I felt that it hadn’t been long since he made that toasted sandwich.
He probably made it at home and brought it for me.
He might’ve gone back to school after that, but he could’ve gone home as well.
It seems more likely that he went home, but I remembered the bench Kaede was crying on when I bought the black coffee for him back then.
My legs naturally led me to that place.
Somehow, I have a feeling that I would be able to meet him if I go there.
I ran to the bench near the vending machine.
“……Found you.”
As expected, the person I had been looking for was there.
I couldn’t see his face but I could see his golden hair.
His legs were raised onto the bench as he hugged his knees with his head hung low.
“……Kaede.”
When I called out, his curled up body twitched as if reacting to my voice.
But it didn’t seem like he intended to look at me nor move any further.
I heard sobs as I approached him.
……He seems to be crying.
“Why did you come here?”
He muttered in a trembling voice. He sounded annoyed.
His appearance seemed ridiculous yet pitiful.
Anxious that he would run away, I slowly sat down next to him.
“……I remember now. [Aki-chan].”
It was when I was in kindergarten.
The topic of marriage became popular amongst the kindergarten children, and it was a thing where those who did not have a partner at that time would not get married in the future.
At that time, I liked Hina and of course, I confessed to her. However, she answered with, “I like Makoto-nii more,” and rejected me.
When I was crushing the sand in the sandpit in a crestfallen mood, a little girl approached me and declared–
“I can be your wife!”
I only looked at Hina so I didn’t know who she was, but she was a cute girl with golden hair tied up in a small pigtail.
I promised to marry that girl on the spot.
But there was something I didn’t know.
The fact that ‘She’ was a ‘He’.
I got angry when I learned about it at a later date.
“If that’s the case, then I wouldn’t be able to marry them,”I thought.
I complained to him. I told him not to say that when we couldn’t even get married, and so my memory with him ended there.
I called him “Aki-chan”.
Because his name is “Kaede Akihito”, so it’s “Aki-chan”.
“You didn’t have to remember that.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s a painful memory for me. After Akira got mad at me for being a boy, you never talked to me ever again. Before I knew it, you had made up with that girl. The reason I forgot about it might’ve been because it was too painful for me, so I erased it from my memory. If only I had remembered it…Then I wouldn’t have to feel like this. I’m crying like this again while thinking, ‘It’s because I’m not a girl’. I didn’t learn anything at all.”
It seems like I hurt Kaede’s heart deeply when I was a child.
In a sense, the words “not a girl” may have become Kaede’s trauma.
So that’s why he seemed hurt a while ago.
“Just leave me alone already.”
“I can’t leave you alone because I’m worried.”
“Then accept me! Be clear! Don’t be so half-assed and be kind to me!”
He shouted restlessly.
“You should just tell me, ‘You’re not even a girl,’ and ignore me—just like how you did when we were kids.”
After saying so, he buried his face into his knees and started crying again.
I felt that I could see the depth of Kaede’s heartache again.
When I was a kid, I wondered why Kaede was so cold to me.
I want to hit my past-self so badly.
“About that……I’m sorry. I was an idiot.” (Trash: You still are _(：3 」∠ )_)
“I hate that part about Akira.”
“……Sorry.”
You can’t forgive someone so easily just because they apologized, and you can’t heal your wounds right away.
Besides, it’s pretty hard to tell them you won’t forgive them either.
The people who apologize probably have it easier.
Thinking so, I simply apologized and regretted it.
What should I do?
I can’t think of anything to say.
I was silent for a while, but then I remembered one important thing.
“The toasted sandwich. It was delicious.”
I hadn’t thanked him yet.
Kaede’s toasted sandwich was really delicious.
“I really…hate you.”
I was suddenly kissed a while ago, but this time I was being told that I was hated twice.
Which one is it? I laughed a little when I saw Kaede in a closed shell state while he was busy with his emotions.
I laughed and relaxed my shoulders. I felt like I could talk about various things again.
However, there may be some changes as we talk.
Kaede should be able to realize it as well.
There was no need to ask.
I muttered softly as if talking to myself.
