s situation. It’s a price I’m willing to pay, even if it does negatively affect my attitude towards life. Thank you, poisonous rose.
Please spare me from your abuse.
“Why did you come, filth?”
That’s what she said to me as soon as I entered the Rose Garden.
She told me directly that I was filth.
“Go to the bathroom already. Use the big one. It will be easier to drain if you’re sitting.”
“This is like a horror movie.”
Sure enough, Arina was in the Rose Garden. Surrounded by flowers, she seemed to be reading a book. Although she didn’t say it, she seemed to like this place a lot.
“You. I thought you did not have anything to do today.”
“I had to do something urgent.”
“For me?”
“Yeah.”
Arina furrowed her brow. I got my third frustrated face of the day.
I sat down in front of Arina, across the desk. Arina looked uncomfortable, she crossed her legs and turned her body top an angle, but I faced forward and started talking.
“I talked to the other you at the festival.”
“I’ve heard, I know.”
“And I don’t know if it’s a good idea for Arina to be involved with me.”
“I see.”
“You and the other Arina both think of yourselves as personalities that arose throughout the course of your lives. So I just don’t even know anymore. I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be saving. What is salvation, in the first place? I don’t know what Arina wants. What’s the right path for her?
To be honest, I think my existence is a cancer to her. I don’t think I’m going in the right direction. No- I can’t explain it well. But I really don’t know.”
Arina listened on in silence. She didn’t mock me, nor did she get angry. She just listened to me with a calm expression.
“It doesn’t really matter, does it? There’s a meaning behind you being here.”
That was a word that I hadn’t thought would come up. Startled, my brain ceased thinking.
“I am… a lonely woman. A troublesome woman holding onto painful memories and emotions. The past locks me down and messes with me. There are so many things I don’t remember well. I look back at my albums, and they don’t ring a bell. My family seemed like strangers at first.”
I didn’t understand the context. I couldn’t keep up with it.
Arina was in tears. It felt like a wall had been broken down. Her tears struck my heart.
“I… was bullied.”