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The buns had crispy skin and a filling inside. It was similar to oyaki[1], a Naganoâs specialty, that I received as a souvenir while in Japan.
[Delicious].
When I took the last bite, I saw a beautiful lake in front of me. There was a large lake at the end of the street lined with stalls, and surrounding it, was a promenade[2]. I was sitting next to Taizen on one of the stone benches there.
The area around the lake and promenade was swarming with families and couples who appeared to be having a good time. Then, I suddenly remembered how I used to feel inferior and conflicted whenever I came to a park like this, especially in the middle of the day on holiday.
It was particularly difficult to see people with children.
âItâs a nice weather, isnât it?â I looked slowly at Taizen, the man beside me, who smiled gently as he looked at me. He didnât have anything in his hand, so I assumed heâd already finished eating his snacks.
When I opened my mouth to answer, suddenly something hit my legs. I was a little surprised and looked at it. There was a small temari[3] ball at my feet.
âAh, Iâm sorry!â
I raised my head and saw a woman holding hands with a little girl, coming toward me looking apologetic. As I froze, Taizen took the ball and approached both of them, handing it to the girl with care.
âThank you very much.â
The mother and the girl both laughed happily as Taizen returned. The lake in the background was glistening, and I thought it was a beautiful and relaxing sight.
Suddenly, I was taken aback by how quickly my mood had changed. I never thought Iâd see the day when Iâd be fine with seeing parents and children on holidays, let alone be healed by the scenery. Even after I learned I could have children in this world, I felt a strange emotion when I saw children in town.
While I was perplexed by my mental shift, Taizen reappeared, smiled, and sat down next to me as before.
âSheâs a cute girl. Sorry that I returned it by myself.â My shoulders trembled, and my gaze wandered as he spoke to me.
In Japan, the only times Iâve interacted with small children were when I congratulated friends or colleagues who were celebrating their childâs birthdays or at events such as barbecues with children. I thought they were cute, but I wasnât sure what to do with them because I didnât have many chances to interact with children before.
I was flustered and couldnât properly hold a baby. In addition, I kept using honorifics with small children who came to the companyâs barbeque events when having a conversation.
I was hesitating but decided to speak honestly. âYeah, I think theyâre cute. While I want to have kids, Iâm not good with small ones. Since I didnât have many chances to interact with children, so I donât know what to do.â
However, Taizen just kept smiling.
âEven so, you really wanted a child, didnât you? Can you tell me why someday?â
Perplexed, I gazed at him and let my mind wander.
In this lovely weather, I wanted to tell Taizen everything. However, my reasoning pulled me back and stopped me. It was a secret that I didnât belong here, and I still havenât gotten over the fact that my engagement being called off due to me. I wonder if Iâll ever be able to reveal my deepest thoughts to Taizen.
ââYeah, somedayâ.
âAlright,â Taizen replied softly.
[Iâm not sure if heâll accept me if he knows Iâm a liar].
His squinting golden eyes and platinum hair glistened in the sunlight, and for a moment, I thought they were like jewels.
âWasnât it 2 months ago since you last came here?â I heard the bartenderâs voice and saw Shurin plus Kouka sitting while nodding their heads together. All three of us were seated exactly in the same position as before.
âI invited them today since Iâve caused them trouble when I left (drunk). I had some free time, so I invited them to the bar, saying I would buy them a drink, but they were both hesitant. So we resolved the issue by me paying a large portion of the bill. So, bartender-san, please cooperate with me on the bill.â
Hearing her, I was reminded of Shurin dancing in the streets at night. Furthermore, the fact that I reunited with Taizen the next day haunted me, making me wonder how 2 months had passed so quickly since we became friends. It only seemed like yesterday.
âWell, tomorrow is my day off. So, you both can drink as much as you want. Iâll be reasonable!â I raised my glass and took a sip in response to Shurinâs cheerful glee. Kouka also did the same, swallowing her drinks in one gulp. She then glared at the bartender and extended her glass toward him.
âSame one, please.â
The bartender accepted the empty glass from Kouka with a wry smile. Shurin was startled at Koukaâs demeanor.
âWhatâs the matter? Was it because you had a bad experience with that married man last time? Sorry for bringing you to the same barâŚâ. Shurin quietened her words at the last half of her sentence while being wary of the bartender. Kouka shook her head.
âNo, itâs not that. Itâs just,.. Iâve been doing my best, but I havenât been able to meet any good man. So, I feel a little bit down.â With her cheek on the counter, Kouka was dressed in sexy clothes and looked very attractive. I also noticed that the bartenderâs profile looking at the bottles of liquor lined up behind him, was also poignant and elegant.
âAh, I see.â Shurin nodded.
Kouka then shifted her gaze to Shurin and made a slightly pouty face. âYouâve been dating your husband since you were young, right? It seems only Kouhei understands my feelingsâŚâ
Shurin smiled awkwardly. âErm, yeah⌠I guess I had such feelings as a student.â
Kouka then looked at me, narrowing her gaze. âKouhei, thatâs the clothes you wore to work,⌠again.â
Both Kouka and Shurin were staring at me at this point. When Kouka saw my clothes, she raised her brows. And just like before, I was tugged at the collar.
âHey, itâs true! An excuse like âI didnât have the foresight to go home todayâ will not suffice.â
âLeave me alone,â I said to myself as I looked down at my clothes. They are indeed shabby, and I am not motivated in the least.
âRecently, Iâve lost my motivation to find a partner. So, I didnât bother going home and changing my clothes.â
Shurin and Kouka both blinked at my statement. Kouka then narrowed her eyes and rested her cheeks when she let go of my collar.
ââŚâŚThere wasnât any last time either.â
I returned Shurinâs smile, who had an unfaithful look on her face for some reason. Although I desperately wanted a child, I was worried whether I couldnât do it with anyone.
Hence, I was in this state, but as I was thinking about what to say in response, I heard a clanking sound and saw the barâs door open.
I was curious about who was at the door, but after turning my head, I saw Taizen walk in. In a surprise, my eyes widened, and Taizen looked straight at me.
[2] A paved walk in front of the sea or any body of water.
[3] A traditional ball often made from fabric.\nNOTES:
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