“I’m not as mature as Kaede. That’s why I wasn’t able to accept Kaede’s straightforward feelings. But I understood something.”
I looked at the shell next to me but it was still closed.
But he was probably listening to me.
“I don’t want Kaede to leave my side.”
Even during the time he was distant from me, I felt an indescribable sense of loss.
When he said ‘Goodbye’, my mind went completely blank.
“Besides, I don’t like the idea of Kaede being with someone else.”
For example, big brother.
If I was told that ‘big brother was better’……
I feel a surge of black and murky, burning rage within me.
“I don’t want to give the words or actions you’ve given me to my brother or anyone else……”
When I looked to the side, his shell had been open for some time.
His eyes were wide open as he looked at me in bewilderment.
When I saw his reaction, I became embarrassed about what I was saying and the rest of the sentence faltered off.
“And I think, that’s my answer……”
Somehow, it became awkward that I ended up speaking politely.
As I scratched my head, thinking about how to put it together, something came crashing into me from the side.
Kaede vigorously hugged me as if he was trying to tackle someone.
“It feels disgusting, right? Pull away from me.”
No matter how many times he asks, there’s no way it feels disgusting.
I’ve never felt uncomfortable because Kaede has always been clingy.
“You can’t do it?”
When I was thinking about what to do, Kaede spilled words one after another.
“Then hug me. Choose: either you pull away or you don’t.”
So this is the last question from Kaede.
‘This is a very Kaede-ish way of doing it.’
Thinking so, I could feel the haze in my heart clearing up.
I may have been overthinking it.
No, that’s not it either.
Was I just thinking too much in my head?
I wish I could’ve been more simple and honest.
Let’s clarify it right now.
“So forceful. But……maybe that’s what I like about you.”
”
”
I muttered, and opened my arms to hug Kaede back.
“I lost. I seem to like Kaede.”
‘I won’t become a homo.’ As I thought about it now, I was blinded by my own words.
That’s so absurd.
‘If I didn’t think like that, I would’ve been more honest. Then I wouldn’t have to hurt Kaede,’ I thought ruefully.
“Akira……!!”
With an apology, I tightened the embrace with Kaede again.
“I heard it! You can’t take it back!”
While Kaede desperately pushed me into a corner, I wiped his dirty tear-streaked face with my sleeve.
Kaede then offered me his handkerchief.
It seems like he’s telling me to wipe with this.
Immediately taking out a handkerchief, he sure is like a girl.
Why isn’t he a girl even though he acts like one?
It was God’s mistake.
Rather……It doesn’t matter whether he’s male or female.
I realized that that was more important than anything else.
(T/N: I- sir if you didn’t say that last sentence, I was so ready to fight you)
“Wanna move from this place?”
“Why?”
When I was finally able to relax, I remembered that this was a public place.
It seems that there are still afternoon classes left, and there were no students. However, it’ll soon be crowded. Besides, even now, a passerby grandmother is looking at us.
She stopped moving and was staring a hole into us.
“We’re being looked at, like a lot. I feel awkward.”
Is that Sasaki-san from the future?
You’re looking at us a little too much, grandma.
I allowed myself to be a homo to like Kaede, but not as high level as an ‘open homo’.
“Head back and continue where we left off?”
Kaede, with eyes still swollen, smiled happily.
Speaking of the continuation from earlier……I think it’s still too early for that development.
Like I said, I’m only a level 1 homo.
Besides……
“We can’t. Hina is crying there.”
I told him that Hina confessed to me after delivering the toasted sandwich Kaede made to me, and I rejected her.
Then Kaede smirked.
“You’re so mean.”
“I had a very bitter experience, okay?!”
I was warned that breaking people’s hearts was not something to be proud of, but I’ve never heard of anything like that.
Anyway,while it was nice to cling together, it was embarrassing in public.
We decided to head to Kaede’s house since it was empty.
When I stood up from the bench, I caught sight of the vending machine.
Since I’m thirsty, let’s buy something.
I bought cafe au lait, then looked at Kaede.
“Black coffee for you?”
Kaede, who got up from the bench, grabbed my arm and laughed.
“I’ll drink half of Akira’s.”
“It’s sweet though??
“I’m able to drink it now. Rather, I like that one now.”
Could it be the same thing he did for big brother?
As if he was shy or happy……the small evil Kaede looked at me with the same deceiving smile he often sported.
This guy……
Speaking of which, there was something I needed to clarify.
“Kaede.”
After confirming that nobody was around and that the grandmother had left, I took a step forward.
I called out to Kaede.
As he turned around, I grabbed his arm and pulled it.
I caught his milky face and repeated what Kaede had done to me earlier.
It was Kaede’s turn to suffocate.
“Nnn-!”
After a while, when I let go, he opened his eyes and looked at me.
His face flushed red.
When I saw that, it felt as if my revenge had been successful. The corner of my mouth instinctively raised.
“I’d rather be the top than the bottom. You got it?”
After I said so, Kaede nodded his tomato-like head.
“Very well.”
It seems like he understood the most important thing.
I felt refreshed, but Kaede stood frozen in place with his red face.
It seems his maiden power was high as well.
Meanwhile, the school bell chimed.
It’s awkward to be seen in such a place.
I pulled Kaede’s arm and we hurriedly fled.
※※※[Part 4]
“That’s wonderful.”
When Kaede and I were attending school, a voice came from behind.
We ignored it because we knew who it was.
“30 minutes—no, 3 minutes is enough. Can I interview the both of you?”
A fujoshi who talked happily even though she wasn’t talking to anyone.
“Did you tell this person about us?”
“No way. Either she heard it from Hina or she’s having her own delusions. Ignore her, ignore her.”
I whispered to Kaede without turning back or making eye contact with her and proceeded to walk forward.
Then Sasaki-san stuck her hand into the space between me and Kaede and forcibly came in between us.
“By the way, when will I be able to join you? I’m waiting for an opportunity while doing a seiza. How about now?”
(T/N: Seiza- )
Her eyes shone brightly with expectation as she looked at us.
Really annoying.
“Stay there forever.”
“Akira, it’s no good if you talk to her. Rather, you’re being a bother! Disappear!”
“Ehh~ Count me in.”
Kaede tried to push Sasaki-san, who seemed to enjoy being hurt and was making weird noises, away from us.
So noisy.
But this feels a little nostalgic.
Except, it had been Hina instead of Sasaki-san.
Hina didn’t show up this morning.
Well, that was obvious.
After dropping Kaede off yesterday, I went home but Hina wasn’t there.
When I called Haru-nii because I was worried, she seemed to be home.
Haru-nii was worried because she was behaving weirdly and even hid herself in her room. I was hesitant whether I should explain the situation to him, but it seemed like Haru-nii had guessed what happened when I told him I was worried and called to make sure if she was okay. He didn’t ask about anything and merely said, “I’ll look after her so you don’t have to worry.”
As expected of big brother’s boyfriend; he’s reliable and cool.
“Ah, Hina-chan.”
Surprised by her voice, I turned to look beyond Sasaki-san’s line of sight and saw that very person standing there.
The latter seemed to have noticed us and raised her head to look up.
Uwahh……
Her eyes were swollen and she had dark circles. She looked terrible.
It was definitely my fault.
While I was quiet because I didn’t know how to talk to her when she looked so hurt, Hina passed by us.
“I hate BL. They should just perish.”
She said as we passed by each other.
“Hina-chan is being greedy.”
“Hahaha……”
Sasaki-san laughed and commented, “If they perish, I’ll die too,” but I’m about to cry over here.
Hina, I’m really sorry.
It seems like she also told Haru-nii, “I hate BL,” and treated him coldly after that too.
Haru-nii, I’m sorry……
Kaede, who didn’t understand the meaning of ‘BL’ was puzzled, but seemed to have guessed that it was something ominous.
“I’ll take her part and be happy for her.”
――Grin
The rotten eyes were watching us as she laughed.
That’s terrifying.
However……who knew that I would turn from being a viewer into a character being watched by viewers(?).
But Kaede is laughing by my side……He seems really happy.
I didn’t think it was wrong.
It seems like the younger brother of the main character in a BL game will follow the same fate as his older brother.